I think I'm going crazy... Please Help!

stephann85 · January 2016

This is probably one of the hardest things that I have ever gone through. New Year's Day I found out that I was pregnant just one month to the day after having my Mirena removed. Everything seemed to me going fine and I was reading everything that I could possibly get a hold of. About a week in I started cramping but I had read that this could be normal. When I was still cramping on Jan. 11th, I started getting worried. I called my NPs office and she wanted me to come in for an HCG. I got the result a day later (Tuesday) and everything looked great, my number was 1238. I was so relieved and felt so stupid for having worried about it at all. Wednesday I got home from work and noticed that I was having brown spotting. Naturally I am now worried that not only am I cramping, I am also spotting. Needless to say I ended up with a HCG the next day. The results were not so promising. My HCG had only gone up to 1894 and am now going in for an ultrasound at 6 weeks. I was really expecting the numbers to be a fluke and the ultrasound was going to show me everything was ok. This of course was not the case or I wouldn't be here. Instead the ultrasound showed that something had implanted and was trying to start something but it never really happened: no baby, no sac, no placenta. NP wanted to see if it would pass naturally and wanted another HCG on the 18th, which was 3135. They still wanted to wait and see. Friday, the 22nd, I stopped spotting and cramping and now my NP wanted yet another HCG, hoping that they would see significantly lower numbers. Well here I am today the 25th and well I am losing my mind. MY HCG IS NOW 6692. I have no idea what is going on and I think that I may actually be going crazy, dreaming, and/or hallucinating. Has anyone else gone through something like this?

comealongponds · January 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Have they repeated the ultrasound? If you still have tissue in your uterus, it can do wonky things to your HCG. Also, if your uterus is clear on ultrasound, it's important that they rule out extra-uterine pregnancy (like an ectopic). I hoe you get some answers soon.

susykat77 · January 2016

I would definitely ask to have the ultrasound repeated. Do you know if you have a retroverted uterus? If so, it can make things difficult to see on the ultrasound early on. And I agree about ruling out ectopic. What did they say when they gave you your beta numbers today?

BooksForMe23 · January 2016

I was originally told I was going to miscarry because my hcg went down from 2900 to 2700. On my next draw, they went up to 3300 then 5600. They were worried about an ectopic, so they did an ultrasound, but it turned out to be an intrauterine pregnancy. I miscarried just a few days later. Bodies can be crazy sometimes. I second the pp who said to ask about a possible ectopic, but it may just be your body trying to figure things out.

stephann85 · January 2016

They ruled out ectopic pregnancy during the first ultrasound, which was the main reason that they did it. And when they called to tel me my latest hcg they said they wanted to repeat the ultrasound on Friday. They basically said they want to make sure there is nothing growing before they recommend a D&C. I wish my NPs office was a little more sympathetic when they delivered certain news.

stephann85 · January 2016

@BooksForMe23 Thank you for sharing. Oddly enough it helped. This is not something that I would wish on anybody. The stress of not knowing what is going on has been slowly eating at me. And I feel like health care providers treat pregnancies like a dime a dozen and forget that something like a miscarriage can so totally alter a person's life. I keep being told that I can try again and it feels like they are trying to downplay this pregnancy like it is somehow less important. But it was important to me the minute I saw my first positive test.

catiecatp · January 2016

@stephann85 - I'm sorry you're being treated in such a way that you feel like your experience is unimportant. Caring providers do exist, perhaps you should seek out another provider if/when you choose to try again.

Creepy internet hugs and support sent your way - I hope things become clearer soon - the lack of knowing what was going on really got to me and I wasn't prolonged as it has been for you.

BooksForMe23 · January 2016

@stephann85 Your story hit me right in the feels because I remember the emotional roller coaster. I was told that I was going to miscarry, got wasted drunk, got told I had a viable pregnancy, felt horribly guilty, and then miscarried. I hope you get a final answer soon! Please keep us updated and know that we will be here if you need to talk!

stephann85 · January 2016

It has been just over two weeks since I was told that my pregnancy would not end like I thought, holding a beautiful baby. This last Friday I had a second ultrasound that showed a blighted ovum. Tomorrow morning I see the doctor to discuss my options. I was asked if I was thinking about a D&C, which I responded with a yes. So it sounds like I will be scheduled for a D&C this next Friday. I am ready for this piece to be done, so that both my DH and I can have some closure. I know I for one am ready to get off of this emotional roller coaster.

stephann85 · January 2016

I want to thank everyone for your kind words and support. You have no idea how much reading these words have helped me get through some of my most emotional times.
And know that I am sending happy thoughts and prayers to all.

yolandamunoz · February 2016

I have a blighted ovum as well, and I was told this diagnosis just a couple of days ago. I am also hoping to have a D&C and start to have closure with my husband. Because we want to try again.

Hugs to you all.

morethancats · February 2016

Hi Stephanie, I'm really sorry for your loss. I totally agree that healthcare workers treat our pregnancies as mere statistics, and it's kind of frustrating. I had a chemical pregnancy about a week ago, and my doctor didn't even want to see me about it. I understand that to her it's just an unfortunate statistic and that CPs are so common, and I can just wait a month and try again. But to me it was an emotionally traumatic week where I got what I thought was amazing news, only to be very quickly crushed. The short month I have to wait to start trying again feels like forever. It would have been nice to hear a bit more sympathy or empathy from my doctor. On the other hand, they probably hear good and bad news day in and day out, and would go crazy if they got sad at each patient's loss. Blah.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. Again, I'm really sorry this has happened to you and your husband. I hope you'll feel a sense of closure after your D&C, and that you'll be blessed when you're ready to try again.

stephann85 · February 2016

Just an update...
Last week was crazy. The 1st I met with my dr. That told me they were still slightly concerned that it might be a partial mole. So we scheduled the d&c for friday 5th, which was 3 weeks after finding out it wasn't a good pregnancy. Of course Murphy's Law. I started micarrying on the 2nd. The 3rd I ended up in the ER because I was bleeding so heavily and the cramping had me in tears. They checked my beta while I was there and it had gone down but not enough to cancel my d&c. I was sent home. Friday my d&c was done, they had moved me to first case that day. Dr. Said they got out a large clot that was blocking my cervix and some tissue. Pathology has come back normal. Thank god for that because I wasn't sure how much more I would have been able to take.
I felt really good after the procedure. I had some severe cramping immediately after but within 30 minutes and some good pain killers in recovery, they were gone and I haven't had another since. Even starting the next day my body felt great and felt like myself again, not a giant puddle of emotions.
My DH and I have finally gotten the closure we needed and are ready to start trying again, when we get the green light of course.
Hugs and prayers to all.

I think I'm going crazy... Please Help!

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