Odd Work Schedules

Jengle77 · February 2016

So I am having a momentary freak out...and I know I have no reason so. A little background. I was married and had two beautiful little girls. I got divorced two years ago. I met my boyfriend a year ago and he also has two girls. Talk about crazy! We all live together and it works. We have all 4 some nights. Other nights we have just 2 or we have none. Its a good balance.

Fast forward to now...and we unexpectedly found out we are expecting another girl! His life is over.

But here is my freak out. I work a very cushy easy flexible job and will always be home by 4 or 5 each day. I can take long lunches, work from home, etc. But, I will be the one home with the baby or with my two every night. Deep breaths. I think I can I think i can. I get super stressed easily and the idea of a new baby with two others is terrifying some days.

My boyfriend works until 9 the nights he doesnt have his kids. So basically, a few nights a week he is home at dinner time and we likely have all 5 kids. Ok, I can deal with that. Two hands are better then one.

But the other nights its just me and my kids home solo all night. And its like 4 nights a week. I am freaking out that I just cant do it all on my own. And I an nervous that I will resent him for never being home.

Those of you with challenging work schedules, how do you make it work? If you feel like a single mom some times because of weird work schedules, how do you get yourself through?

I am so grateful for this baby girl, but totally panicked at the same time.

TIA!

Bookhousegirl · February 2016

I only have one now, but DH doesn't get home until 8ish most nights because he works in the city and even though he's done at six it's still almost a 2 hr subway/train commute. It was really hard when he first started this job as he used to be home by 4:30, but now I've gotten into a routine. I'm anticipating it being a big challenge initially but I know that I'll eventually find a way to make it work. One thing that has really helped is having a very structured nighttime routine. DS has dinner, bath and bed at the same time every night and it makes life a little more controlled and that helps me keep my sanity.

jamiesc58 · February 2016

@Jengle77 how old are you girls? I have an 11 yr old girl and a 6 year old boy and they help a lot! Yes they still need tending to sometimes like all kids but I believe it will be easier than you think.

1faceinacrowd · February 2016

We don't have weird schedules, per se, but my husband goes to work at 7 every morning, so I'm alone with our two kids every morning and have to get them up and ready for school (my job is very flexible, like yours, so I can go in later and take the kids to school). Both kids are from previous relationships so we have them every other week (Sunday thru Sunday) and I will say, at ages 4 and 5, they can still be a challenge some mornings. A few weeks ago, our 5-year-old had a MAJOR meltdown in the morning; he didn't want to get dressed, didn't want to put his shoes on...he was literally crying and screaming in the corner while my 4-year-old oggled him in disbelief from across the room, asking every 60 seconds, "Mommy, why is he acting like a baby?" (I'm sure you can imagine how much her comments helped my son calm down). Mornings like that, I am TERRIFIED to throw a newborn into the mix without my husband there to help. After all, these kids HAVE to be at school by a certain time, so it's so difficult when they aren't cooperating. And it's usually my step-son, whom I'm still learning how to redirect/handle when he loses control of his emotions.

All of that said, the best advice I can give is to make sure that your kids are prepared. Are they old enough to understand that a baby is coming? Are they old enough to "help"? I've had many, many talks with my kids already about things that will change when the baby comes. For instance, I explained that if they need something in the morning, they can't just sit and cry in their room until I come check on them (ahem, my dear son...) and they need to seek me out and ask me for help, because once baby comes, I will be busy feeding/changing/dressing baby and won't be able to check on them 158 times to make sure they got up and dressed like I asked.
How old are your kids? Do they have behavioral issues that you're struggling with now that makes you worry? The only reason I ask is that, aside from my step-son's occasional melt-downs, I'm actually really calm about the whole thing. Mornings, meals, and bed times are pretty easy with my kids about 90% of the time now; they dress themselves, brush their own teeth, entertain themselves, put their shoes on, etc. with little to no help from me. My daughter is good at handling her emotions and will simply verbalize if she's upset about something, so I'm not even remotely concerned about her. My step-son, as I mentioned, has some issues, but I will say that he has improved leaps and bounds since last September, which is when my DH and him moved in (2 months before our wedding) because we knew we were going to be TTC so we've been working VERY hard to get through some of his behavioral/emotional issues.

ShanRum3 · February 2016

This hadn't really crossed my mind, until I read your post. My DH is a stay at home dad. (that's just what has worked out best for us) I wonder if my he is having any anxiety about dealing with another kid while I'm at work. My schedule varies, and some days, I'm not home until almost 9PM, which would mean he's dealing with all 3 from the time our older 2 get home from school, till I get home, just in time to tuck them in bed. Thankfully, our boys are older, 6 and 11, and I think they will be able to be a big help, but now I worry about Daddy being able to help with homework and dinner and baths for everyone. I may ask my boss if I can work more day shifts, and maybe just work the evening shifts on weekends, when things wouldn't be as pressing for DH and the kids as far as time constraints go.

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