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Feeling Guilty Today **TW**

DinosaurJumperDinosaurJumper member
in TTC After a Loss
So last month my DH's friend announced his wife's fifth pregnancy. They have been together since high school and have four little children already. Seriously, this woman has been pregnant the majority of the time I have known her. She was pregnant when the four of us shared an apartment for a short while in the early years. She was pregnant at our wedding. She was pregnant when we decided to start trying. She was pregnant after my loss awhile ago. And then she was pregnant again as DH and I are facing infertility testing. None of these children were planned and they actually considered giving up their last child for adoption because they could've afford it. And here they are again, pregnant "unexpectedly". However today she had her first miscarriage. Before I was always so upset and dark when I thought of their announcement, and then DH told me just this evening of her loss and I feel terrible! No one should have to go through that! It's not fair to anyone to be betrayed by their body like that, to have something so precious ripped away from them. I just feel so guilty like my negative feelings towards her caused it, or that deep down I wanted it or something. I don't know, I just feel disgusting and feel bad for her. A loss isn't anything I would wish on my worst enemy!

I'm new to gifs, but I have a huge arsenal of memes!
Wish I could make human babies like I make plant babies!

There's a gazillion of them!!
Married to  for 3yrs w/5 furbabies :*
TTC for 2 yrs.
One loss at 9 wks, May 2014
Two chemicals before TTC
Preparing for infertility testing



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Re: Feeling Guilty Today **TW**

  • AL_TwinCitiesAL_TwinCities member
    Try not to beat yourself up for these feelings - they are all perfectly normal! Jealousy is normal, guilt is normal. Nothing you did has anything to do with this woman's loss. Maybe it will make you feel better (and she'll probably appreciate it) if you reached out to her and offered your condolences for her loss. Hugs!
    me 30; DH 35
    TTC since May 2014.
    Aug 2014 BFP, EDD April 22, 2015. Low progesterone, started suppositories. Loss at 5w6d.
    Nov 19, 2015 BFP at 13 dpo, EDD July 29, 2016. MMC discovered 12/29 (9+4). Natural miscarriage 1/16 (12+1).
    AMH results 0.42, 1.2; FSH 12.1, AFC 10, dx DOR. 
    RPL testing results normal. Nurse recommended progesterone suppositories in TWW.
    Clomid + trigger + TI cycle August 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Femara + trigger + TI cycle December 2016 - failed. Thin lining.
    Short LP (8 days).
    Acupuncture & Chinese herbs starting January 2017, lengthened LP to 10 days 

    Summer 2016 LFAF awards: 



    Winter 2016/2017 LFAF awards:

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  • BooksForMe23BooksForMe23 member
    Ditto to what pp said.  We're all human, and we have all had those sorts of feelings.  Maybe it would make you and her both feel a little better if you reached out to her and let her know you've been there.  Of course, if you don't feel like you have/want that kind of relationship with her, then don't feel guilty if you don't.
    TTC #1 since June 2015
    BFP #1 Nov 2015 ended in MC Dec 26 2015
    BFP #2 Feb 2016, EDD Nov 8 2016




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  • fivetimesnoluckfivetimesnoluck member
    When I came home bitter that a co-worked announced her pregnancy the same week of my last loss, DH helped me put it in perspective. He asked me, would I wish for them the alternative - what we have gone through? And, of course the answer was no.

    We have all had similar feelings. It's so natural, but hopefully they're fleeting. And like @AL_TwinCities said, maybe it would make you feel somewhat better if you used your experience to comfort her. If they couldn't afford the last child, there's a big chance she may feel guilt over this loss since she may have had some concerns/anxiety.

    Be kind to yourself.

    Me: 40, DH: 35 / Married: 2009; TTC #1: 2013

    2013 - 2015: 5 pregnancies —> 5 miscarriages

    TTCAL with RE (RPL specialist): February 2016

    2016: 3 medicated TI cycles —> 3 medicated IUI cycles: All BFN

    Donor Egg IVF Transfer: May 1, 2017

    May 11, 2017: BFP!! Beta #1: 449.1, Beta #2: 844, Beta #3: 1714

    EDD: 1/17/18, it's a GIRL!  <3 E. L. A. born 12/7/2017








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