Can't sleep - anxious...PPD?

suteki325 · February 2016

Hey all, had my LO on Friday night (still need to post his birth story!) and he's been amazing so far...but I'm starting to get some concerns about my mental state and possible PPD.

I've always had issues with anxiety (was on Lexapro for a few years but went off it around 3 years ago) and pregnancy/childbirth really kicked it into high gear. I cannot sleep now. Even when LO is sleeping and taken care of by others. For example, right now my in-laws are over and with DH are watching the baby to let me sleep. And I can't at all. I close my eyes and my mind immediately starts to race and my heart starts racing in my chest. Then I get anxious about NOT being able to sleep. Its like this vicious cycle.

Its been this way a bit before he was born (though not as bad) and now in the two nights since he's been born I think I've had maaaaybe 6 to 7 hours total sleep (and that's being optimistic). I'm a very routine oriented person, especially when it comes to bedtime and having a LO completely disrupt my schedule destroyed me.

I thought it would get better once we were home from the hospital but it didn't. I lay here awake basically trembling from anxiety. I'm anxious about everything from being a good mom, to something terrible happening to LO (SIDs, etc) to my life never being the same again, or not being able to be selfish and think only of myself since LO is depending on me.

In a nutshell...I need help. Who do I turn to for this? Should I call my OB and tell her about it? Is there medicine I could take? I had to give up on breastfeeding because it was making my anxiety go off the deep end and I couldn't handle it. I'm worried I won't be able to care for LO properly feeling this way.

Or am I just in my head way too much and its normal baby blues/overwhelmed hormones/trauma of childbirth?

Thanks for any replies.

Side note - @Bigboobsmcgee, if you have any advice I would surely appreciate it. I know you often give great advice with this type of issue.

ETA - I was Googling various resources and topics on this and its led me to believe that I may actually have PPA (postpartum anxiety) which I had never even heard of before!

HandsomeJacksMom · February 2016

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! I think some anxiety is normal following birth, but yours appears to be more extreme. I would call your ob first thing in the morning and get back on some anxiety meds. You don't want it to get out of control. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your little one :-)

srecupido · February 2016

First- I think you are absolutely on the right track by recognizing the potential concern and wanting to seek help. That takes some serious strength momma! If it's bothering you it's an issue and not just 'in your head'. Your ob should be able to provide you resources in your area and I'd suggest contacting them first thing tomorrow. I'd also recommend being extremely open with your husband about your feelings, he might not know how to help but him knowing you're struggling can make the situation easier on you both. Best of luck.

MississippiCatfish · February 2016

I really struggled with sleep after having my firstborn. He would fall asleep and I would lay awake for another hour. As soon as I would finally fall asleep, he would make a peep and I'd be awake again for a long time. It was really awful, so I'm sorry that you're struggling. I'm also prone to anxiety and depression - well managed, though, in general for the last 10 years with Zoloft. My labor and delivery was traumatic for me, and I think it was almost a little bit of a PTSD-like reaction, to be honest.

I think the best advice is to call your OB! If she doesn't feel like she's the best one to evaluate you, she'll send you in the right direction!!

The only thing that helped me, other than time, was moving baby out of my room and into his own room. There, I heard him right away if he cried, but not every single peep. With that said, I understand why so many moms are not comfortable with baby in another room right away. And I know that for some, it would only increase the anxiety! But for me, it was definitely the biggest help, and I've heard other moms say so too.

camusoh2011 · February 2016

Definitely something to talk to your doctor about. PPD is no joke and so many women ignore it or are embarrassed about it.

g8trkim · February 2016

Definitely talk to your OB. To me it sounds more like anxiety than PPD but what do I know. Have you thought about going back on meds?

egraves4 · February 2016

I also suffer from anxiety and will be monitoring after my LO comes. Like PP's have said, I commend you for realizing what is going on so soon and I think the first step would be in getting in contact with your OB.

