GTKY: Fears

bearsandbeets7 · February 2016

What are your biggest a fears regarding having this baby and becoming a parent whether your a FTM or STM+?

bearsandbeets7 · February 2016

This is baby number 2 for us and one of my biggest fears is feeling like I won't be able to love this baby as much as I love DD and also making sure DD knows that we still love her even though we are having to divide our attention. She will be almost 2 when this baby is born so she won't understand much.

mumblefrog86 · February 2016

same as @Lynnlove28

Another fear is something is going to go wrong and I might lose the baby. I guess normal pregnancy fears I thought I would be more relaxed 2nd time around but nope same old fears.

jamiesc58 · February 2016

@mumblefrog86 I am on my 4th pregnancy and still have the normal pregnancy fears. I don't think that ever changes.

I am scared that our 10 month old (will be 16 months when baby is born) is going to hate the new baby. She is a momma's girl big time. We have puppies at home right now and when I hold one of them she screams until I pick her up too.

1faceinacrowd · February 2016

My biggest fear is that we're going from 2 kids to 3, so we'll officially be outnumbered (at least every other week when we have our two older ones). I'm also worried about my step-son; he's very attached to me and ALWAYS has to sit next to me at home or when we go out to eat and such, so then my daughter wants to sit next to me too because he is (if he doesn't say anything, she's pretty independent and doesn't really care). Now that there will be a third one who will HAVE to sit next to me, I'm not sure what I'll do.
I also worry because my step-son was acting out a lot when he and my DH first moved in and he has just recently (in the last 2 months) really gotten adjusted and into a routine, with a lot less episodes of acting out, and I'm super worried that he's going to start acting out again when the baby comes. He just doesn't do well with change, and his mom is always moving and switching boyfriends so our house is the only stable home he has, and it's about to change big time.

tisunge602 · February 2016

I don't know that it's a fear, just a little anxious about adjusting from one kid to two. My son is a pretty easy kid, so I can honestly say that my days at home with him are pretty chill. But he does NOT like to share and is definitely used to having us all to himself (he'll be almost 3 when this one is born). So I guess just anxious about learning to divide my attention between the two of them and how to smoothly juggle both of their needs. I'm also really hoping I can sync their schedules somewhat so I'm not tied to the house.

Mrsrundell · February 2016

My first thought was heights!! Then I opened the thread haha .. I know this sounds crazy but, I don't really have any fears right now.. I am so ready to be a mom and understand I will be tired and hormonal but, I don't really fear anything about motherhood. I just put it all in gods hands and it gives me great comfort. I'll update everyone once the baby is actually here though! Haha it will prolly be a different story at that point!!

smilormarie · February 2016

1faceinacrowd said:

My biggest fear is that we're going from 2 kids to 3, so we'll officially be outnumbered (at least every other week when we have our two older ones). I'm also worried about my step-son; he's very attached to me and ALWAYS has to sit next to me at home or when we go out to eat and such, so then my daughter wants to sit next to me too because he is (if he doesn't say anything, she's pretty independent and doesn't really care). Now that there will be a third one who will HAVE to sit next to me, I'm not sure what I'll do.
I also worry because my step-son was acting out a lot when he and my DH first moved in and he has just recently (in the last 2 months) really gotten adjusted and into a routine, with a lot less episodes of acting out, and I'm super worried that he's going to start acting out again when the baby comes. He just doesn't do well with change, and his mom is always moving and switching boyfriends so our house is the only stable home he has, and it's about to change big time.

Don't worry. Your 3rd will be all about daddy. You will feel like you don't exist and you will be grateful the older 2 prefer you.

since I've been through it before, I'm dreading the c section. My kiddo is well adjusted so we'll just deal with the jealousy when it arises but after getting 3 years of undivided attention from his parents, one set of grandparents, and 1 uncle due to being the first and only so far, I won't really feel bad to take time for the new baby. This new baby will only get half the attention our first ever did, the way I see it. And I'm kind of dreading getting my tubes tied after only two. My hubby is adamant we're not having anymore. And I know my body can't (shouldn't) do fertility treatments, pregnancy, and c section one more time.... But it will still be really hard.

bearsandbeets7 · February 2016

@smilormarie I like the way you look at that. My DD is the first and only grandchild on both sides so I feel like she will always hold a special place in my parents heart because of it. Thats makes me feel better as far as dividing attention between the two kids.

pelorunningmama · February 2016

I'm worried about finding the energy to parent two children, work full time and be a good wife. I know there will be an adjustment period, but I'm hoping we find our new normal quickly.

