Have you chosen your baby's godparents yet? How?

southerngirlgetsfit · November 2015

Just wondering if anyone has decided this yet. My husband and I are private people and don't have super close friends that I'd trust with such a role. We both have siblings but we aren't exactly close to them either. Gosh I make us sound bad lol..anyway, we are Catholic and plan to have our baby baptized soon after her birth, but we just can't decide on who to choose. How did you decide?

mcklough · November 2015

we aren't religious, and won't be baptizing but we chose the people that we want to raise our children if we both die so I'll give you the thought process on that.

First I wanted to say that we both have siblings as well, but we don't share similar lifestyles or ideals. My sister and her husband aren't particularly outgoing, they are religious and they don't know if their lifestyle would fit with children. Just not the right fit even though I know they will both be awesome aunt/uncle. DHs brother is quite immature and is just moving out of his parents house for the first time at 29 in a few months- neither of us feel like he has the emotional maturity but again- will be an awesome uncle.

We picked my DH's best friend from college and his long term girlfriend (who actually just got engaged over Halloween weekend) to be "godparents". They are similar to us in values and beliefs- they want to have their own children, are open minded, feel strongly about success in both social life and education, value family but also value individual thought and action amongst a family unit. They also are different from us in that they are much more socially active than we are. The girl's family lives 1 town away from us so since we moved here we have been to many family parties and get togethers with them and they always have welcomed us in. They are both less uptight than DH and I are so I think it will be a good balance of the security that we need to feel confident incase of an emergency but also people that we know will love and support our child and show them different ways to be.

kalanieileen · November 2015

southerngirlgetsfit said:
Just wondering if anyone has decided this yet. My husband and I are private people and don't have super close friends that I'd trust with such a role. We both have siblings but we aren't exactly close to them either. Gosh I make us sound bad lol..anyway, we are Catholic and plan to have our baby baptized soon after her birth, but we just can't decide on who to choose. How did you decide?

Not sure your culture, but for myself, Filipinos have specific "rules" about choosing god parents. We chose based off the guidelines and people close to us that we trust who have their heads on straight so to speak.

saladflambe · November 2015

DH and I agreed his sister and brother-in-law will be godparents. We feel they are most adequately equipped to take care of our child should something happen to us.

doozer1345 · November 2015

DH's best friend of 26 years is ours for DD and will be for this LO too. They are so much alike that I felt if anything were to happen to us our children would at least get a good dose of their father.

ZoeyRaeJames · November 2015

My SO and I honestly haven't thought about it much. There are a few people he has mentioned, but we don't really keep contact with them anymore.

So, I'm not sure HOW we're gonna work that out! And we don't want to put the burden on his younger family members, either! They're still 18-19 years old!

RachieTK · November 2015

We are Jewish so no god parents. The legal guardians in our will for our 4 year old and this baby are my husband's best friend from high school and her husband. They live locally, are an active part of our son's life, have they own kids, have similar values, and are financially stable. While they are catholic, they would continue to provide Jewish cultural traditions for our kids if the need arose.

fragglemom · November 2015

You may want to start by speaking to the pastor of the church you have chosen for the baptism. Some require a letter from the godparents' pastor/spiritual leader to make sure that they are indeed spiritual.
We are also catholic. It has been my understanding that godparents are for spiritual direction and not necessarily the people you have chosen to be physical guardians in your absence. They are sometimes one in the same, but it's less common lately.
We have personally chosen family members mostly because it's more likely they will really work at staying involved in our son's life and partly because our friends aren't very spiritual.

satuttle1014 · November 2015

I am a godmother to both of my nieces because I am Catholic. My sister is Catholic but in transition of finding another church and is not practicing every week so maybe for child #2 or #3 she will be a godmother since I am for both her girls.

