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December 2015 Moms
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Refusing to BF / is it over?

amye02amye02 member
in December 2015 Moms
Background: BF has been a struggle with DS since day 1 (colostrum wasn't satisfying him and I have a lazy breast, it doesn't work). When my milk came in I was able to EBF for a few weeks. As of about 5.5 weeks he's too hungry so back to supplementing and pumping. For two weeks I have been BF early AM and all MOTN feedings. Last night he refused to latch, when he did he would start to scream every other minute, same thing tonight except tonight turned into full on hysteria. I relented and made him a bottle, I know he's mad bc BF takes longer for my milk to let down, but he was HANGRY. Should I keep trying to BF? Is this the point other moms switched to EP? I'm so upset, I don't WANT to give up BF and lose our bond. 
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Re: Refusing to BF / is it over?

  • Mizuiro007Mizuiro007 member
    Are you waiting for him to fuss with hunger to trying to catch him during very early ques? Sometimes they seem to be a bit more patient when they aren't as intensely hungry. Transitioning DD back to BF after bottles I would sometimes give her a smaller than normal bottle and finish on the breast for the same reason.
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  • amye02amye02 member
    @Mizuiro007 I am putting him on @ his first cues (smacks his lips). I will try the smaller bottle, thanks for the idea. 
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  • Mizuiro007Mizuiro007 member
    I hope it works for you.
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  • merbear32merbear32 member
    I don't think it is over. Call your bfing warm line? or see a lactation counselor? Wrong size breast shield? They have a tube that allows you to supplement at the breast.
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  • missphilmissphil member
    I am having a similar issue- around 6 weeks, my little guy started crying at the breast. At first it was just once in the evenings and then it became too often during the day. I had introduced a BM bottle once a day and of course he prefered that because it's easier for him to get milk. I don't have issues at night because my breasts are engorged and he just drinks efficiently. But he eats so often during the day that my breasts don't engorge as much. I saw a lactation consultant and she said my son had lip and tongue tie, which was then confirmed by a pediatrics dentist. Thats the gyst of my story- and I'm not saying it's your case. But for me, BFing was super important so I started gently forcing the breast on him to get him to latch. Half the time it would work, and the other half it was such a struggle of crying (both him and I) and a source of so much stress. Finally my nipples started blistering from his increasingly tense mouth (from stress) and I had to go back to pumping at least one breast and bottle feeding in order to heal. It's much less stressful this way, but of course I do offer the breast as much as possible because I would eventually like to return to EBF after he gets his tongue tie released.
    Long story short, my advice is to still offer the breast as much as you can but stop when it becomes a source of stress. For example, maybe start with a bottle and finish off at the breast? There is so much more to BFing than just feeding. Keep feedings calm- When he is not wanting to latch, I will sit quietly in my room with no noise, no distractions and a soft light. These babies, it's like they sense your desperation! Keep at it mama and don't feel bad for supplementing in the way you can.
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  • TomekiaBTomekiaB member
    My DS started screaming  soon after a latch when he had thrush (but he did it with pacifier and bottle too). My son also pulled off upset when my letdown overwhelmed him. I'd see an LC to see if there is something that is causing him discomfort before I'd make a decision about continuing or discontinuing BFing. I'd also consider putting a slower flow nipple on the bottle if you think its laziness. I bought a premature nipple to use at bedtime because DS was gulping to much at bedtime and it was making him really burpy because he was eating so much air. The slow nipple doubled or tripled how long it takes him to finish the bottle.
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  • dec15mumdec15mum member
    I'm in the same boat, he'll only latch if I'm really full. He'll usually just scream and not even try to latch until I express and give him it in a bottle- even if he wasn't that hungry to start with. 
    I have no advise but I'm speaking with my LC tomorrow and I'll get back to you if she says anything 
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  • amye02amye02 member
    It's definitely not thrush,  I tried 2 oz of expressed before BFing this morning, he let go a few times to shriek at me but I stuck with it. I return to work tomorrow so I hope we can get through this setback soon.
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  • Bombmom3Bombmom3 member
    Kid#2 and Little Man (#3) did/do this when I OV.  Sometimes your milk changes consistency and flavor when you OV or are on your cycle and they just don't like it.  It was a miserable struggle to get #2 to latch and stay on 1.5wks every month :neutral: I've had two cycles now with Little Man and we appear to be doing the same song and dance.  So not fun to have a baby shriek and refuse the boob.  I have to let me and baby take a break and calm down (because I get super stressed when this happens) and then offer the breast again once everyone settles. I might have to repeat that process three or four times but eventually they would latch and eat.

