Childcare, Babysitting, Day Care, etc.

LifeofLauren2 · February 2016

I know childcare can be a sensitive topic so let's all try to be respectful of differing opinions on this thread. Some of us choose in-home childcare while others choose daycare. Some have family and friends who are able to watch their children and some parent(s) are able to stay home. This is just a thread for people to commiserate with each other about difficulties in finding childcare.

SO, I've started the search for childcare. I have 6 weeks that I am able to be home with my daughter after she is born. Therefore, I need to find care for my very small daughter soon after she is born. I'm having difficulty in deciding what to do. My mom will be able to watch her at least 2 days a week. She is blessed to be able to work part time and be partially retired at age 50. I would like to ask my child's other grandmother if she could watch her one day a week. She is off work during the day 2 days a week. That would leave me with 2 unfilled days.

There is a local woman who has watched 4 of the last 5 babies to be born in my large extended family at her in-home daycare. I don't personally know her all that well but 3 of my nieces have gone there and their moms loved it. It's about half the cost of a traditional daycare (partly due to the fact that she doesn't declare that income and parents can't deduct it on their taxes). For two days a week it is only $75. My concern with her is she has 6 children in her home each day. She is the only one caring for them. And, I know there are 4 pregnant women who are interested in her services and she only has 3 spots open for fall. The first 3 to commit get the spots. I'm just a little concerned because that means she will have THREE infants in her care! That's a lot for one person to handle.

The other daycare options around us aren't great. We live in St. Louis City and I would prefer to not send my daughter to most of the daycares around our home. There are some daycares that I would consider, but still having an infant in daycare is SUPER expensive here. I'm not even sure we could afford it. The ones I do love I know we can't afford. Their weekly pricing is about $400. Obviously our daughter would only go 2 days a week but that's a lot of money!

I guess I really just wanted a place to vent and type all this out. Any ideas, suggestions, words of encouragement?

PhoebeJune1984 · February 2016

My first question is, is this lady licensed? I am guessing no, otherwise wouldn't she have to claim her income? I find all non-licensed places sketchy, because usually when there is something on the news about abuse or a child dying in the person's care, it is listed that the place was recommended to the parents, but wasn't licensed. I don't know how it is in your state, but in my state, it takes a lot to get license and to keep it....you are checked in often and make sure that everything is up to standards. I work and have the option to bring DD to work with me, but she doesn't like it there, so two days a week she goes to IL's and two days a week she goes to my parents house (I work four 10's). I will be quitting after this baby, just because there is no way I would be able to do do my job and take care of a newborn at the same time....and hauling all of the baby crap back and forth would be a nightmare.

Shelby00519 · February 2016

I'm going to be a SAHM but have done some nannying in the past and haven't completely ruled out finding a family to nanny for who wouldn't mind if I brought my baby with. Have you thought about a nanny? I have gotten all my jobs through Care.com and they can do background checks if you want. That way you'll have someone who comes to your house and has your child as their number one priority.

Edit: I have even nannied for a family who had cameras around the house. They let me know during my interview to make sure I was comfortable with it but that way they were able to "check-in" on their son during the day.

austinjl · February 2016

I agree figuring out child care is hard!!! right now I'm planning on watching our baby during the week and working on the weekends. I'm self-employed so will need to go back to work at least part time after 6-8 weeks. My husband can watch baby on weekends. But this leaves 0 days with the three of us together and I doubt this will work long term. I'm hoping to find somebody to watch baby 1-2 days per week at some point. I live in STL city too so I'll let you know if I find someone affordable and good @LifeofLauren2

DominiqueU · February 2016

I am, hopefully, staying home with the baby until January. After that, I am very lucky that my parents and mother-in-law are willing to split up the weekdays to watch him. My mom is retired and my dad works nights in a party band at bars. They'll be watching him 3 days a week, along with my sister's twin boys who are due in June. My mother-in-law will take the other two days a week.

