Am I over reacting?

charmedlifex3 · March 2016

I found out last night (from my doula, not even from the hospital) that I am only allowed ONE support person at my hospital. Because "The rooms are kinda small."

I want my husband, the doula and my best friend in the room. Right now I have to pick. And, I know for a fact I am going to want to pace during labor, I handle pain by fidgeting. If I am trapped in a teeny tiny room that can't hold four people, I am not going to be happy.

I really liked the doctor we picked, but we haven't seen her at ALL except for the very first visit. At this point, I am seriously considering changing doctors / hospitals, the whole nine. We are about 55 minutes from the closest hospital (which is the one we picked) but there are two more at an hour, and an hour and 5 minutes away. Here is the problem, the one I like best is an hour from home - but another half an hour from work. The other hospital is the closest to me my co worker's wife gave birth at, and described it as intervention heavy, they pushed her into getting an epi, then a C-section when the epi stopped her labor (fairly common side effect of the epi.)

The one at an hour away is a not-for-profit hospital, with a family focused birth center. (As in, incorporating the family as much as I want.)

I'm just really not liking the way my current hospital does ... anything. And it's making me feel kinda panicky.

I also feel like it's crazy to change doctors midstream, when I like my doctor - I just don't like the hospital. At all.

jamiesc58 · March 2016

Does your doctor only deliver at the one hospital? The last doctor I had (before he retired) delivered at 2 different hospitals so you could choose. I don't feel you are over-reacting. I would definitely want my dh there and if you are already set and prepared to have a doula she should be there also. The hospital I was at recommended no more than 4 people (besides doctors and nurses) of my choosing. If it were me I would highly consider switching at this point.

lalalorelai · March 2016

Wait, so you have to choose between your doula and your husband? Yeah that might be a dealbreaker for me. I'd bring up your concerns with your doctor and see if s/he has any suggestions. If that's the only hospital your doctor can deliver at and they're set on the one-support-person rule, I don't think it's crazy to switch.

Curls919 · March 2016

The extra 5 minutes to the "best" hospital probably won't be so crucial. Plus, chances are you wont go into labor at work so I wouldn't worry about the extra 30 min there (i delivered at a hospital 20 min from home but over an hour from my office). I'd do a little more research on the hospitals, their beliefs and practices then get an ob that delivers at your #1 hospital.

charmedlifex3 · March 2016

There is a bunch of other small stuff I was willing to overlook going on too... They scheduled our "Centering" group in the absolute furthest corner of the hospital, so you always have to walk a mile to get there. And they told us to limit our fruit intake, and only serve clementines and water as a snack during the group. And they had my maiden name, rather than my married name until last week (we were married in August.) And the doctor's were supposed to rotate out, so we would meet the whole practice throughout the group, and it's been one doctor I don't like all that much the whole time so far.

But I feel like the fact I never see the doctor I actually like, and only allowing me one "support person" in the room are really bugging me. Even if we do talk to my doctor and get an exception, what is she isn't there?

The policy at the hour away hospital is :

"During labor, there can be up to 2 labor support people plus the significant other. These 3 people will remain the only 3 allowed during this time. "

This sounds totally reasonable... (and more what I was expecting!)

It just seems ... irrational, unreasonable, like I am being a brat about the matter? ... to change doctors at 16 weeks.

tmk0325 · March 2016

@Allisun85 I think you need to do what will make you happy. It's not worth the additional stress!

bananers · March 2016

I don't think it hurts to look around. You should be comfortable with the hospital you're delivering at, period.

lmtrmama · March 2016

My first step would be to speak to someone at the hospital. When I was pregnant with my second, I called both and asked them what they would do in certain scenarios. My big thing was what if I suddenly go into labor and our 4 year old had to be with me for all or part of it. Sometimes their policies read a certain way but if you talk to them about your unique situation, they can help you plan.

When I was 38 weeks I was sitting in the hospital in triage and they made me mad so I got up and got dressed and left without telling them. I was lucky that where I live there are 4 hospitals within an hour and my ob delivered at all of them.

I also will tell you that I have never seen my doctor more than once this early. The further along you get, the more involved they become in my opinion. I usually see the nurse practitioner.

