September 2015 Moms

Babies & Weddings

"You'll feel different when you have a baby...." that's what I heard over and over when I was planning my child free wedding reception and you know what?? I don't!! I do not feel different about kids not being acceptable on all occasions. I still don't understand why people get so butthurt over their kids not being invited to everything that they get invited to.

Honestly, those people are just selfish in my opinion. Would it be easier to bring LO with me everywhere? Yes (sometimes). Would it be cheaper than hiring a babysitter? Yes. But you know what I chose to have a baby and now he's MY (and DH's) responsibility. No one elses. If people are hosting an event they can invite whomever they choose and I don't have the right to get upset that I need to do extra work to make arrangements for my child. I also can't get upset (and neither can they) when I have to turn down an invitation because arrangements for my LO just won't work.

Of course there's always exceptions, but seriously every time I hear someone bitch that their cousin doesn't want kids at her wedding. They sound like, "Whhaaa I have to find a babysitter. They won't just let me do whatever I want at their event. Boo hoo hoo me!!" I just want to yell GROW UP!

I know this sounds pretty "dear diary", but just thought I'd see what you all have to say. Did you have an opinion on this topic before kids? Has it changed?

Re: Babies & Weddings

  • Agreed, both before I had kids and now afterwards too. 
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  • I agree. I didn't want crying children at my wedding and I wouldn't want my crying child to ruin that special moment for anyone else. Because even when people take their kids outside the Chapel doors....everyone can still hear them screaming. Awkward.
  • I also agree!  
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  • We have a wedding in May, and my friend said a while back my LO will be invited, but I'm kind of hoping she'll change her mind so I can have an excuse to get a babysitter and have a carefree childless night haha! (And I agree with you. Had a child free wedding myself)
  • Not me. Before having kids, I loved kids. At my wedding we had a playpen behind the head table for my bridesmaid and best man's 1yo, and we also had 4 toddlers, 2 4yos and 2 older kids. No crying, no screaming, just lots of crazy dance moves lol. They were all nieces/nephews, and they all travelled out of province to attend, so they didn't have childcare options.

    Thankfully our friends share our feelings. My 3yo has been to 4 weddings, all of them we had to fly to (so we didn't know any sitters). The one I was a bridesmaid, they arranged a family member to hold her for the ceremony. The one she was a flower girl she wasn't quite 2 and behaved amazingly well!
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  • We have 5- yep FIVE, wedding this spring. I've got grandparents or other babysitter arranged for all of them. 3 are out of town, so hubby and I are taking advantage of a couple of kid free weekends. Grandparents are so excited to watch little one, so it's a win-win for all of us. 
  • I'm all for kid free events but sometimes it bothers me. Like when people say "you'll have more fun without them." Let me be in change or that decision. And after  having kids, my definition is fun has changed. Forcing me
    to leave my kids doesn't mean I'm going to stay up all hours of the night doing shots at some
    dive bar. I still need to take care of them the next day or when they wake up in the middle of the night. 
  • My BIL and SIL didnt have kids at their wedding - not even nieces and newphews (there's 3 so it wouldn't have been that many kids). But it's a little sad we have family photos without the whole family. And they completely expected me to leave DD, who was 5 weeks at the time, for the weekend. I was breastfeeding and going away for that long wasn't feasible. Also, it would have been a lot to ask to leave a newborn and 2 year old with my parents for a weekend since the wedding was 2 hours away. They eventually agreed to let her come when my husband told them if she couldn't come,I would have to stay behind. 

  • I didn't bring DD#1 to a baby shower when she was 3 months old even though she was invited. There are some events babies should not really be at. Plus, you can't really be involved in the activity if you're watching your little ones. However, I think that if you can't or don't want to leave your kids, you should totally be able to skip an event and not have people get all upset. People have a right to invite or not invite whoever they want to an event they host, but you don't have to attend either.
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  • We had a ton of little ones at our wedding.  Lots of nieces and nephews on both sides and we loved it!  However, I believe it's the right of the bride and groom to make that decision and if it's an adult only wedding the guests should respect that.  
    Now that I have children I would prefer to go without them.  Ha!  We have had weddings for friends and used babysitters but if we had a family wedding and they were invited we would certainly bring them if they weren't too little.
    When DS1 was only 3 months we had a family wedding out of town and had a babysitter stay with the baby in the hotel room while we attended the wedding.  Wedding took place right at the hotel so I was able to run back to the room and nurse if I needed to.  That's the best case scenario to me with a very little baby.  
  • I was the opposite at our wedding. I wanted everyone to bring their kids! Some friends chose not to, and I understand wanting a night away. We still had lots of kids and they were so fun...so entertaining on the dance floor! I also had two friends bring their infants to my son's baby shower. I really didn't see a problem with it. The other guests loved it. Three babies to pass around instead of one! If you're coming to a baby shower I'm guessing you are cool with having a baby around...

