"Does your mommy beat you?"

christinelynn78 · February 2016

We don't have our moms around to be able to watch LO but I have a woman in my life that I've known since I was 8 that has been somewhat like a mom to me and is a grandma to LO. She watches her once a week and she has said this a few times almost like in a joking way and in a sweet voice to LO. Like "oh does your mommy beat you?" And when my husband was there she said " she told me you put her in the closet" and "she told me her daddy beats her". She also said she said that to her grandson and her daughter in law got really mad and she couldn't figure out why. Like it's obviously joking. Which it is but it's still wierd right? It makes us feel wierd and what about when LO is able to understand what she is saying. I just don't want her to even have the concept of her parents "beating" her. I feel really grateful for her help and don't want to make her feel bad for something that I'm sure she doesn't mean anything by. Her daughter said it to my husband too at Christmas, like its a family thing or something. But my husband is like why do they keep saying this to me? Should we say something or let it go?

tlc11934 · February 2016

That is really strange! I would say something next time she says it. Like "Soon she'll be able to understand you" In a disapproving tone.

mamadeez · February 2016

I am a horribly awkward person and probably would have said in a serious tone, "Were you abused?" "It just sounds like you're trying to normalize abusive behaviour. If you were abused and you need to talk about it you can let me know." "Its funny but in a creepy way like you are putting her in closets and hitting her and you want to make it so when she can finally tell us it'll seem like she's just repeating your joke. And we will say 'hahaha how cute' and brush it off."

ive been known to spout off such things and ask invasive questions or accidentally accuse people of things because I take things literally and nervously ramble on and on.

Talk to her but in a better way that I can't possibly come up with. Such a weird situation.

AmandaNacora · February 2016

I would say something, honestly it's not a joke especially if someone asks her that question for real and your LO thinking its a joke says you do! It can cause a mess. When I was 7 I had a red mark on my cheek from my brother hitting me with his toy, my teacher asked if my mom was mean to me, I said yes (I got in trouble the day before and she only gave me a swat on the behind, nothing major but I was still mad) and that I deserved it (because I did, I called my mom a B ) so they called CPS and my mom had a home visit and everything! Of course after talking to us kids and her they found out what really happened and that was the end of it but still not pleasant. So if your child ever has a mark and they ask if you beat/hit them, you don't want her to say yes because she thinks it's a joke.

kkerner87 · February 2016

What the? People are so weird... like who says that?

AndieTessie · February 2016

Ugh this is 100% my family. My sisters, cousins, and mom have a never ending joke about "beating " babies, puppies, really anything cute. I know none of them would ever lay a hand on LO ever, but there's the annoying bet of who gets to punch out her first tooth. If it makes you feel uncomfortable tell her, but from my experience she doesn't really think you are hurting your child. My mom loves to do "Oh your mom did xyz to you, oh no" in a sweet voice when she holds LO. I'll be the first to admit they are weird, but it really is some odd loving joke that keeps getting passed generation to generation.

jen83mn · February 2016

Woah! Yeah, I would not be cool with that and would say something to her about how you don't want your child hearing something like that as they grow up and that it's nothing to joke about.

Rachel623 · February 2016

With our first LO, my MIL would say, "did your mama pinch you?" If I was holding her and she started crying. It drove me nuts. I told her it's not funny and she needed to stop. People are weird.

shelbydd · February 2016

I was thinking it's similar to the "quit pinching that baby" that I (and I'm sure lots of others) have gotten in a joking manner when babies cry.. Except hers is much more extreme. I find the pinching comment annoying so I would be very uncomfortable with her comments. Honestly, if it makes you uncomfortable all you can do is talk to her about it. Let her know you understand she's just kidding and you're not mad but you don't find implications of abuse to be funny or appropriate... Cause really, it's not.

cmommy13 · February 2016

That's so weird. I would definitely say something. You don't want your LO getting confused about dangerous behavior because if something does ever happen to her you may think she's just joking...

chelseajeanene · February 2016

Who jokes about child abuse?

ElleKH · February 2016

Uuuuugh, I feel your pain, though our verbal issues aren't anywhere near as violent. I've heard both DH's mom and grandma say, "Mom's running away from you!" when I've gone across the room to get something. I know he doesn't understand you yet, but why would you say that?! Are you trying to give my kid abandonment issues?!