    Here is a piece of advice I think every mom needs to hear: breastfeeding is fabulous as long as it is MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL.  If it is stressing mom out to the point where she suffers from anxiety, then there is zero shame and zero harm in FF.   There are two parts of the equation when it comes to having a healthy baby and Mom's health/emotional state is one of them.  

    Hugs to you, you are doing an amazing job for your baby.  
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  • ssn109ssn109 member
    I have no additional advice other than what has been offered. I just hope I also don't have too many problems returning to BF after we're both clear of thrush. I felt like I needed to stop for now, because his is improving and almost gone while mine hasn't really gotten much better at all. I didn't want to get us in the vicious loop of passing it back and forth, so I'm EPing for now. I miss the bonding of BFing, though he does tend to look me in the eyes for all the bottles I give him so at least it's something.
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  • amye02amye02 member
    @ssn109 I hope it clears up soon for you. 
    @Bombmom3  thank you,  besides the "breastfeeding shaming" stories in the news people don't talk about how much pressure there is to BF. People I barely know ask if I'm BFing. I am definitely feeling anxiety and going back to work tomorrow is probably compounding it.
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  • ssn109ssn109 member
    edited February 2016
    amye02 said:
    @ssn109 I hope it clears up soon for you. 
    @Bombmom3  thank you,  besides the "breastfeeding shaming" stories in the news people don't talk about how much pressure there is to BF. People I barely know ask if I'm BFing. I am definitely feeling anxiety and going back to work tomorrow is probably compounding it.
    I hope you tell at least the strangers to f*** off, it's none of their damn business. I hate that everyone feels the right to not only judge how you feed your baby, but offer that judgement to you without asking. I feel self conscious about bottle feeding in public, but honestly if anyone ever said anything to me about how I should be EBFing I already plan to respond by asking them if they therefore think it's ok for me to starve my baby since I can't make enough for him and never have.

    And try not to be too anxious about your return to work. I went back this past week, and it was hard but I made it. Just take it one day at a time, and know you're going to miss your baby the whole time. But you are working for your baby too, you are doing what is best for your family. You will be able to do it, and it gets easier. Not to mention, the feeling of pure joy when you see your baby again at the end of the work day.

    *spelling
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  • amye02amye02 member
    I was so caught off guard I answered truthfully that I'm combination feeding. Now that I have had the chance to consider it,   the next time my answer will be my usual MYOB respond  "why do you ask?" 
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  • Bombmom3Bombmom3 member
    How awesome is it that strangers feel they have a right to know how you feed your baby?  Everyone has an opinion and everyone feels they need to let you know about it.  I've had many experiences where I've been shamed about breastfeeding in a public setting (staring, rude comments, suggestions to go somewhere more private) yet I know if I was FF people would stop and give unsolicited advice and shame me for not BF.  It's ridiculous and I am the rudest, snottiest human being on the planet when folks start in about feeding in general.  

    My personal favorite was when I was nursing #2 after eating lunch at a restaurant.  She was 7.5mo at the time.  A middle aged woman stopped at the table and said, "Honey, you don't need to nurse that kid any more after the meal she just ate.  All you're doing is making her fat and depend on you for comfort."  I gave her an earful about the WHO's recommendation that all children nurse or receive formula until one (preferably two or three) years of age and then told her to F off.  
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  • relizabethprelizabethp member
    My LO is also having this issue. A lactacian consultant suggested pumping for only a minute or two before putting baby on the breast , it prepares your nipple and brings the milk forward making less work for baby . I find that it helps . 
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  • Mizuiro007Mizuiro007 member
    edited February 2016
    @Bombmom3 Way to stick up for yourself!
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  • missphilmissphil member
    https://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/nb-challenges/back-to-breast/

    Some excellent tips in the link
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  • TomekiaBTomekiaB member
    @ssn109 isn't ironic that there isn't a guilt free way to feed a baby? I actually pump and bottle feed in public because I'm not confident enough to BF in public. 
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  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    Sorry I didn't read the thread yet but what about pumping to start your letdown when he starts to root, before he's in full on meltdown mode? And by the time he realizes he's hungry, boob is leaking? 
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  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    rachelzank said:
    My LO is also having this issue. A lactacian consultant suggested pumping for only a minute or two before putting baby on the breast , it prepares your nipple and brings the milk forward making less work for baby . I find that it helps . 
    Yeah this is what I was talking about too! Try that! It was suggested to me for flat nipples but I have a furious letdown so I had to abandon this practice. Olive fights my left breast because my letdown is too strong. 
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  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    edited February 2016
    Bombmom3 said:
    How awesome is it that strangers feel they have a right to know how you feed your baby?  Everyone has an opinion and everyone feels they need to let you know about it.  I've had many experiences where I've been shamed about breastfeeding in a public setting (staring, rude comments, suggestions to go somewhere more private) yet I know if I was FF people would stop and give unsolicited advice and shame me for not BF.  It's ridiculous and I am the rudest, snottiest human being on the planet when folks start in about feeding in general.  