I have so much respect for people who need to find outside childcare. I can't imagine the stress it entails, emotionally and financially. Hang in there, ladies. You're all strong and you'll figure it out.

born2run911 · February 2016

We send DD to an in-home daycare and hoping they will have a spot for this one when it turns a year old. We send DD 2 days a week because we are shift workers. I am all for in-home day cares, but I am a little Leary of what you're saying about the lady you are looking into. Laws in Ontario only allow a daycare to have 2 children under two (including any of the sitters own children) and a maximum of 5 children at any one time. Multiple infants would be hard to juggle for any person, especially if there are other littles there at the same time and sounds a little dangerous. Daycare is expensive, and it is nice to be able to claim the tax break at income tax time. Hopefully you can find something that you are 100% comfortable with, good luck!

Schmooie730 · February 2016

Absolutely make sure the woman is licensed with your DCFS. They are pretty strict. It also sounds like there's too many kids if she will have 3 infants. I work in daycare so I vaguely know some of the rules for in-home. You should be able to research the information for your state.

also, $400 is pretty average for a high quality program. That's what I would pay at my center. Price does go down as they move on to other classrooms/get older.

We are planning on having my MIL watch the baby 2 days and my husband be off one day during the week with the baby and then potentially go to daycare twice a week to get used to being there.

holly142 · February 2016

I am a little concerned about the lady not being licensed and her ratios. In my state the ratio is 4 infants to 1 adult. In the early learning center I taught at, that was even hard and someone from the office would help out when a baby got sick, was cranky from teething, teacher had to go to the bathroom, etc. Plus we had a full-time chef bring in meals and floaters to give breaks. This lady wouldn't have any help (I assume) plus she would have other kids that need help.

I understand how expensive childcare is! At my work it was $1900 per month for 1 infant. I got 50% off but that was still too much. I am now a SAHM. Are you or DH able to switch to 4 10 hour days? Otherwise I would personally look for a nanny share or a SAHM that has qualifications to watch your baby.

megstervt · February 2016

I'm in the process of looking for full time childcare in place that there is a massive shortage. At this point I will be thrilled to find somewhere that can take my kiddo when I need to go back to work and that I feel comfortable with. I have absolutely no idea what we will do if we can't find somewhere/someone with an opening. It's by far the most stressful thing we're dealing with.

whataboutscience · February 2016

I used to work in daycare and I can tell you in Illinois if you have even one infant, you are limited to 4 children total (typically 4 infants which I find very difficult). I do not think that this would be a good situation for baby and would keep shopping around. Try care.com or ask around. Maybe you'll find a SAHM with kids that are a little older that might like the extra money for taking care of your baby. Good luck!

sboston06 · February 2016

The option you mentioned would make me nervous too. Typically centers charge more for infants because they have to have a smaller teacher to child ratio.

I am very stressed about this too. I am a nurse and work both 8 and 12 hour shifts. I'd be looking for 2-3 days a week of childcare. My work does offer a daycare that is subsidized but I'm on the waiting list there, and I'm looking for backup options if that doesn't work out. Most of the places in my area are $75-$100/day but this particular daycare is subsidized to only $65/day (assuming 10-hour days). So it's a big difference! I've used Care.com to contact a family day-care, but my feeling is that most places are going to have waiting lists a mile long.

My other option if I can't find a daycare provider is to only work 12 hour shifts on Saturdays and Sundays when DH is home. I think that would be miserable for me, but it would save us a lot in daycare costs. My parents are only in their mid-50's and nowhere close to retiring, and MIL lives over an hour away (also 10 years out from retirement). I do have an aunt that lives nearby that may be able to provide back-up care, but I don't want to rely on her too much because she just retired and probably wants to enjoy time to herself!

joleri23 · February 2016

I just want to say I feel for everyone who has to look for childcare. In my tiny mountain town, there are no infant care centers. Your choices are hiring a nanny or using in-home care. Luckily, we do have a non-profit organization who helps to set up families with the proper care. Even more luckily, the nature of my work does not require me to be at the office Monday-Friday, 8-5. DH is also able to flex his schedule so we're going to be able to split childcare between the two of us three days a week (I'll work from home in the morning and then leave baby with him when he gets home so I can go into the office), and depending on what other childcare we can find, we'll only need to use someone else one or two days a week.

