Any second time moms feeling guilty?

rozANDbenSINCE2001 · February 2016

Hello everyone! Hope all is well!! I just got our BFP last night and posted my intro.

I'm Roz, 32, and we are tentatively expecting our second baby October 27th!

My husband was in shock, but super excited when we found out. He was grinning at me like a fool all night after taking the test. But me? I was super emotional and I started crying!

We weren't actively trying and I couldn't help but feel sad for my 15 month old baby girl. She was the most amazing surprise after trying to conceive for 2 years and I'm absolutely obsessed with her. So I guess I just feel guilty for not giving her more time to be an only child and have us to herself. I'm sure it's just hormones and I'll be over the moon soon, but I've been cuddling her and staring at her all night, misty-eyed over the fact that she isn't going to be our only little pumpkin anymore. Is this weird?! I'm telling you--it must be the hormones...

JamieK1882 · February 2016

I feel you. We were actively trying, but we got pregnant sooner than expected, so maybe I didn't have time to mentally prepare or something. I also have a 15 month old, and I keep getting waves of guilt over how she won't be my only baby anymore. I know in the long run, though, that giving her a sibling is one of the best gifts I could give, so I just keep trying to think of it that way.

rozANDbenSINCE2001 · February 2016

@JamieK1882It is super comforting to know I'm not the only one! I agree that, eventually, the idea of a sibling for my daughter will be an amazing one, but maaaaan... I need some more time to process. Congrats to you!

(Edited because I've forgotten how to use the bump...

)

sparklegrump · February 2016

I absolutely understand how you feel, and it is totally normal. I can reassure you, though. My boys are 16 months apart and are best friends. My daughter is 2 years younger than my middle son, and my kids adore each other. They've never remembered any differently. The boys are looking forward to a new baby.

rozANDbenSINCE2001 · February 2016

@sparklegrump Thank you for the reassurance! I know I will super excited once it really sinks in. My daughter loves other kids, too, so I'm sure she will love having a sibling! It's just kinda hard to wrap my head around right now.

mothernorth · February 2016

I know the feeling to a T. We tried sooo hard for DS and once he was here he was and is still the absolute apple of my eye. I also have a 4-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old step son by they are big kids and had their baby love time so they are happy and were totally stoked about DS just like we were! But with this pregnancy at first I felt super guilty, I felt like it would 'steal DSs thunder' and that I'm not done being completely obsessed with him yet, but after thinking about it I realized what the eff is stopping that anyway? Haha I can be obsessed with both of them

cd92007 · February 2016

I'm having these feelings too. Our son isn't quite as young.. He's 22 months and they will be 2.5 years apart. But I'm not as connected to this baby (yet... Hopefully!) and feel sad that our son won't be our one and only anymore. But I think these feelings are totally normal!

rozANDbenSINCE2001 · February 2016

@AllyTheKid Yes! I'm sure once baby is here, I will be equally obsessive!! It's so hard to picture that now, though, isn't it? October seems so far away!

rozANDbenSINCE2001 · February 2016

@cd92007 I absolutely agree. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, immediately I was calling her nicknames and rubbing my belly and asking her to please stay. Even though I realize how blessed we are, I'm having a hard time getting as excited. I'm starting to come around a little. I think once I see the doc and hear the heartbeat, it'll feel more "right."

Michi1382 · February 2016

Yes! I'm actually really glad that you posted this. My DD is 10 months and we were actively trying so once I did get pregnant I was super happy...and then super guilty. My DD is very cuddly and lovely and I feel so bad that my attention is going to be divided. It already kind of is because I've had bad nausea with this pregnancy, unlike with my first which was almost nausea-free, so I've been assed out while my DD is looking at me wondering what's going on lol But I'm hoping for exactly what @sparklegrump said!

rozANDbenSINCE2001 · February 2016

@Michi1382 I'm glad I'm not alone! Yes, my DD is like my shadow! My husband calls us the besties, hahah. I am starting to get excited about the prospect of a new baby, but I'm definitely going to concentrate tons of extra love to my girl while she's our only child

Tink112011 · February 2016

I think that feeling is one of the reasons it took us so long to start trying for #2. DS will be almost 5 when this LO arrives. I give mad props to you moms that have babies closer together. We just were not cut out for it!

LizaKate1213 · February 2016

I don't really understand this, mostly because DS will be almost 6 by the time this baby arrives. He has been asking for a sibling since he was 3, and looking back I wish we had started trying years ago. He would have had someone to play with all this time! Also, the 2nd baby will never know life as an only child, so why feel guilty about "shorting" the first child? The younger they are, the easier the older child will adapt because they won't be old enough to think "life was so much better before you arrived." Instead, all they will ever remember is their sibling being there, which to me is amazing! No need to feel guilty at all, although I do know that these feelings are normal. Just enjoy the next 8 months with your LO and look forward to seeing her bond with her sibling!

kewltif · February 2016

I felt guilty at the time myself, but my two girls are 21 months apart and the best of friends. Now I'm excited to give them another baby!

ecpdvm · February 2016

Someone once told me that the greatest gift you can give your firstborn is a sibling. I always knew I wanted more than one, and DS will never remember a time without his little brother or sister!

evilgreencows5 · February 2016

I felt that way when I was pregnant with my second. They are 16 months apart and they love playing together. My first was a big mommas boy and I was sad that I wasn't going to get as much cuddles in with him when I had my second but it was amazing to watch his relationship with DH grow. By the time I got home from the hospital he had all ready grown closer to dad and loved being with him. And when I wanted snuggles with him I never got denied, at least not until he became two and decided he was too cool for mom

TheBeeCharmer · March 2016

Mom of three feeling a TON of guilt. We always wanted a big family but I'm really hoping my kids will see the benefit of having more siblings. Feeling guilty for adding another.