We will most likely being going with an aunt/uncle from his or my side. I would do friends but not a lot of our friends who are Catholic are practicing and it is easier when they go to mass every Sunday and belong to a parish. So that's why we are probably gonna go with family who go to church on a regular basis.

cMichelle0423 · November 2015

I feel like there's so much confusion when talking about Godparents. To be clear, there is a big difference between a Godparent (a person who presents a child at baptism and responds on the child's behalf, promising to take responsibility for the child's religious education.) and a legal guardian should anything happen to you and your husband.

If you're choosing a Godparent, I've always thought that such person should regularly practice the religion (we're Catholic/Christian) and can be someone who's knowledgeable in the religion. Our kids aren't baptized yet, but I'd like my parents to be their godparents because they fit my "standards" for what a godparent should be.

If you're choosing a legal guardian, then I'd go by who you'd trust your child's life with the most. Someone who can provide not only financially but in all aspects you and your husband would be providing for your child (emotionally, mentally, etc).

I hope all of that makes sense lol I'm one tired mama so I'm sure I rambled a little. Good luck!

little_bren · December 2015

Lurking

We didn't have god parents and won't this time either. We don't have anything listening who DD and new baby would go to... We can think of a family we are close to but that would probably hurt family members' feelings. I have several siblings (and so does DH) that are irresponsible and/or do not share our values. I would say my parents but they are in their mid-60s.

AdorkablePixie · December 2015

DH and I are asking my cousin, who is like one of my best friends, to be the godmother. She was SO excited when I just told her we are pregnant, so I know we made the right choice. I don't know if we will had a godfather and if we do, I don't know who it would be.

I agree with other posters though, godparents aren't the ones who care for your children should something happen to you. I have four godkids, there's no way I could care for all of them should something happen to the parents! lol The people I'd want to care for our kids should something happen to us is DH's mom and step dad.

Sarcasm101 · December 2015

mcklough said:

we aren't religious, and won't be baptizing but we chose the people that we want to raise our children if we both die so I'll give you the thought process on that.
First I wanted to say that we both have siblings as well, but we don't share similar lifestyles or ideals. My sister and her husband aren't particularly outgoing, they are religious and they don't know if their lifestyle would fit with children. Just not the right fit even though I know they will both be awesome aunt/uncle. DHs brother is quite immature and is just moving out of his parents house for the first time at 29 in a few months- neither of us feel like he has the emotional maturity but again- will be an awesome uncle.
We picked my DH's best friend from college and his long term girlfriend (who actually just got engaged over Halloween weekend) to be "godparents". They are similar to us in values and beliefs- they want to have their own children, are open minded, feel strongly about success in both social life and education, value family but also value individual thought and action amongst a family unit. They also are different from us in that they are much more socially active than we are. The girl's family lives 1 town away from us so since we moved here we have been to many family parties and get togethers with them and they always have welcomed us in. They are both less uptight than DH and I are so I think it will be a good balance of the security that we need to feel confident incase of an emergency but also people that we know will love and support our child and show them different ways to be.

Having Godparents is a religious thing, so if you aren't planning to baptize then there is no point to godparents. If you want someone to be a legal guardian to your children, if something were to happen to you, you need to draw up the legal paperwork. Just asking someone will not hold up in court.

AdorkablePixie · December 2015

@Sarcasm101 It isn't necessarily only for religious purposes. I know a lot of people who have godparents/are godparents and they are religious. It may have started out that way, but it isn't that way anymore.

Sarcasm101 · December 2015

AdorkablePixie said:

@Sarcasm101 It isn't necessarily only for religious purposes. I know a lot of people who have godparents/are godparents and they are religious. It may have started out that way, but it isn't that way anymore.

