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Feeling Defeated

Jeni182Jeni182 member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
I haven't been here in literally years. But I'm in serious need of some venting!

I have an almost 6 year old DS and a 3.5 year old DD. I'm at my wits end with DD. Something has shifted in her and she's become so defiant and ill tempered. Bed time is the worst. She will literally kick and hit me the whole time I'm trying to get her ready for bed. Forget about her staying IN the bed. I spend at least an hour every night just trying to get her to stay in the bed and eventually she just ends up crying herself to sleep because I won't open the door. Meanwhile she's keeping my DS awake who has to go to school in the morning. I feel like a horrible parent. I try to reason with her. I give her warnings. I try to talk to her. She just hits or kicks me in response. I don't want to just shut the door in her face. But she chases after me when I'm leaving the room while putting her to bed so she can get out of the door.

I'm just so tired. We're both in tears by the end of the night and I just want to give up. Has anyone else had to deal with this? Any advice is welcome. I feel like I've tried everything.
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Re: Feeling Defeated

  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member

    I cried on the way home from picking my 4 year old up from school yesterday so I get it. This age SUCKS SO HARD. I recently posted about this asking for advice but I'll try to give some below.

    After a million talks with my husband to try and formulate a plan to overpower our 4 year old, we've come to the conclusion that all we can do is be tough, be consistent and don't let him see us weak. Sounds like we are dealing with a terrorist, huh?! I try not to raise my voice and feed into the fit, I put him in his room if he's really freaking out and let him calm down, sometimes I grab him and just hug him which calms him down immediately but whatever I choose, based on the situation, I stay consistent through and through.

    I've started taking things away like toys (something that is right in his line of sight so he totally understands) and that seems to get through to him. If I threaten to do something, I follow through every single time. He doesn't hit us anymore because we've been doing time out's for that since he was 17 months old. He knows that hitting = immediate time out.

    It's exhausting, I feel alone most of the time and part of me wonders if something is wrong with MY kid (even though I know deep down it's the age, not him).

    You aren't alone in this. Kids are complete a-holes at this age and it's so freaking hard. Let's just hope it passes soon.

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  • dufferoodufferoo member
    I know this might not be helpful to an overtired parent looking for a somewhat quick fix, but have you tried diagnosing what caused the sudden shift in her behavior, or are you confident that it's just her age? I've always big on at least attempting to nurture each stage, but I may have just been lucky with my first, and the jury is still out on my younger!
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  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    dufferoo said:
    I know this might not be helpful to an overtired parent looking for a somewhat quick fix, but have you tried diagnosing what caused the sudden shift in her behavior, or are you confident that it's just her age? I've always big on at least attempting to nurture each stage, but I may have just been lucky with my first, and the jury is still out on my younger!
    How so?
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  • dufferoodufferoo member
    edited February 2016
    @Bigboobsmcgee Well, like if they were going through separation anxiety, trying to reduce my time away, if they are stressed out about a new school, trying to plan lots of relaxing downtime outside of school, if they are having nighmares, maybe cutting back on violent/scary images viewed on tv, etc. I don't remember the exact issues we encountered at the age of 4, but I just always found it helpful to try to figure out the why behind the behavior. (Can't say I've always been successful though!)
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  • Jeni182Jeni182 member
    Thanks for the responses. I'm glad I'm not alone. Makes me feel a little more sane. 

    We we have been trying to figure out the root of the issue but haven't come up with much. I think maybe part of the problem at bed time is that she's just not tire. So we're going to try and see what weaning her off of her nap does. Also, it seems like she just really wants attention and is perfectly okay with getting negative attention. We're trying to give her as much positive attention and praise as we can, but it honestly seems like she PREFERS the negative attention. I'm just hoping this passes soon!
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  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    dufferoo said:
    @Bigboobsmcgee Well, like if they were going through separation anxiety, trying to reduce my time away, if they are stressed out about a new school, trying to plan lots of relaxing downtime outside of school, if they are having nighmares, maybe cutting back on violent/scary images viewed on tv, etc. I don't remember the exact issues we encountered at the age of 4, but I just always found it helpful to try to figure out the why behind the behavior. (Can't say I've always been successful though!)

    Oh, gotcha. I do try that as well. Always trying to get to the root of the problem!
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  • Anne MommyAnne Mommy member
    Don't know if it will help, but we gave DS a free pass. It has his name on it and it is wrapped in packing tape. He can use his pass once a night after his is in his room for something specific (drink, bathroom, another hug). He gives it to us if he uses it. For a week or so, he used it every night. After that, it's been like once a week. It's stupid, but it gives him control. 

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  • BigboobsmcgeeBigboobsmcgee member
    Anne Mommy said:
    Don't know if it will help, but we gave DS a free pass. It has his name on it and it is wrapped in packing tape. He can use his pass once a night after his is in his room for something specific (drink, bathroom, another hug). He gives it to us if he uses it. For a week or so, he used it every night. After that, it's been like once a week. It's stupid, but it gives him control. 


    I love these boards because of things like this. What a great idea! I think my son would LOVE that.
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