Low working memory

yleniarizzoli · February 2016

My daughter is 2 years and 6 months old, she goes to daycare 4 days a week, has been always quite fast with her speak development considering the fact that she has 3 languages to learn. She understands well all the three (Italian, English and German), speaks mainly in Italian or English (this is her fav) but can do well with German as well. She only speaks German with Grandparents or if she has no choice (with the German teacher).

So far all went well and deep inside I always knew that there was something not right... she is different from the other kids. She has major issues to interact with people who she doesn't know and starts climbing on me and hiding her face in my body when we have visitors. At home and at daycare she is a chatter box, she has issues only in new environments and with people she doesn't know.

I spoke about it with our doctor and with the teachers and they all told me that she was very advanced as brain (learning) development but much behind with the emotional development and this was putting her off balance and that everything would have got better in a few years. She prefers to play with older kids, in fact at daycare she is in the group of the 3 years old because of her learning skills.

After I raised my concerns re her emotional side, her teacher (which is also a children psychologist, still in training status) told me that she believes Stella has a very low working memory. Stella can get undressed but can't dress by herself, she is very slow in manual activities and always needs extra care. She always has to be reminded the process of what they are doing and in the manual activities she is now far behind the others. She can do puzzles and jigsaw for her age, brush her teeth, comb her hair, cooking with me, playing with cars, lego and so on.

I went online and tried to find out more and got very scared. What they write is very serious but I didn't find enough about diagnosis and if the low working memory can be improved or if is a chronic thing.

Do you have any information to share?

Do you know something about it?

The teacher said I should look into sending her to a Montessori school because that teaching method would suit Stella better.

I feel lost and hopeless.

I don't mind if she doesn't go to university but I want her to be happy and from what I read this is very difficult with what she has (or could have)....

Thank you in advance for your replies and sorry for the long mail....

valeriegp · February 2016

I'm not a doctor but I think your daughter's teacher is overreacting and comparing her to kids that are a year or more older than her.

this -- "Stella can get undressed but can't dress by herself, she is very slow in manual activities and always needs extra care. She always has to be reminded the process of what they are doing and in the manual activities she is now far behind the others. She can do puzzles and jigsaw for her age, brush her teeth, comb her hair, cooking with me, playing with cars, lego and so on." -- sound like it is within the normal range for a 2.5 year old. My son is 3 yr 2 mo and he has only recently started doing a decent job brushing his teeth and doesn't dress himself, and he's just find (according to development milestones, his doctor, and his teacher). Kids this age have a very short attention span and so of course have to be reminded of things repeatedly. Ditto the apprehension about strangers.

My son also goes to a Montessori school and has also always been ahead of the curve in his verbal skills (but just in one language!)

I am a medical librarian and I would strongly suggest that you not get too stressed about what Dr. Google told you. If you are concerned, make an appointment with your daughter's pediatrician and talk to him/her about your concerns and what the teacher told you.

Good luck!

yleniarizzoli · February 2016

Thank you so much Valeriegp. I will call her paediatrician and take an appointment and then take it from there. My DH thinks like you, he thinks this is also far too early eventually to understand if she has working memory issues. Thank you again.

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

I agree with @valeriegp above. The teacher is putting a lot of pressure on your young daughter to do things like the kids who are older than her and that isn't fair. From what you describe, she sounds pretty normal to me BUT it wouldn't hurt to meet with the pediatrician again.

My son was SUPER shy at that age too. He would cry and scream when we came around large groups, including family. He and I would have to go into another room so he could calm down and then rejoin the group. You know what? He outgrew that. I was never ever told that meant he was behind emotionally. Now at almost 4, he's totally normal with groups, even strangers and he's incredibly outgoing. And for what it's worth, he just started dressing himself a couple months ago so your daughter isn't behind in that area too.

I'm not an expert, just a mom, but to me it sounds like your daughter is very smart and right on schedule with things at 2 1/2 year old should be doing. Don't let this teacher pressure you or your daughter to be doing things she's just not ready for. Let her be a kid!

EverythingsBetterOutside · February 2016

Personally, I would put exactly zero stock in or emotional energy worrying about the "diagnosis" of a psychology student. I regularly do full developmental assessments of children your child's age, and though I can't tell you how she's doing since I don't know her, here are a few things to think about:
Regarding memory:
-Does she remember where things belong? If you tell her "go get your shoes" when they're in another room, does she remember where they are and get them? At clean up time, do things get put away roughly where they belong (toys with toys, books usually on the shelf, clothing with clothing rather than all in the kitchen drawers, etc.)? If you ask her to get a tissue/diaper or throw something away at home, does she go to the right place?
-Can she relate significant events that happened in the recent past (telling people on Monday that she went to the zoo/grandma's/swimming over the weekend)?
-Is she beginning to remember the sequence of events/retell her favorite story?
-Is she able to remember the basic rules to simple games (hide and seek; duck, duck goose)?
-Does she remember the basic steps to washing hands (turn water on, wet hands, dry hands)?

For social/play skills, i would expect her to be starting some cooperative play (playing doctor/birthday/princesses with a friend), greet and say goodbye to familiar people, and have some stubborn moments and tantrums.

A good and widely used screening tool for social emotional development is the Ages and Stages Questionnaire. Here's the one for her age: www.lssm.org/docs/default-source/children-and-families/foster-care/mental-health-screening-tools/30_month_questionnaire.pdf?sfvrsn=2. At the end, it tells you how to score it and at what score she should be referred for a more thorough assessment.

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

And FTR, I've never even heard of the term "low working memory".

yleniarizzoli · February 2016

Thank you so much Everythingisbetteroutside! Stella does all what you mentioned... Last Monday I had to go to the dentist and I told her before leaving her at daycare and when I went to collect her in the afternoon she asked me if my tooth was still "AWA" or if the doctor fixed it. I spoke to her paediatrician and she says that is far too early to make this diagnosis and that the teacher should not make her own diagnosis.
DH and I decided to take her out from this daycare and we are now enquiring for a Montessori daycare that we have nearby. We were already not entirely happy with the current daycare and this last thing made us decide to go elsewhere. I don't want to leave my DD with somebody who labeled her and puts her under pressure...
thank you again to you and everybody in this post for your great support.

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

yleniarizzoli said:

Thank you so much Everythingisbetteroutside! Stella does all what you mentioned... Last Monday I had to go to the dentist and I told her before leaving her at daycare and when I went to collect her in the afternoon she asked me if my tooth was still "AWA" or if the doctor fixed it. I spoke to her paediatrician and she says that is far too early to make this diagnosis and that the teacher should not make her own diagnosis.
DH and I decided to take her out from this daycare and we are now enquiring for a Montessori daycare that we have nearby. We were already not entirely happy with the current daycare and this last thing made us decide to go elsewhere. I don't want to leave my DD with somebody who labeled her and puts her under pressure...
thank you again to you and everybody in this post for your great support.

Great plan!

Be sure to tell the daycare director WHY you are taking her out. That teacher is overstepping boundaries IMO.

Want a personalized experience?

Low working memory

Re: Low working memory

Choose Another Board

Search Boards