I disagree. If it isn't for a baptism, then they serve no real purpose. You are essentially just asking someone to be involved in your child's life, which I don't think needs a title.

oceanchild · December 2015

@Sarcasm101 is right. As a PP stated, godparents are responsible (along with the parents and church) for being involved in the child's continued religious education (hence the "god-" part of the title), speaking on the baby's behalf at the sacrament of Baptism, offering extra spiritual guidance around the child's first confession and first Holy Communion, often sponsoring the child at the sacrament of Confirmation, and isn't just an "honor" title. It is a serious responsibility. Our parish requires the godparents to prove themselves as Catholics in good standing and regular attendees at Mass.
My married BIL & SIL are godparents to two of our children, and my single brother and other single SIL are godparents of the other two. We also have several family friends that we considered that we would absolutely trust to aide in the spiritual upbringing of our children.
If something were to happen to us and our children needed legal guardians, my brother and other SIL would not be who we would choose at all! They are amazing Catholics, but in are no positions to raise children, not financially stable with permanent residences etc.
@AdorkablePixie if the godparent isn't serving a religious purpose, what is the point? Just a way to say "hey, you're special to our family" ? or what?

AdorkablePixie · December 2015

@oceanchild I suppose that's the purpose. I'm not really sure, honestly. But I know people do it. I am a godmom to four kids, but they(the parents) aren't really religious people. I know that I am like their aunt, so maybe that's what it is?

I'm going to read up on godparents later to further educate myself.

oceanchild · December 2015

@AdorkablePixie We did/do have some "honorary aunt/uncle" figures in my life growing up, and my kids also have an honorary "aunt" and "uncle" that are very close family friends (they were my matron of honor/husband's best man at our wedding and have always been like a brother/sister to us), so I do totally understand that!

But one isn't religious at all, and the other is of a different denomination, so neither could serve as GPs for our kiddos. But we do call them "aunt/uncle" to the kids, (and i am sure there may be other people who would side-eye us for doing that when they aren't technically related).

AdorkablePixie · December 2015

@oceanchild That's kinda how I am with my "godkids". They call me aunt. My best friends son also calls me aunt, and once their daughter can talk I know she will too. So maybe I'm more like what you're talking about. I am religious to an extent, but I stopped going to church regularly three years ago because my husband and I cannot agree on a church.

vgirl33vb · December 2015

I knew who exactly I wanted to be the godparents of our second child. With our son I made my sister-n-law because she couldn't have any children of her own with all her health issues. But all of a sudden she drop out of my son's life. I wish I could change his godmother now. I made my stepdad his godfather because I had to pick someone that was involve in our church. This time around I am making my brother our little girl's godfather and my cousin that was my maid of honor in my wedding will be the godmother. I know these two will be in my child's life for sure. Especially my brother.

splsmama2016 · December 2015

I'm Jewish and I have godparents. My sisters godparents are Catholic, whereas mine are Jewish. It started out traditionally as a fully religious thing, but in today's society, it's not always that way. The way I was brought up understanding why we have godparents is that it's another family who makes sure you understand your connection to God, regardless of your religion.

DH and I have not chosen godparents and we are unsure if we will do so. As far as legal guardians in the case of a tragedy, we may be leaning more towards my sister and brother-in-law, as they have the same family values we have and want to pass to our kids. Feelings will be hurt on DHs side, as his best friend is already annoyed that I'm pregnant and apparently stealing her thunder. *insert eye roll* But we have to do what's best for our family.

Wicked4589 · December 2015

I don't understand why someone would be a God parent for any other purpose that religious. It's the direct definition of it, hence the term God. Get the guardian information in writing with an attorney, it's the only way it will hold up.

Mrsrundell · January 2016

My sister and hubby's brother for baby #1

little_bren · January 2016

We don't have godparents for DD. I know we should choose someone for the will "in case" but we don't know anyone really who's a great fit. A friend asked if it could be her but I told her we weren't having.

