Breast feeding problem feeling bad as a mother

chincha03 · March 2016

My baby boy is going to be a month old next monday. And he had a really hard time latching on in the hospital. We had a pretty long dramatic labor. He switched positions on me when i was pushing. He got stuck in the birth canal and i was pushing for 4 hours. When i tried to breastfeed it hurt so much. And i found out i have flat nipples. I saw 2 lactation consultant and all they told me was to use a nipple shield but that still hurt a lot and it didnt help him latch. I was told to breast pump and then try to latch him on but that didnt work. He lost 9% of his weight until they gave me formula. Now ive trued to latch him on but no luck. I breast pump and feed him my milk in a bottle. I want to breast feed but i feel like ive failed my baby. I know i am still providing him with my milk but i wanted that breast feeding bond with him. Anyone else having breatfeeding problems? Or had and did anything help with that situation?

ARogers26 · March 2016

EVERYONE has breastfeeding problems. It is soooooo super hard. Do what you can momma. You are doing what's best for you and baby. Remember that includes your mental health. Don't beat yourself up.

paytonpedro · March 2016

My baby didn't latch until 25 hours after birth, and when he did he had a really shallow latch. Even when I could get a good latch he would push it out of his mouth and the latch was bad again. I also pump and bottle feed, and we supplement formula also. He's 1 week today, and I can't help but feel guilty that things didn't work. I totally know how you feel! I saw a LC yesterday and she told me breast milk is breast milk, no matter how they get it. That made me feel better! At least we tried and are still providing our babies with our breast milk!

Eta- spelling.

srecupido · March 2016

Yes!! We also had to supplement after my LO dropped to much weight and are now struggling to ebf. I try to nurse at every feed and then pump. We still supplement as needed- also two weeks in but I 100%empathize. Our hospital and their lcs were so pro breast feeding I felt like the worst mom ever and still cry daily but it's way more important for my boy to eat and he gets the benefits whether I pump or nurse. Try to remember you're already an awesome mom just for caring so much about this and your absolutely not alone.

g0lightly8706 · March 2016

This is why it bugs me when 'they' constantly tell you over and over again how breastfeeding is supposed to be some magical experience.. Because in reality its one of the hardest and frustrating parts for some people. I had a really hard time in the beginning because she had jaundice and they kept telling me the only thing I could do to help was feed, feed, feed so I did but she was such a fighter against staying latched that I'd be nursing for an hour with her only getting a little bit here and here. It was exhasuting and wearing on my sanity, so I switched to pumping and bottling and am so glad I did. Her jaundice went away and feeding sessions don't take nearly as long now.
Point is she's happy and I'm happy. Also I'm with her all day so that bond is definitely not broken. Plus they're still getting the benefits of breast milk. You have to do what is best for your baby and you're doing all you can so in no way does that make you a failure!

shupertj09 · March 2016

Breastfeeding is hard. It was not a magical bonding experience for me and my baby. I literally dreaded every time Ds cried because latching him hurt so bad. I bruised one of my nipples the first time I tried to pump and I got a huge blister right next to my nipple so baby had trouble latching on that side because I was so swollen. He was marathon nursing several hours a night and I wasn't sleeping. I was miserable. I am pumping for him and supplementing with formula. Don't get down on yourself, mother's guilt is normal but enjoy your baby...you haven't failed as a mom, this is just one small thing and I promise you when your child is older, happy and heathy....it won't matter.

seckenrode · March 2016

I have a friend who couldn't have children and she just adopted a newborn. Obviously no breastfeeding for her and she's going to be an excellent mother and have a truly special bond with her baby. Breastfeeding is natural, yes, but let's not doubt our abilities if we can't! Please don't get down on yourself.

chincha03 · March 2016

Thank you everyone for your response. I am glad to know i am not the only one having to pump and give my milk in a bottle. And thank you for the encouraging comments to not feel bad that i couldn't breastfeed my baby. But yes you are all right at least i am giving him my milk so he is getting something good still that will help him grow. Thank you again i feel much better

paytonpedro · March 2016

@shupertj09 Coconut oil helped my hurting nips! I would have never thought, but it got to the point I'd try anything. Within a couple days they're already feeling better!

