Is anyone really wanting a certain gender?

quailbeach · February 2016

I have two boys and a girl and I really REALLY want a girl this time. My daughter begs me for a sister and I really want to give her one. Plus, since this is definitely, absolutely my last, I would love to have another little girl in the house - those cute clothes and girly giggles. Sigh.

It would also balance out the male/female energy in the house very nicely. My odds are better for having a boy (along with my two sons, I also lost a pregnancy prior to my first born which was a boy) so I definitely am a boy producer, haha.
Of course we all want healthy, most importantly, but does anyone else really want one or the other?

joyful08 · February 2016

I 100% would just like to have a healthy baby. I do not care what sex I just want a baby.

artcheese · February 2016

Yes. This will be our last so I, and all my family including DH are really hoping for a girl.

moosette113 · February 2016

I know everyone's hearts are in the right place, but I wanted to point out that the word "gender" does not refer to the genitals or chromosomes our children will be born with. The word that we all should be using is "sex". And while one can hope that a child is born a certain sex, it does not mean that child will eventually identity with the sex assigned to them at birth.

Image: https://pub336womenshealth.wikispaces.com/file/view/Printable-Genderbread-Person-11X17.jpg/355243390/800x517/Printable-Genderbread-Person-11X17.jpg

Regardless, our children are all deserving of our love and support.

mstanfi · February 2016

I really want a girl, but I've been say "he" a lot just in case I have a boy. There's a place here in the Washington/Baltimore area that can tell you the gender of your baby at 13 weeks. A friend of mine referred me and their claim is that the gender is 100% accurate. It's not covered under insurance but it's only $125 for 3D ultrasounds. I'll likely use them, whenever I want to see my baby.

gatorMom2014 · February 2016

I'm happy with either. However, a little girl WOULD be fun! *I already have one boy.

PeggyOlsonFTW · February 2016

You mean "sex" not gender. Sex is between the legs, gender is between the ears.

And no. After multiple losses, I don't give a rat's ass whether I get a girl or another boy. A healthy baby will do just fine.

TheBeeCharmer · February 2016

I would love to have another girl, I have two boys and a girl. Having a sister is a huge part of my life. It's ok to prefer to have one sex over the other. That being said, of course I'd be happy with a third boy. Not sure my daughter would be though

SuperNerd42 · February 2016

I'll truly be happy with either! A boy would be fun because I already have a girl. I'd also love to give my daughter a sister, I'm so close with my sisters. Either way! I just want to find out so I can paint the room and buy clothes

JamieK1882 · February 2016

Nope. Healthy baby is all I want.

missteacherlady16 · February 2016

Similar to PPs, after struggling so long just to get pregnant, I couldn't care less about the baby's sex, so long as he or she is healthy. Seems like a silly thing to be concerned about, honestly.

CopperBoom86 · February 2016

Thankfully, I haven't really struggled to get pregnant, but I'm in the same boat as PP. I just want a sticky, healthy baby.

I will say that I have waaaay more boy names picked out, so maybe I'm subconsciously leaning toward a boy.

Sally1990 · February 2016

After two losses I just want a healthy baby but a boy would be nice. We have two amazing girls who would like a brother.

PrimRoseMama · February 2016

I have one of each & I honestly don't care. I've never cared. After losing two babies; I am happy to get a living, breathing baby in my arms at delivery. The way they pee really is not important to me. I find out the sex because it helps me with names, but other then that? Give me a squishy baby that craps & wails. I just want a living son or daughter.

CTRMommyof4 · February 2016

I have 3 sons, and my deceased was a boy, so I'm ready for a Princess

Hillzy30 · February 2016

After struggling with IF, I honestly just want a healthy baby. I'd love for DD to have a little sister, but I'd also love to see DH have a son.

quailbeach · February 2016

Thanks for all the polite responses, I can't believe we are so lucky to be able to discuss these types of things! I still feel like I need to pinch myself that I'm actually pregnant - it's been a long year and a half of ttc this time around. :-D
To the few that were less than polite: To clarify, I did write "of course we all want healthy" that's the first and foremost concern in all our minds. This was just a fun thread idea to get to know each other, you guys need to lighten up! (uh oh, or is using the word "guys" going to get the semantics police on me again).
FYI: this is my 8th pregnancy and I have three living children so I know all about losses. Instead of wallow in fear and negativity, I find my best coping mechanism is to be positive and lighthearted and take each day as a happy day because I'm pregnant. Part of that is charging ahead in this beautiful pregnancy adventure like it's going to be a success instead of fighting with other moms and stressing about it to the point that I'm not dreaming and excited about each stage of pregnancy.
This is the third time I have been rude to on this site. Is this how the bump is or is it just a few individuals that prefer to put people in their place instead of truly connect? Peace and love, ladies, peace and love.

