Telling close family and friends......

keepfaith9699 · February 2016

Hello, all! My husband and I found out I was pregnant about 2 weeks ago. I am 24 and he is 25...so most of our friends do not have children yet, therefore, we have been dodging Friday and Saturday nights out with lame excuses such as "I'm on an antibiotic." We are dying to tell our parents and siblings! This is our first pregnancy and basically the only guidelines I have right now our from online forums such as this one. The idea of "waiting until 10 or 12 weeks" is only because I fell as though it's a pregnancy "rule." I am positive my family and a couple close friends would be supportive no matter what the outcome of our pregnancy. However, on my family's side, this will be the first grandchild

Does anyone have any advice as to who and when to tell? Right now we are planning on telling my parents, in-laws, and my siblings this Friday after my first OB appointment. I will be about 6 weeks and 5 days. Thanks in advance!

mamadomino · February 2016

Right now I am only telling people that I would be ok with untelling if things don't go well. Morbid, but that's what I'm going with for now. This doesn't include family or work, just a very few close friends.

pattygrazioso · February 2016

With my first pregnancy I told my siblings and in laws right away. We lost the baby at 9 weeks. It was a little awkward facing them after the loss but i appreciated the support. With this and my last pregnancy we are waiting until genetic testing at 12 weeks.

lovelylauren86 · February 2016

We told fam at 4 weeks. I say share away

SLou24 · February 2016

We have told my mom and my best friend, but will wait to tell my sister, the rest of the family, and DHs family until probably 8-10 weeks (I'm 5w2d now). I would want my mom and best friend there for me if anything goes wrong, but I wouldn't want to have to talk to a lot of people, I'm a pretty private person, especially with negative aspects of my life.

MoshiMoshi7 · February 2016

I have told my best friend and my mom because that is who I would feel comfortable talking to about a loss. Everyone else, we are waiting as long as we can. I think it's all about what you feel comfortable with.

stillcozy · February 2016

*lurking from July*
tell if you want to tell. The "rule" is a suggestion to help people avoid having to go back and share a loss but sometimes it is better to share in the excitement and struggles with other people.

frogdog06 · February 2016

Share if you would like but as @pattygrazioso mentions, if anything should happen, you have to be prepared to share that also. I'm private with my feelings, so we're opting to wait until ~11 weeks (Valentine's Day announcement) to tell close family and friends even though this is our first. Good luck and congrats!

pellylang · February 2016

With our first pregnancy, we told a lot of family and close friends and lost the baby at 8 weeks. We really appreciated all the support too. We did the same with our next pregnancy, which we also lost and with this we told the same people. We established a support group to be there no matter what. I say tell whoever you want! It's important to have people around you!

PSUBecky23 · February 2016

I'm not really waiting. I've told my parents and sister, a few close friends, and my last BMB We're telling my husband's family this weekend. My thought is that these are the people that I would need support from if, god forbid, I miscarried.

Probably telling my boss Friday. There's a super bowl party in the office, yes, with drinking, and I'm tired of making excuses.

Tippy05 · February 2016

***TW***

We're going to wait as long as we can. I had a loss at 8w6d, discovered at 12w. My two kids (5 and 3) knew and told everyone they saw so we had to have a lot of really hard conversations with people afterwards. It was not fun. My family was supportive but it was too hard to face everyone else.

ElcaB · February 2016

Congratulations!

There is no rule when it comes to sharing your pregnancy. We waited until after our first doctor appointment (at eight weeks) before breaking the news to our parents and siblings, but will not share with others until I am in my second trimester. My advice is to tell the people you can count on to support you in the event of a miscarriage.

kosmo86 · February 2016

We waited until after our first ultrasound at 8 weeks to let our parents and siblings know.

