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Working Moms
Eleanor1985
member
Parenting and Working Full Time
Eleanor1985
member
in Working Moms
Hi, I am not a mum but we are getting prepared to the idea of being parents.
Obviously like everyone, we want to do the best we can. I wonder how everyone juggles it? Most families I know (Northern Europe)have 1 full-time working parent(usually dad) and 1 works part-time (3 days a week). We do not have family in the area and day cares are not flexible (if you are late by even a minute 3 times, your child gets kicked out. Pick up time is latest 1800). Also, as babies and kids tend to sleep quite early (7.30 ish), I feel like our baby would never get to see us.
I'm looking forward to hearing your stories on how you managed it all. My details are as follows:
i) We both have challenging full time jobs. He averages 45 (+ commute 6.5 hours =51.5 hours per week). I work 47 hours per week and commute 12.5 hours in addition to that.
ii) we both have the possibility to work less once we are parents (legal benefit) but this comes at a price (career prospects which we could potentially accept but we would struggle to survive with lesser money). Childcare is exceedingly expensive and we will not receive any benefits so we will mostly have no choice but to work (+ house, kid's college, pension etc). However, if you say that with such hours, your child will have an awful childhood, we have the flexibility to reconsider at this moment (we have not decided on a house so can look into an apartment or similar).
iii) I'm also curious if pregnant mums managed to work to an acceptable level during their pregnancies? I'm afraid of not being able to function properly
iv) did you manage to enjoy parenthood? Looking at our lives now and adding a child to that, it feels like it will involve running from point A to B to C and so . We do want a baby but also want to be sure what to expect.
Obviously like everyone, we want to do the best we can. I wonder how everyone juggles it? Most families I know (Northern Europe)have 1 full-time working parent(usually dad) and 1 works part-time (3 days a week). We do not have family in the area and day cares are not flexible (if you are late by even a minute 3 times, your child gets kicked out. Pick up time is latest 1800). Also, as babies and kids tend to sleep quite early (7.30 ish), I feel like our baby would never get to see us.
I'm looking forward to hearing your stories on how you managed it all. My details are as follows:
i) We both have challenging full time jobs. He averages 45 (+ commute 6.5 hours =51.5 hours per week). I work 47 hours per week and commute 12.5 hours in addition to that.
ii) we both have the possibility to work less once we are parents (legal benefit) but this comes at a price (career prospects which we could potentially accept but we would struggle to survive with lesser money). Childcare is exceedingly expensive and we will not receive any benefits so we will mostly have no choice but to work (+ house, kid's college, pension etc). However, if you say that with such hours, your child will have an awful childhood, we have the flexibility to reconsider at this moment (we have not decided on a house so can look into an apartment or similar).
iii) I'm also curious if pregnant mums managed to work to an acceptable level during their pregnancies? I'm afraid of not being able to function properly
iv) did you manage to enjoy parenthood? Looking at our lives now and adding a child to that, it feels like it will involve running from point A to B to C and so . We do want a baby but also want to be sure what to expect.
Re: Parenting and Working Full Time
1) First of all, would one of you be able to cut your hours at all or at least have hours that don't completely overlap with your husband? For example, he could do daycare drop off and you could do pick up (to avoid the late pick up issue). Having you both work over 45 hours a week plus the commute, is difficult to manage. I work 42.5 a week plus 10 hours of commuting. H works even more. We manage by having H do drop off sometimes. Or he will do drop off and pick up one day a week while I will work one extra long day that day. then the rest of the week I do pick up and drop off with shorter work days for the other 4 days. If you can't do this, maybe you should look into a nanny. They are more flexible and your child will get more 1 on 1 time with a caregiver. They are usually much more expensive than daycare though.
2) I don't know much about your legal benefits and what the best answer is regarding this. I'm from the states and only had a 10.5 week maternity leave.
3) What do you mean by an awful childhood??? Lots of parents have to work this much. It doesn't mean that the kids suffer. My son is 7 months now and is thriving in daycare. He loves it and being around other babies. It's harder on the parents than the kids. I try to go in early to work so I can get out early and spend time with LO before his bedtime. And there are always weekends/holidays/vacations. It's not optimal but you do what you have to do.
4) I worked until I was full term. Late actually. >:( I was fine. This totally depends on the person and the pregnancy.
5) I enjoy parenthood very much. It was very scary and overwhelming to think of how we would balance work and family life. It is still a challenge but we've developed a routine and it works. The only issue I've noticed is mommy guilt. It's there no matter what. And H and I rarely have alone time since I never want anyone to babysit LO on weekends, since it's the only quality time we have together.
We elected to go with an in home daycare. I attended one when I was growing up (and I am in my mid 30s). I feel that children get the same socialization and/or learning with more one on one attention. My babysitter is also a military wife, so we often help each other out when our husbands are gone for an extended amount of time.
2. Once I had my daughter, I stopped working overtime. I left work "on time". However, I did come in a little bit earlier. It just worked out that way since my daughter naturally woke up about 1-2 hours before my alarm went off.
I am also from the US, and we don't get a "typical" maternity leave. Depending on our profession, how long we have been there, how many employees, etc can also determine what type of benefits we have. Most use a combination of short term disability and/or accrued hours of sick, vacation or personal leave. I work for the school district. When my daughter was born, I was working at an elementary school so I got all the breaks the kids did (Winter, Spring, Summer, plus lots of other days) off.
