Switching to cosleeping? (Long)

pupsicle23 · February 2016

Hello, ladies. I would really appreciate thoughts on this, and I apologize if this is long and rambly. My husband and I were talking this morning, and he told me to ask my "Internet friends" what they think.

DD has been sleeping in her crib. She'll usually give me a 4 hour stretch of sleep, then wake up a couple more times after shorter stretches. Recently, though, she has not been going to bed well. When I place her in the crib, her eyes pop open and, even if she falls asleep, she's up within an hour. Her crib is inclined a tiny bit -- I get nervous that the mattress will bend if I prop it more, and the sheet got all puffed up when I tried to use a wedge -- because she has reflux and also gets really congested. We also use a sound machine and a humidifier in her room.

So, last night DD was crazy fussy. We went through the bedtime routine, starting it at 7 and rocking her about 20 min after age fell asleep, and I tried to put her in the crib at 9:00. Her eyes opened right up, and soon she was screaming.

At about 11:00, I needed a break and put her in the rock n play so that I could take a minute and lie on the couch next to her. She fell right asleep and didn't wake up until 6 this morning! She ate, got changed, and was back asleep by 7. She watched me as she drifted off.

I don't expect this to be a normal thing, but it got me thinking. This has happened before, although she's never slept 7 hours. She always sleeps better in the RNP when I'm next to her on the couch, and I'm wondering if she just wants to be near me. I also know the RNP is good for her reflux and snot issues.

I'm not comfortable with her sleeping in the RNP if I'm not right there. Here are my concerns:

1. Is it worth it to start cosleeping when she will be 8 weeks tomorrow? Am messing up her routine if I stop with the crib?

2. My room is not a good setup for cosleeping. It gets weirdly hot at night, we don't have a lamp or anything besides the overhead light (we moved into our house in August, then we both started work for the new school year, so our house still needs a lot), and the dogs sleep in there. DH is also a light sleeper and I don't want him waking up. He needs his sleep for other reasons.

3. I don't really want to sleep on the couch every night. Although I will admit that I feel more rested than I have in a long time.

Help me, mommas! Does anyone have suggestions or thoughts? I really appreciate it

Mizuiro007 · February 2016

My thought is to do what you need to. What works is going to vary a lot for each family so it takes figure g out what works and that will still change as baby grows (and hopefully the reflux and congestion lessen).

It works out for me right now having DD's crib by my bed. Hubby hasn't been able to sleep in the bed because of his back so he's in the recliner in the living room instead. I do definitely think they do better sleeping when they aren't alone and they say cosleeping helps lower the risk of SIDS.

I have found when there isn't a lamp, it's helpful to use night lights. I have one behind DD's crib and can see enough from it to change her diapers. Then if I need a little extra light I'll use my phone.

If it's something you really think you want to try and your bedroom won't work, maybe you could put a bed for yourself in your daughter's room? Then a few years down the road it could be her big girl bed.

kdoak2015 · February 2016

I second what PP says, we can't really tell you what works for you. You could
try it but make sure you do it safely. I cosleep with my DD and I have to say I really enjoy it and get the best sleep when we are together. I also nurse her while laying down at night so we don't even have to get up and it doesn't wake her she pretty much dream feeds. My DD also has reflex so I lay some receiving blankets down on the bed under her incase she does spit up and I try to keep her on her side.
Do what works for you and your family.

thatgirlree24 · February 2016

I've been bed sharing with LO since he was born. And I also did the same with my two other ones. I do it for being close enough to hear him if he cries and to easily nurse him at night. It also puts my mind to ease knowing he's right next to me and if I wake up (which I do several times a night) I can quickly check his breathing. But I agree with pp, you have to do what works best for you.

