First birthday

Katieelliott0501 · January 2016

I am a wreck... I thought that I was finally doing better and accepting the loss of my baby boy (not confirmed, just a gut feeling) in June with the continued growth of my baby girl (now 25 weeks). However, as I approach the due date of my first, all of the emotions are coming back. The guilt and sadness are consuming me. And I feel like nobody around me understands- I am so happy and thankful every day for my current pregnancy and love this baby girl so much. But I still wonder about the one we lost way too soon- why that baby? Why us? What did I do wrong?

I am wondering how anyone else has gotten through the first birthday? Any suggestions to make it easier?

carrieandr · January 2016

Dealing with a loss is always hard, but I think it might help for you to speak to a counselor about it. There are two things that make me think you might be having a harder time than others. You have imagined and assigned the sex of the baby you lost, and you referred to the EDD as that child's first birthday. I think the more that you create a reality that didn't come to pass, the harder it will be to let go of what could have been. My heart goes out to you. I had two losses myself, and was not pregnant when I reached the EDD of my first loss. Now that I'm pregnant again and things are going well, I am thrilled. Perhaps with the help of a counselor you could make peace with your loss and focus on the wonderful things to come.

ALC08 · January 2016

I agree with PP. I had two losses back to back. I actually found out i was pg the 2nd time within days of EDD of my first baby. The news lightened my load. It was very hard to swallow once we found out that pregnancy wouldn't make it either. I had a really hard time for months afterward... Until i got pg again. Other than being a nervous wreck in the begining, i have been over the moon happy. This baby seems to be healthy and he is my main focus. I still grieve for the babies i didn't get to keep but for me this baby dulls that ache. EDDs are rough and i imagine we will always think about it. I hope you get some peace!

peregrinefalconx · January 2016

I agree with CarrieandRoy completely. I know many, many women place a huge amount of importance on an EDD...with my losses, I didn't have one and that has been helpful. I do work with a therapist, and now a special therapist who deals with infertility. It has been very helpful. With this pregnancy progressing, I have finally (mostly) put to bed all my "whys" and what could have caused it all. We'll never have the answers. It can drive you crazy, and you don't want that. GL.

Boonhilde · February 2016

Katieelliott0501 said:

why that baby? Why us? What did I do wrong? I am wondering how anyone else has gotten through the first birthday? Any suggestions to make it easier?

YOU did nothing wrong!!!

Had as to say that first. Okay, my due date actually is on the exact date we gave birth to our stillborn son, this June, so it's going to be a weird time for us. But I have no advice on how to handle it. I think these things are as hard as they need to be, and as we need them to be.

As for your other two questions, I only know why it happened to me, and why that baby (my baby.) I think everything happens for a reason, and in the case of MC that reason is most often different. I think you may be asking rhetorically as well...? Just know that you did nothing wrong!

Sounds like you could benefit from talking to someone. There are a lot of resources out there. Angel Babies is a fantastic charity, for example.

First birthday

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