I had 10 weeks of maternity leave. Due to all the overtime, I worked, I had a nice amount of sick hours plus I also used short term disability so my maternity leave was pretty much paid for.
3. I found out I was pregnant over summer break. I returned to work when I was three months, literally a week after ending my my first trimester. I have a pre existing medical condition and I successfully worked until one week before my induction date. If I had to do it all over again, I would have worked until 1-2 days before I was induced. But I am glad I had the week before. My mom came, I tried to get plenty of rest and I was able to essentially tie up so loose ends so I could concentrate on my baby.
My daughter also loves daycare. My babysitter has a similar parenting style to mine. She has learned her ABCs, colors, shapes, fruits, veggies, etc. at daycare while also being reinforced at home. I think going to daycare is a huge advantage of preparing your child for school. They get used to sharing, being around other kids, following directions, etc.
4. I have always wanted to be a Mom. I had my first at age 34. I always thought I would have kids before that age, but it just wasn't in the cards for me. I love being a Mom. My husband and I have our alone time on the weekends and when our daughter is in bed. We love doing things as a family and I can count the times outside of work, that we have went anywhere without our daughter. Babies are pretty adaptable and since mine was a baby she went wherever I went (or my husband).
2. When I work DH is home with the baby 1 or 2 nights a week. The other 1 or 2 nights I drop him off at my parents house when we both work. Their house is practically on my way to work so it's perfect. I no longer work any overtime as much as they ask me to. I feel bad about the time I'm away from my son but it gives me a chance to miss him and make the most of my days off. I feel like if I was home all the time I would take it for granted.
3. My job is both physically demanding and mentally challenging. I take care of open heart patients and we get every patient washed and out of bed by 6am, help them reposition themselves every 2 hours, bend down to look at drains every hour, among other things that require mental alertness . I worked up until my water broke at 5am during my shift. I reported off to another nurse, finished my charting and drove home while have contractions to get my husband so we could go to the hospital I was delivering at.
4. I could only take 12 weeks off because I live in America which is run by sexist greedy corporate bastards who decided babies don't need their mothers at home for more than a few weeks but pressure women to breastfeed for a year. Luckily since I worked until the day I delivered a baby I got the full 12 weeks with him. I enjoy being a mom. It's tough and I'm sleep deprived but it is the best part of my life and I can't imagine life without him.
1) I am an attorney, and I work 40-45 hours per week + about 8 hours commuting. My husband is a sales manager for a marine distribution company, and he works about 40 hours per week + about 9 hours commuting.
2) I have the ability to go to part-time after the baby is born, but my husband does not have that option unless he were to request a demotion. In the U.S. we get much less paid parental leave than in most European countries, and many U.S. employers offer only limited unpaid leave. My husband and I are fortunate that we each get some paid leave, but it's only 8 weeks for each of us. Even though I have the option of working part-time after, it would make our finances much tighter, so I plan to go back full time within 10-12 weeks after as long as I have no major recovery issues. I may work part-time temporarily if full-time is too much at first, but I am not planning to at this point.
3) I am nearing the end of my second trimester, and my pregnancy has not affected my work schedule yet. I was tired in the beginning, but I powered through it. I was also fortunate enough to miss out on all the morning sickness symptoms, so it will probably depend on how your body reacts. I plan to keep working full time right up until my due date unless I become uncomfortable or there is a medical reason not to. I also have the ability to work remotely as necessary. I have been commuting to the office as usual so far, but if it becomes too difficult my supervisor has agreed to allow me to work from home until I have the baby and also for a while as needed after my leave expires.
4) As I said, I can't speak from experience on this point, but we are planning to stick to our normal routines as best we can after the baby gets here. My company offers on on-site daycare that we plan to use, so I won't have to make an additional stop on my way to or from work. While there are differing opinions on this (some suggest finding somewhere near your home), I would suggest finding childcare near either your place of employment or your husband's because if you (or he) need to pick up your child for whatever reason and need to go back to work to finish a project, you (or he) don't have far to commute. Of course, this is assuming that you (or he) work in a field/for an employer that would allow you to bring your child to work with you long enough to finish an assignment.
A few other things to consider:
If you don't already own a home, you may want to consider buying or renting something closer to your place of employment. That way, you aren't spending as much time commuting and will have more family time. My husband and I each work about 25 miles from our house, but in opposite directions. That means we can both get back home about the same time most evenings and can have more family time. I am also looking forward to having the extra hour and a half a day of commute time with our son. Even if it isn't "quality" family time, it's still time I will get to be with him.
Good luck!
My husband works about 50 hrsa week (close to home) and I work about 60 hrs a week with 3 hrs commute each day. That alone made us hesitant to take the plunge but you are a team and will adjust together. I think having some flexibility in your job will make it easier.
As for child care my SIL's friend uses an au pair (if you have room for one to stay with you) I hear it is pretty affordable for 45 hours a wk of live in daycare. The whole child care dilemma is probably the most worrisome part. If you don't have family or neighbors you can trust, you and DH will need to sit down and work outa schedule. it's tough for so many of us but I have no doubt you'll get through it together. I hope it all works out for you.