Karen249 · February 2016

First of all - you are not alone. Take a nice deep breath. You just had a baby! That's amazing! What a crazy thing your body went through. It is sooo taxing and a ton of work on you (physically and mentally) it's going to take some time to heal and get adjusted. You're not going to have it all figured out right away. And as hard as it is in the beginning (and at times), it is the most amazing beautiful thing, having a child. It sounds like you have a good support system (husband and Inlaws). Let them help you. Step away when you need to and ask for help. No shame. Take one day at a time or even hour by hour and I promise it will get easier. Please talk to your OB and see what help they can offer you. They see this all the time. Many other mamas feel like this in the beginning but you'll get through this! You are not alone. You got this!!! I wish you all the best with your beautiful new LO.

VitaLuna · February 2016

Some level of anxiety is normal. I think I had a little bit of PPA with DD, and had what I later found out was D-MER in those early couple weeks of breastfeeding. You seem to be identifying it as not normal, which is good that you're able to see.

Like others have said, absolutely reach out to your OB. She can help you or point you in the right direction, and the fact that you're not BFing may actually help you out when it comes to medications to help treat PPA/PPD.

ETA: sending lots of good thoughts your way. I'm so sorry you're going through this

One of the many things unfortunately that our society just doesn't seem to tell you about or talk about enough.

Adyer7 · February 2016

I'm so sorry you're feeling so much anxiety! Hope you're at least feeling some relief after experiencing false labor. I gave birth on Saturday and haven't slept much either. It was a really tough 16 hours and didn't go at all like I had planned for, but we are both healthy! Still in the hospital and between the unfamiliar surroundings, meds, and general nervousness just can't. Was actually worried it will get worse when we go home tomorrow. Honestly lack of sleep does terrible things to your body and mental state. Try getting some really good rest and see how you feel. Not trying to dismiss your feelings at all and obviously speak with your doctor about what you're going through. Maybe the doctor could give you something to help sleep since you're bottle feeding. Hope you feel better soon mama!!

Adyer7 · February 2016

I'm so sorry you're feeling so much anxiety! Hope you're at least feeling some relief after experiencing false labor. I gave birth on Saturday and haven't slept much either. It was a really tough 16 hours and didn't go at all like I had planned for, but we are both healthy! Still in the hospital and between the unfamiliar surroundings, meds, and general nervousness just can't. Was actually worried it will get worse when we go home tomorrow. Honestly lack of sleep does terrible things to your body and mental state. Try getting some really good rest and see how you feel. Not trying to dismiss your feelings at all and obviously speak with your doctor about what you're going through. Maybe the doctor could give you something to help sleep since you're bottle feeding. Hope you feel better soon mama!!

shupertj09 · February 2016

Getting an angel car monitor or snuza might help with SIDS anxiety but I would call my doctor. Take care of yourself momma.

Liz726 · February 2016

Definitely follow your instincts and get some help. Lots of women go through it - don't second guess yourself. You'll get it under control and feel so much better!

suteki325 · February 2016

Thank you so much everyone! You guys are seriously the best group of women. Its so helpful to see that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I'm going to call my OB as soon as they open and let them know my concerns.

Jilly82 · February 2016

Call your OB. I had severe PPD with my first son. I suffer from anxiety as well and it was terrible. Please message me if you have any questions.

Shatzegirl · February 2016

Definitely talk to your OB. I'm so sorry you're struggling.

I commend you for recognizing something isn't right and for reaching out! Yeah, I just found out there's Post Partum Anxiety, too. Some of it could be lack of sleep/hormonal but some of it may not be so its better safe than sorry to address it. I'm wishing you the very best!!

robinj716 · February 2016

I felt the EXACT same way after we came home from hospital. My LO was born last Monday, a week ago today. I had anxiety before pregnancy and stopped taking my meds once I found out I was pregnant.

The first night we came home from the hospital, my in laws came over so I could get some sleep. I sat in bed wide awake, my legs trembling, my heart racing and my mind going 1000 miles a minute. I started googling PPD and PPA. I was restless and even considered having my SO take me to the ER because I felt like I was losing it. I couldn't sleep and felt terrible.

Then when the night time came and I was trying to nurse, my guy wouldn't latch and I was sitting there at 3 am sleep deprived and falling asleep, feeling frustrated and awful. I felt so defeated.

