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TTC after 35
ferlanna
member
New Member Intro (one child, age 5)
ferlanna
member
in TTC after 35
Hello!
I would like to add myself to this message board. It is so nice to read some stories from intelligent and sensitive women who are going through this stuff together (well, virtually together anyway).
I am 37; my partner is 39. Our daughter Evelyn is 5-and-a-half---I was 31 when I gave birth to her. In retrospect, it is kind of hard to understand why I waited so long to think about trying for another child. A few contributing factors might be: weird pregnancy due to my health issues (Factor V Leiden, CMV negative, chronic anxiety etc); weird birth (one month early due to PPROM, very small baby); my mental health problems (the anxiety I mentioned flared up into postpartum OCD, very ugly thing to experience, and actually stuck around for a few years and hasn't ever really gone away. I finally caved and got an anti-anxiety prescription, which I will obviously have to give up if/when I ever become pregnant); my partner's issues (constant marijuana smoking as a way to cope with anxiety/depression...I just cannot believe how tenacious this addiction is. My late dad was a pretty non-functional alcoholic, so of course I would gravitate towards a similar situation); financial woes despite hard work (I work two jobs as well as attempting to work on my own personal projects as a sculptor. My partner is stuck in an entry-level type job due to lack of motivation, see above); unstable living situation (crap neighborhood, weird neighbors upstairs and down, and evil landlord); relationship issues (surprise! although I must admit that DP is really a mostly wonderful, special person--I myself am kind of hard to get along with); a child with some issues (she has some kind of sensory thing going on, and has an IEP in place at her pre-K for a speech delay). This all seems very self-pitying and grim, I guess. Another factor, which is better, is my own dedication toward my artwork and jobs, which are just adjunct teaching jobs but are very good for me in terms of self-image and money...the downside being, of course, that there is no job security as an adjunct, and I don't have a place to show my sculptural work. I should also mention that I have a fear of having a child with difficulties (autism, cystic fibrosis, peanut allergy, whatever)--I just am not sure I am mature enough (psychologically mature that is, ha ha...of course I am way too mature chronologically!) to handle it well if something should prove to be wrong with the little one. Sigh, there are other things I can think of as well but I will spare you the reading.
So, now that my girl is a little older, I am starting to really worry about her reaching adulthood with no siblings, especially with such weird parents to contend with. It had always been my stance that I shouldn't have to physically create another human being just so my daughter has a brother or sister, but now I no longer agree with this stance. I am very close to my younger brother, and I also have a fantastic sister who is eight years younger than I am. They both have children of their own, but they don't live nearby, so my child doesn't get to experience her cousins very frequently at all. At least we have our sweet dog, a smart and beautiful brown toy poodle named Ramen.
I started trying this month, and I am afraid the result is, of course, negative. This is kind of okay, since I wasn't taking prenatals at all, just coenzyme Q-10 for an unrelated problem (however, I did read that co-q 10 can be good for egg quality in older women). I only started on prenatals and vitamin D last week, plus I have been guzzling coffee, wine, and Valentine's candy, as well as using poisonous art supplies...very grown-up ideas for TTC, I know. The hilarious part is that I used up about 15 pregnancy tests in a flurry of hope, since last time I attempted pregnancy I was successful on the first go. I really hope I don't let the OCD side of my nature do this to my poor checking account every month! Those frers cost an effing fortune...especially for a snowy white BFN. And where I live in Northern New England we have this discount shop with 99-cent pink-dye tests, way too tempting. Aaaand I did myself the disservice of using a cheap blue-dye test as well, for a convincing, wide evap that gave me hope for like 20 minutes until I realized that it looked exactly like the evap I got last year during a "scare" (which, although technically a scare, was a big disappointment for me when it turned out to be negative). Double-checked this cruel evap with a frer so I could take some medication today...sigh. AF maybe tomorrow, maybe Saturday, either way a melancholy weekend looms.
Okay, I guess I have given you all enough sunshine and joy for one night! Thank you for putting up with this long list of whinges. Now I am looking forward to getting to know you ladies, and to support you in your efforts.
best,
Anna
I would like to add myself to this message board. It is so nice to read some stories from intelligent and sensitive women who are going through this stuff together (well, virtually together anyway).