Lyssiana · January 2016

We are thinking about my best friend of 29 years (I am 32) and her husband, but recently I have been leaning toward an older cousin of mine. My friend and my cousin both have my values, but my cousin is so much more like me.

purplefan1 · January 2016

I am Catholic and at least one of the godparents must be Catholic. The other one doesn't have to be. So we are planning on asking my sister and his brother since they both stood up with us at our wedding. Then, for baby #2 (if we are able to have another) I plan on asking my sisters husband and a friend. My sister and her husband practice the faith the way I do and I know would stay involved in the children's lives in both a spiritual and family way. They are also likely the people we will eventually name as a legal guardians in case something happens to us. My brother chose two friends to be his child's godparents and doesn't even talk to one of them any more and the other one is very nice but doesn't attend church and doesn't practice. Never did understand why he didn't ask either of his two sisters. He now says he regrets that decision and would go back and change it if he could.

I wish I had godparents who had been more involved in my life. I LOVE being a godparent to my oldest nephew. And I love when he introduces me as his aunt/godmother. I feel a lot of pride knowing the role that I get to have in his life. :-)

AOliveira11 · January 2016

DH and I have picked out the godparents we want for our little bean. We have chosen our good friend that I've known since high school to be the godfather and my best female friend to be the godmother. The godmother we have chosen and I are inseparable and are more like sisters. The issue i'm going to run into is how to break the news to my actual sister that she will not be chosen. My mother has already stated previously that it should be family that gets selected for god parents, but I could easily make the argument that she picked her childhood friend for my sister's godmother over my aunt (dad's sister). I can foresee someone getting their feelings hurt, but when push comes to shove, we want people who are going to be there for our child and in the event my DH and I pass away, we want people who are stable in their life to be able to take care of our child. Any advice on breaking the news to my mother and sister?

almostpriceless · January 2016

We are Catholic. Our parish requires that both Godparents be Catholic and have met the sacraments of baptism, Holy Communion, and Confirmation. If they have met the sacrament of marriage then that must have either occurred in or been convalidated by the church as well, although it is ok if they are not married to one another. I know several people who have intentionally deviated from these requirements, which I find slightly disturbing since the entire purpose of Godparents is to offer religious education and that beginning with falsification is just wrong. Our parish also requires that you take a class before your child is baptized and that the Godparents attend with you. Having attended this class twice in my life, I can attest to the fact that in the Catholic Church the role of Godparents is not intended to be fulfilled only in the event of your death, but rather a lifelong commitment to your child's religious education. It has nothing to do with who will care for your children's overall wellbeing in your absence. Obviously these can be the same people, but they don't have to be. Guardians need to be agreed upon in legal documents. To be clear, my perspective is strictly that of a practicing Catholic with experience at a specific parish and I can't really comment on how this works for other religions.

I'd also like to add that I agree with the opinions of those who say Godparents don't make sense if you aren't religious. There are many special men and women in my children's lives and we simply refer to them as Aunt or Uncle.

cy&damonsmommy · February 2016

My oldest son has godparents that were chosen when he was baptised. It's my cousin and her husband who cannot have children. However, his acting godmother, not officially but in name and actions, is my best friend. well also be godmother to the baby I'm am carrying now. She also cannot have children of her own and I know her and get husband well make great parents should anything happen to my husband and myself.

PhoebeJune1984 · February 2016

I am not religious, but I do have several family members that are. They all chose a sibling as one of the godparents, and a close friend as another. You do not have to trust the godparents with raising your children, as like the previous posters mentioned, there is a big difference in godparents and guardians. Most of my Catholic family members did pick someone that they also felt comfortable with raising their children if something were to happen, but they also have to be listed (in some sort of documentation), that they are the ones you want raising your child (guardians). One of my cousins has different people listed. Her sister and her brother are listed as godparents, the ones that will help guide her children when it comes to the religious aspect. But she has her best friend and her best friend's husband, listed in documents as guardians (because they would parent the same as she does).