The next few days all I did was cry and sit around worrying non stop about BF, if I'm being a good mom, how I'm going to handle all this and figure out what I should be doing. Literally my mind was consumed. like you, this BF thing was just way too much for me. I have been pumping and feeding him bottles, but even that has given me great anxiety.

I made up in my mind that for my sanity I need to give up BF. We have an appt with the pediatrician tomorrow and I am going to let her know my decision then and get started on FF. The thought of formula does worry me and I wonder how it will affect my baby, but I feel like the benefits of being sane and reducing my anxiety will make me be a better mom. I literally just sat around the last few days not even enjoying my baby.

I get way ahead of myself sometimes and I was already sitting and thinking of how I'm going to handle running a household and taking care of a baby when SO goes back to work, then I started thinking of when I go back to work- which isn't for another 10 weeks. I try to turn my mind off but I can't, it just keeps going and going.

I will say, I woke up today feeling a whole lot better. I don't know if it's because I got some sleep or knowing that tomorrow I get to switch to formula for the LO. But I woke up feeling like a new person.

I hope that maybe in a few days time you will start to feel better. Know you are not alone, I considered coming on here writing a post like this and then decided against it thinking I was just crazy. I'm telling you, I could have written this post, because what you wrote is exactly how I felt/feel!

suteki325 · February 2016

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this too! It sucks and I completely was not expecting to feel this way after I had LO. The amount of guilt I feel over switching to formula is unreal. I feel like such a selfish, bad mother and I'm so afraid of being judged by others.

But at the same time I love the convenience of formula, knowing exactly how much he's getting with every bottle and not feeling the pressure of being his sole source of food. I keep trying to remind myself that I know multiple people who formula-fed their babies and that they turned out just fine.

It's more important for my LO that he has a mentally-sane mommy than anything else! I called my OB this morning and left a message with her regarding my anxiety, so now I'm just hoping to hear back from her soon.

Bigboobsmcgee · February 2016

Hi OP. I went through this big time after the birth of my second kid. It was HORRIBLE. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and I put up with it for 6 weeks before it got bad enough that I was fed up. I talked to a therapist a couple times which was NOT what I needed and eventually my OB got me an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist that could prescribe medication AND follow me on it. My PCP and OB couldn't do this, it had to be a psychiatrist. She put me on Zoloft and my life changed for the better.

It was the worst thing in the world and I'm so glad I got help for it. The medication changed me. Like others have said, you are not alone! So many women experience this but don't let yourself suffer too long. Good luck to you. I'm here if you need anything at all.

suteki325 · February 2016

My OB precribed me Lexapro, and I took my first dose yesterday afternoon. Then last night I got hit with the worst panic attack ever. My heart was racing (and still is) and I felt like I couldn't breathe. This lasted pretty much up until I fell asleep (with the aid of 3 Benadryl, 2 Melatonin, and some whiskey - I just could not fall asleep, which only added to my anxiety). I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown.

This morning I woke up not much better and dreading another long day of being cooped up in the house. My mom had to come stay the night to help DH with LO - I've been useless since this happened. I'm calling my OB as soon as the office opens. I heard that when you first start Lexapro it can sometimes make symptoms worse, I'm not sure if that's what happened or not. I'm miserable.

srecupido · February 2016

Talk to you OB but a lot of these meds will take a little time to start working and its usually not advised to mix with alcohol. It can also take some time to find the right medication for you. I'm so sorry your struggling and not having the magic cure can make things feel hopeless but you will get through this. You are strong and you are doing the right things.

robinj716 · February 2016

@suteki325 I felt great yesterday and had a little feeling of hope! I woke up today feeling a total wreck again

I can barely eat and all I want to do is cry. I sit and stare at my baby and can't help but to feel so sad and lost. I feel like I'm drowning!

mwmiller4 · February 2016

I don't have any practical advice or words of wisdom @suteki325 and @robinj716 but please know you're in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry you're going through this and am so glad that you're reaching out for help. I hope your days get much brighter very soon.

suteki325 · February 2016

@robinj716 - My OB referred me to a counseling center. I'll be attending group therapy a few days a week. I also reached out to some counselors who specialize in postpartum depression and anxiety. I'm hoping this helps me, and it might help you too. Hang in there. We'll both get through this!

robinj716 · February 2016

@suteki325 I am seeing my OB on Thursday! We will get a game plan going from there! I really hope you and I can get on a path to feeling better and like ourselves again. I know this is a phase that will pass and we will eventually look back on!