ATolentino89 · February 2016

I have been bed sharing since the first actual night in the hospital. DS sleeps in the crook of my arm or on my chest. I put a pillow in between my and DH and rest my arm on it to keep DS elevated for his congestion. Then to feed I slide the pillow on my lap, feed, burp, lay back, and slide DS back in his spot. My dogs are at the foot of the bed and know they can't come closer.

pupsicle23 · February 2016

Thanks for the input. I should have been more clear in stating that I probably won't actually bedshare, but was more concerned about suddenly having her with me and throwing out the routine we've been doing for 8 weeks. But I love hearing how many have their LOs with them. My mom is always saying that DD needs to be on her own...ugh!

@mizuiro007 I might start sleeping in her room and keeping her in the crib, thanks for that suggestion.

I know that nobody can tell me what is best for my family...the hard part is figuring it out for myself

Bunnumber4 · February 2016

Lurker from J16 here... @mhuber223 I just wanted to say don't stress too much about it. At this age babies change all the time and nothing you do has to be permanent. In fact, even if you wanted things to stay exactly the same, they won't. Babies change a lot and we always have to make little adjustments. Maybe try having her in your room (or you in hers) for a few nights and see how you like it. If not, switch it up again. If you are worried about her still being okay in her crib, try to make sure she sleeps in it during the day at least once or twice. The main thing is just don't worry that whoever choice you make you can never undo

pupsicle23 · February 2016

@Bunnumber4 Thank you. I know this isn't a support group, but I needed to hear that.

angelicac06 · February 2016

If it were me, I would not break up routine. It sounds like you'd be going backwards. I co sleep; bassinet next to my bed with a lounger on top. I intend on transitioning to the crib in his nursery as soon as he outgrows it (very soon I'm afraid) . I agree with PPd that you should do what you feel its best for your family however.

oregonmommy-2 · February 2016

For our family it works to have LO in his bassinet next to our bed. When he wakes I pull him out, feed him, burp him and back to
his bed he goes. My husband is a light sleeper to.. But I just say I don't wake him to feed.. And my sleep is broken up to so if LO wakes him at all I don't feel bad..

I say try it out and do what is best for your family.. Shit this is my first baby so for us everything is trial and error.. If it works we keep it going if not we try something else.

Court11152325 · February 2016

So far we haven't had more than a few nights in a row of any one sleeping arrangement really working. I agree with PPs to do what you think is best for you. Try the couch thing a couple more times, sleep in her nursery, cosleep, etc. I'm still a bi in survival mode at almost 7 weeks, so there's a lot of trial and error.

blended10 · February 2016

You do what works - as pp says - but I need to rant about this bc it make me smh when others try to shame co-sleeping.

No offense to anyone not sleeping in the same room but it's ridiculous to think a baby should sleep by themselves from birth. We are mammals, the only freaking mammals on the planet that birth babies that are entirely dependent on us for years & years & yet we expect them to be totally fine sleeping by themselves. It defies logic.
Sure there are babies that can & will & isn't that awesome for everyone. But to expect that as the "norm" is pretty crazy.

pupsicle23 · February 2016

@blended10 I'm totally on that wavelength now that I've been sleeping by her. Ive been on the couch until we can rearrange our room this weekend. I'm sorry if it seemed like my post was shaming cosleeping; we initially had DD in her own room bc we thought that would work best for us -- both of our parents encouraged it, and I was so anxious in those first few weeks that it was better for me to not stare at her and get worked up all night. I'd wake her up in the hospital bc I was certain she was just going to stop breathing. Now I'm not so anxious. But my mom seriously shames cosleeping, so that's tough. She was a NICU nurse 20 years ago and we all slept in cribs from day one, so I must be doing something wrong!

I never thought that cosleeping was bad, though. In this post, I wanted to get opinions on switching to it this late in the game. I appreciate your reply!

laurabwalker · February 2016

I have changed my sleeping daily, sometimes I sleep in the couch and she sleeps in the swing if she was very hard to get to sleep. Sometimes she sleeps in the Moses basket but that's most likely during the day. Now I am co sleeping in efforts to maximize sleep, but some nights she has to go in the swing and then during a feeding I bring her into bed. My husband is sleeping on an air mattress poor guy, but it had to happen. I just go with whatever works each night

LaceyH13 · February 2016

blended10 said:

You do what works - as pp says - but I need to rant about this bc it make me smh when others try to shame co-sleeping.

