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November 2015 Moms
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Motivation Meltdown

Knottie41914738Knottie41914738 member
in November 2015 Moms
I literally can't get my sh*t together. I wake up at 5am to go to work, thankfully I get to take my daughter with me. When I get home I literally have no motivation to do anything. I desperately need to start back on my online schooling, but I can't find a time to sit down and concentrate. So many things need done. Schooling, working out, cleaning, cooking. I don't have any energy by the time I get home from work. I'm lucky enough that my daughter sleeps fairly well through the night, but I get up 6-10 times to just go in and check on her. 

Hubby is laid off for the winter and just sits and plays video games all day and trashes the house. I cant stand having a messy house. As soon as I clean, he trashes it by the time I'm back home from work. I feel bad, he works his ass off during the season (4am till sometimes 10pm 7 days a week), so he deserves his time off but I'm not his f*cking mother!!!

I'm not usually the type of person that can sit still very long, I constantly have to be doing something. Ever since I've had my daughter I can't seem to do anything with my life! I barely eat because I'm never hungry, and yet my weight still hasn't budged! I can't find the time to go workout, so I'm not helping myself either. 

I know this post is all over the place and I sound like a mad woman. I know others have problems that are WAY bigger than mine, but I wanted to share to see if anyone has advise. Anyone going through the same thing or previously went through the unmotivated cycle of doom? And if so, what did you do to get your life back on track?
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Re: Motivation Meltdown

  • Ceridwen77Ceridwen77 member
    First, your DH needs to help out around the house or at least not "trash it" and leave it for you to clean up. Sit down and have a talk with him. I know my DH is willing to do anything but I have to tell him what needs to be done (he doesn't just "see" it like I do). So maybe making him a list or each day before you go to work discuss a few things that need to get done. 

    Second, I've accepted that right now I can't do everything like I used to. And I've got to be ok with that.  I also hate sitting still and love a clean house. But It's ok for some dishes to sit in the sink overnight. I find that prioritizing what needs to get done at home helps. Maybe try that with your list of things to do, and remember to make time for the most important things, like spending it with your family. 
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  • helsbels222helsbels222 member
    All this ^^

    DH is home so absolutely no reason why he can't help around the house. Sounds like you definitely need to talk with him.
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  • VexedMommyVexedMommy member
    I understand your situation.  It's difficult.  I think the first step is to speak with your spouse.  @Ceridwen77 gave you some great advice and remember to have concrete things to ask him.  Don't just say I need you to clean the house.  Say something like, please do the dishes and separate the laundry, then wash, dry, and fold it. 
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




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  • kdoak2015kdoak2015 member
    Sounds like a bit of PPD or PPA. You may want to talk to someone. DH not helping is just lame and needs to be biten in the ass. We don't get breaks he shouldn't either. My DH gets home from 12 hour shifts as a correctional officer(extremely stressful) and cleans bottles/pump parts, makes lunches, cleans the kitchen, make dinner(Somedays) and then deals with crying baby during witching hour for a few hours before going to bed to start the day over again.
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  • angelinthepit23angelinthepit23 member
    DH and I never had a fight until I went back to work after maternity leave and we've been together for 10+ years. He would leave messes around the house and I guess he thought a magical fairy came while he was at work and cleaned. I broke and lost my shit, but it was what needed to happen. I get up at 5am and work a 10hr day so I understand it's rough. I started giving my husband a to-do list, and any mess he makes he's responsible for cleaning up. It's been helping. I'm OCD so sometimes he doesn't do things the way I like them, but ingot over that pretty quickly lol. Most importantly you HAVE to take some time for yourself, I was very scatterbrained and couldn't focus and figured out it was because I had no me time anymore. So 3 times a week after baby goes to bed I put on a nice face mask from Lush, drink a glass of wine and watch a show I like it sit and bask in silence for an hour or two. I don't clean, I don't do house things, i just relax. It's what is keeping me sane!
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  • Knottie41914738Knottie41914738 member
    I feel like a total ass now. He called me while I was at work and told me how he did the dishes, cleaned all her bottles, vacuumed, threw 2 loads of laundry in, and hung the lights in my daughter's room like I asked him to a month ago. I need to have a talk with him because I need more help than just once a month. I just feel like I can't do my motherly duties because of this mental block I have.

