Unhappy with husband

Re: Unhappy with husband

• barrelocarol member

  March 2016 edited March 2016

  I just want to say what you're feeling is normal and don't let anyone make you feel weird about it. 
  
  The power of hormones is very strong could be impacting you. While I'm not suffering from PPD, I see a counselor bc I want to increase the level of harmony in my life. 
  
  There are a lot of free or low-cost resources, if you're able to find one near you. I'll join your support system!

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• BrittnieMariee member

  March 2016

  You definitely aren't the only one. Lately I feel more like we're roommates, not husband and wife. It's awful. There is no romance or affection in our relationship anymore. Hoping it's just a phase and that it passes soon..

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• booksandcleverness81 member

  March 2016

  You're not the only one! Hubby and I haven't gotten back in our groove since having the baby for a lot of reasons. Probably the biggest is that he will not sleep in the same room as LO and I or be woken up at night if I sleep with him with a monitor on for LO. We just don't have any intimacy any more. I think we need to talk about our needs and worries with them more, so they know how much of a priority that relationship is. I think it's easy for them to see our relationship with LO as taking over and there not being room for them anymore. Sounds like we all need a date night! 

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• mwertalik member

  March 2016

  I'm right there with you. My husband and I are essentially roommates. It sucks. I am so exhausted from work and taking care of LO that, at the moment, I have little to give to our relationship. I am having difficulties with his family and I feel like I do about 80% of the baby care and I resent it. Its not like he's doing anything wrong per se, I'm just annoyed by him. 

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• apiland member

  March 2016

  I try so hard to not be annoyed. I do 98% of housework and at least 80% of baby work. I also work part time. While I know I don't work at many hours as he does, he doesn't help me at all and I resent him for it. I try so hard not to, but I have asked for help and it works for a few days then back to normal. I have given up on him and feel like if he really cared about me, he would help. Things have been rough, hope they get better for all of us!

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• JoanneD210 member

  March 2016

  Thank you all for sharing. I am over the moon happy and love my daughter and all my time with her but I just feel so miserable when my husband is home. I don't understand how they don't offer after they see how tired we are. I don't feel understood or that my feelings are ever a factor... Maybe that is why I get so upset. I do feel like I resent him too. Ugh... I hope it gets better for all of us too. Have any of you talked about this with so?

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• BrittnieMariee member

  March 2016

  I've talked about it a little. We tried having DH do a MOTN feeding and it was a disaster so he hasn't tried again. I'm so exhausted after doing 99% of the work for 5.5 months. I think we need to have another talk because I'm so over feeling like I'm all alone. 

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• blizmark member

  March 2016

  DH and I joke about being "roomies" constantly because that's definitely how it feels most of the time. After DD is asleep at night and we have "alone" time, we just sit on the couch and don't even talk.
  
  DH and I share the load pretty equally; we both work and alternate days, so one of us stays home with DD while the other works, then we switch. (Except DH is a firefighter so it's more random than every other day.) Whoever is home attempts to do whatever needs done around the house, and DH actually gets way more done than I do because he will let DD fuss longer than I will and DD lets DH put her down more often than she lets me. 
  
  All of that said, despite DH and I sharing work work, baby work, and housework pretty equally, we still have absolutely no time for each other; snap at each other constantly; are about as intimate as a box of crackers; and feel like roommates.
  
  We do talk about all of this, at least every other week, and have come to the conclusion that this is just how it's going to be. We're still trying to figure out how to be parents, and how to fit this new role in with the roles of husband and wife. We hope that it will get better as DD gets older and more able to entertain herself, but have pretty much agreed that we just need to stick it out. Not very encouraging, I know

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• ElleMF728 member

  March 2016

  BrittnieMariee said:

  I've talked about it a little. We tried having DH do a MOTN feeding and it was a disaster so he hasn't tried again. I'm so exhausted after doing 99% of the work for 5.5 months. I think we need to have another talk because I'm so over feeling like I'm all alone. 

  What works for us is if DH gets up with the kids on the weekend.  That way I can still get some extra sleep and MOTN continues to go smoothly.  It is more frustrating for both of us when he does MOTN, I'm awake anyway and TBH I've got a system that works and I don't want anyone screwing it up lol. It ends up being a really nice trade off  
  
  Its natural to have some difficulty adjusting to a new baby.  Even when DS2 was born DH and I had a rough month where we argued frequently.  It can be really important to at least try to see the situation from your partner's point of view.  I need a break, I'm home with the kids all day long and up at night as well but DH works all day and then helps out at home and needs a break occasionally.  Open communication is what gets us through.  I frequently tell DH I'm taking off for a few hours on Saturday by myself I never lie and say I'm doing x, y or z.  Sometimes I just tell him I want to drive around and listen to my music loudly by myself.  He doesn't give me a hard time because he knows I need that in order to continue to be a good (and patient) wife and mother.  That time allows me to take the nights he has to work late in stride, it allows me to be okay with soccer games on Monday nights.  
  
  This weekend he booked me an appointment at the spa and exchanged it for a golf outing with his friends next Sunday.  Win/win, everyone is happy including the kids who benefit from having parents who aren't about to have a mental breakdown.  There are weeks when the work isn't divided evenly, its never going to be "fair" but we try to make an effort to pick up the slack for one another when its possible. 

  

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• wilcoxev member

  March 2016

  Same issues here. My DH helps out a ton with our son but I still get annoyed with him. I feel bad but sometimes everything he does annoys the shit out of me. I'm blaming it on being new parents but I hope it goes away soon because he doesn't always deserve my wrath lol.

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