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October 2015 Moms
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Depressed husband

kayce49kayce49 member
in October 2015 Moms
I feel like I'm losing my husband. 
We're have always been really close, the relationship has been, for the most part, effortless. When our son was born he was overjoyed. But, after two weeks he slipped into a depression and I can't get him out of it. He's irritable, at everyone. He's tired. I just don't know. I can't seem to get through to him. I think he's miserable with the life that we have right now and he resents our son for it. 
I'm on the couch crying right now because our baby woke up screaming and won't sleep if he's not being held. (4 month sleep regression). And my husband is in bed, probably not really sleeping. I know he's annoyed that the baby cried and woke us up. I know he's ashamed that he's mad at the baby. I know he's hurting but I can't help him and the baby at the same time. 
I don't know what to do. I'm sad and I'm scared. I miss my husband. 
I don't know what to do. All I want is to go back to the bedroom and talk to him, work this out, and figure out how to get back on track. Or just hold him and tell him I love him. But, if I put the baby down and he cries it's going to make things worse. Please pray for us. 
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Re: Depressed husband

  • danniellemichelledanniellemichelle member
    I am so sorry you and your husband are going through this. I am totally praying for you guys and will continue to do so :heart: 
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  • AiramJAiramJ member
    That's really sad. I have heard about PPD in men. Have you mentioned it to him? It sound like he was in a high when baby was born and then the feelings changed. Sounds like depression. I think he needs to speak to his doctor and get help for it asap. Keep trying to talk to each other, because guessing what the reason might be or what he is thinking and feeling is not going to help but make things worse. You need to keep positive for the baby. Things will get better. Depression is a b***h! Trust me, I was there pre baby myself. Positive thinking and meds helped me!
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  • sarapagansarapagan member
    I'm so sorry you are going through this. Babies and their phases are a constant adjustment. Having this new little person in your house is certainly going to change your relationship. I havent been through this to this degree--but we have had to work through lots of changes in our relationship by having two children and it hasnt always been easy. Please know that I am praying for you also and hope everything works out for you guys. 
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  • gardensparrowgardensparrow member
    Oh, my heart goes out to you. I know you want to be celebrating the arrival of your baby right now, and not worrying about your husband. And helping a depressed spouse is not easy. Do you think he would ever be willing to consider some counseling? That's usually one of the most effective ways to get through times like this. Or there's some suggestions in this article (https://bit.ly/20ZmGCr) that may give you some guidance. But, in the meantime, I'll certainly keep your family in my prayers!
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  • s&jeggertons&jeggerton member
    edited February 2016
    I'm praying for you. I'm going through something similar myself. My husband was so excited when our daughter was born. However the excitement soon faded and he is working longer hours and going out to the garage as soon as he gets home. There have been whole days where he hasn't even held our daughter. This has led to a lot of resentment and arguments between us. I feel your pain.
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  • trishee13trishee13 member
    While this is really hard for me to admit I went through really bad PPD after having my LO and  this sounds a lot like that. I would go to bed the minute my husband got home. I never got up at night. I would slam doors, scream at my husband and parents (which is sooo unlike me), I was just miserable. I thought she ruined our lives. 
    My mom had to DRAG me to my doctor. I was so embarrassed and sad and I just didn't want to admit to anyone that that's what was going on (even though everyone around me could tell, I stormed out of her baptism crying because I couldn't get her car seat buckled). I tried counseling, did nothing. He put me on medication a couple weeks before Xmas and WOW things are SO MUCH BETTER. So much better, total 180. It's going to be really hard to convince him to go see a doctor, so tread lightly, but you really should- whether it is counseling or medicine (counseling works really well for some people, just not for me). I wish I had gone sooner because now I can finally enjoy my husband and baby. 

    Either way, good luck! It is not easy to deal with. Looking back, I don't know how my husband put up with me. It will get better.
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  • kayce49kayce49 member
    Thanks to everyone for their honesty and support. Know that I am praying for you all as well and I'm so glad to have a community of people who I can reach out to when I'm struggling. Thank you. I can't say how much it means to me.
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  • LiviSalvatoLiviSalvato member
    I actually logged in to the community board today to see if anyone else posted about this. My daughter was born Oct.9, by Christmas time I knew we were in trouble. My DD father and I weren't really speaking, he would go to work and come home and go to sleep. Finally on NY day he told me he'd been unhappy since she was born. We haven't been together since that day. He does make time to see her now, but we still aren't living together. I've asked him if he thinks he has PPD and he swears he doesn't and refuses to get help. I want us to be a family again but I'm afraid things have changed too much now- and I don't see him the same way. 
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  • babykitcatbabykitcat member
    This exact thing happened to me.   We have been apart almost a month now.   I held on a little longer then I should have.   I know what you mean about wanting your family together but also not sure about your feelings.  
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  • millette2015millette2015 member
    My DH developed anxiety and depression after the birth of our son. I felt like I had completely lost him. It was a really difficult couple of months for both of us. He eventually had a panic attack while at work, which scared him enough to get some help. Since then he has started medication and gone through counselling, and my wonderful dh is back. He tells me that it's like night and day for him, in terms of how he was feeling, and that me expressing my concern that he might have anxiety/depression so often was what prompted him to finally get help. I really encourage you to express your concerns to your husband. And express them again. And again. A lot of men resist getting help for things like depression (maybe they think it's a weakness? I don't know. It's crazy). I really encourage you to express your concerns to him though, and maybe start with counselling for the two of you. 
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  • shannons913shannons913 member
    The same thing happened to us. Once we got the baby in his own room we were able to stay up and enjoy time for ourselves before bed and our sexual relationship got better to. Things get better. I hope everything works out with everyone it is very hard to not be in a great place with your spouse. I wish the best for all of you.
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