WWYD? Announcing w/ death in family

KimmySchmidt · February 2016

With our first we announced to our families after our first ultrasound, which we liked and planned on doing again. Our first ultrasound is Thursday.

In in the mean time, DH's grandmother passed away yesterday. The services aren't until Friday/Saturday. She was a strong matriarch and DH, his siblings, and his mother's family have been deeply affected.

Assuming our appointment goes well, I want to share our news. But I want to give DH's grandmother the respect and space she deserves. The way I see it, we have 3 options.

1. Stay the course. Tell everyone the news the day before the wake.

2. Wait some time (until after the first trimester? Less?) to share with all.

3. Tell just my family and possibly DH's father's side on Thursday. Wait to tell the rest. (DH's parents are divorced.)

So what would you do? If you chose to wait, how long would you wait? I expect to be around 8w4d at the ultrasound.

TIA

KimmySchmidt · February 2016

Ps. Sorry if I'm not around too much to actually interact with you. Our house has been a revolving door of out of town guests, so things have been a little nuts.

kcl219 · February 2016

I personally would wait until after the wake. Or go with the option of just telling close family first. I don't think you need to wait long after the services to announce, just a few days to give people time to process and grieve. Very sorry for your loss!!

LizC216 · February 2016

I would wait to tell that side until after the services. I think I'd probably wait a week or so. Maybe just try to get a feel of how they are doing? It might be nice for them to hear some good news after grieving. It will give them something to look forward to in a tough time.

SLou24 · February 2016

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I would probably wait to tell DH's family, and I'd probably wait about a week or so after the services just to give everyone time to process the loss a little bit (not saying that they'll be "over it" a week later by any means). I think it would be fine to tell your side of the family on Thursday, if you are pretty sure they won't spread the news to DH's side -- not sure how close both families are.

RedMar · February 2016

First off, sorry to hear of your loss. That's nice you've been so accommodating to visiting family and friends.
I would wait until after the services to announce it period. I would not tell anyone because that could open a different can of worms if "the other side" found out first. To put you more at ease, we are 10+ weeks along and haven't told ANYONE (just dentists/doctors that need to know for medical reasons). We actually don't plan on spreading the news for a another couple weeks.
Good luck @KimmySchmidt, such a hard time to be going through this when you're bursting at the seams with your own excitement. It definitely relates to the saying "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end".

Ah825 · February 2016

Sorry for your loss! I would wait until after the wake. It will be some happy positive news to put a smile on their faces after the days of stress and mourning.

Thscary · February 2016

Sorry to hear about your loss. I personally think it is ok to tell them over the weekend as long as it isn't during the wake/funeral. You and DH know your family best, so if you think they wouldn't appreciate the announcement during that time then wait, but I don't think it is in bad taste to tell them as planned. News of a baby may even help to bring some joy to a sad occasion. Again, sorry for your loss.

backoffunicorn · February 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'd probably wait or see where the conversation goes. Are you close with his parents/siblings? I just wouldn't want any of them to side eye you for deciding to share the news the day of the wake.

SuperFudge00 · February 2016

I'd wait until after first tri, and I would wait to tell everyone. If it came out later that some knew before others, feelings might be hurt. Also, people grieve in different ways, this announcement should be a happy time, mixing it with such a sad time might elicit negative reactions.

However, this is your family and you know better than I.

rn1stbae · February 2016

I would also wait until after the wake, but what does your husband think? Feel free to tell your side of the family whenever. I think you should respect the grieving process though. Also, it might be disappointing if no one shares your joy during such a sad time.

mom2adoodle · February 2016

I'd wait to tell those affected by the loss. I recently lost someone and I don't think I could be as present or as happy for a family member sharing great news while I'm trying to process what just happened. I don't always do well with mixed emotions. You might not get the response you're hoping for from some people simply because they can't at that time. I'd tell your side whenever though, of course if your DH is on board.

netsirk2013 · February 2016

Wait until after. Otherwise it's an emotional Rollercoaster for everyone, yourself included. Greive and then celebrate.

Smashbox29 · February 2016

Wait to announce until after the wake. Maybe a week or two after.

I had a friend announce during visitng them out of state during her family loss but she had no choice because her family tends to drink and she wouldn't be able to play off soberity with out getting called out. It happened to be her maternal grandmother so her mother was most affected by the loss but her mother was still excited for her.

KimmySchmidt · February 2016

It seems in poor taste to announce right away, but I think that there would be feelings hurt if some found out before others. I feel like I need to give it a little space, I just don't know how much is typically appropriate? A week? Two? Any more than that and I may as well just wait until the end of the first tri.

KimmySchmidt · February 2016

Ps- forgot to say thank you for the condolences and advice

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