How are you hiding your pregnancy from friends?

annabenanna · February 2016

This weekend I'm going on a girl's trip to Joshua Tree with 7 of my girlfriends. The plan is: lots of wine, a nice hike or two, lots of board games.

I'm wondering if you all have tips for me on how I'm going to pass on the wine. I feel like if it were a 3 hour party, I'd be able to get away with nursing a glass the entire night without drinking anything.... but I'm gonna be with my super observant girlfriends for an entire weekend. I wonder how I'd be able to hide my super sensitive nose, not drinking and the occasional gagging.

Any tips?

BabySunshine4 · February 2016

Can you take your own bottle of sparkling grape juice with you and just drink that instead?

missteacherlady16 · February 2016

Would it be possible to just tell them that you're cutting back because of dieting? Take your own bottles of wine...get ones with the screw off tops instead of corks and fill it with grape juice.

Tbh, I've significantly cut back on drinking prior to my BFP, for no other reason than it kind of lost its appeal to me. I go through phases where it's like OMG I LOVE BEER or OMG I LOVE WHITE WINE and other times when i'm like EW ALCOHOL so I mean...you can just use something like that. And if they get really pushy with it, tell them to mind their own damn business

annabenanna · February 2016

@BabySunshine4 and @missteacherlady16 , i'd take my own bottle.... but we always as a rule: bring two bottles each to share. Ha.

So if I do bring my own bottle with grape juice, they'd all drink from that bottle too. Maybe I'll have a secret bottle with me, and just go to the bathroom and pour myself a glass and pretend it is wine.

housewifehobbyist · February 2016

I've told one friend, because it was the only acceptable reason for cancelling on her wedding a week beforehand (it's in Mexico and Zika and all). I drink beer a lot, and I've found it easy to dump the beer (usually into a glass for H), rinse the bottle out, refill with seltzer, and just sip from that, refilling as needed. Other than that, taking along something like grape juice that looks like wine, filling your glass privately, and sipping from it might work! But hopefully even if they suspect something they'll know not to ask until you're ready to announce it yourself.

annabenanna · February 2016

ah, if i loved beer @housewifehobbyist , it would be easier. I like the idea of filling my glass privately with grape juice.

If only my friends knew not to ask.... that is so not what would happen!

Blonde1817 · February 2016

Maybe bring an (already open) bottle of vodka to share and some soda water and lemons... And just pretend to poor the vodka in your glass. Or offer to make fancy cocktails for all the ladies and conveniently forget to put the booze in yours.

wegme27 · February 2016

We kind of had a similar thing this weekend with our friends, no drinking but we were helping them move so I didn't want to look like a total lazy butt not lifting anything heavy and only moving light loads. We ended up just telling them.

JDMRS · February 2016

I'm using the antibiotics lie this weekend when I go to see my BFF. Stubborn sinus infection?

PeggyOlsonFTW · February 2016

If they're close friends and you trust them to keep a secret, I'd just tell them.

But, if you absolutely don't want to tell all of them, could you just tell one? That way, that person could help you fake drinking and help cover for any illness/absence.

depineta · February 2016

Oh, @annabenannaI completely feel for you and agree with @PeggyOlsonFTW's suggestions.
We've been planning a girls' weekend for months and it was scheduled for this past weekend. The entire plan was to drink wine in the hotel room and visit various breweries. I ended up just telling them and swearing them to secrecy. This was also helpful because I threw up in the hotel bathroom. Good luck!

mizzkbrat · February 2016

I used the I gave up drinking for Lent excuse.

2015dee · February 2016

It's SO hard. I totally get it! If you don't feel comfortable telling them, I would probably do one of the tricks already discussed (either soda water "with vodka" or sneak off to pour grape juice in your wine glass. When we've gone out to dinner with friends, DH has excused himself and chased down our server to tell them to bring me a fake drink. That's worked so far.

One of my friends just told me last week that she's like 10.5 weeks pregnant, and I am finding it so hard not to tell her!

gatorMom2014 · February 2016

mizzkbrat said:

I used the I gave up drinking for Lent excuse.

Brilliant

nsquaredlife13 · February 2016

I just told my friends because passing on a margarita for our monthly girls night out is a sign. Last pregnancy for me and two of my girlfriends, it gave us away. Can't you just tell them?