But this stuff is really stressful! Part of me is very resentful that I can't be a SAHM. The other part of me is very resentful that I should feel the need to choose between career and baby. I'm committed to having both (currently, anyway), but why should it be so hard?

noelietrex · February 2016

I'm also stressing over the childcare search. Mine will be needing childcare full-time starting at 3 months old. I'm on the waiting lists for both of the in-home care providers in my neighborhood. They're licensed and the regulations here in CO only allow them to have 2 under the age of 2 at a time. So now I'm faced with having to seek an in-home person who doesn't live in our neighborhood so I won't know them or finding a center we can afford that I feel comfortable with. We really don't want to pay more than $1k per month. I am honestly nervous about that number! But it seems in CO $1,200-$1,800/ month is normal especially for centers... With centers I'm freaking out about them calling me to pick up a sick infant on a regular basis. DH has very strict sick leave, but I'm the breadwinner so I can't be calling out every other week either! Also freaking out because I know centers often have strict 5-5:30pm pick up times and DH and I often work long hours. We'll definitely need 6-6:30pm pick up on a semi-regular basis... And then there's cloth diapering which who knows if anyone will be willing to take that on. Ugh! Someone tell me this all works out somehow. I'm already freaking out about pumping throughout the day. It'd be WAY too much to ask to leave at 4:30 or 5 and take regular sick days...

sboston06 · February 2016

@noelietrex - I can't speak for them all but I asked my work's daycare about cloth diapering and they were totally ok with it. I think if you make it as easy as possible (pre-stuffing all pockets, or use AIO's), they are more likely to be ok with it. I learned that many daycares pay per pound for trash, so by cloth diapering you're actually saving them money! If your area has a lot of crunchy people (sorry if that's offensive to some people), they are more likely to be ok with it. My area has a lot of colleges and people tend to be pretty eco-conscious so the cloth diapering thing has been pretty well received.

chels0120 · February 2016

What about a nanny share? A friend of mine and I did this. I needed two days a week, she needed 3. We worked out a schedule and split the cost accordingly. There were a few days that we both needed her and my friend just brought her LO over and the nanny watched both. We tipped her extra those days

BioTeach84 · February 2016

I just started looking into daycare costs and want to cry. If DH doesn't get a significant raise he is going to have to be a stay at home dad because the cost of a licensed daycare per week is only $20 less than what he brings home after taxes. I make a lot more
money than he does and have the insurance benefits, so me staying at home isn't an option and we don't have family close by either :-(

sboston06 · February 2016

@chels0120 - that's a great option too that I haven't considered seriously. My cousin is having a baby next month and we work similar hours. We do live about 25 miles apart so it wouldn't be the most convenient option, but would be nice to go in with someone who's family.

blackgirlmagic · February 2016

I found an in-home day care that I just fell in love with and I found them through care.com If I can remember correctly there will be six kids there, including my daughter, and she has a helper as well. She is licensed by the state of Maryland and they do random check ups on her home twice a year. Also in the state of Maryland the ratio is 3 kids per one adult and my daughter will be the only infant there. I will be paying $1,000 a month for day care which is great compared to the $1,250+ day care centers in the area. Her hours are 7am to 6pm. My husband and I agreed that I would go into work early, he will drop her off around 7am, and then I will pick her up around 5. I even looked up her and her husband on the justice website for Maryland to see if they have/had any cases against them and there is nothing. I even looked up her business and there is nothing filed against it. Even though I cannot be a SAHM like I would like to its great knowing that I can put my daughter somewhere where I feel comfortable. I even showed up a few times unannounced to see if there would be any difference between what the place looked like and how things were ran and it was the exact same.

anskip · February 2016

Finding the right place for your kid is soooo hard. We chose a nanny when we had DD. It was difficult say the least and we went through our fair share until we found the right one. With the schedule you're on, you could possibly even do a nanny share with another family. That way the nanny could have more than 2 days of work, but it would work out for your both. Just a thought.

