How are you doing? Leap day check-in

AL_TwinCities · February 2016

Welcome to the new weekly check-in thread. If you haven't intro'd on the board before, feel free to do so here.

How is everyone doing? Are you currently going through a loss or have you past the physical part now? How are things going with your SO? Are you getting the support you need from friends and family? How are you doing emotionally and physically? Any questions or anything we can help you with?

mommy2owl · February 2016

It's almost been a week since I lost my baby. I honestly feel better emotionally than I thought I would, kind of surprising myself. I know not everyone feels this way, but I take comfort knowing my baby is with God and that even though I don't understand why this happened he is a good God and has a plan. I've never been this religious or felt this close to God, so maybe that was His plan. I also feel that my marriage has grown stronger through this. Dh is extremely supportive and we've been very open with each other. In the past it has been hard to get him to talk. I feel best when I think about ttc again, so i know we will start trying as soon as we can. My FIL was trying to comfort me and told me before my dh was conceived they had aborted a baby. I was shocked to hear that, felt bad for them as a loss is a loss and he regrets their decision, but it really wasn't something I needed to hear. Everyone has been supportive though, probably another reason I'm feeling ok now. I'm still having morning sickness, soreness, and cramping, but I think that's pretty good all things considered. I made it through 48 hours without a breakdown. Just a few tears here and there. Reading the support from this community is a huge help. I'm not great with words but I read everyone else's.

Wow, that became long! Sorry ladies

iceandsnowflakes29 · February 2016

Still waiting to miscarry

I have mixed emotions right now. Half of me wants it done and the other half of me is glad it is dragging out because when it does happen I feel like then my baby will officially be gone.

I have big time anxiety of ttc again and potentially having another loss. But, I try to shut those thoughts out because it is cart before the horse. I have to get through this first. I can worry about ttc later (or not) later. ETA* after waiting to MC I don't think I will ever bitch about another 2ww again. This is so much worse!

My in laws are NOT supportive which is why they do not know.

My 2 close girlfriends are supportive but, they haven't gone through a loss.

My H is wonderful but, I think he's over it. Which is fine. I'm glad he's keeping his shit together mentally - cause one of us has to and right now I'm touch and go.

Anyway, thank you for this checkin and all the wonderful support. I would be lost without it.

takethelongway · February 2016

I haven't introed yet, but I've been reading a lot of the posts all weekend. My husband and I went through IVF and then a frozen transfer which just ended in loss on Saturday at 7w3d. I am not really sure how I am doing right now. I thought I was good, but today is hard. I stayed home from work and have to keep busy to keep myself from crying. The good news is that my house is on its way to being clean!

After having gone through so much to get pregnant, it really is a huge loss for us. I have hope that the next transfer we do will result in a birth, but right now I am not really in a rush to get there. I just want to grieve this loss and start running again.

iceandsnowflakes29 · February 2016

@takethelongway I'm so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs)). Another stress-cleaner here. My bathrooms are frickin sparkling right now. I got out yesterday and did some retail therapy at Lush.

It all sucks and I'm sorry you have to be here but, everyone here has been absolutely wonderful and supportive. I would be in a worse place for sure, without the support I've received here.

ladipale · February 2016

Hello - I just did an intro. Found out Friday I miscarried at just over 12 weeks. Have D&C scheduled for tomorrow morning. Eager to not feel pregnant before.

Family and friends have been amazing. My parents helped with our 2 other kids on Saturday, my friends sent flowers and took me for a pedicure. Husband and I are just trying to figure this all out. Moving on with life (no choice when we have 2 kids and my husband is a business owner) and trying to mourn as well.

What should I expect the rest of the week after a D&C? I have had 2 previous c/s - will this affect my recovery at all?

musicinmysoul17 · February 2016

*TW - rant about other pregnancies*

I started to miscarry 3 weeks ago today. I've gotten better as far as crying but still have a lot of hormones and emotions going on everyday. Almost everything makes me think about it in some way. I've been moody and since Saturday very angry because I found out a 40 y/o mom AND her daughter at my church are both pregnant. The mom has 3 kids over 13 and her newest baby daddy is half her age. The daughter is 17 and got PG around the same time I did.

At first DH was really supportive but I know he doesn't think about it now near as much as I do, which is fine I know men are different. But like I said about hormones and moodiness, it's mostly at him for some reason. I feel bad and really try not to let those feelings out. My family is not close to us but DH's family has been pretty good. One of my SIL has lost 2 babies late term and she has been helpful. It's frustrating sometimes because everyone wants to "help" or "fix it" when I tell them how I'm feeling and that doesn't help. I just need to get it out and for you to listen. (which is why this board/TB are so great!)