ETA: Sorry I just read above. So if you aren't comfortable telling them, just say you've got a cold, be the designated driver, say you gave up booze for lent, etc.

annabenanna · February 2016

Maybe I'm scared to tell them because I feel like I'm "jinxing" myself. Sounds dumb, doesn't it?

simcal18 · February 2016

annabenanna said:

Maybe I'm scared to tell them because I feel like I'm "jinxing" myself. Sounds dumb, doesn't it?

Not dumb at all, and not wanting to tell them until 12 weeks (or whenever you're comfortable) is an entirely valid position. The weight loss, antibiotics, Lent, and/or drink swap options suggested are all totally valid ways to keep things under wraps for now. If somebody gets suspicious and does a "OMG YOU ARE TOTES KU!!!!!!!," just smile at them and say "oh please! But we have news to report, you'll be the first to know." Then change the subject.

missteacherlady16 · February 2016

annabenanna said:

Maybe I'm scared to tell them because I feel like I'm "jinxing" myself. Sounds dumb, doesn't it?

I think it's an understandable feeling and I've definitely have it...but you also have to be logical about this.

Unfortunately, if a loss is going to happen, it's going to happen. Telling facebook or keeping it a secret won't change that fact. Of course, I understand the concern of having to update all those people should the worst happen, but if they're really good friends, it's actually a great support system to have in place.

Ultimately, you have to do what you feel most comfortable with. I don't think it's necessary to tell them ALL, but if you have one or two you can confide in, they can help cover it up so that you don't look so suspicious.

I will say that it's annoying that friends would be that prying, though I know I have a few that would be the same way. Sometimes there is a reason that you are not drinking and sometimes you're not comfortable discussing it yet. If they're friends, they should just let it go until you're ready to talk.

PeggyOlsonFTW · February 2016

annabenanna said:

Maybe I'm scared to tell them because I feel like I'm "jinxing" myself. Sounds dumb, doesn't it?

**loss mentioned**

That's not dumb at all. I get where you're coming from. But, god forbid, if you did suffer a loss... would you be able to get through it without their support? I've told my three best friends about all my pregnancies right away because I wouldn't have been able to get through my losses without them.

blaf322 · February 2016

annabenanna said:

This weekend I'm going on a girl's trip to Joshua Tree with 7 of my girlfriends. The plan is: lots of wine, a nice hike or two, lots of board games.

I'm wondering if you all have tips for me on how I'm going to pass on the wine. I feel like if it were a 3 hour party, I'd be able to get away with nursing a glass the entire night without drinking anything.... but I'm gonna be with my super observant girlfriends for an entire weekend. I wonder how I'd be able to hide my super sensitive nose, not drinking and the occasional gagging.

Any tips?

Don't worry! I have answers for you! First, buy some FRE brand champagne. It's non-alcoholic but tastes like the real deal, I swear! What you can do is get a couple of SodaStream bottles (or whatever kind of screw on cap bottle you have) and pre-make mimosas for everyone in said bottles so they don't see the label. Tell them you tied one on recently and haven't been feeling like drinking wine since so you brought some mimosas that you're going to just sip on.

My friend really wanted some of my mimosa during a get together. I poured her a glass and she LOVED it! None the wiser.

And in in case you're worried about the less than half a percent of alcohol in non-alcoholic champs, one bottle is the equivalent to one ounce of regular wine (12-14% ABV). I double checked the okay-ness with my MD and he said it's totally fine. Have fun!

smmatt08 · February 2016

mizzkbrat said:

I used the I gave up drinking for Lent excuse.

This. Or that you gave it up for the New Year, a New Year's Resolution.

coffee89 · February 2016

We made plans a while ago to go out of state to visit a friend for his birthday, the plan involves a bar because we are leaving our son with MIL. I plan on telling him and letting him know I'm still on the down low and not really telling anyone for two more weeks. He will be happy for us, keep our secret and I'll DD for everyone. I don't see the point in stressing over fake wine or sparkling water when you are with people who you know love you.

annabenanna · February 2016

Thank you ladies! I'm torn, because like you all said, they ARE true friends and I can see how if something bad were to happen, I would need their support.

On the other hand, part of me wants to wait.

I think what I'll do is say I'm on antibiotics for a sinus infection (brilliant idea!) and can't drink for 7 days till I'm done with the antibiotics cycle.

I'll probably also tell two of my closest friends who are going.