mamacastro · March 2016

DD is a week old and we are still having some latching issues. I saw the LC yesterday and she gave me a shield, it has helped but not solved the problem completely. Its a struggle and I felt like a failure too. The second night I was literally crying and ready to quit. You are doing your best and that is what matters. You are not alone in this, we all have struggles. Hang in there

kirkie928 · March 2016

g0lightly8706 said:

This is why it bugs me when 'they' constantly tell you over and over again how breastfeeding is supposed to be some magical experience.. Because in reality its one of the hardest and frustrating parts for some people. I had a really hard time in the beginning because she had jaundice and they kept telling me the only thing I could do to help was feed, feed, feed so I did but she was such a fighter against staying latched that I'd be nursing for an hour with her only getting a little bit here and here. It was exhasuting and wearing on my sanity, so I switched to pumping and bottling and am so glad I did. Her jaundice went away and feeding sessions don't take nearly as long now.
Point is she's happy and I'm happy. Also I'm with her all day so that bond is definitely not broken. Plus they're still getting the benefits of breast milk. You have to do what is best for your baby and you're doing all you can so in no way does that make you a failure!

This is my story too. They made us feel like I was a failure if we pumped and supplemented. So much so that we didn't start her on the supplement until we were at the peds office the day after we left the hospital. We had to do bili lights at home, but if we had been supplementing too she would have gotten over the jaudice earlier than she did. Now we try to breastfeed every few times we feed, but I pump at every feeding time and we supplement with formula at night. It is what works for us.

Poppy0419 · March 2016

*lurking from March 2016*

its so refreshing to read this. Especially when I was hooked up to my pump at 5am with a bottle of formula in my hand. I had my baby girl on the 28th and she had lost well over 10% of her weight before we left the hospital. She fights staying latched and I was nursing for hours and she wasn't getting much. I also have nerve damage in my breasts and nipples so nursing was excruciating even with a good latch. The hospital was appalled that I even asked about pumping and supplementing and didn't even want to discuss it. So by the time I got home, we hadn't had a wet or dirty diaper in over 12 hours and DD was lethargic and pale. I sent my SO out for formula and sat and cried. I felt like I had completely failed as a mom.

DD is getting a bottle or two of BM a day (all I've been able to pump) and the rest formula now. She's already put back on some weight and I'm actually enjoying being a mom now and not dreading trying to nurse her.

Thank yall for helping me not feel so alone. This mom thing is hard enough without all the shaming that comes with it.

willkc · March 2016

I'm in need of advice on how to supplement with formula and still nurse. How many bottles of formula a day do you give? How many times do you pump or nurse? I have been trying nursing for a week and have had so much trouble, I dread nursing him and it's really taking its toll. I feel like there is not any support for me to help me figure this all out and I keep going back and forth. I want so badly to breast feed but it's really making me unhappy it's not the magical experience I thought it would be at all when he is screaming and refusing to eat.

dragonfly321 · March 2016

willkc said:

I'm in need of advice on how to supplement with formula and still nurse. How many bottles of formula a day do you give? How many times do you pump or nurse? I have been trying nursing for a week and have had so much trouble, I dread nursing him and it's really taking its toll. I feel like there is not any support for me to help me figure this all out and I keep going back and forth. I want so badly to breast feed but it's really making me unhappy it's not the magical experience I thought it would be at all when he is screaming and refusing to eat.

I've been pumping and formula feeding because I can't get latched. It's best to get on a 3 hour pump schedule until your supply comes in. It's difficult, but I don't feel so bad about not being able to BF since he's still getting my milk. It's not worth stressing yourself or baby about- that will only make it more difficult. Hang in there mama!!

srecupido · March 2016

willkc said:

I'm in need of advice on how to supplement with formula and still nurse. How many bottles of formula a day do you give? How many times do you pump or nurse? I have been trying nursing for a week and have had so much trouble, I dread nursing him and it's really taking its toll. I feel like there is not any support for me to help me figure this all out and I keep going back and forth. I want so badly to breast feed but it's really making me unhappy it's not the magical experience I thought it would be at all when he is screaming and refusing to eat.

