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January 2016 Moms
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Sundowning (Baby Blues Style)

l4rkl4rk member
in January 2016 Moms
Hey Mamas,

I'm 9 days pp and notice that every day around when the sun sets, I start to feel despair and a tightness in my chest, dreading the night ahead. I get anxious about the lack of sleep, feel frustrated even when baby is perfect (knowing she will inevitably keep me up) and basically just want to cry or give up. By morning, all the feelings dissipate and I'm back to my happy, baby-loving self.

Anyone else feeling this way? What do you do to get through it? Any coping tips? For STMs or even FTMs who passed this phase, when did this go away for you?
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Re: Sundowning (Baby Blues Style)

  • cyanopecyanope member
    Yep! Sounds like my experience exactly! Baby girl is one month old today, and it took me about three weeks to get over the "night time blues." Nights are still just as physically taxing, but the emotional difficulty has finally passed. Hang in there, Mama!! It gets better. 
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  • alisong10alisong10 member
    I have this. Night time dread. My LO isint sleeping more than like 2 hours a night - still has her days and nights super mixed up at 2 weeks old. She's hard to get to sleep and it is so it's causing me to dread our nighttime routine since I know I'll be awake all night. I know it eventually gets better because everyone says so. Just can't wait for that to actually happen. 
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  • l4rkl4rk member
    @cyanope, @Ljohn43 & @alisong10, thank you for sharing your experiences! Even though I know deep down I'm not alone, it's nice to hear it from other moms. I don't mind the physical exhaustion (that much) but this emotional distress is overwhelming. It's good to be reminded that things WILL get better and this phase will be over before I know it...
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  • teachmegs817teachmegs817 member
    I am now experiencing this and LO will be 8w on Wednesday.  He was a great sleeper, had a predictable schedule, and was putting out regular bowel movements/wet diapers.  He will only be 2w adjusted age this Wednesday and I am wondering if I am still experiencing the very early newborn stages with him because of his premature birth. This also scares me because many people say that once the 3-4 month mark rolls around, many babies outgrow the gas issues, colic behavior, etc.  I again, wonder if the premature age is going to put me at the 18w-22w mark instead of that 12w-16w window, in hopefully waiting for some relief and to gain some of my sanity back.  

    He's been awfully miserable once nighttime rolls around and I have never been more nervous leaving him alone with someone than before.  Not because I don't trust the person, but because I am so anxious as to what I am going to come home to.   

    I know all babies are different and DS could outgrow many of these issues at anytime but oiy-vay! This momma is having a hard time wrapping her head around these last 3-4 weeks of utter lack of sleep and routine, since he started off so great in the beginning.  I also return back to work Thursday and that has added to my pile high list of reasons why I have anxiety. 
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  • SDaniels19SDaniels19 member
    I am feeling this right now. I feel like I have no idea if I'm doing any of this right, and I hate being alone at night. DH is upstairs working on a side work project that's coming up this Fri- he is doing an additional training on his day off as part of his side business. I can't help but think I would rather have him home with me on Friday and down here right now, but I know he is trying to grow his business and it was a big deal for him to get this opportunity. I feel so needy, much more so at nighttime, plus I am concerned about getting LO to sleep since it took me over 2 hrs to get him back down last night after his 3 am feeding. Trying to hang in there!
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  • danasphillipsdanasphillips member
    Yup. With DS it was way worse and I should have talked to my dr about it. This time around it's more mild but definitely there. If the nighttime blues don't go away by three weeks I plan on telling my dr (already talked to her about PPA when I was pregnant) and will likely start Zoloft (safe for breastfeeding).
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  • l4rkl4rk member
    Yeah, it's tough. A few things that have helped me:

    -Knowing this is normal and letting me feel the feels; cry as needed! My SO's 20 year old came over tonight and arrived as I was bawling on the couch, talking on the phone. Ahahaha. Instead of bottling it up like I normally would, I just let it happen. Then I explained afterward and he was cool about it. :)
    -Understanding that newborns take 20+ minutes to enter deep sleep so I may as well stop trying to put her in the bassinet any sooner. Before this, I would get frustrated with the hour or so battle. She still wakes sometimes but not as often.
    -Asking for help. Both my SO and my mom have been amazing. My mom is coming back Wednesday, only because I spoke up and asked her to, and knowing I won't be alone all week is giving me a light at the end of the tunnel...
    -This too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too...
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  • EC2016EC2016 member
    I'm glad I'm not the only one. Since I've switched to bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding it's gotten better. Before my LO (2.5 weeks old) only wanted to be on the boob all night long. Now since she's been on bottles she's more scheduled. I don't mind getting up every 2 hours because it's better than being up all night. I still have lots of anxiety randomly throughout the day but it's a little better. 
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  • cali1710cali1710 member
    Yes once dinner time rolls around Im anxiety ridden and fearing the night. Once asleep shes great a great sleeper, sleeping 3 hour sessions. But getting her to sleep is a nightmare. She usually wont go down until midnight at least. Shes EFF and I find even though we feed her at 8 shes hungry at 9 and 10 and 11. But I don't know if shes actually hungry or just doing it. I do feed her obviously but I fear overfeeding her. And she just cries. If she falls asleep I'll put her down in her bassinet and shes awake 5 minutes later. 
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  • kaym6kaym6 member
    edited February 2016
    This was so me in the beginning! Every evening I would end up crying for essentially no specific reason and have so much dread for the night time. This prob lasted for around 2 weeks maybe 3. Baby will be five weeks old tomorrow and emotionally I feel back to normal except for random happy crying when I talk to my husband about how much I love the baby haha hang in there it gets sooooo much better. What helped me like PP said was just realizing its normal and allowing myself to feel those feelings! 

