announcing after a previous MC?

StrappinArrow · February 2016

When is the right time to announce?
We lost our first pregnancy at 10w5d in September. It was the perfect announcement. ...we did pics with us & we did pictures with my horse. It was beautiful and perfect. A month later we lost the baby. People STILL ask me hows baby growing or when my due date is....even though we announced on FB that we lost the baby (in hopes people would stop asking). We made the mistake of not waiting for the first ultrasound.
This baby we have had two ultrasounds. One at 5wk one at 7/8wks.
How do you announce after a MC? When?

We haven't told ANYONE (except my bff & his cousin that lives with us). Not even our parents. Although my MIL knows we are denying denying denying.

ducks6 · February 2016

I'm going through a similar dilemma. Personally, I would just announce because the support I received after my MMC (at 16 weeks) was wonderful. However, my DH didn't like having to talk about it with everyone. So we've compromised. We are probably going to announce at the end of March (when I'll be past 16 weeks) in a low key way at a friend's party. The party is just because we have a long weekend, not for anything special. We will be celebrating 2 birthdays and an anniversary at the same party so I'm not worried about stepping on anyone's toes. Having said that, I've told my mom, sis and BFF so that if all doesn't go well, I'll have support.

Ultimately, the perfect time is when you feel comfortable and ready. You announce in whatever way you want.

Smallangel · February 2016

Sorry to hear about your previous loss especially after such a beautiful announcement.
I too have had previous losses but never got that far to be able to announce on social media but just the same it was difficult having to tell family and close friends that new that I had miscarried and the next time an ectopic (which led to part of my tube being removed)

This time round I am 11 weeks and only a few people know (my parents, DH parents, sister and a friend) I have chosen to be catious this time round with who I tell and when but really it all depends on how comfortable you feel when telling and who to tell.

The fact that you've already had 2 scans is a really positive sign so maybe telling those that you feel you would want support from if a loss were to happen?

As for me I am hoping to announce to the rest of my family and friends after the 12 week scan and then social media on Mothers Day (6th March UK)

Really hoping for the best and although easier said than done, try not to stress and overthink too much...

A H&H 9 months to you! x

RedMar · February 2016

So sorry to hear of your loss. I too am PGAL and we have decided to wait until at least 12 weeks to tell people. No one knows right now and it's kind of nice having a secret with DH

.

mrsgillham14 · February 2016

I am pregnant for the fourth time and hopefully our first baby. I decided I wanted to announce as soon as we saw the heartbeat. We did the same announcement that we planned to use for the others and announced at 6w1d.

There really is no perfect time to announce. It's up to you and when you are comfortable. When we announced this one on Facebook I shared our struggle to stay pregnant and that has actually stopped a lot of the insensitive comments.

Good luck to you! I know this is really hard.

tinypikachu · February 2016

I'm sorry you had to go through a loss previously and it's so exciting that this pregnancy is going well!

It really is up to you when you want to announce and who you want to tell. With my loss, we told our immediate family right away and were waiting to be out of the first trimester to announce on FB but unfortunately never made it.

This time around, we told only my side of the family as soon as we found out and were waiting the three month mark to tell DH's family and our extended family. Unfortunately, my dad let the cat out of the bag when we heard the HB so the news spread like wildfire in our families. This time, I will not be making a FB announcement or announcing in social media. I will let our close friends know in the second trimester but, personally, I don't see the need to let distant friends and acquaintances know online. Whoever knows me personally will see my bump so they will know.

spacedolphin11 · February 2016

We're waiting until after 13 weeks (and the testing that goes on then) to tell most people, and after our nine week appointment on Tues to tell close family (if all goes well.)

I don't think there is a 'right time' - it's when you feel comfortable. I hardly told anyone with our first pregnancy, which we lost, so I ended up telling people after the fact to get support. I'd rather do that than have to 'untell' people though.

hjeanhill · February 2016

I mc about a year ago. I was about 10 wks and only our immediate family knew. This time around I have only told my mom and sister, although my mil has her suspicions and is telling people already before I have confirmed it. I'm 9 wks and still a little nervous, so it will be a few more weeks before I'm ready to say anything.

missshanab · February 2016

At almost 11 weeks, only my hubby, best friend and grandma know. We made an announcement pic that we are sending to only close family members until after the 13 week mark. We have seen the heartbeat, so we feel pretty confident, but would hate the heartbreak of announcing on social media to only have to explain later. We had a mc last october, which no one really knows about.