Since we are not religious, we have guardians for our DD (and will for this baby). It was very important for me to get something on paper shortly after she was born, because I was very specific on who I wanted raising my children if something were to happen to us. Neither of our parents were in the running (we felt they had already been there, done that...and were finally empty nesters). My sister was out because she can't keep a relationship worth beans, and I don't want my kids hopping from step-parent to step-parent. My brother was out because he was a young bachelor, and I didn't want to stick a kid/kids on him. MH's sister was out, because she parents the COMPLETE opposite of us, and has MS, so we don't know where she would be health wise (she doesn't take care of herself at all, so really I feel like she is only going downhill). I am not close to my cousins (except one that was too young). And I do have friends, but not ones that I would leave my kids with long term. We decided on MH's cousin and his wife, with his other cousin (the brother of the first one) and his wife as back up. They parent the same as us, they have the same lifestyle, etc. That being said, we decided this five years ago (when I was pregnant with DD), and things change. There is nothing wrong with changing who is listed as guardians, if you feel that over time, there is someone else that would be a better fit. Both couples are still a good choice for us, but one set has had more children, and the other set is starting their family. However, we do have a set of really close friends that in the past four years of DD's life, have been super involved. They live 45min away from us, but still make sure to come to every birthday party, every dance recital, vacations together, etc. They parent the same as us, they are amazing with their kids (who are teens and extremely good kids), and DD has become a fourth "child" of theirs. In fact, when they found out we were expecting #2, he started looking for a job closer to us, and they are trying to move up here before #2 is born this summer. We may only see them a few times a month, but they are the first people to drop what they are doing if we needed them. My husband has been friends with both of them for 30 years, and I have been for 10 years. And our DD is obsessed with the whole family. We are going to be changing our documents to put this couple first, with MH's two cousins as backup #1 and backup #2.

Our child/children do have honorary aunts/uncles, but they are not religious godparents nor are they legal guardians. Big difference.

DisneyIsabelle · February 2016

I had to convince my husband that Godparents are not the same as legal guardians if something happens to us. I'm kind of leaving it up to him if he wants us to do a baptism and have "Godparents" because we don't practice any religion, but I think his mom and grandmother may be upset if we don't have a baptism. If it's important to my husband for us to do that it's fine (although I dk if it's even allowed with me not being Catholic or religious)

As far as guardians go. I would like to put my mom on the will for that because she has a flexible schedule and does not need to work outside of the home. She and my step-dad live in a nice area and have plenty of space. Also, because they have more financial stability than some other family members that I would consider. My brother is also much younger than me and still lives at home and in high school, so my mom is still used to the shuttling a kid around and having life revolve around that other person's activities and needs. My SIL would be my second choice as she has a 4-year-old that we spend a lot of time with. As of now I would not choose her, that may change in the future. She is a great mom, but a single mom and we are generally not too fond of her choices of boyfriend. If in the future she was in a solid marriage and not having to work so hard I would choose her.

I hope everyone makes sure to prioritize having a written will with your wishes in it because, Godparents are a spiritual guardian from my understanding. If you'd like them to be the legal guardians if anything should happen it needs to be documented.

Kristin712 · February 2016

I agree with PPs who state godparents are for religious purposes, not for legal guardianship of your child should something happen to you.

We will be asking my brother and DH's sister to be godparents to our LO after he is born. The decision was easy for us as they are our only siblings. For future children, we will be choosing family members with whom we share close relationships and will be good role models. We will never choose a non-family member for this role. As much as we hope our best friends will still be in our lives 40 years from now, shit happens. If we choose someone who married into the family, it will be someone who has been around and/or married for many years and is an overall solid person who will prioritize still being part of our child's life if divorce should occur.

Nerdchild · February 2016

I'm agnostic, so I am definitely not choosing godparents for religious reasons. We have chosen three so far, my childhood best friend (my 'godsister', as we share a set of godparents), and a married couple of friends who have very similar social and 'moral' ideals. I want my child to have adults in their lives that they can go to with problems or questions that they might not feel comfortable coming to parents with. I have a great relationship with my godparents, so I want that relationship for my child.

noelietrex · February 2016

I want Brad and Angelina. Think they're available???

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