    If if only I could get my second degree tear to feel back to normal now....
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  • EmmyMommy123EmmyMommy123 member
    Yes! Babe has mostly good nights with a couple bad a week, but I still get that "dread" feeling around 6 pm every evening where I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing as far as getting him to sleep, when to put him down "for the night", scared it's going to be a rough night, etc. And every time he wakes in the night I want to cry, even if he's given me a good stretch of sleep! Then as soon as the sun is up I feel totally fine, even if I've barely slept. The days allow me to feel I can handle the nights!
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  • mrscammackmrscammack member
    I have such mixed feelings about the evening. I look forward to it because hubby comes home and we get to be a family for a bit but then it's also dread for the night and knowing we only have a few hours before DH needs to sleep to be rested for work. So I end up processing my joy/sadness by just crying like a crazy person. I'm hoping my emotions balance out soon! 
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  • cali1710cali1710 member
    Does anyone have any tricks that have worked to get your newborn down at a decent time ? Nothing works for us. Last night she finally fell asleep at 11 which was a victory compared to the 130 the night before. 
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  • ctmamaoftwoctmamaoftwo member
    @cali1710 have you tried bath time just before bed? We do a bath then feeding and he usually passes right out after. We try to keep the time frame the same each night. Start around 8:00 and he's usually out for the count by 9:00. Hopefully this stays true. He's just over 3 weeks now. 
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  • cali1710cali1710 member
    amberjinnett said:
    @cali1710 have you tried bath time just before bed? We do a bath then feeding and he usually passes right out after. We try to keep the time frame the same each night. Start around 8:00 and he's usually out for the count by 9:00. Hopefully this stays true. He's just over 3 weeks now. 
    Do you bath him every night? I only bath her a few times a week. 
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  • sharonholck28sharonholck28 member
    From the d15 board, I used to have this big time but I have an easier time now probably starting at 4/5 weeks. We did a couple things where I would try get a couple hours before taking over the night shift. Her witching hours started happening between 830-12 every night though. Which started getting hard for my husband to do himself. When I realized it was the same every night I kind of just tried to make a schedule during it until something worked. She liked to cluster feed during that time so she would be on and off. During off times he would take her and walk her around the room, we'd try pacifiers, pretty much anything to try keep her calm until I feed her a larger bottle at 1130/midnight and then she would finally pass out until 3/4. 
    Also don't know if you have a friend with little kids too who is also up a lot. I have a friend who has two under two so she's up a lot and we chat during our awake times. 

    Now starting at 6 weeks I also started doing the nightly bath thing. And then a good feeding and she's amazingly given me 3 days in a row so far of sleeping all the way through. It gets better! I still occasionally find the night time daunting but just keep telling myself it'll be ok.
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  • ctmamaoftwoctmamaoftwo member
    cali1710 said:
    amberjinnett said:
    @cali1710 have you tried bath time just before bed? We do a bath then feeding and he usually passes right out after. We try to keep the time frame the same each night. Start around 8:00 and he's usually out for the count by 9:00. Hopefully this stays true. He's just over 3 weeks now. 
    Do you bath him every night? I only bath her a few times a week. 
    I either do a full bath or rewash his face and hands well followed by some lotion and baby massage. I don't have hard water so I haven't found his skin to be drying out by bathing too often. 
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  • SDaniels19SDaniels19 member
    I posted a similar response on different thread, but how do you guys balance evenings as far as wanting to spend time with SO but also establish decent "bedtime"? Plus if he goes down at 9, I'll have at least two MOTN feedings vs if I wait until 11/12, I typically will only have one around 3/4... But is that setting a bad precedent for when he starts STTN? 
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  • Firsttimer16Firsttimer16 member
    SDaniels19 said:
    I posted a similar response on different thread, but how do you guys balance evenings as far as wanting to spend time with SO but also establish decent "bedtime"? Plus if he goes down at 9, I'll have at least two MOTN feedings vs if I wait until 11/12, I typically will only have one around 3/4... But is that setting a bad precedent for when he starts STTN? 
    Interested in this!
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  • AchaeAchae member
    SDaniels19 said:
    I posted a similar response on different thread, but how do you guys balance evenings as far as wanting to spend time with SO but also establish decent "bedtime"? Plus if he goes down at 9, I'll have at least two MOTN feedings vs if I wait until 11/12, I typically will only have one around 3/4... But is that setting a bad precedent for when he starts STTN? 
    Haha you don't if you want sleep :) parenting first, cuddle time (or whatever other free time there is) later. I feed on demand so I'm unsure what you mean by waiting until 11/12? Their schedules will regulate to be more day/night oriented so you can plan timing more. IMO they're still too young to start trying to sleep train if that's what you mean.
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  • SDaniels19SDaniels19 member
    @AchaeI feed on demand as well, I guess I meant based on times in the past when he's last wanted to eat around 10 vs when he naps longer and doesn't feed again until later, if that makes sense. I agree about it being too early to schedule/sleep train.. I have realized that I REALLY miss having structure in my life and I think that's making it hard for me. There will be a time like you said when things regulate better between day/night so I guess i need to be patient until we get there! 
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