Blended Families
aln624
member
Options
BAD mpact of New Baby on DH & Stepson...HELP!!!
aln624
member
My DH gets very upset when our baby cries bc it bothers / annoys my stepson. He has told me that the crying is a problem for him and an even bigger problem when my stepson is with us. When I say that babies cry and we all need to deal / adjust, he gets mad and says I'm dismissing his feelings. When my stepson is with us, my DH will bring the baby into the basement if he cries so that my stepson doesn't hear it / wake up from it. If the baby needs a diaper change in the night, my DH will bring the baby downstairs instead of his room so that, again, the crying doesn't disturb my stepson. I suffered some trauma to my back during delivery, so originally and even now sometimes, it is difficult for me to go up and down the stairs. At one point, my DH told me he didn't want me using the rocking chair in the baby's room when my stepson is with us. I told him it can be difficult to rock the baby without it considering the back pain I experience. The baby is 8 months old and still sleeping in my room, in a bassinet, BUT sometime soon he will need to be moved into his own room, which is right next to my stepsons room, so then what???? Here's an example of what I deal with: tonight I was putting a diaper on the baby and getting him ready to go upstairs to be nursed and go to sleep for the night. I had just finished taking his temperature prior to putting the diaper on, bc he's been sick with a temp of 103. DH asked if I wanted the thermometer and such upstairs. I said "only if you're ok with me taking his temperature up there in the middle of the night." I said this bc DH doesn't like when I bring the baby into his room in the night when my stepson is with us. DH picked up the thermometer and such and then went upstairs. When I came upstairs I noticed that DH put the thermometer on my dresser. I told DH that when I had said what I did, that meant I'd be taking his temperature in his room. DH almost instantly showed signs of anger...facial expression, tone, raised tone, cursing. He asked me "why the f would you ask me if you could do it in his room!?!" He told me how rude and selfish he thought I was being. I said that I didn't ask, but rather said that if he was ok with it, then yes the items could go upstairs. He continued to curse and raise his voice. I asked him repeatedly to stop, but he told me "no!" The baby was on my bed when this was going on. I told Dh that he was talking to me in a rude and cruel way and it was scaring me, so to please stop. He continued to talk in a raised tone and was cursing at me. He said something like "stop with the f'in you're scared bs!" He was in my face when he said that. I took a step back to gain a little space (couldn't move much more bc I was standing between my dresser and bed) and again told him that he was scaring me. He got in my face again and said something like "f that! We're done!" He then left the room.
HELP!!
HELP!!
Re: BAD mpact of New Baby on DH & Stepson...HELP!!!
When your H goes to work, call a locksmith and have the locks changed. Pack up his things and leave them on the porch. Call a lawyer and the police to get an order of protection.
It will be a long fight, but it is worth it to protect your child.
**** Formerly Snoflakes4eva****
ALL OF THIS.
I would encourage you to begin recording things so that you have evidence should it go that route. I'm not sure if where you live is a 1 party state, so I'm also going to encourage you to seek advice of a qualified domestic attorney in your area before acting on emotions. Even if you decide to stick out longer, at least you'll have knowledge on how to proceed best for you in both the short and long term. Emotional abuse, such as he is inflicting, is very difficult to prove without good evidence. Access to funds in the short term is important. Holding your head up through the process and not feeling like you rushed to any conclusions and seeking advice and counseling from qualified professionals will help you become confident in your decision, whatever that may be.
I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. The heart break is terrible, but sometimes the best option isn't realistic and you have to start looking at options B and C. Whatever you decide you need for your happiness, I hope you find the strength and support to get it.
In my previous posts I offered support in her situation, emphasized that it doesn't just get better and must be addressed, and said that she needs to make a plan to address it the best way possible with advice of professionals in her area. I am a family attorney, and I've litigated both sides of orders of protection and divorces for years. I've also been a victim of DV. I stand by every bit of my previous advice and support for her.