I appreciate all your ideas, comments and support!

nsquaredlife13 · February 2016

annabenanna said:

Maybe I'm scared to tell them because I feel like I'm "jinxing" myself. Sounds dumb, doesn't it?

Not dumb at all! I only suggested it because it may be less stress on you, which is overall better for the baby. Also, having a support system is really helpful should there be a loss, and if all goes well it's even more exciting having a secret with friends. I don't know how close you are with these particular friends, but you should certainly do whatever makes you comfortable.

nsquaredlife13 · February 2016

Another suggestion... can you tell them you're TTC and you want to abstain from Alcohol for a while?

simcal18 · February 2016

coffee89 said:

We made plans a while ago to go out of state to visit a friend for his birthday, the plan involves a bar because we are leaving our son with MIL. I plan on telling him and letting him know I'm still on the down low and not really telling anyone for two more weeks. He will be happy for us, keep our secret and I'll DD for everyone. I don't see the point in stressing over fake wine or sparkling water when you are with people who you know love you.

"The point" is that she may not feel comfortable talking about her pregnancy yet, even with people that she knows love her. "The point" is that she may want some stress-free fun girl time this weekend instead of dropping the "BFP bomb," which is likely to make her the center of attention and lead to a weekend full of baby name/sex/due date/parenting chatter that she may or may not want. "The point" is that she may want to tell parents and/or other family members about the pregnancy before she tells her friends, so if she tells these friends then she may feel like she has to tell other people before the weekend happens. No, she doesn't HAVE to tell these friends about her pregnancy -- but wanting to not tell them is an entirely valid position.

I've had friends tell me literally the day after the BFP. I've had friends wait to tell me until well after 12 weeks. Neither is right or wrong -- it's up to each individual/couple, there are very good reasons to either tell or to wait, and I think there is room to be understanding of everyone's individual viewpoint on this issue.

Paturkey · February 2016

It looks like you've already got lots of good advice! I used the antibiotics line when I went with friends on a week-long ski holiday at 8 or 9 weeks. They bought it and just felt sorry for me that I couldn't indulge with them

Have fun!

dcfountain1 · February 2016

I just went on a weekend mountain trip with a group of friends and faced the same issue. People definitely noticed and asked but I told them I had another kidney infection (had one a few months ago) and was antibiotics again so I couldn't drink.

coffee89 · February 2016

simcal18 said:

coffee89 said:

We made plans a while ago to go out of state to visit a friend for his birthday, the plan involves a bar because we are leaving our son with MIL. I plan on telling him and letting him know I'm still on the down low and not really telling anyone for two more weeks. He will be happy for us, keep our secret and I'll DD for everyone. I don't see the point in stressing over fake wine or sparkling water when you are with people who you know love you.

"The point" is that she may not feel comfortable talking about her pregnancy yet, even with people that she knows love her. "The point" is that she may want some stress-free fun girl time this weekend instead of dropping the "BFP bomb," which is likely to make her the center of attention and lead to a weekend full of baby name/sex/due date/parenting chatter that she may or may not want. "The point" is that she may want to tell parents and/or other family members about the pregnancy before she tells her friends, so if she tells these friends then she may feel like she has to tell other people before the weekend happens. No, she doesn't HAVE to tell these friends about her pregnancy -- but wanting to not tell them is an entirely valid position.

I've had friends tell me literally the day after the BFP. I've had friends wait to tell me until well after 12 weeks. Neither is right or wrong -- it's up to each individual/couple, there are very good reasons to either tell or to wait, and I think there is room to be understanding of everyone's individual viewpoint on this issue.

Calm it down. "The point" was my opion on myself with my history and various other thing you wouldn't know.. I could not care less what anyone else does regarding telling people, just like you don't care what I do. I am not going to walk on eggshells because you don't like what I believe. You get an opion, I get an opinion, OP gets an opinion and everyone gets to share.

If I offended OP she can tell me and I will apologize to her.

Kaytee1087 · February 2016

Why didn't I think of the antibiotics excuse last weekend? I went to my cousin's bachelorette party (I'm the MOH) at an indoor water park. There was lots of wine and frozen drinks from the bar, but I just said I get motion sickness (not a lie) and that it doesn't mix well with alcohol. One of my other cousins asked if I was pregnant, and I just said, "I could be, the timing is right" and left it at that. It seemed to work, although I did tell the bride I was PG because I was worried I would need backup for my not-boozing. It all worked out in the end though and nobody really bothered me about it, which was nice.

