Hoping someone understands!!

jmohio · March 2016

I am sure I am going to catch crap for this, but I am sure at least one person will understand and give me a little advice.

We moved almost a year ago and it pissed both my side and my husbands of the family off. We have been trying for a baby for 2 years and had a chemical last January. We are the last to have kids in the families, we are both the youngest. Well we decided to make the 8 hour drive and go down and visit both families in the coming weeks before the baby comes. I don't want a shower for the gifts (they would be nice but that's not the reason), we had a huge falling out with my brother who is the only family we have around us in the beginning of all this. So we haven't really been able to celebrate this pregnancy with anyone and that is why I was looking forward to a shower. My sister had 3 showers, brother had 2 and his sister and brother each had one all put on by our mothers. We have been trying to make plans for when we go down since we have a lot of people to see in a short amount of time and I can assume we are not getting a shower at all. Again please don't think I am upset because of the gifts, I don't even care if they did it without gifts I just wanted a little time to celebrate the baby with everyone.

Am I being a spoiled Brat with this? I feel childish but I am legit upset about it.

crdo · March 2016

No, I would be disappointed as well that it seemed no one wanted to celebrate my first baby, especially in light of the precedent set by your family.

jmohio · March 2016

So glad someone understands. It just kind of hurts like they don't care as much for ours as they did the others. My husbands mom even put on a shower for his sisters best friend!!!

MsBeachNJ · March 2016

I completely understand being disappointed, while no one is guaranteed a shower, it is something special to look forward to/hope for, especially if the precedence has been set in your family that new moms are given one. Maybe they are trying to surprise you? Would you feel comfortable asking your Mom if anyone had thought about it?

lac1252 · March 2016

I can understand why you're upset about this and rightfully so given the showers they have thrown in the past. Do you think it's possible they are planning a surprise shower for you? Or they're just waiting to figure out when you're going to come visit to plan the shower for that time?

jmohio · March 2016

I doubt the surprise because I have said we don't know when we will be with each family. We let both sides know if there was anything planned like dinners or anything to let us know so we can be there. No one has told us they said we can just play the whole weekend by ear. Nothing planned from either and our parents don't get along to plan something together.

HBamama2B · March 2016

It's definitely disappointing when families don't seem supportive and excited. I'm sorry you're going through that and will keep my fingers crossed that they pull it together, either with a surprise shower or in some other demonstrative way. Hugs.

btorgers · March 2016

Crossing fingers that they are surprising you with a shower! I definitely think you can be disappointed by this and I do not think you are a brat. I hope it works out for you!

princessandthegator · March 2016

I agree with all of the PP. I'd be really hurt if I felt that was happening to me too, especially considering all that you've gone through to finally be able to have this child. I hope they surprise you but if not, I know that another Mom from this BMB is doing a celebratory bbq. Maybe you and your H can do something like that with your friends just to celebrate that you are having your rainbow.

heathersaysso · March 2016

Oh that's a bag of dicks, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. If you have a good relationship with your mom, maybe just ask her? It could be that they're worried about miscarriage or birth defects and don't want to fill your home with baby stuff that might make you sad later. Not suggesting for a moment anything is wrong with your baby but it might be something they worry about?

BabyboyS2016 · March 2016

I am so sorry that you're going through this. Family drama during pregnancy just isn't right. PP have the right idea. Let us know what happens if you talk to them.

peregrinefalconx · March 2016

Since this is important, I would just talk to them. But I would start a conversation more about where your families are standing now, how important their love and support is during this time, and post baby's birth. That's really the crux of this, right? A shower is nice, but the pain of not having a family's love, despite decision to move, I think is likely more at the heart of this.

I was also in this place kinda...family far away. I thought my mom or my sister would do something but my mom goes by the old tradition of family not throwing a shower (only friends do) and my sister is barely excited for me, as far as I can tell. Actually, my whole family is pretty non-vocal about any excitement. In-laws are psyched. I put it all out on the table with the fam (and simultaneously friends offered to throw a shower). I'm telling my mom that I want her there and to buy a plane ticket--not pussyfooting around here. In the end, I think your family will regret not being more supportive. The shower talk can evolve naturally as part of this, I think.

ahernandez16 · March 2016

My feelings would be hurt if I were in your situation, no doubt. I do not think you're being a brat by any means. I would just talk to them if you feel you're in a place to do so. Regardless, I hope everything works out for you! Family stress is no fun in general but it's even worse when you're pregnant.

mebaby333 · March 2016

I understand what your saying but as a mother of , this will be 4, don't justify your desire by comparing to those around you. Your not them, the situation is different. That in and of itself is asking for trouble especially when it comes to your parents. If you approach with the heart of "I should get this because they got that" your begging for a defensive response because your not taking your own actions into account of the equation.

That said, speak your heart to your mom. Unless there is more to the story, your desire is completely understood and honorable. You want to celebrate so celebrate. Just do it because you value you and baby and not because you devalue yourself so much you feel like you have to justify why you and baby should be celebrated.

lm45678 · March 2016

crdo said:

No, I would be disappointed as well that it seemed no one wanted to celebrate my first baby, especially in light of the precedent set by your family.

Completely agree.

I hope that you get surprised with love, support and maybe even a shower when you visit

mrsb8244 · March 2016

I'm sorry you're going through this

I would definitely be upset too especially since all of your siblings had showers thrown for them! Did you move to Ohio or from Ohio (I'm assuming one or the other based on your screenname)? I live in central Ohio! If you moved to Ohio I hope you're enjoying it so far!

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