    He works his butt off for the 10 months out of the year that he's in season, that's why I don't want to be too naggy. He deserves his time off, but I'm a first time mom. I'm trying to figure all this stuff out too! Lol 

    I'm on a low dose of medication for my anxiety, but I think I'm going to get it moved up.

    Thanks for the advise ladies! 
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  • Knottie41914738Knottie41914738 member
    angelinthepit23 said:
    DH and I never had a fight until I went back to work after maternity leave and we've been together for 10+ years. He would leave messes around the house and I guess he thought a magical fairy came while he was at work and cleaned. I broke and lost my shit, but it was what needed to happen. I get up at 5am and work a 10hr day so I understand it's rough. I started giving my husband a to-do list, and any mess he makes he's responsible for cleaning up. It's been helping. I'm OCD so sometimes he doesn't do things the way I like them, but ingot over that pretty quickly lol. Most importantly you HAVE to take some time for yourself, I was very scatterbrained and couldn't focus and figured out it was because I had no me time anymore. So 3 times a week after baby goes to bed I put on a nice face mask from Lush, drink a glass of wine and watch a show I like it sit and bask in silence for an hour or two. I don't clean, I don't do house things, i just relax. It's what is keeping me sane!
    I feel like you and I are the same person! Lol I don't want to go off on him...again. Mainly because I hate repeating myself, but I have a feeling that's what's going to have to be done. I haven't tried Lush products yet, I think a bath bomb is going to be my valentine's day present to myself.
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  • VexedMommyVexedMommy member
    Knottie41914738 said:
    angelinthepit23 said:
    DH and I never had a fight until I went back to work after maternity leave and we've been together for 10+ years. He would leave messes around the house and I guess he thought a magical fairy came while he was at work and cleaned. I broke and lost my shit, but it was what needed to happen. I get up at 5am and work a 10hr day so I understand it's rough. I started giving my husband a to-do list, and any mess he makes he's responsible for cleaning up. It's been helping. I'm OCD so sometimes he doesn't do things the way I like them, but ingot over that pretty quickly lol. Most importantly you HAVE to take some time for yourself, I was very scatterbrained and couldn't focus and figured out it was because I had no me time anymore. So 3 times a week after baby goes to bed I put on a nice face mask from Lush, drink a glass of wine and watch a show I like it sit and bask in silence for an hour or two. I don't clean, I don't do house things, i just relax. It's what is keeping me sane!
    I feel like you and I are the same person! Lol I don't want to go off on him...again. Mainly because I hate repeating myself, but I have a feeling that's what's going to have to be done. I haven't tried Lush products yet, I think a bath bomb is going to be my valentine's day present to myself.
    At this point, it seems like he's realized he needs to help around the house.  Maybe tonight would be a good night to heap praise on him (Sometimes physical expression of appreciation goes further than just words, but only if that's how you guys operate and if you're comfortable with it.) for doing such a great job around the house.  Maybe even post something about what an amazing husband you have to your facebook.  Then on Saturday or Sunday you guys sit down and have a heart to heart chat (not a fight or a blow up) about how to maintain the household order and keep these good feelings going.  Positive reinforcement works very well. 
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




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  • thefithuntressthefithuntress member
    I'm sorry you're going through mothering two babies, a real one and a husband! Is there -any- way you can get someone to come by and clean your house, even just once a month?

    Either way the partner discussion is a must. You two are equals and it's important that he knows how you feel. You're being awesomely supportive by understanding his work demands, but there is no off season in parenting! :)
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  • Knottie41914738Knottie41914738 member
    @thefithuntress he's doing pretty good and jumping in with our daughter. He even offered to take over the night time feedings since I'm not able to produce anymore:( She only normally wakes up at 4am (she's a God sent and I'm so thankful) and since I have to get up at 5am for work he always tries to get to her before i wake up. The only issue I have really is with the house work. Hopefully after we have a talk in a couple days things will get better! I'm too OCD to have someone come in and clean for me, it would make me a nervous wreck! Definitely an awesome suggestion though, something to think about if I get too overwhelmed.
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