September 2015 Moms
BrittnieMariee
member
Giving it a Shot
BrittnieMariee
member
I posted a while ago about the issue I'm having with my ILs. Tonight we're going to their house for dinner. We've asked them to turn the thermostat down before we get there so it isn't boiling. They've gotten a second hand bouncer for him to sit in that they've supposedly cleaned (not sure if it'll pass my FTM-germophobe inspection so we'll see, I may bring our bouncer as a back up). And I'm trying not to dread it too much. It's been so hard to have a good time around them lately and I know I'm the problem with that. It just hasn't sat well with me how little they've done for their grandson. But anyway, wish me luck! Hopefully DS doesn't scream and cry the whole time we're there like he's been doing for the past few months!
Re: Giving it a Shot
But she's a grown ass woman who needs to remember that babies are babies and sometimes they do weird stuff. Like eat their hands. Or get mad when the milk stops coming because they popped off the nipple. Also, your child hasn't really developed object permenance yet let alone be able to comprehend you talking badly about your inlaws.
In short: she's looney tunes.
Have a a glass of wine and congratulate yourself on not calling her on it.
Keep doing what your doing - trying to support a relationship between your child and his grandparents. If she starts talking loco, remind her that he is a BABY, development, etc, etc. BUT in the end - you can't control her reactions and likely won't have great success, but you can control how much energy you give it/it upsets you. It is totally bonkers for her to be soooooo upset (I get being bummed, but in such a major way?! Crazy!), so shrug it off and don't bother trying to fix it - you won't win. If she goes on and on - you could literally just change the subject or get up and leave the room. Her inability to reason is so not your problem. You already have one baby to take care of
Your MIL sounds crazy like mine. I wonder why her psychiatrist didn't tell her to chill out. Hopefully you can tune her out and just make it through the times you have to deal with her. I try to tell myself that I don't have to see my ILs very often, so I just have to deal with it for a few hours when I do see them, because I know I need to for my son. Doesn't mean it's easy haha. Hope they get better!!
@bnwillia3 I have been putting a lot of thought and effort into this. The only family I have is my mom and it's very tough on us. Growing up I was pretty close to my grandparents and I have some very fond memories of them. I want that for my LO. It kills me that she seems to be holding it against him that he's going through this. I have to reassure her every time that it's not personal. I'm definitely to the point that if she doesn't understand that by now then maybe she shouldn't see him for a while so she doesn't get so upset. There's no telling when this phase will pass and I really can't hold my tongue much longer while she "blames" my child for something he can't control.
@aw8611 oh, she is. There's definitely a reason she sees a psychiatrist. She's usually sweet, just a little over the top. I think she has good intentions, thankfully. I'm also wondering why her doctor didn't explain stranger anxiety to her?? And my ILs live literally 10 minutes away. They try to see us at least once a week. I've seen them twice this week. MIL is convinced I hate her because I don't want to go over to their house and watch them hold my screaming baby while they try to soothe him. I have to reach over and take him from them, then go into another room and calm him down. Of course I want to minimize that as much as I can!! I don't like seeing him upset!
If that's the case, then I think it would help if your little guy was in his own, familiar space when he sees her. It might help?
Goid luck!
@yellowbean15 I'm definitely learning to deal with the crazy! It's been such a process lol I'm trying so hard to make an effort. I doubt she'll even notice, but maybe she will?? I feel like we were closer before I had LO and I'm not really sure what happened. She just says and does stuff with him that bothers me. That's probably what started it.