BritMC18 · February 2016

We're going to be first time parents and up until two years ago we were not planning on having children at all. After all my friends started having babies, my heart warmed to the idea a bit. My biggest fear is that once this baby comes I'm going to regret having it.

bananers · February 2016

I worry about losing this baby. We have had two losses and that changes everything about pregnancy. Even though we have passed our loss milestones, I think it's knowing just how much it hurts to have that happiness ripped from you that I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I'm afraid of juggling two kids. Having one child was hard. Still is. There are never enough hours in the day, and as a working mom I never feel like I have the whole work/life balance thing down. I always feel like one or both are getting shorted. This is only going to get harder when there are two!

Kjack85 · February 2016

I'm afraid of what this baby means for our marriage and careers (selfish right!?!) This baby is due in August and that's when I'm supposed to start grad school. My husband has a very demanding job where he is constantly gone so idk how all of this will work. It's a tad overwhelming.

Snaps816 · February 2016

My biggest fears (beyond the pregnancy and delivery) are that we won't be happy and/or our marriage will suffer. Or that I will have severe post-partum depression. Or that one day I'll "turn my back just for a second" (as those stories always go) and something terrible will happen to my baby and it will be my fault. Or that we'll fail at parenting in one way or another. But these fears only pop up when I let my mind go to that dark place. I try to remind myself that you don't have to be exceptionally talented, rich, smart, and "together" to raise a child. Millions of people do it all over the world every day.

cm716 · March 2016

my biggest fear is to repeat what happened with my second daughter. I had a very quick labour which was great except that I did not have enough time to get an epidural. so I had to deliver her naturally. I will spare the gory details so as not to scare the ftms but having another natural delivery scares the pants off me.

Hummingbird125 · March 2016

My biggest fear is that our wonderfully perfect (yep, I said it) relationship will finally falter under all the new stresses we'll face as first time parents. From what I've observed, having a baby seems to be a big test for any relationship, and I just hope we continue to work together as well as we always have, and don't resent each other for our respective shortcomings.

the_other_mother · March 2016

Apparently I have a subconscious fear of not being able to breast feed because last night I had a really weird dream that my baby absolutely refused to even go near my breast. (Also baby could talk, it was weird)

Curls919 · March 2016

I'm worried as to how I'll parent two kids. I'm a sahm and I feel lost parenting DS sometimes (and he's in school 3 mornings a week!). Wtf do you do when there's two kids to worry about???

im also afraid about the effect it will have on my marriage. Those first few weeks postpartum were rough. I'm hoping adding another kid to the mix won't take us back there.

JournoGrl23 · March 2016

I'm mostly afraid of losing the baby. I lost my last pregnancy in the first trimester and it upended my world. I knew it was common for first time pregnancies but never thought it would actually happen to me. I can't relax this pregnancy at all and I'm afraid to get too attached in case this one doesn't make it too.

I'm also afraid of becoming a mother. Afraid I won't be good at it. And worried I won't get enough time with my husband after the baby is born. We're already on opposite work schedules and only see each other one day a week on our mutual day off. But having said all that I really can't wait to meet my baby and I'm really looking forward to becoming a mother.

Pepper6 · March 2016

I'm definitely worried about adjusting to 2 kids and how to manage different needs. A big part of that is that I'll also transition into being a full time sahm. Right now, I only work 2 days a week, but I actually look forward to it and getting my 'adult' interaction and feeling like I accomplish something more than getting the dishes done and laundry put away. I'm not sure how I'll keep 2 kids entertained and engaged 5 days a week by myself.