PeggyOlsonFTW · February 2016

quailbeach said:

Thanks for all the polite responses, I can't believe we are so lucky to be able to discuss these types of things! I still feel like I need to pinch myself that I'm actually pregnant - it's been a long year and a half of ttc this time around. :-D
To the few that were less than polite: To clarify, I did write "of course we all want healthy" that's the first and foremost concern in all our minds. This was just a fun thread idea to get to know each other, you guys need to lighten up! (uh oh, or is using the word "guys" going to get the semantics police on me again).
FYI: this is my 8th pregnancy and I have three living children so I know all about losses. Instead of wallow in fear and negativity, I find my best coping mechanism is to be positive and lighthearted and take each day as a happy day because I'm pregnant. Part of that is charging ahead in this beautiful pregnancy adventure like it's going to be a success instead of fighting with other moms and stressing about it to the point that I'm not dreaming and excited about each stage of pregnancy.
This is the third time I have been rude to on this site. Is this how the bump is or is it just a few individuals that prefer to put people in their place instead of truly connect? Peace and love, ladies, peace and love.

Nobody was rude to you. We expressed our own individual opinions about your question. Not agreeing =/= rude.

ETA: to the bolded: You don't truly connect with someone by agreeing with them or having the same idea about something 100% of the time. That would be a boring relationship.

quailbeach · February 2016

mstanfi said:

I really want a girl, but I've been say "he" a lot just in case I have a boy. There's a place here in the Washington/Baltimore area that can tell you the gender of your baby at 13 weeks. A friend of mine referred me and their claim is that the gender is 100% accurate. It's not covered under insurance but it's only $125 for 3D ultrasounds. I'll likely use them, whenever I want to see my baby.

@mstanfi I totally get saying "he" too, haha. I found this DNA blood extraction service that can find out the gender at only 9 weeks by just a finger prick! So insane that technology is getting so advanced and it's only $79. :-O I'm pretty sure I'm doing the matert21 screening or the harmony screening this time around with should give me a 99% correct answer on the sex at 12 weeks so I'll probably hold off on the earlier test but you should totally go for it if you aren't getting one of the other screenings!

quailbeach · February 2016

LOL PeggyOlsen, whatever you need to do to justify your behavior and other's behaviors. Try saying what you or missteacherlady said to me to someone on the street and watch for their reaction. Whatever though, sticks and stones but please consider getting some manners. The world doesn't have to be such a dismal and negative place!

I have no desire to further this conversation with you on if you were or were not rude, not worth my time. Not interested in getting gaslighted.

PeggyOlsonFTW · February 2016

quailbeach said:

LOL PeggyOlsen, whatever you need to do to justify your behavior and other's behaviors. Try saying what you or missteacherlady said to me to someone on the street and watch for their reaction. Whatever though, sticks and stones but please consider getting some manners. The world doesn't have to be such a dismal and negative place! I have no desire to further this conversation with you on if you were or were not rude, not worth my time. Not interested in getting gaslighted.

Could you point out where what we said was negative? If I told someone I didn't give a rat's ass what sex my baby was because of my losses, I don't think they'd tell me I was a horribly rude person. And FWIW, I have said that to my friends. They're still my friends and weren't offended because there's nothing offensive about what I said.

moosette113 · February 2016

quailbeach said:

Thanks for all the polite responses, I can't believe we are so lucky to be able to discuss these types of things! I still feel like I need to pinch myself that I'm actually pregnant - it's been a long year and a half of ttc this time around. :-D
To the few that were less than polite: To clarify, I did write "of course we all want healthy" that's the first and foremost concern in all our minds. This was just a fun thread idea to get to know each other, you guys need to lighten up! (uh oh, or is using the word "guys" going to get the semantics police on me again).
FYI: this is my 8th pregnancy and I have three living children so I know all about losses. Instead of wallow in fear and negativity, I find my best coping mechanism is to be positive and lighthearted and take each day as a happy day because I'm pregnant. Part of that is charging ahead in this beautiful pregnancy adventure like it's going to be a success instead of fighting with other moms and stressing about it to the point that I'm not dreaming and excited about each stage of pregnancy.
This is the third time I have been rude to on this site. Is this how the bump is or is it just a few individuals that prefer to put people in their place instead of truly connect? Peace and love, ladies, peace and love.