No offense to anyone not sleeping in the same room but it's ridiculous to think a baby should sleep by themselves from birth. We are mammals, the only freaking mammals on the planet that birth babies that are entirely dependent on us for years & years & yet we expect them to be totally fine sleeping by themselves. It defies logic.
Sure there are babies that can & will & isn't that awesome for everyone. But to expect that as the "norm" is pretty crazy.

As an educated, loving mother who has chosen to have her baby sleep in his own crib in the nursery from day one, I strongly disagree with this. Of the people here in this group and moms that I know in real life, I am in the minority and get judged very harshly for my decision by people who feel like you. People who assume I am cold-hearted and selfish. I have yet to find anybody in my generation who thinks crib-sleeping should be the norm; most lean more toward attachment-style parenting.

The fact of the matter is that I have to put in as much if not more effort for our sleeping situation. I can't grab the baby real quick and feed him. I spend more time rocking and snuggling my baby than many might realize at the sacrifice of my own sleep.

But this is what is best for my baby and my family. Not that it matters, but I have a sleeping disorder which makes it somewhat unsafe for my baby to be in a bassinet next to my bed. I am an active sleepwalker and choose not to risk lifting or interacting with the baby while I am asleep. But I get shamed regularly for "not caring about my baby" because he sleeps in his crib.

pupsicle23 · February 2016

But I get shamed regularly for "not caring about my baby" because he sleeps in his crib

....

It won't let me out of the box.

But seriously? Who does that?

I definitely got looks when I'd say that DD was in a crib, but nobody was that rude about it. I actually have a good friend who put her son in his own room from day one and has been really helpful with sleep questions, so I'm lucky in that way. I'm sorry you've had to deal with such a terrible and clearly false accusation. Like everyone has said, we need to do what's best for our families.

oregonmommy-2 · February 2016

@mhuber223 if you are uncomfortable about her breathing I use this levana movement monitor. If he stops breathing after so long an alarm goes off and will wake me up. Of course

it has never happened to us but it puts my mind at ease.

LaceyH13 · February 2016

mhuber223 said:

But I get shamed regularly for "not caring about my baby" because he sleeps in his crib

....

It won't let me out of the box.

But seriously? Who does that?

I definitely got looks when I'd say that DD was in a crib, but nobody was that rude about it. I actually have a good friend who put her son in his own room from day one and has been really helpful with sleep questions, so I'm lucky in that way. I'm sorry you've had to deal with such a terrible and clearly false accusation. Like everyone has said, we need to do what's best for our families.

Right? A girl I work with who just had a baby asked how cosleeping was going. I told her that he was in his crib (and didn't divulge my sleeping issues, because it really isn't anybody's business) and she said, "I guess I just care too much to do that." I think she knew she had put her foot in her mouth, but I exited the conversation quickly. I love my baby and care about him just as much as she cares for hers.

blended10 · February 2016

I totally didn't think anyone on here was shaming - I was just saying in general. You do you. That's all. I think if a crib works then that's awesome but don't feel bad if that doesn't work bc anthropologically speaking - it shouldn't.

kdoak2015 · February 2016

I would love to put my baby in her crib but unfortunately her sleeping anywhere but with me just didn't work. I don't think either way is "shameful" everything we do with our kids is judged.

redfallon · February 2016

I don't bed share all the time, but I sleep in a bed in DS's room. I did the same with DD. He and I both make too much noise, and get up a couple times for him to eat, for us to sleep in the same room with DH. He sleeps in a reclined napper part of the pack n play. DD did the same. I tried inclining part of the bigger mattress for DD when she was weeks old and she'd wriggle around and end up at the foot of it 90degrees from how I'd placed her, so that didn't work for us.

Want a personalized experience?

Switching to cosleeping? (Long)

Re: Switching to cosleeping? (Long)

Jamie

Choose Another Board

Search Boards