Community› The Bump Month Clubs› January 2016 Moms
January 2016 Moms
New Discussion

Irritable husband

alisongemalisongem member
in January 2016 Moms
My husband was so great from labor to the two weeks he had off of work. Now he's back to how he was before. Moody, irritable, and quick to anger. He's got this attitude with me and acts like I'm being needy or nagging and I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't do it all on my own but he makes me feel bad for asking for anything. He also doesn't listen when he agrees to some things then gets mad and is convinced the conversation didn't happen when it comes down to doing things. I'm at such a loss and feel so alone and needed to rant/ask if anyone else is going through this? 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Irritable husband

  • mrsncmrsnc member
    I am too! My husband had 1 week off work and was wonderful! Now that he is back at work, he is moody all the time. I try to be understanding, I know how much he wishes he could stay home with DD and me. When she cries in the middle of the night it's like he gets mad at her, and me for not calming her immediately. I've tried to gently convince him to sleep in another room so he can get a good night of rest before work. He is in love with her during the day and still dotes on me. So aside from being moody occasionally and difficult during the night, he is adjusting okay.
    I think we just need to be patient with our men. As parents they get the raw end of the deal, we get to spend at least 6 weeks with our kiddos and they have to get back to work. It must be hard to feel the need to provide while wanting to stay home and cuddle all day. I know I'll be a moody mess when I have to go back to work! 
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • BarrettJ89BarrettJ89 member
    My LO is almost 4 weeks old and we're going through something similar. SO works a late shift 1:00-10:00 pm. He gets home and I'm completely drained from being with the colicky baby and our 13 month old all day. He gets upset that I don't want to watch shows with him, or that I don't have food made for him. We've split night time into 2 shifts, 4 hours each. He stays up with baby for the first 4, then we switch. He just told me this morning of how awful she always is for him and what a pain she is... then he was asleep on the couch while I was trying to juggle our two LOs, plus getting his daughter ready to leave for gymnastics. Drives me bat shit crazy when he acts like he's the only one who's tired...
    Report Reply
  • alisongemalisongem member
    @BarrettJ89 yes I hate when he gets home from work and acts like he's the only one allowed to be exhausted! He says he needs "relax time" as if I've gotten a single break all day! 
    @mrsnc atleast my hubby is understanding at night! He gets frustrated but knows it's not my fault! He's just hard to deal with during the day! Ugh men!
    Report Reply
  • LIly436LIly436 member
    Mine got a cold a day after we came from the hospital. Guess who gets more care and acts like he is half dead?
    Report Reply
  • nicmont89nicmont89 member
    My DH has been sitting his car watching a video on his phone for an hr since he got home from work....He said he is having "relaxing me time"...I have been up with both our 5 yr DS and our 3 week old DS since he left for work at 6am. All I can say is WHERES MY RELAXING ME TIME?!?!
    Report Reply
  • teachmegs817teachmegs817 member
    Just had a conversation with DH about 2 hours ago regarding this kind of thing.  I have to ask him to do everything, not even just baby related.  He will always do whatever I ask, but that's the point.  I have to ASK you, to do the dishes, vacuum, feed DS, etc.  I really don't like cleaning the house non stop and staying on top of everything, but I have to.  Otherwise, we'd be living in a hoarder house and I'd have to wear a hazmat suit if we didn't clean daily. I don't think he realizes just how much I do.  With me returning to work Thursday, I knew we had to have a conversation, because it would be a matter of 2-3 days of returning to work before I blew a gasket and flipped out. 

    I asked if he'd do the dishes and he said yes he would.  I told him since LO was napping, I was going to nap too.  It's been a super long day.  I wake up 2 hours later, he's just starting the dishes, I'm coming out of a coma type sleep and heading to the bathroom, when I hear DS start to wake from his nap.  He's kind of fussy, and crying a little bit and DH Is just going about the dishes. I walk out of the bathroom and say; "Did you not hear your son crying?"  He says yes, and I then ask what were you doing these last 2 hours. "Watching TV."  Was his reply. I about lost my sh*t. I had to collect myself, go change DS and hand him off to DH to feed him and I then took over dishes. I cried at the sink, got myself together again and went into the living room to have a talk.

    The problem with him is, it's not as if he's not cleaning or helping out because he doesn't think he has to, or that he's lazy, he is just not an, "I take initiative kind of guy." He is the kind of guy who will take initiative when he's going to benefit from the situation.  He doesn't look at an empty sink, folded and clean clothes, and groceries stocked throughout the kitchen as benefits for him, even though he should.  I think after today's conversation, he's starting to see where I am coming from, especially now that we have a baby.  Pretty much it boils down to understanding that free time is no longer a given priority when there are things that need to be done.  We both can have free time without a doubt during parts of our day, but it can not be put to the top of the list and everything else to come after. 

    Report Reply
  • BarrettJ89BarrettJ89 member
    teachmegs817 said:
    Pretty much it boils down to understanding that free time is no longer a given priority when there are things that need to be done.  We both can have free time without a doubt during parts of our day, but it can not be put to the top of the list and everything else to come after. 

    This. You seriously described my SO to a T. He always talks about cleaning this, or working on that. But the initiative is seriously lacking. He'd rather watch TV or pass out on the couch. I end up wrangling our toddler, entertaining his daughter, and trying to help our miserably colicky baby all while he's snoozing away! Then the dishes and basic cleaning never get done... Even sleeping while the baby is sleeping at night? Nah... he'd rather stay up and watch TV, then give me the guilt trip in the morning (after I take the exact same amount of time with baby during the night) about how exhausted he is.
    Report Reply
  • alisongemalisongem member
    @teachmegs817 @BarrettJ89 exactly! I have to ask simple things so often until everything is so piled up I lose my mind! And then we get in a fight and there's lots of over dramatic sighing on his part because its so much extra work than it would have been if he would keep up with things!
    Report Reply
  • Grace213Grace213 member
    Ugh, all of this! He can be seriously useless. I ask him to do things when he gets home from work and he's like, I am so tired! And then he tells me that I act like he does nothing at work all day. Because, you know, tsking care of 2u2 and attempting to get at least 1 cleaning task done is NOTHING. And he whines in the am how tired he is but I RARELY ask him to wake up in the middle of the night when DS gets up at least 3x. 

    I am excited to see how he acts when I go back to work tomorrow and he has a shit ton more to do around the house! "Vacation" is over and I'm done being nice... 
    Report Reply
  • teachmegs817teachmegs817 member
    @WineBaby122 I totally agree and will say that yes, my DH can be a total dick sometimes. We have been together for over 10 years, married for 3 this year. We've both done a lot of growing up over the years. The great thing about our relationship is that we do talk to one another openly and have a mutual understanding to come to one another with any issue that we are having. He did see a lot of what I was talking about and gets where I am coming from. I told him while I appreciate the open idea of you allowing me to say; "Hey do this..." And you will, I'd really appreciate it, if you just did it, without having to ask. Now that we have a baby and time isn't always going to be on our side, it's no longer easy to say; "that can wait until tomorrow." 
    Report Reply
  • LIly436LIly436 member
    I have a feeling, that not having sex for 6 weeks would not be a problem at all
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"