I don't know your personality but I think you need to politely tell your doctor and the hospital your concerns. If they blow you off or make it seem insignificant, then I think you have your answer right there. You don't deserve to deal with that. If they take time and listen to you and talk to you, then I wouldn't worry as much and just keep the communication open with both places and your doula!

ginger819 · March 2016

Our hospital allows three people at once in the room (one can leave and another can come in, but there's never supposed to be more than three people). It seems crazy to have to choose between your DH and doula. Maybe you could set up a tour at the hospitals and see which one you would be most comfortable at? It might give you a chance to ask questions and find out policies too.

charmedlifex3 · March 2016

We tried calling today (I let my husband know this was upsetting me last night) and they didn't call back, despite the fact he called them four times, left two messages, and spoke to the front desk twice (who wasn't helpful)

lmtrmama · March 2016

That right there would be enough for me to switch personally. I get really crabby when I am pregnant and if people who work with pregnant women can't realize that we are in such an important and transitional time in our lives, I just quit bothering with them! Good luck, I know hospitals get busy and luckily you have a little time to decide! How frustrating for you! I hope that it works out!

bunfactory · March 2016

Do not feel selfish for wanting a birth that is right for you, not what is most convenient for the hospital. Preggie Pals (a podcast online or any podcaster) has a great segment on switching providers later in your pregnancy, and they were talking third trimester. So I don't think you, at 16 weeks, are too late at all.

mmclark10 · March 2016

I switched providers at 16 weeks with my first and was much happier with my second choice. I felt much more comfortable and knew that I was being listened to each time I met with a dr in the practice.

jmw386 · March 2016

Nope - I don't think you are overreacting at all. I would definitely switch to the provider/hospital that makes you the most comfortable.

ThisisNumber3 · March 2016

Is there a chance this is kinda a mix up? I would call and confirm with the hospital first. Do they mean maybe that you have one birth partner who can speak to the doctors and advocate for you, but maybe 2 additional guests?

Ceventa · March 2016

Nope I don't think it's an overreaction. At least this is something you caught early on rather than just a few weeks before your due date. I would look into the better hospitals even though they are a bit further away. Making you choose between your doula and your husband is not a good policy. They should allow at least two support people. Also look at it this way, labor is not like in the movies, even if your water breaks you usually have time before you have to push. I was in labor for a total of 16 hours with DS and after my water broke I still had to wait about 2 hours before I started pushing. So, I think as long as you head over there towards the beginning of your contractions, you should be just fine.

charmedlifex3 · March 2016

My husband was not on board with switching, but since he has now been trying to get ahold of the doctor since yesterday morning without success, he is getting there. We have an appointment to view the birthing center at our next closest hospital, and I have phone numbers to doctors that deliver there. We're at least exploring the option to see if that might be more what we were hoping for.

charmedlifex3 · March 2016

And I want to thank you guys for the support! Everyone around me was like "you want to do whhhaaaat? You can't do that!"

MamaKSquared · March 2016

That would definitely be enough to make me at least consider switching. I don't think you're overreacting at all. This is a very important time for you and you need to be comfortable. I was going to say to try to confirm with the hospital that this is indeed their policy and not a misunderstanding, but since you have said DH has tried to contact them multiple times and has had no luck, I get the feeling that they may be avoiding the issue, which is definitely not OK. Good luck making the decision that is best for you!!!

megframe16 · March 2016

My first pregnancy I switch from an OB to a midwife at 30 weeks. I wanted natural water birth and the OB didn't offer water birth and was all for medication.

ginger819 · March 2016

Just from the way they seem to be ignoring your calls would be a sure factor in me switching personally. I love my doctor and I see her personally at most of my appointments unless I'm with another doctor to meet them in case they are the one on call when I go into labor. Our hospital was also very welcoming and I know I could call anytime (they give us a direct number to talk to the labor and delivery). This kind of blow off mentality would not fly with me. I would see it as an indication of how they are going to treat me when there might be something I absolutely need. I don't have patience for stuff like this.

And how does no one seem to know the rules here? The front desk can't ask and find out for you?

erinmarie86 · March 2016

In my opinion, your delivery is all about the hospital you are at and not who your doctor is. Many doctors (specifically those in a group office) rotate, so you really only get the doctor that is on call (which most likely isn't your doctor) and even with the off chance you don't belong to a group (though it sounds like it) your doctor still may not make it to the hospital in time for your delivery (this happened to me) and you get the on call doc anyways. I choose my hospital and then my doctor with my first kid. this time around I am actually changing doctors because i'm fed up with the office. This change also means i have to change hospitals, which i'm a little sad about, but i think i'm still going to be at a great hospital (it's actually a children's hospital should anything terribly go wrong).

Find the hospital you like. Then find a doctor that delivers there.

charmedlifex3 · March 2016

****Update****

My husband and I went today to look at the next closest hospital, and one other within the area.

We loved the one an hour away. Loved it. It was everything I was feeling sad the other one wasn't, they were completely on board with my support people (not person) and even had some coping tools I thought we would have to bring / buy based on our current hospital.

We have an appointment on the 23rd to meet with my current doctor, and discuss our concerns, and likely we'll change after that.

I'm going to reach out to the practices that delivery at our hospital of choice on Monday, and make an appointment by the end of the month.

Thank you guy all for helping me talk through this, and letting me know, no I am not crazy. I honestly feel so much better having gone to the second place, and seeing the contrast let's me know I am making the right decision.

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