Tippy05 · February 2016

I'm 8 wks today and we just told my family this weekend. We're waiting until after our 12 wk scan to tell everyone else.

Spindlek · February 2016

We decided to wait to tell family until after our 12 week appointment just because we don't want to bring them along on another rollercoaster (I'm sure they'd be fine with knowing early but it was hard to see them get so excited last time-we told them really early, like 5 weeks, and our loss was at 10 weeks so a lot of excitement had built up). At 12 weeks I'm hoping we'll have the NT done and that the doctor will feel pretty confident. I'm just 8 weeks now though, and going for another ultrasound Thursday, so I keep trying to remind myself to take it one day at a time!

We've told a very small number of close friends (most who have also experienced a loss or infertility troubles who understand that our news is just news for now, and that we are excited but mostly just hoping that it will become happy news at 14 weeks. I don't know when I'll share on social media, we may try and tell all of the friends that we'd rather hear about it from us at 14 weeks and post to fb around 16? One dear friend of mine had a loss in her 16th week and I want to be sensitive to that as well.

KarlaMCurry · February 2016

I'm in the same boat. We lost a baby at 12wks 3d back in August. We had just announced it to the rest of the family, and though it was helpful having some support, I found lack of sympathy and odd comments hurtful. I'm currently pregnant again and don't want to tell ANYONE! Other than my hubby, I've only told two girlfriends and my pastor's wife. If and when we hit the 13-week mark we'll tell our kiddos, but explain how we're going to keep it a secret as long as possible in case anything happens. I've already had two ultrasounds, but that doesn't mean anything! I'm just going to let people wonder and work up the courage to ask if I'm pregnant.

No official announcement for us. I don't even want to tell my family (but will tell my sister, because she's hoping I'll be in her wedding!).

mrsl0429 · February 2016

Apologies if you've received this advice already, but here's my 2 cents.

I lost my first one at 9.5 weeks last summer. Worst thing ever. We had told some people, but not everyone. I'm 11 weeks today, and we have started telling people, mostly because I'm showing and it's getting too hard to hide my mood swings from co-workers.

Do what you feel good about doing. Some people need another ultrasound at 16 weeks to be completely satisfied, but you and I (and everyone else that's had a MC) know that there are no guarantees. It's tough to announce knowing that the worst could still happen, but really, there's no control here.

The advice I've been given is not to be afraid. You got pregnant again, and fairly quickly it seems, which is a very good sign. You've been through the worst, and it's out of your hands. Be happy for what you have right now, and that's a sweet little baby growing inside you.

Plus, from what I've read, your chance of MC at this point (for the most part, baring an medical conditions) at around 2%.

Hope this helps!

KarenBeth714 · February 2016

We told out immediate family a couple days after we found out, and then had an mc. So we are telling our family and some close friends but waiting till well after 13 weeks to tell everyone.

StrappinArrow · February 2016

Thank you all for the advice!

It's just all so stressful right now

BF & I will more than likely have to live apart for a week or two because our house closingwill probably be pushed back. MIL said I have to be out by the 1st no matter what. (Set agreement when we moved in) And I'm doubting he will want to sleep on the floor at my moms till we close on the house.

(for anyone that had read my post about my Monster-in-law, things have not improved). It's to the point where I'm barely even allowed to eat in the house (even the food I bought). Comments comments comments. And she hates how I raise my dog & won't stop making comments about that. I just want to tell her to shut up, I went to vet tech school not her.

I really don't even want to tell anyone. I'm sure my mom knows (our insurance is together) but she is polite enough not to push. Once we are in the new house I will let him tell his mom. After all the rude comments she made about my MC I really don't care to let her in on this pregnancy.

Sorry for the rant

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