JasonKristen · February 2016

We told close family and friends right away. These are people that will be there for us no matter what. We are waiting to tell the world though until closer to 13 weeks when I will probably have my dating ultrasound.

camichael84 · February 2016

We've only told immediate family members. We waited a couple weeks to tell them, but with our DD we told right away. In both cases, I was sure if I lost the baby, I would want support. Do whatever you are comfortable with.

scifichick09 · February 2016

We initially planned to not tell anyone but our parents until we hear the heartbeat at week 10....but we couldn't keep it a secret and went ahead and told all of our immediate family and a few close friends over the weekend. We'll make a public announcement after week 10, but for now, we're just keeping it in the family (aside from my bff and DH bff). It's whatever you're comfortable with!

whickeyloo · February 2016

We just revealed it to family yesterday. They were all shocked and excited. This is our second baby. And hopefully rainbow baby

It feels good that it's finally out there and everyone knows now. I am only 7 weeks. But personally i was glad to have people there for my miscarriage last time. And hopefully i don't have a miscarriage again but if i do i know my family is great support. Good luck on your reveal. It is so hard keeping such wonderful news quiet for so long.

Roslyn2010 · February 2016

My DH and I are the same ages as you and your DH. We lost one in the summer of 2014 and had told close friends and family just before losing it. They were very supportive and I was so glad we had told them. That being said, this time around I am waiting until my first OB visit to make sure things are ok. Then we will tell our parents and grandparents and then everyone else after the first trimester is over. Unfortunately my coworkers found out because of my morning sickness and our field of work (I work in surgery and am exposed to radiation and harmful chemicals in certain procedures). It is so hard keeping this a secret but I'm also very nervous!! I say, tell whoever you feel comfortable with and who you'd want by your side if the worst does happen. I hope you have a safe and blessed pregnancy!

homebird · February 2016

I tell a select number of people right away. H (obviously), my sister, and my MIL. Soon after is the rest of the immediate/extended family. For me, I know no matter what happens I will tell them about the pregnancy - good outcome or bad. So waiting to tell doesn't make sense.

The rest of the world can wait a little longer.

mrscimer · February 2016

I told my sister the day we found out and then no one else until this past Friday, @ 7w 3d, when my work friend called me out on a craving I was having. We already had an US @ 6w 6d which showed a great heartbeat and everything else looking great. She's prego too and knew we were trying so, it is cool. I then told two of my good friends on Saturday. It was the first I had seen them in person since finding out. We have an US on Weds. and will tell our immediate families this coming weekend and maybe some other friends in person over the next month then FB and work official after my 12w appointment.

ccreagh · February 2016

The only people I've told are 2 of my best friends--mainly because they have been supporting me through my secondary infertility journey. We're waiting to tell my in-laws and my brother (my parents have passed away) until after my 10 week ultrasound. We'll announce to everyone else at my son's 3rd birthday party on March 5th (when I will be 13 weeks).

marikkita12 · February 2016

We made it Facebook official at 5 weeks. It is way too exciting for me plus I find it really hard and stressful to hide the pregnancy and lie about it. I've found it easier to deal with the nausea and exhaustion because if I'm feeling awful I can talk to my bosses or co-workers and they will work with me. Plus one of my jobs requires some heavy lifting so I needed to tell him ASAP do we could make arrangements. It's really a personal choice. We decided that sharing with everyone was the right option for us because if anything happens, we will have a support group. Make whatever choice you and your husband want

dewdropdana · February 2016

I've only told some close friends, DH has told his boss and a friend/co-worker. We are going to tell my BIL and SIL this weekend (at 9 weeks), my parents and other siblings on Valentines Day (about 10 weeks). Everyone else, including my FIL & MIL (whom I love dearly, but can't keep a secret for the life of her) at 12 weeks.

vampirina · February 2016

With my first pregnancy, I told my best friend. I lost that one at 6w6d. She was incredibly supportive, but I really hated having to talk about it at all and much preferred to retreat rather than share. I actually ended up telling quite a few others about the loss after the fact, like my sister and another close friend, but I'm also glad they weren't all excited about it or really holding onto any expectations. It was really nice to be able to share my grief and reach out for support when I was ready to reach out for it, rather than be bombarded with support from the get-go, if that makes sense.