@mwmiller4 thank you so much for your words of encouragement and prayers!

suteki325 · February 2016

@robinj716, how have you been feeling? Sending good thoughts your way! I have an appointment with a postpartum therapist today, so hopefully that helps me somewhat. I'm still having the worst time falling asleep - my brain will be burning with exhaustion, but I just can't "turn off"...my OB prescribed me Ambien, but obviously I can't take that long term. Still feeling pretty lost and hopeless.

VitaLuna · February 2016

@suteki325 I really hope your appointment today starts you down a good path. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I'd be really cautious with the Ambien. It works great when it does, but it can make people do stuff in their sleep that they don't even remember (eat, drive, etc). Make sure someone is in the baby's room or is a light sleeper so that if you get up, they can help keep an eye on you until you know how it will affect you.

robinj716 · February 2016

@suteki325 I have been thinking about you and wondering how you're doing too. I had a good day yesterday and am a total wreck today. I got a prescription for Lexapro yesterday from my OB- she said to give it about 2-3 days to start feeling a difference. She also referred me to some post partum counseling. My LO likes to sleep during the day for a couple hour stretches at a time and then during the night he's awake, even after a bottle, he still just stirs in his bassinet and wakes up. I'm so exhausted, but I can't sleep during the day. I try to but I just lay staring at the ceiling. Now he's got diaper rash, so his poor butt hurts and is probably why he's been more fussy.

suteki325 · February 2016

@robinj716 - I got a prescription for Xanax yesterday from my GP and I'm going to follow up with a psychiatrist on Tuesday. My anxiety and insomnia are unreal, along with my depression. I can't focus on anything and I have a lot of sleep-related anxiety, ironically enough. I'm obsessing over whether or not I'll be able to sleep, thus it causes insomnia. Double edged sword. The Xanax helps but it wears off quickly and I feel like I'm just living for my next dose. I'm so tired and bored of sitting in my house. My husband goes back to work on Monday and I'm so nervous about being here alone and isolated. I'm losing my mind.

robinj716 · February 2016

@suteki325 we are two peas in a pod and unfortunately what we're both going through is no fun! I can't stop obsessing about the future- how will I manage when SO goes back to work, how will I ever sleep again, how will I be able to handle running the house when I go back to work- all stuff that is weeks away and things I don't need to worry about until I cross that bridge, but I can't turn my mind off and stop thinking about all that stuff. It's making me crazy. My SO is handling this baby thing much better than I am and if it wasn't for him, our house would be in shambles. I'm telling you, I need to find sound footing here or I'm going to lose my mind!

robinj716 · February 2016

@suteki325 check out this article I found, sounds exactly like us.

https://www.hellobee.com/2012/12/18/life-with-a-newborn-it-gets-better/

VitaLuna · February 2016

@suteki325 any chance your husband can take some more time off? He should be legally allowed it under FMLA.. But I know finances sometimes play a role in that, too. If he can't, is there someone that can come stay with you during the day while he's gone? I'd hate for you to be by yourself feeling like this

It's hard enough to do it when you don't have any anxiety/PPD to go along with it. Sending you hugs!

VitaLuna · February 2016

Also, I want to add that there are postpartum doulas in my area that will come to your house and help with anything you need. Might be something to look into in your area?

ccelata · February 2016

I have been going through a very simolair pattern. One minute I feel happy, then next minute I am depressed. And I am just SO anxious. My peice of advice would be to write down your thoughts and rationalize on paper. I always find this to be a great coping strategy. Now I need to take my own advice and do the same. Good luck.

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