July 2016 Moms
beachdancer
member
Struggling to Balance Work and Mom-ness
beachdancer
member
My husband and I are expecting our second child in July 2016, and we are so thrilled to be expanding our family! However, I'm currently struggling to balance my career and being a mother to our 16 month old son, and am a little bit panicked about what next year will look like.
I am a high school English teacher, and while I was nervous about balancing teaching and parenthood last year, my husband and I found a balance. My husband's daycare provided free daycare, and I left for school early. By getting to school an hour before school started, and knowing that husband and baby wouldn't be home until 5:00, I was able to manage my grading and planning mostly at school, allowing me to be free for family time whenever we were at home together.
Over the summer, my husband got a new job with much less predictable hours (and no free daycare), and it's been much more difficult for me to strike that same balance. I can't spend the same amount of time at school after the school day, and my husband is frequently out in the evenings. Facing next year, I'm nervous about trying to continue this balancing act with a second child and paying for daycare for two children under two years old, and I'm feeling more and more like I want to stay home next year. However, it's difficult. So much of my identity is wrapped up in being a teacher, but I feel like my students aren't getting enough of me at this point, and I'm not sure how I would be able to give them more next year.
My husband and I have discussed, and are talking about the possibility of me staying home next year, but have agreed I would need to be bringing in supplemental income. I'm hoping that we're able to figure out a way to make this work, but we'll see what happens.
I am a high school English teacher, and while I was nervous about balancing teaching and parenthood last year, my husband and I found a balance. My husband's daycare provided free daycare, and I left for school early. By getting to school an hour before school started, and knowing that husband and baby wouldn't be home until 5:00, I was able to manage my grading and planning mostly at school, allowing me to be free for family time whenever we were at home together.
Over the summer, my husband got a new job with much less predictable hours (and no free daycare), and it's been much more difficult for me to strike that same balance. I can't spend the same amount of time at school after the school day, and my husband is frequently out in the evenings. Facing next year, I'm nervous about trying to continue this balancing act with a second child and paying for daycare for two children under two years old, and I'm feeling more and more like I want to stay home next year. However, it's difficult. So much of my identity is wrapped up in being a teacher, but I feel like my students aren't getting enough of me at this point, and I'm not sure how I would be able to give them more next year.
My husband and I have discussed, and are talking about the possibility of me staying home next year, but have agreed I would need to be bringing in supplemental income. I'm hoping that we're able to figure out a way to make this work, but we'll see what happens.
Re: Struggling to Balance Work and Mom-ness
Look into the rules but in my area you're allowed to take in a certain amount of kids, not including your own, and be unlicensed. My current child care provider is a mother of 3 who wants to stay home with her kids for a year or so. She cares for DD and is looking for another child to take in. We pay her $45 a day if we use her less than 4 days a week, and $40 a day if we use 4 days or more. We provide the food and diapers for DD, so she has no costs associated with taking her in. She basically just goes about her normal day, with DD in tow - they go to the park, do arts and crafts, dance, sing songs, go to Strong Start (not sure if this is just a Canadian program) or the library, play outside or go for walks. You could also opt to do care for older kids (like before/after school care) and offer the extra of helping with homework or tutouring, if you prefer interactions with older kids to babies/toddlers.
This is EXACTLY my situation! I'm also a high school English teacher (so is DH). Trying to balance work and motherhood has become such an unhappy part of my life because I don't feel that I'm doing anything well. Here's what we have come up with so far:
-No matter what, I won't be returning to work full-time next year.
-Option #1: work as .5 TE in the mornings only, teaching 2 classes (one prep) + plan
-Option #2: work as .5, mornings, as a coach in the building, no classes or maybe one class
-Option #3: leave the district and work a part-time job, but try to work weekends and/or opposite of DH's schedule
I might at some point consider working for an online school, but not right away.
To start transitioning away from my income, DH has gotten signed up as a Lyft driver and will work some weekends/this summer. I have Teachers Pay Teachers store that I will beef up.
We we just sat down and figured out the money: what I need to bring in for us to pay the bills, then what I need to make for us to live comfortably, then what I need to make for us to meet our long-term financial goals. It will help me figure out which option is best.
Good luck! It's hard to have your heart and your head divided between all your kids (biological and classroom). But you'll find what's best for your family.
Edit: my phone keeps adding extra words.
Work-life balance is a myth...maybe if you start to think of it more as work-life blending instead, you can keep your job (if you want to try that). Is there any way you could do most of your lesson planning/grading on the weekend while your husband is around? I'm not saying that it would be easy. Having a full time job during the first year of a child's life IS HARD. But, it's not impossible. And over time, you will settle into a routine that makes sense for your family. Think of the frequent breaks in the school schedule as a chance to catch your breath. Also, two young kids in daycare is very expensive, but the cost will go down slowly over time. Unfortunately it's becoming the reality for more people in our generation, as more mothers than ever are working and at the same time we have less support from family members (if you're like me and moved far away from home to get said job).
As a teacher, I think you have a lot of options if you do decide to leave your job. I agree with @DobbysSock that doing after school care for an older child would be an awesome option; there are always parents who need someone to get their child off the bus and taken care of until they're home from work. Also, tutoring would be another great option.
Either way, definitely look into your finances first and see what your options are.
DD #2: EDD July 2016
I'm worried about what adding #2 will do to this sense of peace I'm FINALLY getting. I have a feeling a lot of the stress I feel about work-life balance is actually caused by residual PPD/PPA from #1 so I'll be paying very close attention to that when #2 gets here.
My only advice is to carefully consider not only your finances but what truly makes you happy. If you are truly not enjoying working anymore than perhaps a break is in order. However, if you do enjoy your job and enjoy the work you do, trying to find alternative solutions to the stress and trying to identify the root causes of the stress could help you out (any residual PPD/PPA from #1 for you? Seasonal affective disorder making things seem harder in the moment? etc).
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
I'm sorry you're struggling... I think you know already as a working mom that balancing work and home is about making constant adjustments based on the needs of your family. Start with a plan for your basic balance; how much money is needed make ends meet? Then from there decide what you can do to earn that money, what kind of childcare coverage you'll need at that time (if any) and work towards balancing the scales.
Have you considered tutoring on the weekends since your husband will (most likely) be home and you won't have to factor in childcare costs? This would also maybe help you maintain some of the identity you feel so connected to. Best of luck!
Married: October 23, 2010
DS: 8/7/2013
#2 EDD: 6/29/2016, C Section: 6/22/2016