Duffgurl · March 2016

I am terrified of going from 2 to 3. With two at least each child has a parent but with three how do you manage it all? I am also curious to how it will change DH & my relationship. We have not had a date night in a long time. Why you ask. Well we don't have anyone we can trust enough to watch both kids. I've never been one to look to hire a babysitter because of all the crazy people out there. We do manage to make time for us but how will that change when there are 3kids. I am also curious to how much more my body will change. I guess have a couple of fears. In the end I am sure it will all work out but you can't help but wonder.

texasmama2014 · March 2016

Same as most other stm's, balance, etc. pretty worried that the next one won't ever sleep. DD slept great until 6 months, and then didn't sleep well again for a year. She's still not awesome at it. If this one doesn't sleep, I'm screwed.

alyssajrob22 · March 2016

Mine is kind of a situational fear right now. Early Sunday morning, we woke up and the apartment above us was on fire. Bad. I was only able to grab a pair of pants and my wedding rings because the smoke was already bad in our apartment (smoke alarms didn't go off). After they released the scene to us, we literally had an army of our friends and family who went in to help us sort through the damage. It's a freaking miracle, but we are only losing about 10% of our stuff which is a huge relief. I've still spent the past 48 hours crying off and on just from the stress or from how relieved I am that DH, baby, and fur babies are okay.

Our friends are taking us in until we can find a new place, but that still doesn't compare to a home of our own. Not only do I want to be able to go home, but now I'm worried about finding a good home for baby to come home to. I can deal with this, but my baby has to have a home to come back to and this situation just freaks me out right now. Plus I can't find my maternity pants.

tisunge602 · March 2016

@alyssajrob22 Wow, how scary! So thankful it turned out ok. On the bright side, at least it's still early in the pregnancy so you should still have plenty of time to settle yourselves in a new home before baby is here. Glad you're getting a lot of support from friends. Hang in there.

cait5413 · March 2016

My biggest fear is that baby will be late. I'm due Aug 4, starting a new job Aug 21 (no maternity leave), so I really need baby to come on time, or preferably early.

Also worried about an emergency c-section--my mom had one with my brother and then a scheduled c-section with me because her pelvic bones were too narrow. If that's going to happen, I'd rather just have it scheduled.

Worried that I will not be able to be a good employee or a good mom because of going back to work so soon and the sleep deprivation. And about putting baby in day care.

Worried about an episiotomy and moreso about post-partum depression; especially since my husband has anxiety problems, so I'm already worried this could send him into a spiral, and then if I do have PPD, he won't be able to give me the help I need.

Also wondering how this will change our marriage, since we are moving to a new state, both getting new jobs, buying a house that needs to be fixed up, and having a baby this year--it's a lot of change at once.

But I really am excited too!

bearsandbeets7 · March 2016

cait5413 said:

My biggest fear is that baby will be late. I'm due Aug 4, starting a new job Aug 21 (no maternity leave), so I really need baby to come on time, or preferably early.

Also worried about an emergency c-section--my mom had one with my brother and then a scheduled c-section with me because her pelvic bones were too narrow. If that's going to happen, I'd rather just have it scheduled.

Worried that I will not be able to be a good employee or a good mom because of going back to work so soon and the sleep deprivation. And about putting baby in day care.

Worried about an episiotomy and moreso about post-partum depression; especially since my husband has anxiety problems, so I'm already worried this could send him into a spiral, and then if I do have PPD, he won't be able to give me the help I need.

Also wondering how this will change our marriage, since we are moving to a new state, both getting new jobs, buying a house that needs to be fixed up, and having a baby this year--it's a lot of change at once.

But I really am excited too!

Do you already have a daycare set up? Most daycares don't accept baby's until they are 6 weeks old, at least where I'm at they don't.

SkiChic626 · March 2016

I have several....
1) DD will be jealous and we won't know how to handle it. She'll have just turned 2, so she really won't understand until the baby is here and she sees him.
2) How the heck we're going to afford daycare for 2 kids at once. We're really going to be sooooo tight on money for a long time unless one of us gets a new job or promotion.
3) PPD - I didn't get it with DD until I went back to work and my milk dried up, I was in a bad way and it wasn't fun. Not being able to control you emotions and actions is so terrifying.
4) Making sure DD still feels the love and attention that she does now. I actually had my first real bout of guilt about this last night - I didn't want to put her to bed, I just wanted to cuddle and hold her all night. I was crying about it for a while until 27 Dresses was on and I got to look at James Marsden - so dreamy!
5) Whether DH is going to be able to handle two kids when I have to travel for work. I love my job and I'm not ready to give it up - I've only been in this role for a year now, so it's still relatively new for me and I have a lot more to learn before I'll be ready to move on.