Overall I guess I'm ok. Each day is something different.

iceandsnowflakes29 · February 2016

***question***

Jumping the gun but, this just occurred to me and I'm curious. When do you start temping after MC? And is day 1 of MC bleeding CD 1? Or is day of D&C CD 1? (If I have to go that route).

TIA

zrain · February 2016

@iceandsnowflakes29If you end up miscarrying without the D&C, count the first day of real bleeding as cd1. I started temping before I miscarried because I was hoping for a heads up of when it would happen with a drop in temp. That didn't happen, and my temp didn't come down below the previous cover line until cd9. It's still overall higher than it was pre-MC, but I didn't have a negative HPT until two days ago so maybe my progesterone is still decreasing too. I didn't have betas drawn to monitor hCG down, so I just POAS until it was negative. I'm guessing a D&C would be cd1 also. I can't remember if TCOYF says anything about that.
Sorry you're still waiting. I agree, it's the worst. I hope things start progressing soon.

roxgibbons · February 2016

@iceandsnowflakes29 I'm so sorry this process is taking so long for you. I understand about your TTC anxiety and never bitching about TWW again resonated with me. You're right , TWW is nothing

I have the same anxiety about TTC especially because we will resume fertility treatments. My DH is being very positive and thinks we will be successful again but I'm just not there yet.

@ladipale I am very sorry for your loss. I had a d&c almost two weeks ago. From a physical standpoint, my experience wasn't that bad. I had the occasional cramps and I bled lightly for a little over a week. I'm down to spotting now and that's almost over. My procedure was done under conscious sedation so I didn't experience any pain during. Good luck to you tomorrow and I am glad you have good support.

@takethelongway. I understand your pain. It took us a year to get our little one and now it's back to the beginning. Take good care of yourself during this time.

As for me, I am almost 12 days post d&c.I am doing well physically and the spotting has stopped. I even started working out again this weekend which felt good. Emotionally, I just feel like I'm getting through the day with a cloud over my head and I have these random reminders of what could have been. I'm just still very sad but am trying to get through everything as best as I can.

Hope every one else is doing well.

madamerwin · February 2016

So sorry to hear you all are going through this as well. It feels like a club that no one wants to be part of.

I am doing... okay today. I intro'ed on here about a week ago, miscarried on 2/17 at 6w6d. We had seen the heartbeat (138bpm) the day before, but the gestational sac measured too small. I knew there was a chance of miscarriage, but it all happened so quickly the next day. It was a shock. I was able to take the intact gestational sac in to the doctor, and they sent it for testing. We are still waiting on results.

Physically, I feel pretty much fine now. Bleeding and cramping lasted a week total, from spotting a few days before I miscarried, to a regular flow for about 4 days. My hCG last Wednesday was down to 70, and I have one more test in a week to see if it is back to zero.

Things are good with my husband, though he is currently stuck on graveyard shift so I have been alone a lot. It sucks. The silver lining is that he applied for another position at his company that is normal day shift, and he should find out about it this week. Once he is off of graveyard we plan to TTC again.

BrightenMySky · March 2016

I'm still so many ups and downs. Over the weekend we were out doing things and I felt like I had moved from utter devastation to a more peaceful place where sadness and love just kind of coexist, if that makes any sense. But today was a rough afternoon. Beta tomorrow, last week was about 650. I think I might work from home in the afternoon so I can be alone when I get the results. Husband is such a support. I wish I could do more for him as he's handling a lot right now.

madamerwin · March 2016

I just hit a low... I have been doing pretty well lately, but my best friend from childhood's mom just texted to tell me that my friend had her baby today, along with a photo of mom and baby. Of course I am so happy for my friend, but I am also so, so sad that we don't have that to look forward to now. I just can't stop crying, and I feel guilty that I am thinking more about myself than my friend. I wish I could be happy for her without thinking about my own loss.

BrightenMySky · March 2016

@madamerwin a pregnancy announcement that a friend sent me yesterday really brought me down. And she said that she hoped I would be as lucky soon...and she is a week and a half further than when I had my loss. I had been doing pretty well, talking about my baby but feeling good and then functioning fine, then I get the texts, and ugh so low. Hugs. Take care of yourself.

yolandamunoz · March 2016

Hello all

i had a D&C on feb 4th for a blighted ovum at 9w (developed 5w).