If this was aimed at me, I did very specifically state that "I know everyone's hearts are in the right place". I don't believe you were being malicious, and if my tone seemed rude to you, I apologize. But I did want to take the opportunity to educate anyone who might not know the difference between sex and gender. It's important to show everyone respect, and part of that is using proper terminology and taking the time to learn.

For what it's worth, your parenthetical comment about "guys" is something I am actively working on removing from my vocabulary. I recognize that I use it too often (even here on the Bump) and it may be hurtful to some people. If a simple change of phrase can make someone feel more accepted and included, why not?

br0co1ii · February 2016

I don't honestly care the sex of my baby. I just want it to be healthy and happy. I'm going to be elated to have a little human being to care for regardless of what genitalia it has or what gender it has.

missteacherlady16 · February 2016

Wow, OP. I'm disappointed in your behavior. You don't get to tell people how to feel about the circumstances that lead them here. That's not how it works.

It's great that even after your struggles you are able to be so upbeat and carefree. But just because you are upbeat and carefree does not mean that I have to be upbeat and carefree, also.

If the health of my baby is more important to me than how it pees and I find this conversation tacky and in poor form, those are MY opinions and you don't get to tell me that I'm wrong and should lighten up. That's not how the internet works.

We've got a long road ahead of us and I don't see this going well if this is how you respond to others that do not agree with you.

CopperBoom86 · February 2016

@quailbeach - I just wanted to say I don't share the same views on gender as some of the ladies you called out, but they weren't rude. Nothing they said was ugly or even mildly offensive, so there's no need to be defensive about it. I know how it feels to have a post "taken the wrong way" or somewhat misinterpreted, but I don't think that's what happened here. They were just giving their opinion. Some people aren't as "puppies and unicorns" as others, and that's okay.

PrimRoseMama · February 2016

quailbeach said:

This was just a fun thread idea to get to know each other, you guys need to lighten up! (uh oh, or is using the word "guys" going to get the semantics police on me again).

This is the third time I have been rude to on this site. Is this how the bump is or is it just a few individuals that prefer to put people in their place instead of truly connect? Peace and love, ladies, peace and love.

I respectfully disagree with you on this point.

My experiences color my outlook on pregnancy and I can't really divorce my feelings from my experiences. I respect your feelings and what you want for yourself. You asked us how we felt about getting a certain gender. Therefore, our feelings and experiences matter. Its not respectful at all to dismiss our pain, and our feelings just because they are from a darker place. We have as much right to express our sentiments (in a respectful way that observes TOU, of course) as you do to express your puppies and rainbows. What's good for you is just as good for us.

I am a very nice person with a great sense of humor. However, on this subject I find it so very hard to "lighten up". Its unfortunate that my life experience seems to put a damper on how you choose to experience pregnancy. For some we don't really have a choice about how to feel. Rather, we have intrusive fears and worries that come upon us at inopportune moments. Grief is different for everyone.

I am all about peace and love, but its unfair to expect your view to be the only view that is worthy of expression. I am doing my best to remain positive, but honestly, somedays PgAL is rough. Very rough. @quailbeach

PrimRoseMama · February 2016

#TeamPeggyOlsonFTW just so that we are clear. I disagree that she was rude to anyone. She was expressing her feelings that you, @quailbeach , actually asked for. Its not reasonable to police responses in the thread that you created just because you don't agree with them. If you ask how people feel or think on a subject it makes no sense to tell them they stink for having those feelings when you asked.

PrimRoseMama · February 2016

quailbeach said:

LOL PeggyOlsen, whatever you need to do to justify your behavior and other's behaviors. Try saying what you or missteacherlady said to me to someone on the street and watch for their reaction. Whatever though, sticks and stones but please consider getting some manners. The world doesn't have to be such a dismal and negative place! I have no desire to further this conversation with you on if you were or were not rude, not worth my time. Not interested in getting gaslighted.