PhoebeJune1984 · February 2016

@noelietrex When I worked in child care, we had a place that had longer hours and didn't have issues with cloth diapering. I know that some places are sticklers for using disposable, and most of them in my area are like that. But the one that I worked at, was open from 5am until 7pm and most of the children had parents that work in the medical field (which is why the center had hours like that, it was actually closet to a hospital). That gave the parents enough time frame that one could do drop off, and one would be off work in time for pick up. Or if it was a single parent, it was longer than 12 hours, just so there was enough time for drop of and pick up (as long as the parent worked day shift). They also allowed cloth diapering, and shockingly, the expense was paid by the center. You just stated if you were using disposable or cloth, and the center used a cloth diaper service so that way all of the cloth diapers were the exact same for the teachers. In some ways, it was nice for the parents that were really into cloth diapering. But it really sucked when the parents with disposables found out that it was paid for by the center, because then they would say they did cloth, just so they didn't have to buy as many diapers (since the center would be cloth diapering for 12 hours a day, five days a week). The rates for care there, pretty much matched most of the other centers in the area. So there are some out there, it just takes a little digging to find a center like that!

MDmomma1217 · February 2016

I will be staying at home for a while after this LO is born, but when we put DD in daycare, she was almost 2. Typical rate for infant care (under 2) in my area at a center is $400 as well, drops slightly when they turn 2 (this is a huge factor in us deciding that I stay home with both LO's until they are a bit older). Anyway, when we were considering our options, my fear of doing an in-home care is what happens when the provider is sick, or takes a vacation, there's no back up like there is at a center. A coworker used an in-home provider and loved her, but as her daughter got older, she wasn't getting the socialization that she needed due to many of the other children being younger, and she eventually put her in a center.

DH brought up the idea of a nanny share. I had never heard of this before, but his friends are doing this with their baby. Basically they found a nanny who already works for a family, but can take on one more child, and as long as the family is cool with it (and you are comfortable with the situation) it can help the cost go down for both families.

jlmartinez517 · February 2016

I feel for all of you ladies that are dealing with finding out-of-home childcare. I'll be home about 7 weeks paid + 8 weeks unpaid before having to go back to work. Neither my husband or I could afford to stay at home, so unfortunately that's not an option for us. My husband's job is fairly flexible in that he can stay home until around 10am before going to work and take days off depending on extra hours he works. We actually moved to Pittsburgh to be near DH's family for childcare purposes. His parents are both semi-retired, so his mom will be watching the baby two days and his dad will take 3 days. On days that they may not be able to due to being sick or visiting out of state grandkids, I have a substitute teacher friend that has offered to watch. If we were still living in Philadelphia, I don't know how we would have afforded daycare!

soberkfell · February 2016

@LifeofLauren2 @austinjl, maybe the care.com/nanny-share is the route to take? I've heard good things about the KinderCare on Hampton if you're in the City, and I know the YMCAs have good daycare centers that are reasonably priced, although they may be difficult to get into. @LifeofLauren2, unfortunately I would be worried about the in-home care your family is utilizing being over-committed. Most of the ratios I've heard of in the metro area are 3 or 4 children to 1 teacher/care-giver. While it'd be comforting to be able to send your LO to someone you know has taken good care of your family, I think I'd be too nervous about her (potentially) not being licensed and having too many children to watch at one time.

ETA: I just found this list of in-home daycare throughout the area: https://childcarecenter.us/missouri_homecare/saint_louis_mo_county#.VsOzS0Y3mMM

HoosierTerp · February 2016

@BeachTigress the ratios in MD change depending on the age of the children. Our in home is 1 lady and she is licensed for 8 children at a time and can have 2 under the age of 2.
OP, I wouldn't feel comfortable with more than 6 and definitely not 3 infants. I find it hard to believe she is licensed for 3 infants if there are other children there.

Nikko Blue · February 2016

My son goes to a licensed in-home daycare. She is legally allowed 2 infants, but will only accept 1 at a time. I believe she is allowed up to 6 total children. I wouldn't feel comfortable in a situation with 3 infants (plus other kids) and 1 provider. Be sure you know all the details of the situation before committing to it.

megstervt · February 2016

What would you guys think about 3 infants (no other kids) with 1 provider? We are meeting with a woman who is due in June and wants to take on 2 other kids to be able to stay home with her daughter. Obviously her kiddo and mine would be close in age, I don't know if she has another family already.

