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1st event since M/C

HLD3194HLD3194 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Tonight is my 1st event out since my M/C and D&C. It is at a public place with several people who know of what happened. I feel ok to go out and try to enjoy myself, I just don't know if I can handle people asking me how I'm doing or how I'm feeling or offering me advice or stories of people they know who have lost...I tell my husband I can't handle peoples sad eyes toward me. Does that make sense? You know that look someone gives you when they feel completely uncomfortable/sad for you but don't quite know because they haven't been through it? I think I am just going to take the honest approach and tell people I am not in the mood to talk about it and I'd like to try and keep myself upbeat tonight. Any words or advice on how to handle people who mean well but just don't get it? TIA

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Re: 1st event since M/C

  • iceandsnowflakes29iceandsnowflakes29 member
    Yes. Have a code word. This is my fourth loss so, I'm practiced at this. My husband and I come up with a code word or gesture that means "let's get the hell out of here stat" so for instance, it might be "I think I'm getting a headache" and then he knows if I say that phrase we make our exit asap. 


    If someone brings it up, simply change the subject. They will get the hint quick. Or be very graphic or blunt, then they will shut up out of pure social discomfort. 

    Or point blank "it's not open to discussion". 
    .
    Those are my suggestions but, maybe someone else has a wiser answer, lol. 

    Chances are, they may not bring it up since usually people (in my case shove it under the rug).  I didn't have anyone ask me how I was doing after my ectopic. 
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  • ThePax89ThePax89 member
    edited March 2016
    I find that people just give me sad eyes and are overly kind and overly accommodating (which is highly obnoxious, though nice). I agree with @iceandsnowflakes29 I can't imagine anyone asking questions. For me, the biggest struggle is not going bat shit crazy if someone mentions someone who just found out she is pregnant, etc. I try to distract myself during social events, absorb myself in other things. Talk about the other person. Survive, eat the food, go home. 
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  • MaybeBabyMamaMaybeBabyMama member
    I may have missed the boat on this and you may have already had your event. Either way, re-entry is hard. After my last MMC I stayed home for a week. It was so hard to be back at work and participating in life again. I hope that as each day passes, your spirit will be lifted and the rawness of it all will start to fade. I'm so sorry you are going through this and hope your night went ok! 

    The One I Married :: 9.5.2009
    The Ones We Love :: 2.13.2012, 10.10.2014
    The Ones We Lost :: 5/10, 2/11, 5/11, 9/13, 1/15, 11/15
    The One We Can't Wait to Meet :: 10.10.2016
     
     
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  • HLD3194HLD3194 member

    UPDATE

    Event was okay. I did better than I thought. I had 2 pregnant friends there so they kind of kept their distance which was very much appreciated. 1 of them had a loss 3 years ago so she truly understands the feelings going thru me. Thanks everyone and hopefully this is the road to recovery and healing. :)

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