Hi, apologies for the long post- I'm just devastated and need to get this off my chest.
My name is Roxanne and yesterday I found out at my check up that our little bean's heartbeat was gone. Based on my dr.'s estimates the baby stopped developing about a week ago. I have no signs of anything being wrong- no bleeding, or cramps. I still feel pregnant which is the hardest part for me and my body still thinks so. I opted to have a D&C which is scheduled for later today. I'm scared and am not sure what to expect.
My husband and I had been trying to conceive for a little over a year and were seeing an RE. We had two unsuccessful IUIs and ended up conceiving naturally in December. We got our BFP the first week of January. We were so happy and relieved. My heart hurts for my husband as this was his first child ( I have two from my previous marriage). He is so devastated but being strong for me- I just feel like this has been a cruel joke- to finally conceive and on our own and to get through the early milestones- I had two early ultrasounds and we saw the heartbeat at 7w and then this. It just feels unreal. I was so happy going into my appt. yesterday. I had a list of questions for my OBGYN- I was finally released from the RE and was finally seeing my regular OBGYN. I just can't get the image of the ultrasound out of my head seeing my little bean just lifeless and no heartbeat- and my husband burying his head into my shoulder- it all happened so fast-
I don't even know what this means for us anymore. Are we back to IUIs or do we try again naturally when all this is done? I'm 37 and I feel time is against me. I guess it's too soon to say but I just feel heartbroken,sad, and confused. I feel like I failed even though logically I know it wasn't my fault. I'm just miserable right now.
loss and children mentioned****
Me (39) DH (40)
From my first marriage DD: 03/04 CP:01/06 DS:12/06
DH- no kids
TTC: since 2/15, RE Consult 9/15
IUI #1 10/15: Letrozole = BFN
IUI #2 11/15: Letrozole + trigger = BFN
1/08/16: Surprise- BFP!! 2/16/16: MMC @10w
2days, D&C: 2/17/16
TTCAL: May 2016
IUI #3 5/27/16: Letrozole+trigger=BFN
IUI #4 06/24/16: 7.5mg Letrozole+trigger= BFN
IUI#5 08/24/16 Menopur+trigger = BFN
IUI #6 09/19/16 5 mg Letrozole +Menopur + Trigger=
**10/2016: No more medicated cycles, TTCAL on our
own** 12/03/16: BFP!! EDD: 08/12/17 It's a girl!! Eleni was born on 8/14/17!!