Koalamomma3 · March 2016

I also found out I was pregnant with #2 when DD1 was about 15 months. Then we found out I was pregnant with DD3 when DD2 was 15 months old lol. I felt the same way you are feeling. I am happy to say that having another little one was an absolute gift for DD1. Sure there will be a few rough spots but over all, my girls really are best friends. DD1 loves organizing games and crafts for her little sisters to play and is the best big sister. Might be hard to see it that way now or even in the beginning, but you are giving your daughter a blessing by giving her a sibling she will be so close to. Also don't feel bad if you feel like you could never love another little one as much as you love DD, totally normal, but I promise you will be so surprised by the amount of love your heart is filled with for both of your little ones

rozANDbenSINCE2001 · March 2016

@TheBeeCharmer I'm sorry you're feeling the guilt as well, but I'm sure your kids will be excited to meet their new sib once he or she arrives! Hoping this feeling passes for us soon

DoubleAteam · March 2016

I have 3 and my youngest I thought was going to be the youngest at least for 2 more years when we would talk about if we wanted another child. He literally just turned 2 around the time I found out and I feel so guilty he is such a mommy's boy, and I was going to start weaning him from his night and early morning feedings but now I feel extra guilty and that I can't do that plus take his baby of the family title away too, and he has only ever met one baby younger than him so I worry he'll be mad at me and mad at the baby for stealing his mommy at first and its going to break this mommy's heart...sigh

nsquaredlife13 · March 2016

Oh yes. We talked about wanting to start trying in January 2016, but my periods were so all over the place we both assumed it would take some time. Our goal was to have kids 2 to 2.5 years apart--DS is 14 almost 15 moths old. Well the first month we started trying, H got a hole in one and here we are 8 weeks pregnant. It's hard not to ask if this is the right thing, or if we're truly ready. I'm constantly wondering how my LO will adapt. He's around other infants and toddlers during daycare and is super affectionate. I also ask myself if this is fair to DS... did he have enough time growing with just mommy and daddy.

Today we had our 1st appointment and I saw Number Two. It was definitely hard to get excited but hard to contain myself all at once. I'm hoping as time goes on and it gets closer to my EDD that my nerves will have settled.

Hopefully yours too!

SuperNerd42 · March 2016

I'm very much the opposite! After trying for a year and a half (and after waiting to start for longer than we originally planned) I feel so much guilt that I couldn't give my DD a close sibling and companion. I'm thrilled to finally be pregnant, but I hope that a five year gap won't be too much for my kids to have the same kind of bond that closer in age siblings do.

I won't lie, I'm jealous of everyone that was able to get pregnant so fast!

Koalamomma3 · March 2016

SuperNerd42 said:

I'm very much the opposite! After trying for a year and a half (and after waiting to start for longer than we originally planned) I feel so much guilt that I couldn't give my DD a close sibling and companion. I'm thrilled to finally be pregnant, but I hope that a five year gap won't be too much for my kids to have the same kind of bond that closer in age siblings do.

I won't lie, I'm jealous of everyone that was able to get pregnant so fast!

There are definitely pros and cons to both having them close together and having some more space. The good news is you will have an awesome helper with the new baby. My younger sister and I are 6 years apart and I LOVED being able to help out with her. I remember one time my parents were really sick with the stomach bug and I was able to play with my sister, feed her and even change her diaper.my parents really appreciated it. Now that we are adults we are best friends. Even my younger brother who is 10 years younger than me and a senior in high school is super close with me. He even comes along grocery shopping with me sometimes just to give me some company and entertain my little ones.

rozANDbenSINCE2001 · March 2016

@DoubleAteam I'm also still nursing my little one so I'm nervous about that transition and whether she will wean or if I should try weaning her in a few months time. She has shown no signs of wanting to stop, though, and I realize tandem nursing is a thing, but I don't know if I would want to do that... She'll be almost two when this baby comes so I guess we will see what happens as time goes on.

I guess we will just have to spend the next eight months giving some extra attention to our little ones right now. I totally understand where you're coming from, though

rozANDbenSINCE2001 · March 2016

@nsquaredlife13 What you've written is exactly how I feel. It's almost bittersweet... I'm excited you got to see Baby Number Two and I'm hoping when I go in and see mine, I'll be able to shake all these slightly mopey feelings. I'm kind of a sap anyway, so I'm not totally surprised that I'm being so sentimental about ridding DD of her only child status...

seadana · March 2016

I've felt the opposite type of guilt like a couple posters above. My 4 1/2 year old has been asking for a baby brother or sister every day for the last year+ and we've been TTC for about 3 years (with one ectopic preg. in 2014). We were beginning to worry that she might not ever have a sibling. We cannot wait to tell her the good news in another few weeks- she'll be over the moon!

cahales · March 2016

My DS is only 5 mo right now, and I'm 2 mo pregnant.. They will be almost exactly a year apart. I felt guilty initially thinking I won't be able to rock him or hold him as much when I have a big belly, but now I realize he will have a life long friend

so excited to watch them grow up together, I understand the guilt but our first born babies will always be our babies, and now we get to have another little one to love.. We are all very very lucky

congrats mamas!

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