Life After Miscarriage

Jwils101 · February 2016

No matter how early in pregnancy, losing a baby causes you to feel something you can't quite describe. I've talked with my husband, family, and close friends, and they've been a wonderful support system but not everyone truly understands. My husband and I have been together 7 years and married last summer. We recently decided to start a family and found out we were expecting in late January. We were so thrilled and couldn't wait to begin this next adventure together. The first couple of weeks came and went with the typical pregnancy symptoms and I told my mom and sister the big news. They joined in our excitment and as we got closer to our first appointment we couldn't wait to see our little miracle. The excitement quickly turned to concern as I started spotting and then bleeding. We called the midwife and went through what many have when it comes to monitoring hcg levels and they continued to increase, but only slightly. After about 5 days of this it was clear something wasn't right and I miscarried. That night was the most difficult I've ever had. Even though we only knew about the pregnancy for a few weeks we still started to envision our future as a family of three. We were very much looking forward to picking out names, decorating the nursery and of course sharing the news with all of our loved ones. All of this faded in a matter of hours and we had to come to terms with what happened. You have to completely change your mindset from being so incredibly happy to understanding this happened for a reason and coping, one day at a time. I know many of you have gone through similar situations and can relate. Reading through similar stories has been so helpful in the grieving and coping process which is exactly why these forums exist. I've read through countless articles and blogs about miscarriage and it is truly wonderful that so many women share their stories. Miscarriage is a very real thing that impacts so many.

roxgibbons · February 2016

I am so sorry for your loss. At any stage, pregnancy loss is devastating. Starting to plan and looking dowaed to the future is so normal and it's what we're supposed to do when we find out we're expecting. I lost my little one last week at 10w. I am still trying to make sense of what happened and am still in shock how a week ago I was pregnant and under the impression all was good to now no longer pregnant and going through the grief process. As terrible as it is that we are all going through this, reading the stories and the words of kindness and encouragement on this board are so helpful. Be kind to your self. Sending you hugs.

BrightenMySky · February 2016

I am so sorry for your loss. You are right that it impacts many people, and that does not make that "fine one minute, not the next" news any less devastating, but hopefully there can be some comfort in sharing our stories and remembering our lost little ones. Hugs.

Jwils101 · February 2016

Thank you for the kind words. Im so sorry for your loss as well. It is comforting that others truly understand. The hardest part is trying to not think about what could of been and focusing on the future while coping with the present. I have a feeling things will get better with time but we will always remember our little ones.

danica01 · February 2016

My heart aches you love. This was my first pregnancy after multiple FET's and also my first loss. The pain we feel is immense and deafening to say the least. I keep wishing I could just go back to the one moment when we found out our lives were changing and our dreams of being parents were in fact coming true. I waited for my HCG to continue to double for an entire week before we shared our news with the select few. I was even told that I needed to line up my OBGYN appointment and I would shortly graduate from my infertility clinic. So much hope, like you said, stolen in one simple moment in time. One we continue to relive over and over as we process our loss.

I truly feel that we as mamas bond with our babies the minute we see that magic line we so desperately waited for to pop up. Once it does it is all over for us. We infact fall in love with our growing little one and dream of the next amazing nine months and what our lives will look like this time next year.I think we mourn twice as much. We mourn the loss of our baby and once the miscarriage is complete we go on to mourn the loss of being pregnant .

In my mind and experience there is no loss to early. You feel pain no matter when the little one left you and you will remember them for the rest of your life. One thing I have learned from some of the bravest souls I have met on here is that not matter how we each choose to mourn our lost little ones it is normal because it is what YOU feel and no one can dictate that. Once the miscarriage occurs it doesn't just wipe your heart clean and give you a new start. It is a process that will come at you in waves. You will find yourself crying over things that trigger your emotions. I saw a woman with a baby bump today and had to get in my car and go because I was broken once more.

Feel your grief, do not rush your grief and never be afraid to tell us how you are feeling or what you are doing. The love and compassion you will find here is the most amazing blanket you can cover yourself in. We found out a week ago and I am thankful I started to pass tissue Friday night and slowly it is coming to an end. Since we found out I can not sleep in the dark and I can not be around my friends who are expecting. The friends I have made on here reassured me that I am normal and my grief will be mine alone but others have walked this terrible path before us and can help guide us. Also, the best advice I was given was to find a way to memorialize your lost little one. Some plant trees and others wear awareness pens and I myself am having a hand stamped necklace made. Just something we can carry with us each day to remind us that once upon a time we were mama's and we had a child. Here is a book I am reading and it is helping. It is fiction but is a story about miscarriage and infant loss.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005IHAMCQ/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1

We are here for you night and day and lean on us when you need someone to be strong for you.

Life After Miscarriage

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