I hope your antibiotics/fake drink combo works out for you!

cassloumy · February 2016

Oh, man, I'm known for being a drinker, and I play a sport known for drinking. So, at this point I'm starting to feel like an expert in pretending to drink It's the off season, but DH and I have seen our teammates a few times. At the bar checking in early with the bar tender, or taking a trip to the bathroom and discretely ordering at the bar instead of in front of your table works well. O'Doul's in a glass smells and tastes like light beer. Avoiding shots and other group drinking occasions work better with help from a partner. If I'm alone I will make up something I have to do tomorrow. If I'm out with DH then DH will pretend to be disappointed about the shot, and/or reminded me that I'm supposed to be DD in front of everybody. For more intimate settings BYO premixed cocktails has been somewhat less than perfect, but only because I don't get to drink as much of them as I'd like since everyone always wants some! The antibiotics excuse works, but its effectiveness depends on your friends, and frankly works better if you lay down some groundwork for it. Dropping something like "Checking with the doctor about the pressure in my ears today!" on social media or text ahead of time will make it much less suspicious.

I hope my tips help you keep anything to yourself that you want to keep to yourself!

gatorMom2014 · February 2016

I went out with girlfriends last week and fully intended to say I was on Percocet after a root canal and couldn't mix with alcohol. At the last minute it felt too phony, so I just ordered a beer and then let it sit there, pretending to take a sip every once in a while. No one said a thing!!

ChefWalker · February 2016

There are some great ideas here. I especially like the antibiotics/sinus infection idea.

I used to work in addiction treatment, and so sometimes in situations like these I think about how difficult it is for people who aren't able to drink alcohol to refuse alcohol in settings like this. They have to go to events with friends and say "no thanks" over and over again. So one thing that I've tried to do is when I'm not drinking (whether because of pregnancy or sickness or diet or whatever) is I just say "no thanks" and if someone pries I just say "I've decided not to drink today." I don't offer further explanation. I do this because I feel like in our society we've created an environment where it's really hard for people to make the choice not to drink for whatever reason. And I want to be an ally and supporter of those folks by spreading awareness that you shouldn't ask people why they're not drinking or push them to drink. '

I totally get that in a situation with close friends it's a lot different, and I'm not meaning ot suggest that the OP do this. But I'm just posting this for the OP and others to maybe consider in lower stakes situations. OP, I hope you have a fun weekend!

annabenanna · February 2016

Thank you all for responding. I really appreciate all the clever ideas!

What I did:

- I started hinting about a bad cough and that I saw the doctor yday. I also said "i won't be able to drink because I'm on antibiotics for 7 days".

- To which some of my friends replied: "oh that sucks, but maybe if you're up for it, you can have just one glass. maybe that won't hurt."

- And I replied "yeah we'll see"

I also told my best friend yesterday at dinner. So now I have one accomplice. She said if they poured me a glass, she'd sit next to me and drink from my wine glass as well as hers, and I can just pretend drink the whole night.

In our group of girls, we don't do beer, just wine. There's only one cocktail aficionado (who mixes our cocktails), but she won't be coming. So it'll just be wine I'll have to dodge.

I won't do the grape juice because I think they'd totally be able to tell the difference in color.

And yes, while I know all my friends do love me, I'm still paranoid to tell them ALL. That's too overwhelming. Telling one person is a different story, but telling 7 women all at once scares the sh*t out of me. I haven't told family yet, because my family is far away (Korea!) and I want to tell them after my first appointment and after I've seen the heartbeat.

So there you have it ladies, wish me luck!

I'm gonna strap on my hiking boots and put on my camelbak, and hope I don't puke-hike all over Joshua Tree.

CaptainPhasma · February 2016

During that 2 week wait to get the positive pregnancy test I just order a soda on the rocks with lime and tip generously. But I have a friend who started telling people at 6 weeks, she's about a month ahead of me, so I'm considering telling more close friends at 8 weeks. Pretty much opening it up to those I'd want to support me if it doesn't work out.

rhallats · February 2016

So far I've just been saying I'm observing lent. I do that with my dad, and usually give up chocolate. But this year I would have given up alcohol anyway, because I seriously enjoy it..and it's always good to detox.

perfect timing too, ends on March 24!

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