MIL has also done the "Oh, you have such terrible parents" thing in a joking voice. I know she's kidding, but it really gets under my skin.

I don't really have any advice for you. No good advice, anyway. I usually don't say anything, but if I'm in a bad mood, I'll make some pointed and sarcastic remark under my breath, but loud enough for them to ask DH about it. I let him translate and play peacemaker. It's his family. Good luck to you! That's a very uncomfortable situation.

imsoexcited915 · February 2016

There is NO way I would stand for those comments. She's joking about child abuse and that's insane. I would absolutely say something - momma bear comes out just thinking about this. Honestly it's nothing to even joke about daddy beating her or putting her in a closet. I would even have a hard time being nice about it when I spoke with her because it's just awful of her to repeatedly mention this. First I would ask her why are you saying such a thing?! For one day a week I probably wouldn't even want to have her care for my child since she's repeatedly said that. It's like she's got abuse on the mind. Omg my blood is boiling just thinking of it.

buckleyk · February 2016

Thats bizarre! I've made jokes like "oh! What did daddy do?!" if he's holding DD when she cries but to say you beat her or put her in a closet?! That's terrible!

JenLovesDesign · February 2016

That is strange. I would just ask her why she asks that, then act a little offended that she would even suggest that you would do such a thing. I would probably go on about how you would never ever do that any time she says it around you or do, then she won't say it anymore so she doesn't have to hear you defend yourself.

I do get annoyed at some of the things people say to my daughter. Mil says, 'no boobie for you'. It's almost like taunting her. I can't figure out why anyone would taunt a baby.

christinelynn78 · February 2016

Thanks everyone. It's so interesting to me the people who have family that says similar things even if not that severe. Is it a generational thing? She is otherwise really kind, really great with LO. She's actually the only one besides my husband that I trust to watch her so far. I will have to have a talk with her though about it and ask her not to do it. I've known her almost my whole life. I know her children and grandchildren very well. It is a good family. No actual beating occurring. She's been beyond kind and generous to me in my life.

LoveLee85 · February 2016

Yeah, I would say something. What if your child gets older and repeats this to a teacher?! Yikes. My grandparents use to always "jokingly" accuse my mom of not feeding me, and starving me. I have always been thin, and I remember then asking me what my mom feeds me, and I remember then asking my mom why she doesn't feed me more. So weird. Funny thing is nobody is our family is big. We are all thin. It's not like I was out of the ordinary?! They would just weirdly tease her about it all the time.

Growingapepper · February 2016

Honestly that just screams red flag to me. It sounds like she is normalizing abusive behavior and I would be wondering if she sticks LO in the closet to cry when you're not around..

mrsmctaggart6 · February 2016

I would talk to her about it but just say that you don't want her to repeat it when she's older because lots of people won't believe LO is kidding. When I was about 13 I fell off my horse and got really beat up, and one of my teachers must have called cps... They pulled me out of class and interrogated me, offered me junk food and candy, it felt like they were trying to bribe me to tell them my mom was beating me, it took me actually getting mad at them to get them to let me go and I think they still believed I was lying to protect my mom... It's definitely not something you want your LO to say to the wrong person

michcoy85 · February 2016

My mom is like this. I didn't go back to work because of it. She isn't even as extreme as the person mentioned in the op but she still got to me. She would do the pinching joke, she also would ask if mommy and daddy were good to her which is not that big of a deal but got to me, like of course we are don't ask that! She would also say that lo hated us, that gma was her favorite, my mom needs to be loved and be the center of everything. Anyhow I am going to stop there to not highjack the post but people are weird, you have to decide how much of that weirdness you can handle and how much of it you wanted lo to be exposed to.

jennsuzanne87 · February 2016

it just sounds like a bad generational joke. I think it's supposed to sort of mimick or mock how upset babies sound by blaming the cry on something as dramatic sounding but that is also so far fetched and outlandish it would clearly never happen. Tasteless and not funny? Sure. I wouldn't tell the joke. If she's a trusted care giver and the only other person you would leave lo with then I would be gentle in my approach. Maybe just say: "that's just the weirdest joke" "ooh we don't like that joke it's sad" or "oh my gosh that's terrible to say" without putting to much weight into it. You know the situation best, go with your gut but my first reaction is not to think she's a monster but rather a bad joke teller.

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