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Pregnant after a Loss
purplefan1
member
Just when I thought I was calming down....
purplefan1
member
So, I went for my anatomy scan at 17 weeks 5 days. Everything looked great and I finally felt myself relaxing and trusting that this pregnancy will be ok. I learned there that for sure I have an anterior placenta, which is why I still only occasionally feel flutters and no definitive movements. I wasnt even bothered by this. They gave me an appointment to come back (scheduling made it almost 5 weeks between appointments) and I wasnt nervous! We even finally announced to the public which made it feel REALLY real.
This week on Tuesday when I was 20+6 I had a very random bout of vomiting. I had nausea throughout the first trimester really bad but resisted puking for the most part. Occasionally now I get vomity when brushing my teeth but other than that, no real vomiting bouts. I chalked it down to a lot of orange juice at breakfast and then I drank a diet dr pepper and I think all of the acid and carbonation worked against me. No big deal, right? Then, a few hours later, I went to the bathroom and there was a TINY streak of what looked like brown discharge on my panties. When I wiped, I couldnt figure out where it came from. Nothing was actively bleeding and every thing seemed fine. I called the doctors office just to give them a heads up and they had me come in for an ultrasound.
SO, ultrasound looked fine. Baby looked healthy, all measurements were good, heart beat was 153, we got facial measurements that we couldnt get at the previous ultrasound, etc. They did check my kidneys and I do have a kidney stone. But no apparent source of bleeding, every thing looks good, cervix is stupid long but in good shape, yada yada yada. We watched the tech type up the report to give to the doctor and it said that the baby was breech, stated the measurements (all landing within my gestational age) and that I had a nonobstuctive kidney stone. Tech said "If this was my baby I would be thrilled at how healthy it is".
I had to go back to work so I told them to call me. They called the next morning and said because baby is breech, they want to do a repeat ultrasound in three weeks. This is the part I couldnt figure out. This is my first pregnancy since my MMC, but honestly I thought baby moved around a ton in there until later in the pregnancy when there is less room and I didnt think most of them turned head down until somewhere in third trimester. They said because the umbilical cord is in front of the head, they want to monitor that. They also said multiple times there is nothing to worry about and everything else looked find. And I heard them say that and I get it. But I cant stop the worry from creeping in. So now I am back to the horrible feeling that I will lose this pregnancy. I am back to checking every time I wipe (I had been getting so much better at that!), I try so hard to feel movement but rarely can (stupid anterior placenta) and since I am in second trimester, I dont even have yucky symptoms to keep me hopeful.
I am working really hard to just pray on this and believe that it will be ok. But I know the thoughts are making me a little nuts again. So I came to vent to you guys because you all know what it is to have loved and lost and how hard these pregnancies feel knowing that. Sorry for the long post and probably just hopeful that everyone will send lots of good vibes my way and tell me to cut it out and that everything is fine.
ETA: This is my first pregnancy that has gone this far. My last pregnancy (January of 2015) lasted almost 11 weeks by time I had the D&C. I had a missed miscarriage somewhere between 8.5-10 weeks.
This week on Tuesday when I was 20+6 I had a very random bout of vomiting. I had nausea throughout the first trimester really bad but resisted puking for the most part. Occasionally now I get vomity when brushing my teeth but other than that, no real vomiting bouts. I chalked it down to a lot of orange juice at breakfast and then I drank a diet dr pepper and I think all of the acid and carbonation worked against me. No big deal, right? Then, a few hours later, I went to the bathroom and there was a TINY streak of what looked like brown discharge on my panties. When I wiped, I couldnt figure out where it came from. Nothing was actively bleeding and every thing seemed fine. I called the doctors office just to give them a heads up and they had me come in for an ultrasound.
SO, ultrasound looked fine. Baby looked healthy, all measurements were good, heart beat was 153, we got facial measurements that we couldnt get at the previous ultrasound, etc. They did check my kidneys and I do have a kidney stone. But no apparent source of bleeding, every thing looks good, cervix is stupid long but in good shape, yada yada yada. We watched the tech type up the report to give to the doctor and it said that the baby was breech, stated the measurements (all landing within my gestational age) and that I had a nonobstuctive kidney stone. Tech said "If this was my baby I would be thrilled at how healthy it is".
I had to go back to work so I told them to call me. They called the next morning and said because baby is breech, they want to do a repeat ultrasound in three weeks. This is the part I couldnt figure out. This is my first pregnancy since my MMC, but honestly I thought baby moved around a ton in there until later in the pregnancy when there is less room and I didnt think most of them turned head down until somewhere in third trimester. They said because the umbilical cord is in front of the head, they want to monitor that. They also said multiple times there is nothing to worry about and everything else looked find. And I heard them say that and I get it. But I cant stop the worry from creeping in. So now I am back to the horrible feeling that I will lose this pregnancy. I am back to checking every time I wipe (I had been getting so much better at that!), I try so hard to feel movement but rarely can (stupid anterior placenta) and since I am in second trimester, I dont even have yucky symptoms to keep me hopeful.
I am working really hard to just pray on this and believe that it will be ok. But I know the thoughts are making me a little nuts again. So I came to vent to you guys because you all know what it is to have loved and lost and how hard these pregnancies feel knowing that. Sorry for the long post and probably just hopeful that everyone will send lots of good vibes my way and tell me to cut it out and that everything is fine.
ETA: This is my first pregnancy that has gone this far. My last pregnancy (January of 2015) lasted almost 11 weeks by time I had the D&C. I had a missed miscarriage somewhere between 8.5-10 weeks.
Re: Just when I thought I was calming down....
@lilp2015 My thoughts exactly that baby will be breech at times and not at others, so I was surprised that is what they were focusing on and not the kidney stone or something. I worry that they think something might be wrong and just arent telling me because of my anxiety. Although, I think I've read most places that it is unethical for them to suspect something and not tell you. Just my nerves getting the best out of me.
Deep breathes and go buy some baby stuff
I'm sorry you are back to worrying again. I honestly check the toilet paper every time I wipe, it is definitely a habit.
I do take away from your story that multiple people have said everything is fine, and hope you can get in the mind frame of it is fine until it isn't.
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
Don't worry too much about feeling baby move yet, I didn't have an anterior placenta and still didn't definitely feel LO until close to 24 weeks. Thr kicks seemed to get stronger over night.
Hang in there mama.
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
I know you said you have an anterior placenta and you're too early to do kick counts, but one trick to get baby to move if you're feeling anxiety is to eat or drink something really sugary and then lay down. The sugar makes them hyper and if you're laying down movement isn't rocking them to sleep. Maybe that might be enough to get some flutters from your baby ?
Do you have a doppler? I'm thinking about buying one this time around if this pregnancy sticks.
I'm so sorry and I totally get the fear. Also what PPs said, baby is basically doing underwater gymnastics until 3rd tri.
I *think* I feel some good movements, just would love for it to be one swift kick so I could say, yup, it's good. I havent gotten a doppler because I am one of those paranoid people where I would want to be doing it allllllllll of the time.
Hoping for healthy and positive pregnancies for all of us!!