Right now we only have to supplement at night. During the day we try to nurse every 3 hrs and if he doesn't take or is still hungry I'll give him whatever I have pumped. At night he gets 2-3oz of formula every 3 hrs ( typically 3 feeding a night). LO is two weeks for reference. If you're dead set on bfing try to find an lc for help but if it's not working or just stressing you more don't be afraid to adjust or stop all together. Feeding your baby is the most important no matter how it happens and a happy momma is best

Karen249 · March 2016

@willkc ...I am no expert but had a ton of trouble BFing with my first. Good for you for trying so hard. It's really difficult. I can only tell you what I would do. Everyone certainly has their own opinions. Who knows what's right but I remember needing suggestions. So What I would do (like others have suggested) is hire a Lactation consultant. What a huge help she was for us. You can get a recommendation from your pediatrician. I would also nurse every three hours, put that baby on the boob really as often as you can. When LO comes off, pump for a good 10-15min to clear out any milk and it "signals" your boobs to make more milk. You can give the pumped milked for when LO still seems hungry. Use your milk until you run out for the day and then use the formula for night. Once you establish your milk supply hopefully it will get easier. i wish you luck!

chincha03 · March 2016

I pumping every three hours and i just store my milk in the refrigerator. I have been pumping enough milk i get between 2.5-3.5oz of milk on each breast. I try to just give him my milk but if he has ate it all ill give him formula sometimes twice a day. But just try your best. You are doing everything you can for your baby and thats what counts.

starsinnight · March 2016

I've had such a similar situation as you. You aren't alone! I had a rough labor and pushed for 4 hours too and she got stuck so I needed a csection. She never latched and I saw a lactation consultant too who told me to pump and keep tryung. I got a nipple shield and it only worked one time and she then refused. i tried breastfeeding every day or so but she'd get so angry. I've been exclusively pumping. And then..., last night, at 4 weeks, she was hungry and rooting at my tshirts suckling it, so I popped my shirt up and she breastfed for 30 minutes for the first time ever!!!

so there's hope so don't give up and keep trying. I was worried she'd get used to the bottle and pacifier and would never latch but I've also heard from other moms that when they get older they get more patience too. So you never know. Try not to be too hard on yourself as you are doing the best you can. And you can always keep trying.

Vkrosa · March 2016

I have breastfeed since the hospital and I have been through the hell of cracked and bleeding nipples, crying and screeching out when LO latched on and now at 5 weeks I have to stop. For the past three weeks after every nursing session LO spits up and screams. Also she has horrible gas pains and grunts all day and night long. I have started her on formula and now she is doing sooo much better. She eats and doesn't spit up and doesn't have gas issues anymore. I feel like the worst mom. I feel like a failure. However if formula feeding is what works for her then I need to let it go and formula feed her. I tried pumping and giving it to her in a bottle she spit it up and instantly had gas issues. So for us we are now formula feeding.

themommabee · March 2016

We just moved to exclusively formula feeding for Baby Liam (almost 3 weeks old). We had a long list of problems with breast feeding: he was admitted to NICU immediately after emergency c-section and couldn't try feeding until the next day, tounge tie and latch issues, supply issues, and pumping was nearly impossible because my nipples were in so much pain. We moved to expressing milk and bottle feeding it and supplementing with formula, then getting him back on the breast just resulted in him screaming. Eventually even the lactation consultant said I needed to evaluate whether continuing to try was productive and we decided a few days ago just to go to full formula. I'm not going to lie, I am pretty disappointed but I realize that ultimately, he needs a healthy and sane mom more than he needs 20mL of breast milk (which is all I was reliably producing). We will continue to do what's best for him every step of the way, but breastfeeding just isn't feasible. I tried. I'm sad but I know that I'm still a good mom and he probably won't ever know the difference.