    My personal favorite was when I was nursing #2 after eating lunch at a restaurant.  She was 7.5mo at the time.  A middle aged woman stopped at the table and said, "Honey, you don't need to nurse that kid any more after the meal she just ate.  All you're doing is making her fat and depend on you for comfort."  I gave her an earful about the WHO's recommendation that all children nurse or receive formula until one (preferably two or three) years of age and then told her to F off.  
    My husband is an arsehole about a lot of things but one thing that means a lot to me is his championship of breastfeeding. If somebody gives me grief i just say "Nick, school this fu(&er" and then flat out refuse to continue communicating other than to ask them to exit my personal space immediately. I'll put on headphones to drown out assholes if I have to. Luckily where we live is very tolerant it seems. Nobody gives me a hard time. My mother in law tried to cover me once and Nick told her to just leave me be. I can't latch olive without seeing her. 

    Nick said if anybody ever tells me to cover up, he'll commission a cover with a picture of Olive nursing on it. It's stuff like this I love about my husband. 
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  • oregonmommy-2oregonmommy-2 member
    My husband is the same way @groovylocks I hate covering up in public when feeding.. I feel like he can't breath because it's so hot and stuffy and it's hard to get him to latch right when I'm covered with a blanket! I hate when people suggest I cover up (like my MIL) who cares I'm breast feeding not flashing everyone. My husband says just do your thing don't worry about anyone else. 
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  • amye02amye02 member
    @Bombmom3 you're awesome. 

    I was able to BF before leaving for my first day back to work, and I think he was just humoring me, because  tonight he emphatically refused. Can babies inherit their mom's stubbornness? I'm going to keep trying. 
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  • missphilmissphil member
    Mine is stubborn too. Tonight I fed him on my left breast, then when it was time, I switched to the right one, which he refused and started crying. So I warmed up a bottle of BM I had in the fridge and he started drinking that for about an ounce, then rejected it and took the right breast. Weird! But whatever works..
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  • jaboyd09jaboyd09 member
    I'm going through the same thing! My LO starting crying at breast...no, screaming, about 5 days ago and then 2 days ago just stopped trying to latch altogether. It was so frustrating and I felt like I was traumatizing both of us trying. I gave in and started giving him a bottle after a half hour of back and forth.  I was EPing for the past 2 days because he never would latch to me though he would take the bottle immediately. He just now latched on and ate for the first time in 2 days. Some things that helped: I would offer a pacifier when he would start crying to calm him down before trying again. I also tried to make the room distraction free. I did offer breast at each feeding before going to bottle. He refused for 2 days but decided to take it today, so hopefully it was just a phase. Probably a growth spurt. I still have an appointment with a LC on wednesday,  so hopefully we'll figure out how to get him to latch more consistantly and without so much fuss. 
    Hang in there. I know how incredibly frustrating it is.  The one thing someone said to me that made me feel better is that as long as your baby is getting enough to eat, however you have to give it to them, you're doing a great job. And these things will always work out. Sometimes it's just a phase, but if not, you and your baby will get used to a new normal and will be fine. 
    Good luck!
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  • beccabeeeebeccabeeee member
    I couldn't see if you do this, but are you supplementing with formula? If so, it could be that your LO has taken to the taste of that over your breastmilk. I'm EFF now but my milk hasn't dried up yet. When I opted to give her the boob she refused, wanted nothing to do with my breastmilk or my boob. When I gave her a bottle she drank it right up 
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  • blended10blended10 member
    katielwells said:
    My husband is the same way @groovylocks I hate covering up in public when feeding.. I feel like he can't breath because it's so hot and stuffy and it's hard to get him to latch right when I'm covered with a blanket! I hate when people suggest I cover up (like my MIL) who cares I'm breast feeding not flashing everyone. My husband says just do your thing don't worry about anyone else. 
    Have you guys seen this?
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