I am 37; my partner is 39. Our daughter Evelyn is 5-and-a-half---I was 31 when I gave birth to her. In retrospect, it is kind of hard to understand why I waited so long to think about trying for another child. A few contributing factors might be: weird pregnancy due to my health issues (Factor V Leiden, CMV negative, chronic anxiety etc); weird birth (one month early due to PPROM, very small baby); my mental health problems (the anxiety I mentioned flared up into postpartum OCD, very ugly thing to experience, and actually stuck around for a few years and hasn't ever really gone away. I finally caved and got an anti-anxiety prescription, which I will obviously have to give up if/when I ever become pregnant); my partner's issues (constant marijuana smoking as a way to cope with anxiety/depression...I just cannot believe how tenacious this addiction is. My late dad was a pretty non-functional alcoholic, so of course I would gravitate towards a similar situation); financial woes despite hard work (I work two jobs as well as attempting to work on my own personal projects as a sculptor. My partner is stuck in an entry-level type job due to lack of motivation, see above); unstable living situation (crap neighborhood, weird neighbors upstairs and down, and evil landlord); relationship issues (surprise! although I must admit that DP is really a mostly wonderful, special person--I myself am kind of hard to get along with); a child with some issues (she has some kind of sensory thing going on, and has an IEP in place at her pre-K for a speech delay). This all seems very self-pitying and grim, I guess. Another factor, which is better, is my own dedication toward my artwork and jobs, which are just adjunct teaching jobs but are very good for me in terms of self-image and money...the downside being, of course, that there is no job security as an adjunct, and I don't have a place to show my sculptural work. I should also mention that I have a fear of having a child with difficulties (autism, cystic fibrosis, peanut allergy, whatever)--I just am not sure I am mature enough (psychologically mature that is, ha ha...of course I am way too mature chronologically!) to handle it well if something should prove to be wrong with the little one. Sigh, there are other things I can think of as well but I will spare you the reading.
So, now that my girl is a little older, I am starting to really worry about her reaching adulthood with no siblings, especially with such weird parents to contend with. It had always been my stance that I shouldn't have to physically create another human being just so my daughter has a brother or sister, but now I no longer agree with this stance. I am very close to my younger brother, and I also have a fantastic sister who is eight years younger than I am. They both have children of their own, but they don't live nearby, so my child doesn't get to experience her cousins very frequently at all. At least we have our sweet dog, a smart and beautiful brown toy poodle named Ramen.
I started trying this month, and I am afraid the result is, of course, negative. This is kind of okay, since I wasn't taking prenatals at all, just coenzyme Q-10 for an unrelated problem (however, I did read that co-q 10 can be good for egg quality in older women). I only started on prenatals and vitamin D last week, plus I have been guzzling coffee, wine, and Valentine's candy, as well as using poisonous art supplies...very grown-up ideas for TTC, I know. The hilarious part is that I used up about 15 pregnancy tests in a flurry of hope, since last time I attempted pregnancy I was successful on the first go. I really hope I don't let the OCD side of my nature do this to my poor checking account every month! Those frers cost an effing fortune...especially for a snowy white BFN. And where I live in Northern New England we have this discount shop with 99-cent pink-dye tests, way too tempting. Aaaand I did myself the disservice of using a cheap blue-dye test as well, for a convincing, wide evap that gave me hope for like 20 minutes until I realized that it looked exactly like the evap I got last year during a "scare" (which, although technically a scare, was a big disappointment for me when it turned out to be negative). Double-checked this cruel evap with a frer so I could take some medication today...sigh. AF maybe tomorrow, maybe Saturday, either way a melancholy weekend looms.
Okay, I guess I have given you all enough sunshine and joy for one night! Thank you for putting up with this long list of whinges. Now I am looking forward to getting to know you ladies, and to support you in your efforts.
best,
Anna
Re: New Member Intro (one child, age 5)
Husband: 40
TTC#1 since 9/2014
Unexplained Infertility - Trying naturally
TTC#1 since November 2015
9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017
TTC #2 since July 2018
May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!
The women here are very supportive and encouraging. I hope that your stay is short!
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16