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September 2015 Moms
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Can I ever leave him again?

booksandcleverness81booksandcleverness81 member
in September 2015 Moms
Ug, my LO had a crazy meltdown this evening while I was out of the house. My DH could not deal with it or get him to stop screaming for 45 minutes so he called me and made me leave the rehearsal I was at to come home. Not entirely sure what was wrong, but baby stopped crying the moment he saw me and 2 minutes later after being held he was fine. He's only really flipped out on me 2-3 times, usually he's a really easy baby, just fusses a little sometimes in the evening. His gums seemed to be bothering him a lot today, so maybe that? Idk. 

Anyway, I rarely leave him but have just been cast in a local musical (one of my usual past times) for which I have rehearsal 1-2 times a week for 2-3 hours (I specifically took a small role so I wouldn't need to be there that much). It was really important to me to get out there and do something for me while I'm home with the baby right now, but my DH is convinced that I can really never leave him now. He is great with him but has very little patience for crying. He thinks there's no comforting him when he cries except for me and my boobs. I don't really know what to tell him. I can't just never leave him again. Any advice to give dads who aren't good with soothing or trouble shooting baby when you're gone? LO is 17wks, EBF, and not crazy about bottles or pacis but will take now and then. 
Thanks guys :/ 
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Re: Can I ever leave him again?

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  • v1wwov1wwo member
    Aww - don't lose hope mama. Both your husband and baby need to practice. Let your husband calm your LO down next time he crys and be there to help your husband out. Try not to give your boob when little ones dad is holding him. He may not take the bottle from you but maybe your SO will have a better luck after a few times. 

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  • Mom2b100915Mom2b100915 member
    Have your hubby take him for a ride in the car.
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  • v1wwov1wwo member
    @vibarra27 - lol that sound like me. There has been a lot of days when my husband came home from work and I would handle him a screaming baby at the door and say "she is your baby when she cries." Sometimes he can calm her down and sometimes he does not. And that is ok. 
    Sometimes I work outside of home on Saturday for 12-14 hours and he is with the LO. There have been days where she was a sweet angel to him and other days that she was calling on some demonic powers. But my husband has to be with her. 
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  • laurapaine2003@yahoo.comlaurapaine2003@yahoo.com member
    I am in the exact same boat as you. Basically I can never leave the house bc if she has a major meltdown on my husband while I'm gone he freaks out, can't settle her down, and I'm called back home. It makes trying to go to the gym or get groceries IMPOSSIBLE. Not to mention, hurting me psychologically bc I can't get out and do anything. 

    if its during the day things always seem better, my DH can try a bottle of BM (we EBF) or try a bath or play with her to calm her. But in the evenings when she goes down at 6pm... I want to sneak away to run errands and go to the gym. But there seems to be no calming her at night if she has a meltdown, unless I'm there to sooth her. My DH is convinced LO needs the boob to settle down. So I just basically never ever get to leave or do anything at all. Fun.
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  • EmilyJ15EmilyJ15 member
    My SO was the same with our DD at first. He was impatient with her crying and didn't know how to soothe her. If I was around, he usually handed her back to me. Recently, his job schedule changed and he has Mondays off and is home in the afternoons with her while I'm at work. At first I was nervous about how he would handle it. My mom lives close by and already watches her during the week, so we let him know that if she was too fussy or if he just needed a break, he could call my mom and drop her off there for a bit. At first, he did drop her off for a couple of hours. But the more time he spent alone with her, the more he realized he could do it by himself. Now, he stays home and watches her all day on Mondays. He has his own methods for calming her and getting her to sleep. Sometimes, his ways work better than mine. And she is totally loving her daddy time. It just took him not having me as backup to learn he could do it.
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  • raspellraspell member
    I'm having a similar issue with my little guy and my DH. He has better instincts than he thinks he does, but even leaving the house for an hour to grocery shop and leaving him alone with the baby is "so stressful". I recently had to give up on my band, because leaving the house for rehearsals not to mention 5-7 hour gigs just wasn't going to happen without a fight. I'm a SAHM so I feel guilty for expecting DH to do some solo parenting. When I'm home, he does great until he decides "baby needs the boob". I'm planning on forcing the issue more often and going to the grocery store, and maybe even a trip to the movies or something, and leaving DH with the baby for larger increments of time.
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  • LoveLee85LoveLee85 member
    Similar situation here. It's like my DH gives up after two minutes. It frustrates me. I keep saying this: do what I do, sing, hum, walk around, hold him and pat his bottom. I then say: you really need to learn how to do this because God forbid something happen to me...you need to know how to deal with our son.
    I know that's morbid BUT it kind of clicked with him. I just keep reminding him I might now always be around to fix everything and to just start trying things. DH has been a bit better. I also try to show DH hungry signs our baby has. I'm around baby 99% of the time so DH doesn't pick up on the cues I do. Babies can also tell when you are frustrated. I just remind him to stay calm and put LO in the safety of his crib and walk away for a minute if he gets too frustrated. 
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  • jennahkrossjennahkross member
    Same with my DH. I had a girls night about a month ago and I left DH with both kids and he had to do dinner, bath, get the kids down etc. Now this is something I do by myself at least 4 days a week. Anyway, I guess LO was pretty fussy that night so I came home to Mr. Mopy pants and now he refuses to do it again. So, who knows how long it will be before I get another girls night!
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  • bnwillia3bnwillia3 member
    Some things that my husband does to calm down baby:

    *take him on a walk - either in the stroller or he wears him in our ergo, sometimes just stepping outside is enough to cheer baby up (but we are in Arizona, so the weather is nice - not an option everywhere)
    *a few minutes of Sesame Street or Inside Out (Pixar movie)
    *Rockabye Baby CDs
    *Playing music with him on the piano or guitar
    *Singing to him while holding him and gently bouncing
    *Car rides (this is going out of favor quickly, but used to be a miracle worker!)

    Just wanted to share some tips that he could try out :) And some encouragement - a mom shared with me how important it is that I not always intervene when baby is upset and with DH. By intervening, she said, I am robbing them of a closer relationship - DH doesn't get to figure it out and bond with baby after seeing that he CAN cheer him up and baby doesn't get to see that his dad is a comfort figure. I always feel really guilty when my baby is crying and always try to swoop in, but hearing that it would benefit their relationship to work it out was a great comfort to me! 
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  • booksandcleverness81booksandcleverness81 member
    Thanks ladies, I know lots of couples have these kinds of issues, it's just frustrating because DH is actually quite good with him but if LO has one of his rate total freakouts on DH it just totally pisses him off and between both of us we can't seem to figure out how to stop them without bfing. DH also has kind of like this "why am I having to deal with this, the baby's ruining our lives, you're the one who wanted this" attitude to a certain extent, which sucks, because DH really wasn't very enthusiastic about having a baby but knew how much I wanted one. He loves the baby when he's happy, but he's been pretty fussy this week and so DH has just been in the shittiest mood. I hate tiptoeing around him so as to not piss him off more. honestly he's basically ignored both of us today, so there's just been an awful energy around the house. Let's hope it gets better when LO finishes the 4th leap in a few days...
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  • vibarra27vibarra27 member
    Im just gonna tell u this. Now, your baby is more important than hubby & hubbys feelings. Your baby might grow out of this phase but there are going to be new phases to come with age. He has to deal with it. When my hubby gets mad i tell him "shes 5" or "boys are just babys. Babys cry & need us more than DD". & he sits there & kets it sinks in & then has a better attitude about it. Dont ever make your husbands needs come before your baby. I even think its funny when my hubby is in a bad mood & both my boys start crying @the same time. Let him ignore you. Dont go after him. When DH is pissy i take the kids to my moms or to the store just so he can get over himself. I always say "im a mother before a wife, my kids are my blood & the day DH wants to leave he'll leave but my kids thats a bond no one can break." dont tip toe. Be happy with your baby & He'll get over it eventually & if he doesnt, he's the unhappy one. Not you. Keep your head up
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