As for these few days I've had ups and downs. I explained my DH about how I feel with this grieving, and how it is like a weight I have to carry. So he understood a bit better the situation. I told him to be aware that I am still emotional or moody and to keep this in mind when I have bad moments and start crying about something that seems not that serious.

I am doing ok at work, no one knows there so I just get by.

I started charting again. I noticed I ovulated and I am currently on my Lutheal Phase, waiting for my first period after the procedure.

a couple of days ago I discovered there is an organization that helps parents who have had pregnancy loss or still births here in Chile. They give you support to grieve and have group meetings. I am going to contact them to see if I can go there with DH. He deals with his grief in a different way (mostly video games) but when I want to talk about this he is a good listener. I wonder if he wants to talk some as well.

hugs!!
-y

roxgibbons · March 2016

@BrightenMySky- I hope your beta comes down tomorrow and that you have a better day.

AL_TwinCities · March 2016

@mommy2owl I'm glad you are finding some comfort in your faith. It is so wonderful to have comfort in any way.

@iceandsnowflakes29 it is like you took the words right out of my mouth! When I was waiting to miscarry, I felt the same way. I am glad it took so long for me, because it really helped me work through the emotional devastation, so by the time I finally finished miscarrying, I was ready and even relieved for it to be over.

@takethelongway I am so sorry. Loss after IF is doubly painful. Wondering "will we conceive again?" is so scary. I really hope that you have success with your next transfer, whenever you feel ready to try again.

@ladipale thinking of you this morning. I would ask your doctor about the past c-sections - I'm not sure if that will affect anything but it never hurts to ask. I miscarried naturally, but have heard that recovery from a D&C can involve a little cramping and bleeding, but barring complications it shouldn't be too bad after a day.

@becbec28 my husband has dealt with this loss vey differently than me as well. It can be hard when it seemed like he has moved on. But one time I was talking about the loss and asking why he didn't say anything and he said "I'm not like you - I don't want to talk about it all the time. It just makes me sad." I realized that he hasn't really moved in, it is just his way if coping.

@madamerwin fx for your DH to get that different job! And try not to beat yourself up for not thinking of your friend - feeling sad and jealous is perfectly normal and you should let youself feel that way, as long as you can try to let those feelings go after a while.

@BrightenMySky I love that description of how you are feeling! That is so true - when you are doing better, it isn't like the sadness is gone entirely, it just doesn't take up all of the space and leaves roorn for some happiness and love.

@yolandamunoz I hope the support group is helpful! This board is great but sometimes I wish there were an in-person support group I could go to.

As for me, I am 6 weeks post miscarriage #2. Yesterday was a rough day. A co-worker has her baby and sent around pictures, a childhood friend announced her pregnancy on FB, lots of pregnant ladies and kid talk at an event I went to last night... I hate that each interaction with something like that just brings me a little lower, until I am just ready to go home and curl into a ball and cry, or throw things around in anger. I hate the unfairness of it all. We are in our first TWW post loss, but I am not getting my hopes up. Hugs to everyone!

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

Hi everyone,

Another question. I'm sure this is a repeat and I'm sorry.

Have any of you done anything to memorialize your loss (or losses)? I know tattoos are common but, I'm not really a tattoo person. Is this OK to do even if none of them were 2nd tri+ losses?

I've read things like planting a tree or something but I am terrible with plants and would probably accidentally kill it.

I thought about one of those oragami owl type necklaces with all the EDD stones in it. I think I would want something discreet...

Thoughts / ideas?

BrightenMySky · March 2016

@iceandsnowflakes29 I went shopping on Etsy soon after my loss. I tossed around several different ideas, but settled on a thin silver cuff from this store: https://www.etsy.com/shop/aquabeet. I got a quotation written on the inside (so it just looks like a plain cuff). I had planned to get the Louisa May Alcott one (I am not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship), which is a quote I have liked for a long time and she happened to have, but it didn't seem to fit for some reason. I ended up with the ee cummings "i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)" to remind me of when we heard our baby's heartbeat and also how much my husband has been my rock through this. I have not taken it off since it arrived.

I think any loss can be devastating, no matter how far along the pregnancy was. Each of us is entitled to grieve and remember the babies we will never get to hold and raise in whatever way brings us comfort.

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

@yolandamunoz I think it is good you're reaching out for further support. Regarding your husband and the video games *nerd alert* but I see why he's getting comfort in that. I've been playing diablo 3 with my H and there is something therapeutic about shooting crap on the computer. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope everything goes well at your support group. ((Hugs))

yolandamunoz · March 2016

Hey @iceandsnowflakes29 maybe I should try shooting digital guns hehehehe!