I've actually said that I don't care to a random on public transportation while I was pregnant with my son. She didn't freak out on me like this. I don't think its lacking in manners to express yourself frankly to an audience like this. Why are you talking about gaslighting? What?

krzyriver · February 2016

@quailbeach No one was rude. As someone who has had losses, you should know how emotional this all is for women who have experienced loss. And some of us worry we may never have a child, so we don't care what we get. You can't be upset when people express their opinion when you asked for it. And as for the "semantics police" comment, it's not just a semantics issue. It's fact. Gender and sex are not the same thing, regardless of your feelings on gender issues. And misuse of those words is something that may also be very emotional for some people. No need to get upset that someone was simply informing you. And not in a rude manner at all.

JamieK1882 · February 2016

Not trying to jump in and be a white knight or anything, and I know @primrosemama and @peggyolsonftw pretty much covered it, but I think that you got very respectful answers to your question. Maybe it's because we're a newer board, but I was surprised at the lack of snark you got to a question like this. Typically they don't go over well.

Also, I have no clue what gaslighting is?

MrsHudson2014 · February 2016

I literally read every single response trying to find this rudeness...

Is this all over explaining the scientific difference between Gender and Sex? I would have seen that as an educational moment, not a rude one.

Now for the question OP asked: I want a girl. Always have. My family is so full of boys, a girl is needed. But, if I do have a boy, I will love him just as much as I would have a girl.

joyful08 · February 2016

quailbeach said:

Thanks for all the polite responses, I can't believe we are so lucky to be able to discuss these types of things! I still feel like I need to pinch myself that I'm actually pregnant - it's been a long year and a half of ttc this time around. :-D
To the few that were less than polite: To clarify, I did write "of course we all want healthy" that's the first and foremost concern in all our minds. This was just a fun thread idea to get to know each other, you guys need to lighten up! (uh oh, or is using the word "guys" going to get the semantics police on me again).
FYI: this is my 8th pregnancy and I have three living children so I know all about losses. Instead of wallow in fear and negativity, I find my best coping mechanism is to be positive and lighthearted and take each day as a happy day because I'm pregnant. Part of that is charging ahead in this beautiful pregnancy adventure like it's going to be a success instead of fighting with other moms and stressing about it to the point that I'm not dreaming and excited about each stage of pregnancy.
This is the third time I have been rude to on this site. Is this how the bump is or is it just a few individuals that prefer to put people in their place instead of truly connect? Peace and love, ladies, peace and love.

Wow this is amazing. No one was even a little rude to you. You asked our opinions and everyone stated theirs. There wasn't even an ounce of rudeness. Just because you didn't like their response doesn't make it a rude response. Everyone has their own opinion and they shouldn't be put down for their opinions. Sorry but the only one being rude here is you.

dobbyisfree · February 2016

I too am surprised by the lack of snark on this thread. I use snark to find my best friends.

TheBeeCharmer · February 2016

I too, am still lacking spirit animals on this board.

nsquaredlife13 · February 2016

No one was being rude, no one was being mean. The truth is, you asked a question and you didn't like how some people answered. No need for the dramatics!

That said... I'd LOVE if Number Two was a Unicorn! Sadly I don't get to pick so with my luck No.2 will probably be a boy. That'd be the universe telling me I need more penis in my life. Although with my husband's luck we'll have a girl. While he somehow managed to be born among a house full of women, his family dominated by the vagina. He's very in touch with his feminine side and can braid some hair like nobody's business.

I guess I'll just "settle" for a healthy and happy baby!

ETA: Also, for all you with angel and rainbow babies. I just want to give you big ol' hugs.

coffee89 · February 2016

Happy healthy baby is number 1. I'd like a girl, but I'd be just as pleased with another boy.

coffee89 · February 2016

mstanfi said:

I really want a girl, but I've been say "he" a lot just in case I have a boy. There's a place here in the Washington/Baltimore area that can tell you the gender of your baby at 13 weeks. A friend of mine referred me and their claim is that the gender is 100% accurate. It's not covered under insurance but it's only $125 for 3D ultrasounds. I'll likely use them, whenever I want to see my baby.

Part of me really wants to ask you which place this is (I'm in that area) and part of me is clutching my checkbook over that price.

alaskankelsey89 · February 2016

I have to admit I am hoping for a girl, and DH is too... But trying to not get my hopes up too much!

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