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Frustration

jmk17jmk17 member
edited February 2016 in TTC After a Loss
I apologize for this little pity party but I figured some of you have gone through this & can understand…

(1) I had a miscarriage in the middle of December and have been TTC the past month. I started temping the first day of my period, took OPK, and it looks like I ovulated on Day 13 (temp & peak OPK - although, not a lot of EWCM like I normally have)… I took an OPK 5DPO because I was feeling crampy & it was low… 8DPO I was having watery CM so I took another OPK & it was High (BD a few times from 1DPO - 9 DPO)… I am now 12DPO, still having those flashy smiles on my OPK, crazy lower back aches, very sore breasts, and a BFN this morning. I missed a few days of temping because we were out of town & I forgot BBT but have noticed my temp has continued to stay high. I'm going to test again in a few days since I know there's always a chance but I'm feeling like my body is still regulating. I miss my boring, basic, predictable, 28 day cycle that I had before the miscarriage. :(

(2) I would have gone into my 2nd trimester this week… that brought up crazy emotions that I wasn't expecting. Also, seeing friends find out they're pregnant has been tough and brought on guilt for feeling jealousy.

I honestly felt like I had this all behind me for the past month & now I'm back to being frustrated & angry… I know you won't have answers for me… I just felt like this was the best place for me to express my feelings since this can be so isolating even when you have such a great support system around you. Thank you for letting me vent my frustrations! xo



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Re: Frustration

  • catiecatpcatiecatp member
    Hugs - we were planning to announce our pregnancy this week or next - I've been emotional for one reason or another since our MC at the end of December. I posted in another thread about feeling alone in the TTC efforts other than BDing. We're early in the TTC and TTCAL journey and I know it could take a lot longer, but there is such a lack of control and I'm still getting used to it. I should probably also wean back my Bump time - or at least the number of times I check - I love all y'all but it also causes me to think about TTC a lot...

    And I'm with you on changes to my cycle after a MC - this cycle and last I've had EWCM that hasn't coincided with a temperature shift like it did before my MC. So we ramp up BDing even further and burn out a bit by the time that I actually ovulate according to my temp shift.
    ---TW BFP and MC mentioned - scroll down past the Lilo and Stitch gif to avoid ---




    Me: 33 & DH: 33
    Married: 07/2006
    TTC: 10/2015
    BFP #1: 11/2015, MC 12/2015 (7 weeks)
    BFP #2: 06/2016, EDD 2/15/2017



    Pregnancy Ticker






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  • mylittleversaillesmylittleversailles member
    Hello @gmk1784. Sorry to meet you here and for your loss.  <3

    I am also about to enter what was supposed to be my second trimester and it hurts like hell. My miscarriage is on-going, and I find that physicality strangely comforting. I'm not sure how it will feel once that's over. One of my friends got pregnant around the same time as me, but her pregnancy was touch-and-go for a while, so I'm trying hard to focus on how happy I really am for her, but it does bring up a lot of emotion.
    Renee, 34 + Devon, 29 married 08/13 <3
    TTC  09/15
    *TW Loss mentioned*
    BFP 12/15/15 EDD: 08/26/16
    MMC discovered 1/25/16 at 9 +3
    TTCAL 3/2016
    Acupuncture 11/16
    Dx December 2016: unexplained 
    January 2017: 50 mg Clomid + TI =
    BFP #2 01/30/17  Please be a sticky baby!
    EDD: 10/15/17  Measuring ahead! 10/12/17 
    Ambrose born on his due date!

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  • MamaCoffinMamaCoffin member
    edited February 2016
    I would be 24 weeks this week. I got pregnant around the same time as several of my friends. They are all in their final trimester. They have 3d ultrasounds.... And identified sexes. And names. And baby showers. And... Everything that I should be doing too. 


    The only thing I can imagine being harder than this is my due date. Hopefully I'll have a healthy bean growing inside of me by then! 

    So many hugs to you. No part of this experience is positive. 

    Mama to two perfect little girls.
    Lucy 07-13-11
    Violet 03-13-14
    Conceived #3 since September 2015
    11-25-15 twelve week loss
    07-21-16 ten week loss
    10-03-16 5 week loss
    TTC again soon!
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  • chloe97chloe97 member
    @jmk17 I had a D&C in December and January was my first month TTCAL. I was traveling and ran out of OPKs but I never turned one positive, but had watery CM and ovary pain at Cd 15 and CD 21. FF said I ovulated cd17. I'm not sure what was right, but I did not get a BFP and I was an emotional wreck for 4/5 days right before AF. I went to my Dr for my annual and she assured me that my body is just readjusting and doing funky things!! I'm hopeful that this cycle will be my cycle, but just know you are t alone!!

    I had another friend announce that she is due the same week that I was in June. This brings the total of babies due the same week as my miscarried baby up to 4. I actually know 3 others who were also due that week who had MCs. What are the freaking odds? 

    I definitely feel the pressure to get pregnant soon so that I'm not so sad in June. My coworker can't shut up about his pregnant wife whose due in June and so I won't even be able to escape it by turning off Facebook or ignoring emails.
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  • jmk17jmk17 member
    @catiecatp @reneeannemm @jenmlangtake2 @chloe97 :: First off, I am so very sorry for all your loses. <3  

    I am so appreciative for your notes and kind words… As painful as this all can be, it is comforting to have other people to talk to who are going through the same ups & downs of healing. I remember telling myself that once my period arrived after my MC it would be a fresh start for me and I could move forward with TTCAL… I never expected the waves of grief to come back & damn, they can hit hard. 

    I am truly so appreciative that you all took time to write a note back with your experiences…THANK YOU!!! xo
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  • DinosaurJumperDinosaurJumper member
    @jmk17 I'm sorry for your loss and negative feelings today. I hope you are able to find a way through this grief and push past and back into TTC. Unfortunately, the pain of a loss doesn't just go away. It comes back a lot in different ways at different times. It'll dull, but it'll always be there. It's best to try to find a way to reconcile your feelings on the loss.

    I'm new to gifs, but I have a huge arsenal of memes!
    Wish I could make human babies like I make plant babies!

    There's a gazillion of them!!
    Married to  for 3yrs w/5 furbabies :*
    TTC for 2 yrs.
    One loss at 9 wks, May 2014
    Two chemicals before TTC
    Preparing for infertility testing



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  • vallericvalleric member
    I never had sore breasts until after my mc. Now I try not to symptom spot with them. My cousin announced her 2nd pregnancy today on fb (I already knew). Just hurts to see that she's yet again pregnant, and I've been trying for 2 years with a mc in he middle. Just sad.
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  • chloe97chloe97 member
    @valleric I never had sore breasts during my cycle either until my MC either! Last cycle they hurt like hell and my Dr actually had me get a mammogram/us because she felt fullness. Long story short, my hormones are just ramped up and trying to regulate as my Dr said. Mammo was clear.

    I hear you on the pregnancy announcements too. I would have reached 20 weeks last week and saw a slew of 2 week ultrasounds in my newsfeed. I have unfollowed all of them, but what are the odds that I would have 4 friends that share the same due date week as me? It just sucks. 
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