    That being said, I would not be in the least bit annoyed if someone chose to have their event child-free and would happily arrange a sitter. I get it. My husband and I both chose professions where we work with children and youth all day. Obviously we enjoy having kids around but I get that not everyone enjoys other people's kids and the noise and mess that they might bring. 
  • Hmm well I have to agree that it is the party throwers choice whether or not they'd like children at their event. Children can be disruptive and get bored easily, or they can behave extremely well but you never know which one until the time comes. I don't think anyone from either side should get upset, life is simple. The women aren't required to go, they should feel happy they were even invited. Same for the other side if a mother says she won't be able to attend, then they shouldn't  get mad at her because of it. 
  • I agree it should be up to the person(s) hosting the event to decide if they want kids there or not. And there should be no hard feelings by it either. My best friend got married when I was 37 weeks pregnant and I was in the bridal party. She had no kids attending, so DS was not invited. I wasn't hurt by it. It would have caused a hard time for DH to be with him alone, so we probably would have got a sitter anyways. 

    At our wedding we had very limiter seating available and having a ton of kids just wasn't an option. We ended up letting a cousin bring their infant - no big deal, they were BFing and it was a small baby. But that opened a floodgate and we were essentially being bullied into letting other people bring kids because this one baby was coming. It was a pretty shitty situation to be put in and I would NEVER do that that someone else. We also had a crazy distant relative continuously trying to make her daughter a flower girl...but that's a whole other story.
  • I'm 16 months into my marriage. I was very strict with no babies or kids. I have just been to too many family weddings and have seen so many weddings/receptions pretty much ruined!!! My mom and I were not about to let that happen. It put a few people off and they fought, but we said if we bend it for you, we have to for everyone...so no. I feel the EXACT same way now. Nothing changed that! 
  • dAsch14dAsch14 member
    edited February 2016
    It's so nice to hear that I'm not alone in my feelings about this!

    My SIL is currently planning her wedding (date is not even set yet) and I'm already talking to my family/friends about potentially babysitting. I know kids are not props, but I feel like its important for them to be there at certain times (pictures) and not there a certain times (toasts). So I'll make sure someone is there to help with my LO during the entire day.

    When we got married DH's sister didn't even START considering a babysitter until like 2 weeks before the wedding after her LO had a total melt down at my shower. She had to be taken outside the house by her aunt the whole time (so aunt missed the entire shower that she helped plan). This was for a kid who had never sat through church, never sat through dinner at a restaurant, cried constantly. I finally had to ask "So who's going to miss the ceremony to sit outside with her? Mom? Dad? Sister of the groom?" Unbelievable!

    I'm so tempted to say something like "Oh we'll just figure out a babysitter that week before or something..." when the new bride asks what we're planning to do. I don't want to be that bitchy though!

    Just plan ahead and don't inconvenience everyone else because you don't want to pay for a sitter.
  • I agree 100%, I still wouldn't have kids at our wedding and I wouldn't expect to bring our baby to someone's wedding. Although we did have neices and nephews at ours, the youngest being 9. 
  • We had kids at our wedding, but our venue was set up in such a way that we were able to dedicate a whole little room to the kids, we had Disney movies playing, coloring books, board games and snacks for them. I wouldn't take my LO to a wedding until he's older, but I believe it's up to the bride and groom if they want kids or not on their day. For us it wouldn't have been the same without my little cousins, but for my best friend she wanted kid free and she got a lot of push back from her in laws about her nieces not being allowed to see their uncle get married. In the end it was a no kid wedding, that included the 3 nieces, which is still something that bothers her.
  • I'm the complete opposite (before and after LO, even before I decided I wanted to have one myself). I think kids are one of the best parts of a reception (especially dancing!) and it's weird when they're not invited. Our wedding pictures with our flower girls and ring bearer are adorable!!
  • missliz53missliz53 member
    edited February 2016
    We only had our nieces and nephews at our wedding, plus the flower girl and her sister. And it was amazing how mad DH's cousins whom he hadn't seen in several years got because they couldn't being their kids. We had space constraints at our venue too and letting kids come would have meant that we would have had to cut people from the guest list that we really wanted to be there. I totally understand if someone doesn't want my LO at their wedding. 
  • jenboston22jenboston22 member
    edited February 2016
    Like a couple of other posters, I also feel the opposite. I feel that weddings are a family occasion and so children should be invited, too. We had children at our wedding and they had a blast. They really get into dancing, and we have very memorable photos and videos to showcase this. 
  • I am actually heading to a good friends wedding in Miami today without my baby. She didn't want any kids we we decided my husband would stay home with our son and I would go for the weekend. I don't mind, I understand the way she feels. I am EBF so that makes it a little more difficult for me ( as I am pumping in an airport at the moment) but it's her day not mine!
  • I feel the same way as you. Some people don't understand how much a wedding can cost. I remember one of my DH's step cousins said she did not go to our wedding because her son was not invited (I saw it on FB). My DH isn't even close to her so she was not missed lol. 
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