Intro TW

bornmommy · March 2016

Hey everyone. I'm hopping over from TTGP (and more recently the Oct 16 board.). I had a prior loss back in 2013 but have never been a member of this particular community but I'm looking forward to learning about and cheering y'all on.

tw following ***

A blighted ovum was found two weeks ago and an ectopic was ruled out two days ago. (There was suspicion that I had two egg releases and two fertiziled eggs that both "didn't make it"). Anyway, there is nothing in my tubes (small victory) but the gestational sac in my ute keeps growing and my levels keep rising so on Monday, if nothing happens this weekend, I'll be heading to an OB to talk about what might need to happen if my body doesn't get the hint. (I'm regularly with a MW practice.) I've never had a procedure like a D&C and that's terrifying me to think about.

I have two children, DS1 will be 4 in two months and DS2 will be 2 next month. DH and I were super excited to be pregnant again and had already told our families. I had three pretty graphic terrible dreams and was bleeding a bit so I had my suspicions this pregnancy wasn't viable but it still hurt. What hurts more are the comments from my dad and FIL. "You weren't even pregnant." Or "I'm just glad you didn't loss anything." I know there are varying degrees of miscarriage but... Ouch.

Anyway - not happy to be here but happy to provide support and get support on the journey. Just hoping this part of mine is over soon so I can start healing and TTC.

fivetimesnoluck · March 2016

I am so sorry for your loss. And also sorry for the a**hole comments from your FIL and dad. Grrrrr.

You are absolutely allowed to grieve as you feel it. You were pregnant and you are experiencing a significant loss. I am sorry for their inconsiderate words.

SnobunnieMel · March 2016

Hello from a fellow former October 2016. I'm so sorry you have to join us. Most people say things thinking they are helping you rationalize and make sense without realizing their words are very painful. Try to just block it out and give yourself the space and time to grieve.

mylittleversailles · March 2016

Some people are so insensitive. Sorry to see you here and, of course, for your loss.

cooaladoll · March 2016

Very sorry for your loss. And that you were wounded deeper by your father's and FIL's harsh comments. Regardless of being possibly well intentioned, it highlights their ignorance, and you should not be made to feel like your grieving should be any less or more than you feel is right for you and your loss. Any venting you need to do you can get on out here.

catiecatp · March 2016

hugs and welcome to the boards - I hope your body physically responds to the situation soon

m6agua · March 2016

Sorry for your loss. I too had a blighted ovum. Mine was a missed miscarriage because I found out at 10 weeks. The sac measure 6 and some change. I had a natural MC at 11 weeks.

My mom at one point when explaining the situation to a friend said it was a blighted ovum so there was no baby. Or at least something along those lines. I was seeing a counselor and realized that hurt me a lot. My counselor suggested I talk to my mom. So I did. I told her what she said hurt, I know she didn't mean it to be hurtful. It was more mater of fact about a blighted ovum (since it hasn't reached the embryo stage). Talking to her about everything really helped.

cjs260 · March 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss and the hurtful comments. My husband's grandfather once used the phrase "when you thought you were pregnant" to me after my BO - it still makes me see red to think about it. My BO was discovered at 9 weeks, and I used Cytotec (misoprostol) instead of having a D&C. It may help you to read more about all of your options before your appointment. I made my decision quickly, but I wish I would have taken more time to think about it. I think knowing what I know now, I still would have chosen the misoprostol, but I would know to understand that things don't just jump right back into normal afterwards. I hope that you find as much comfort here as I have, and that your stay is short.

bornmommy · March 2016

Thank you everyone. I'm sad to see that others have dealt with hurtful comments (even though I figured as much... people never know what to say) I know they aren't from a place of malice but of ignorance and I've already talked to my dad about it. FIL will have to wait, if I ever do.

@SnobunnieMel - Sad to see you here, also. hugs

@cjs260 Thanks for your story and support. I am aware the miso might be an option for me...I'm also a bit terrified of that drug because I see it used a lot for induction purposes in my practice and it has a lot of safety concerns. Makes me cringe that its used off label just cause its cheaper. Just basically hoping my body takes care of itself. I feel like I have time but my MW is suggesting to get it done this coming week... sucks.

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

*****LURKER**** from the miscarriage board

@bornmommy, another former October 16 member here. I also have a blighted ovum and I'm waiting to miscarry. Empty sac at 5w 6d and still empty at 6w6d. I'm now 8 weeks and still not bleeding and still waiting.

I'm so sorry for your LOSS. It IS a LOSS. (Hugs).

Edit words

ETA you would not believe the crappy things that have been said to me after a loss!

"It was never meant to be"

"It just wasn't your time"

"Everything will be ok"

I'm sure there's more! I'm so sorry he said that to you!

roper2617 · March 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss and the comments that were made. Sometimes people can be so insensitive and hurtful. Sorry you're here, but welcome.

Af2013nl · March 2016

So sorry for your loss and the insensitive comments that were made. A pregnancy is a pregnancy and very real as soon as first symptoms are felt/the lines turn pink on the test.

GhanimaAtreides · March 2016

I'm sorry for your loss and your male relatives extremely ignorant comments. You had a loss, period. You never need to justify grief with a miscarriage.

I've had two emergency D&Cs (and two children born between, so fertility was uncompromised if that is a concern of yours). I would say two pros off the top of my head with D&C are quicker recovery bleeding/hcg levels, and testing is sometimes offered. But I can understand wanting to go through naturally in the privacy of your own home. I just never had the option. Have you ever been under general anesthesia before?

bornmommy · March 2016

Yes but a loooong time ago. No adverse effects though @GhanimaAtreides

Hugs mama. I'm right there with you. How long are your docs/mws suggesting you wait? @iceandsnowflakes29

alanna3622 · March 2016

@bornmommy I am so sorry to hear about your loss. And I am right with the other ladies about the comments.

Hugs to you.

roxgibbons · March 2016

@bornmommy I am so sorry for your loss and the insensitive thoughtless comments. I wish people would just keep their mouths shut and just simply say "I'm sorry"

Wishing you strength during this difficult time. Hugs to you.

ThePax89 · March 2016

What a douche?! I'm so sorry. So sorry for your loss.

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

@bornmommy I have a f/u appointment / ultrasound on Thursday. So I'll see what he says then.

AL_TwinCities · March 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss @bornmommy. I can't believe how insensitive some people can be. A BO was still a fertilized egg! Hugs to you.

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