piratefairy · February 2016

The daycare game is rough! DH & I work for the same organization and affordable daycare is available on site - However, the waiting list is forever and the way they prioritize, you never know where you stand on the list. We did a lot of looking, and saw some in-home & centers where I wouldn't even leave a pet. The one center I did like also had a huge waiting list & was nearly double the cost of our at-work option. We ended up finding a friend/neighbor with nanny experience who at the time was a SAHM for two older children, she became an in home nanny for DS until he was 6 mo. old and a space opened up at our work daycare (we paid her the same rate we pay the daycare). We are currently on the waiting list again for this LO, but we're debating what to do. I will be home for at least 12 weeks, my parents are retired and will be available to watch them both full time if need be. However, the social and educational aspects of our center have been amazing for DS and I think he would actually miss going. At the moment we're just going to play it by ear, since my parents are available - I don't feel as much pressure this time around. At the moment I'm thinking I don't want to pull DS out right away. While it would be nice to save some $$, I think it might be a rough adjustment for him to go from a structured social environment to all day at home with mom and new baby.

blackgirlmagic · February 2016

@megstervt I would not feel comfortable with one provider taking care of three infant. I could see two because there are SAHMs with twins but anymore than that I think is a handful.
I love that my daughter will be the only infant and then I think the next child closest to her age is 2 and the other kids are three and four, so they are not as hands on as a infant is and there is also a helper.
My lady also takes a holiday around Labor Day weekend and she is closed for like three days. We normally go up to NY at the time so we will just coordinate vacation time around then and just like any day care center we will still have to pay for that time because we are still using that space.

whataboutscience · February 2016

@megstervt Is she a first time mom and what is her experience? Honestly pretty much any day care is going to have 1 person with 3 or 4 infants, but there are other people around if they need help and to train them. If she hasn't cared for babies before, I say no way because she doesn't realize what she's signing up for.

HoosierTerp · February 2016

megstervt said:

What would you guys think about 3 infants (no other kids) with 1 provider? We are meeting with a woman who is due in June and wants to take on 2 other kids to be able to stay home with her daughter. Obviously her kiddo and mine would be close in age, I don't know if she has another family already.

This is the standard ratio at a daycare center. However, they usually have someone else there as well. I agree with PP that it would depend on her experience.

megstervt · February 2016

She is a first time mom, but has been a nanny and is currently working in an infant room at a local center with a great reputation. Sounds like she has infant experience and I'll be checking references if we "click". I appreciate your thoughts everyone!!

ladythrice · February 2016

@megstervt I think it depends on how old the third baby is. If all are under 6 months I think she may find it more challenging than she expects, even given her experience with working in a center already. There, she has breaks and other to take over if she needs them to. On her own, she wouldn't have that... and there would be the added challenge of her OWN baby being there. I always kind of wondered how much attention my child would get if it were 'competing' against the care-givers child, especially given how young they'll be.

xc1148 · February 2016

megstervt said:

What would you guys think about 3 infants (no other kids) with 1 provider? We are meeting with a woman who is due in June and wants to take on 2 other kids to be able to stay home with her daughter. Obviously her kiddo and mine would be close in age, I don't know if she has another family already.

I wouldn't do that. Best case, everything is fine, but you can't rely on that. What if one infant sleeps on a schedule and the others don't? What if one infant can't find the right formula and she has to keep switching to see what works? What if heaven forbid there is an emergency and she has to pack up 3 infants into a car and get to the doctor's office? Or once they start moving/rolling over? Or if 2 of the 3 babies are the type that need to be held 24/7, how will she even change a diaper/shower? One baby could have colic...etc. It's too many variables for me.

Also this may sound minor, but you need to think about someone caring for your child when their child is around. Her child will obviously be her favorite and it's her first baby. I don't mean to sound terribly negative but the worst thing is that 2 weeks in it doesn't work out and you need to find emergency child care that is inconvenient or too expensive.

ladythrice · February 2016

Childcare is such a hard hard thing. It was stressful during the pregnancy because we were trying to pick the right provider. It was stressful after the baby was born because it was so hard to leave the baby. And now, 14 months in its still stressful because DS is far more cognizant of us leaving him so drop-off is hard on him. All this stress and we love our daycare! I can't imagine how it would be if we didn't.

All that being said choosing what type of care works for your family is super important... and completely overwhelming. We initially wanted to go with an in home provider but there weren't many options in our area and the ones that did have openings just didn't feel right to us. We toured every single daycare in our area before we picked the one we settled on.