Cheryl Renee · March 2016

Well, in agreement with multiple others, breastfeeding is hard! It is not magical, it is not fun and it is definitely easy. I have a sister in law who makes it seem like a walk in the park, like a breeze and makes it seem very enjoyable. I had trouble with my first baby, and had to supplement the entire time. With this baby, its easier than the first but I've still had issues. He wasn't latching right, he made one of my nipples bleed the first week! Hang in there and do whats best for you.

4N6s · March 2016

I'll start by saying I breastfeed and I don't understand the "bond" thing. I feel the same whether I pump and feed or breastfeed.

If you want to keep trying to breastfeed, keep trying with the nipple shield. It hurts for a good week, but after that, it's not so bad.

Good luck.

lubaTO · March 2016

I had and still have a lot of problems. I use a nipple shield and now I'm starting to get low supply and have been supplementing with formula. DO NOT beat yourself up!!! You are feeding your baby and he is thriving, it's all that matters. Skin on skin whole giving him the bottle is still going to give you that bond.

smn14 · March 2016

I moved to nipple shield after getting cracked, painful nipples and dreading every feed. It's much easier now. Still difficult and still painful at times but it kept me going!

candace4erich · March 2016

I don't post here much because I tend to hang out in the D15 board since my girls came early. But I wanted to let you know that I am an exclusive pumper. When the girls were in the NICU, I obviously had to pump for the first bit. Once they were big enough to learn to breastfeed, it just wasn't happening for us. Combine that with the stress of a major medical issue with my husband (and lots of appointments), breastfeeding just didn't make sense for us. I am now 12 weeks PP and am producing plenty for both girls. I say this to you: the fact that you are fighting to pump and give your baby your milk means you are giving your baby an amazing gift. And even if you supplement (or even fully switch to formula), you are still developing a sweet bond with your baby every time you feed. Just look into those eyes when your holding the bottle and you'll feel it!

Also, keep trying. Before I decided to exclusively pump, I read many stories about babies learning to latch at six months!! As long as you are producing milk, the possibility is there. If you continue to exclusively pump, however, know that it will get easier. Back when I was having to pump 8 times a day, I wanted to give up every day. But now I've got a schedule that works and I only have to pump 4 or 5 times a day.

IrishinOrlando · March 2016

Could you please tell me the formula you use ?
This sounds so similar to my situation

ambdtb · March 2016

I read this post weeks ago but never replied until now. I have the same feelings. About 3 weeks ago I went to exclusive pumping and supplementing with formula. The breastfeeding was unbearable for me. I did it for the first 3 weeks with pain, bleeding, scabs, etc. he wasn't gaining enough weight so we had to supplement. The lactation consultant at the hospital recommended exclusive pumping as an option. I decided to try pumping for a bit to give my nipples a break and I didn't want to go back to the breast. I felt horrible but also felt like could enjoy my baby and not stress and have the pain associated w feedings. My pediatrician agreed and said that is more important. I can't help but still feel some guilt. I try not to but it's always there underlying. The woman in lactation said welcome to matter hood you will always have guilt for some reason and not to let this get to you!!

lama1987 · April 2016

My son and I really struggled. We had three big issues. He barely latched and if he would, he suck once or twice and dropped off.

A) pain - It was also somewhat painful when he would latch. At 48 hours old he had lost 10 oz. The first week, I manually expressed milk and spoon fed him. I spoke to three lactation consultants and several nurses.

flat nipples - No one mentioned shields to help with my flat nipples. Also they come in different sizes! I like the medela style.

C) tongue tie - he turned out to be completely tongue tied! Luckily his pediatrician caught it and did an inoffice procedure to release his tongue. This made a world of difference. It took a few days for him to learn suck ...the doctor warned it might take a while for him to learn as he wasn't able to practice in the womb.

Releasing the tongue tie and finding the right size shield resolved the pain issue (that and nipple cream).

Our new issue is cluster feeding so we are experimenting with pumping and supplimenting with expressed milk

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