@AL_Twincities thank you for your words, I'll tell you how it goes.

As for memorializing out babies, I am going the Japanese way:

"The story goes, that the souls of children who die before their parents, are not capable of crossing the fabled Sanzu River (similar tothe Styx river in Greek mythology) in the afterlife. This is because they have not had the time to accumulate enough good deeds (karma) and they have made their parents suffer. It is believed that Jizo saves these souls from the punishment of having to pile stones eternally on
the bank of the river. O-Jizo-sama, is thus widely recognize as the saint patron of dead children, especially still-born and miscarried children."

I got a replica statue online, with purple bib that represents "to have no fear" because I don't want to be afraid of embracing this loss and its pain, and also I don't want to fear TTC again.

"Thus each time you see a Jizo statue, adorned with these clothes, you
witness the pain of a parent."

BrightenMySky · March 2016

So grateful for this thread and these updates.

Today has been ok. I got my nightguard from the dentist to keep me from grinding down my teeth into nothing, so hoping that helps with headaches. That also meant I left work early, which has been really nice--walked dog, now sitting down to do a little work from home. Hcg test today...seems like it's been falling by not quite half, so I still have a ways to go, but definitely going in the right direction. My loss is not physically 100% over, so we'll see what happens.

One frustration today is I got back from a nice walk and was going through the mail, and there was something from my insurance company telling me that I can only fill misoprotol (cytotec) two more times at my local pharmacy without calling them to opt in/out of their delivery program. Yes, just what I want is to take misoprotol so frequently that I get it home delivered. Don't they check to see what the drugs are (and if they're likely to be regularly taken) before they send this notice?? Ugh. Maybe I should leave all the mail for my husband to open.

iceandsnowflakes29 · March 2016

Ugh @BrightenMySky that sounds annoying and I agree, put your husband on mail duty.

ThePax89 · March 2016

@BrightenMySky that's just lovely with the mail options for cytotec. Really, is that a frequent drug. They should have those flagged. Sorry that happened. Hoping that your physical symptoms resolve soon so that you can start the emotional healing.

ThePax89 · March 2016

I'm 6.5 weeks post d&c and am finally starting to feel back to normal physically. As of 2 weeks ago, I was still positive for hcg. Today was another hcg draw to make sure it is down below 5. I found out that my thyroid is stupid, so I'm addressing that. I also found out the cause of my baby's death...trisomy 16. I feel a lot better knowing that.

The box for my lost babes came in the mail. It is a wooden engraved box with their names and dates of their losses. It's really pretty. I don't know what I'll put in it. But it's nice to have.

BrightenMySky · March 2016

@ThePax89 the box sounds beautiful. And our baby had triploidy. It is comforting to know the cause of death, but sometimes it also just feels like the odds have not been in our favor on so many counts.

laeberge3 · March 2016

Hi all - this is my intro. I miscarried my first pregnancy on 2/17/16 between 8-9 weeks, with baby measuring 6w1d. Physically, I am doing well. The bleeding stopped last week on Friday and my last hcg level on 2/29 was at 49, down from 519 the week before, so it has decreased quickly. I'm hoping to reach that zero threshold soon, as I just feel like I cannot get pregnant again fast enough. I keep reminding myself to slow down and let my body recuperate, but the desire for another pregnancy is overwhelming. Mentally, I have ups and downs, and lately, I keep having dreams where I'm pregnant or have children, which causes me to wake up with such heartache (and certainly doesn't help calm that desire).

takethelongway · March 2016

Thank you @iceandsnowflakes29, @roxgibbons, and @AL_TwinCities!!

I really wish we had gotten the testing done, but my husband did not want to. My doctor also was pretty convinced it was chromosomal so I guess we just won't know what kind of chromosomal issue. We are taking a little time off before we do another FET. Mainly because I am a track coach and the season is not going to slow down until May.

BrightenMySky · March 2016

@laeberge3 welcome and sorry for your loss. I had dreams, too, right after my miscarriage (I found out our baby had no heartbeat almost 5 weeks ago). Some where I had children and was struggling to take care of them, others where I was trying to help someone or find someone and no one would help me. I think that was related to feeling like I was so alone in my grief.

roxgibbons · March 2016

@laeberge3 i am so sorry for your loss. I can understand your desire to get pregnant again quickly as I feel the same way and unfortunately I am not a patient person. I hope your stay here is short but in the mean time, welcome

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