lalalorelai · March 2016

I'm a FTM so literally everything scares me. The big "rational" fears right now are how I'm going to juggle everything (starting a high pressure new job either right before or right after the baby comes, I'll get 4 weeks at the very most of leave), being sleep deprived, not being able to breastfeed, putting too much strain on H and my relationship, and just overall being a bad mother. It would kill me if I ever did anything that led to my baby getting hurt. I'm also worried about my 3 dogs. They're my babies and fairly well-behaved, but I'm worried they're going to get jealous or feel displaced.

Totally irrational fear: I'm worried H will miss the birth. No clue where this one came from as he's very dependable and rarely travels without me. But somehow I got it in my head that H will be out of town or stranded somewhere and miss our baby's birth. Thanks, pregnancy brain.

Pepper6 · March 2016

Ooh...sleep is another one. DD didn't sleep through the night until literally the week before her first birthday, and even at nearly 21 months old, she still has at least one wake-up most nights (it just usually happens right before DH and I go to bed, so we at least tend to get a full night of sleep). I really, really, REALLY hope that this one is a better sleeper, it's my turn to get the magical unicorn child that sttn at 6 weeks old.

cait5413 · March 2016

lalalorelai said:

I'm a FTM so literally everything scares me. The big "rational" fears right now are how I'm going to juggle everything (starting a high pressure new job either right before or right after the baby comes, I'll get 4 weeks at the very most of leave), being sleep deprived, not being able to breastfeed, putting too much strain on H and my relationship, and just overall being a bad mother. It would kill me if I ever did anything that led to my baby getting hurt. I'm also worried about my 3 dogs. They're my babies and fairly well-behaved, but I'm worried they're going to get jealous or feel displaced.

Totally irrational fear: I'm worried H will miss the birth. No clue where this one came from as he's very dependable and rarely travels without me. But somehow I got it in my head that H will be out of town or stranded somewhere and miss our baby's birth. Thanks, pregnancy brain.

I'm also worried about our dog. DH and I are taking a Dogs and Babies class at the SPCA next weekend.

cait5413 · March 2016

Lynnlove28 said:

cait5413 said:

. And about putting baby in day care.

Do you already have a daycare set up? Most daycares don't accept baby's until they are 6 weeks old, at least where I'm at they don't.

Yes, I know the baby can't go to daycare til 6 weeks. In-laws will come to help out for a bit. I'm on a waitlist for a daycare very close to my work, and they think they will have a spot for us. Trying to figure out daycare in a city where we don't yet live has been super fun, let me tell you.

kiwico14 · March 2016

SkiChic626 said:

I have several....
1) DD will be jealous and we won't know how to handle it. She'll have just turned 2, so she really won't understand until the baby is here and she sees him.
2) How the heck we're going to afford daycare for 2 kids at once. We're really going to be sooooo tight on money for a long time unless one of us gets a new job or promotion.
3) PPD - I didn't get it with DD until I went back to work and my milk dried up, I was in a bad way and it wasn't fun. Not being able to control you emotions and actions is so terrifying.
4) Making sure DD still feels the love and attention that she does now. I actually had my first real bout of guilt about this last night - I didn't want to put her to bed, I just wanted to cuddle and hold her all night. I was crying about it for a while until 27 Dresses was on and I got to look at James Marsden - so dreamy!

This ^^^

SkiChic626 · March 2016

*****TRIGGER WARNING*****

So to add to my normal rational fears, this morning the very first thing in my fb feed was an announcement that a college friend had a stillbirth at 37 weeks last week. My mom also had one at 38 weeks, so it's something that while terrible to hear regardless, particularly hits close to home with me. I immediately got up and grabbed my doppler, but this feeling and fear and totally consuming me now today. I had the fear with DD, too, but not until the end when my parents started to get paranoid since that's when it happened to them. I can't even imagine :-(

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