Our son goes to a large daycare M-F, 7:30-4. He will be in an infant/toddler room until he is 2 and the tuition is $250/week. Our daycare is in a town on the outskirts of the big city we live in that I drive through on my way to work (we live in the city but commute out of the city for work) so our tuition is a bit lower than if we had care in the city.

Things that were important to us:
-Cleanliness of the facility... this seems like a given but some of the in-home places we visited just didn't fit the bill for us.
-Education/programming - This wasn't initially important to us because we were focused on the here and now and didn't worry about how educational the facility would be. However, I'm SO thankful we accidentally ended up in a facility (that is also a pre-school) that starts their educational programming young. Our son has blossomed under this environment!
-No violations with the state (this means the center/provider is registered with the state and receives routine inspections. We didn't even consider providers that weren't registered with the state... the risk just wasn't worth it to us.
-Vaccine requirements - Daycares are cesspools... They just are and there's no way around it. We picked a center than has strict vaccine requirements.

soberkfell · February 2016

@LifeofLauren2 and @austinjl One other thing to note - my co-worker who was recently looking for childcare made the observation that finding a reasonably-priced, reputable daycare with availability within the City limits is pretty difficult. There is much more demand than there is supply. If you work in the county or could justify driving 15-20 minutes, you might have better luck.

FluffleSprout · February 2016

I'll give you my perspective as a stm, part-time sahm, and part-time nanny. It's a bit of a ramble, so be prepared or skip.

I was a SAHM for 18 months partially because childcare costs were so high. I took on a pt childcare job by chance but had previous experience from college. I live 2 blocks from a grade school and knew someone looking for coverage between her commuter train and her son's afternoon kindergarten so it just worked out. I really enjoyed it and I've had a regular part-time family/job each year since. It just so happens that each family has outgrown, moved, etc so I'm only my third family in three years but they have been excellent references and I'm still in touch.

First, at some level there is wiggle room but you get what you pay for and child care isn't and shouldn't be cheap. It's sad how little centers pay their teachers. I charge a going "nanny" rate which is a lot more than an "at home daycare" rate because I take on one family and tailor to their needs. I do homework, therapy exercises, special meals, keep their car seats in my car, join fun activities, whatever they need. Plus I'm very hands on and love them truly.

I have network of acquaintances who also watch kids and I see everything from my level of care to a neighbor's unlicensed center in her house. She has the kids in unsafe car seats (three year old in a backless booster!), she spends 99% of her time on her phone while she has 6 kids at an unfenced park, etc. She is cheap, like half what I charge, but people don't stay. It's sad actually.

I would say that there is NO way I could have been a good caretaker to other kids the first year of my daughter's kife. I'll be taking off many months after this baby. The FTM who plans to nanny would be a deal breaker for me. I'd absolutely use a mom after a year old of so but no way I'd trust a first timer with her own newborn. She doesn't even realize what she's attempting.

ladythrice · February 2016

FluffleSprout said:

I'll give you my perspective as a stm, part-time sahm, and part-time nanny. It's a bit of a ramble, so be prepared or skip.

I was a SAHM for 18 months partially because childcare costs were so high. I took on a pt childcare job by chance but had previous experience from college. I live 2 blocks from a grade school and knew someone looking for coverage between her commuter train and her son's afternoon kindergarten so it just worked out. I really enjoyed it and I've had a regular part-time family/job each year since. It just so happens that each family has outgrown, moved, etc so I'm only my third family in three years but they have been excellent references and I'm still in touch.

First, at some level there is wiggle room but you get what you pay for and child care isn't and shouldn't be cheap. It's sad how little centers pay their teachers. I charge a going "nanny" rate which is a lot more than an "at home daycare" rate because I take on one family and tailor to their needs. I do homework, therapy exercises, special meals, keep their car seats in my car, join fun activities, whatever they need. Plus I'm very hands on and love them truly.

I have network of acquaintances who also watch kids and I see everything from my level of care to a neighbor's unlicensed center in her house. She has the kids in unsafe car seats (three year old in a backless booster!), she spends 99% of her time on her phone while she has 6 kids at an unfenced park, etc. She is cheap, like half what I charge, but people don't stay. It's sad actually.