This go-around I decided to not tell anyone until around week 12. That way if I do have a loss I have the choice as to whether or not to reach out to my amazing friends and family for support or retreat, which is how I generally react to horrible situations and news.

Tippy05 · February 2016

PoodleDoodleOoo said:

With my first pregnancy, I told my best friend. I lost that one at 6w6d. She was incredibly supportive, but I really hated having to talk about it at all and much preferred to retreat rather than share. I actually ended up telling quite a few others about the loss after the fact, like my sister and another close friend, but I'm also glad they weren't all excited about it or really holding onto any expectations. It was really nice to be able to share my grief and reach out for support when I was ready to reach out for it, rather than be bombarded with support from the get-go, if that makes sense.

This go-around I decided to not tell anyone until around week 12. That way if I do have a loss I have the choice as to whether or not to reach out to my amazing friends and family for support or retreat, which is how I generally react to horrible situations and news.

I agree and have the same plan. I'd also like to wait until as close to 12 weeks as possible with this one. We told our immediate families early on and ended up losing the baby. I realized that I just wanted to be alone and work my through it myself. Having too many people around, as well-intentioned as they were, was just not what I needed or wanted at that time.

marajay6 · February 2016

We plan to do what we did last time: we didn't tell anyone before the first appt/ultrasound. Once we saw the heartbeat, we told friends and family as we saw them in person. So we told most people at 9-12 weeks. We managed to keep the news off Facebook until 3rd tri when a bump picture of me got posted.

KimmySchmidt · February 2016

I'm waiting until after the first trimester to tell anyone. I'm going to wait as long as possible at work.

Last time we told family after the ultrasound and friends at the end of the first trimester. but our parents have big mouths so now they get to wait with everyone else

cuvtbaby · February 2016

I think the most important thing to consider in making the decision to share your news before 12 weeks, is your family members and how private of a person you are. For me, when I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I decided to wait until our first appointment, which was at 9 weeks. We saw the heartbeat and the OB reassured us that the chance of a MC after seeing the heartbeat drastically reduces, to somewhere around 2% I think. So, at that time, we decided to tell immediate family, and asked them to please not share our news with anyone until12 weeks. I think we will do the same with this pregnancy. I am almost 6 weeks, but I don't have my appointment until 8 weeks. If we see a heartbeat and all looks good, I think we will share the news and ask again that they keep it a secret until I'm past 12 weeks. My family is very supportive, but at the same time, I don't want to have to talk about a loss either. Plus, for me, I feel like it is their loss too after all the excitement and being on such a high, to flat out come down to a low low. I hope this helps

bomchickabom · February 2016

We decided to tell family last weekend, friends-clients- coworkers this week. No social media announcement planned. I am 7 weeks 6 days and had ultrasound with confirmed heart beat yesterday. Very glad we told everyone due to nature of my job. I would recommend doing what you want.

ducks6 · February 2016

***TW Loss mentioned***

Last time we told family around 6 weeks. My BFF found out around 6.5 weeks when the midwife's office called to tell me they would accept me. The number familiar to me but I couldn't place it and picked up. The call was on speakerphone in my car...my BFF heard everything. She was super excited and kept my secret until we told everyone at my bday party (13 weeks). Unfortunately, I lost the baby at 16 weeks which was devastating.

This time around, I would like to tell everyone immediately. I found the support after my MMC wonderful; however, DH found it suffocating and really difficult. He doesn't want to tell anyone. We've decided to compromise. I told my BFF, Mom and sis (so I have support) at 6 weeks but won't tell anyone else until it gets obvious/they guess.

amberporter9 · February 2016

With this baby we've told a few close friends but are waiting to tell the rest of the family until we have a gender. We had a loss in May 15 and with this one just want to keep it private until we know for sure whether the chance of loss will happen or not.

And even though every mother and woman on here is different about when they told everyone, the choice is ultimately yours. Just do what your comfortable with and goodluck!

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