I would say that there is NO way I could have been a good caretaker to other kids the first year of my daughter's kife. I'll be taking off many months after this baby. The FTM who plans to nanny would be a deal breaker for me. I'd absolutely use a mom after a year old of so but no way I'd trust a first timer with her own newborn. She doesn't even realize what she's attempting.

So much this. I don't think it matters how much experience you have in the baby room of a daycare or watching other people's kids. There's no training like that first year with your own kid to best prepare you for taking care of a 6 week old newborn. ESPECIALLY in this particular example because she's going to be in the thick of the hard part herself, having her own newborn.

PhoebeJune1984 · February 2016

Since I did work at a daycare, have done the nanny share, and have done nannying (while bringing my child along), I guess I could weigh in on nanny/infant/nanny child topics.

One family I nannied for (five years), two of the children were two months apart in age. There was also a toddler. One infant was colicky for 5 months, the other liked to be held a lot (one was 3mo when I got him, the other was 5mo). Needless to say, it took A LOT of adjusting. The saving grace was that the toddler was an amazing kid that could keep herself entertained and was totally low-key. Could I have done three infants, maybe. It would have been a damn nightmare though.....especially if one of those infants was mine, knowing that I would have to pump (or BF) on top of taking care of the other two infants. There were some days that the infants spent most of the day crying. I would say it was a lot of work, but mentally....that is like someone handing you triplets and expecting you to be able to fend for yourself for 8-9 hours a day, without any help. When it came to schedules for all of my nanny families, I have always put all of the kids on the same schedule, and the parents are given that schedule to either follow on the off days, or not follow it if they choose. But they all napped at the same time, ate at the same time, etc. Even when the fourth kid was added into the mix later on, it was always the same schedule....just like when I worked at the daycare.

The family that I have now, they were 4 month old twins when I started. My daughter would come to work with me, and she was 18mo. It was still a struggle getting into the swing of things, because of the fact that the twins were 100% dependent on me, and my daughter was still 75% dependent on me. I will say that you can't always assume that a FTM will put her child's needs before the nanny kids needs. I would say that 80% of the time (even to this day), the nanny kids are taken care of, before my daughter is tended to (unless in an emergency situation). I do this on purpose, just because of the fact that she is an only child and I want her to have to learn patience and that we adults cannot always jump to her every whimper or plea. My daughter is now almost 4.5 years old, and the twins are 3 years old. They argue like siblings, they fight like siblings, and my daughter is forced to have to share....so I find that having her with me here, is actually a really good benefit for her in the long run. Plus, it gives them someone else (other than each other) to play with during the day.

That being said, I am actually quitting my job in June. Could I force myself to bring a newborn to work with me (DD would be in preschool three days a week, and with grandparents the other days), and still work? Yeah. But is it right? Nope. Not only will I be recovering from a c-section, I will be back to pumping and having a infant that relays on me 100% of the time. One of the twins cannot handle attention being taken off of him, so he would have an extremely hard time with me having to spend 15min pumping, feedings, changing, crying infant, etc. The other twin would be fine, as she is able to play independently and doesn't mind when the focus is taken off of her for a little bit. In the off chance that I would go back to a nanny job, I would try to find someone around this baby's age, so I could keep them on the same schedule and they would be at the same age for doing things when they are a little bit older. But would I feel comfortable, even after 12+ years of nannying, going back right away. Nope. Not in a sleep deprived, trying to get into a groove, state. I would wait until my baby is 4-6 months old before I would feel like I could take on a nanny kid, and give that nanny kid the best of me. Even though I survived many nanny kids, teething, colic, potty training, long days (and sometimes weekends), and sometimes four kids at a time.....nothing prepared me for actual parenthood, and being sleep deprived. Its amazing how fast you can lose patience for a screaming baby, when you haven't sleep in what feels like years. Unfortunately, nobody was going to let me off shift at the end of the day, and on weekends....with my own child. I would have a hard time leaving a FTM, with more than one infant (along with her own)....a few months into parenthood.

megstervt · February 2016

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and perspectives! You've given me lots to think about and keep in mind when I meet with this woman.

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