FFFC

midge519 · February 2016

not always flame free but always a good release

midge519 · February 2016

I love my kids and I love my fiancé but I feel like I've lost myself. I've never felt this way before but I find myself thinking all the time "who am I other than a mom?" To the point I've almost posted something on Facebook asking people who I am to them. I'll probably never admit this to anyone IRL and eventually I'll figure it out but right now I'm just...meh. I think I just need a day off but that requires having time to pump. If the baby finally lets me put him down one of the others interrupts my only down time so there is rarely any time. I always do for the rest of the family and put myself last. I know I need things but their needs and wants always come first. I broke my only pair of jeans that fit comfortably the other day and just made a joke of it because otherwise I would have broken into tears. But even with that I can't bring myself to even attempt buying myself new jeans or new glasses. I just think DS1 needs shoes and new glasses, DD has softball registration, DS2 needs shoes, DS3 needs a hair cut, DS4 needs footies, And FI needs clothes and shoes. I have jeans, I just can't fit them.

Sorry for for the ramble but it felt good to get it out.

kaseyhunter85 · February 2016

I had a full on meltdown(sobs, snot, the whole bit) in the shower again last night while washing my hair and seeing the handfuls of hair in my hands. Then after I was done crying for myself I got upset feeling so vain and stupid and about people who have no hair for serious reasons....ughhh hormones

meganraschke · February 2016

Yes the hair!!!!!!! My hair is shedding like crazy. I though nursing was supposed to help them stay....guess not

mihaelams1 · February 2016

I got angry at LO for waking every hour at night and crying hysterically until I rock him into deep sleep. Then I freaked out that I might harm him, so woke DH to tend to LO when he was up again. Today I cried for an hour because it's the second day that LO's long morning nap got reduced back to 30min. I really hope I don't have a late onset of PPD. I just thought I'll have everything together by now and all figured out, but it's just getting worse and worse

zetlopez · February 2016

I'm with you @mihaelams1 I thought I'd have it together by now too. My baby is still colicky. FU all the articles that said it goes away around 3 months. Sometimes I think I have PPD but it's not really a depression. It's more like I've learned to just numb my emotions and not feel anything. Sometimes I still break down sobbing feeling sorry for myself but most of the time it's more like "crying again? Huh, guess I better get up and do something even tho you'll just keep crying no matter what I do". I feel horrible about my lack of empathy but it's either that or have a complete breakdown.

KristynLee15 · February 2016

I hate feeling like nothing is enough and theres not enough time. DH moved to find work and get settled before we move so now its just me. I live with my parents but i hate to aske for help. I havent showered in 5 days....gross i know, ive washed up but LO wont let me put her down for long enough to shower. I really want to start working out i have 30lbs to lose hut i cant seem to find the time. And when i have time theres laundry, or cooking or cleaning to do.
Im so tired all the time. I just want one night offm but i don't have anyone. Even leaving LO with my mom id worry that she was being cranky and making my mom miserable. Uuuggghhh....and the hair loss too! I look like a ragamuffin all the time!

danniellemichelle · February 2016

Last night I ate a whole row of double stuffed Oreos and don't regret one minute of it.

is there such a thing as "Fifth Trimester Cravings"

jesssaying · February 2016

I'm convinced my fiance is cheating on me (I KNOW he isn't... but I can't help but always think he is or deserves better)... I have low self esteem.. Always have.. I break down frequently due to not being comfortable in my own body anymore... Sometimes I feel on top of the world and so proud of my stomach for growing and birthing my beautiful 8 pound 11 ounce baby girl and then other times I hate that I'm not where I think I should be post partum... That's why I think he would be better of being with someone else or that he is looking elsewhere.. He tells me I'm sexy and the most beautiful woman he's ever seen but how do you believe it when you don't even think it?
On the bright side, I got a haircut and that did bring some of my confidence back... Shopping trip coming up when I get my tax refund. I'm actually pretty excited about that.

midge519 · February 2016

@jesssaying I completely understand where you are coming from!! I know FI isn't either but I think the same (he can do better, I'm not worth it, i look terrible, etc). It's hard to believe when they say you're beautiful when you don't feel so. I weigh more now than I did the day I delivered with DS1 and DD. im glad your haircut made you feel a little better!! Good luck on the shopping trip!

jesssaying · February 2016

@midge519 Baby steps I suppose. Maybe one day I will be comfortable with myself again.

midge519 · February 2016

@jesssaying baby steps are better than none :-) I'm trying to motivate myself to run the stairs during the day. I figured if I do a few sets of running the stairs at least I'm getting some cardio in. Idk if it'll do anything but I can't go for long walks with it chilly out and both Damien and I sick.

jesssaying · February 2016

@midge519 That's great! I've been attempting some post partum an workouts.. Unfortunately I lack motivation. I think all of these negative thoughts and yet won't stick to a plan to fix them...

danniellemichelle · February 2016

@jesssaying you are such a beautiful person inside and out don't forget that !

danniellemichelle · February 2016

Another FFFC:
I balled my eyes out while I was changing Violet's diaper and talking to her. Yesterday she rolled over, tummy to back and back to tummy, both for the very first time and kept doing it today.

I am so proud of her and I just can't believe how fast time is going. It feels like just yesterday I met her for the first time. But then I feel like how did I ever enjoy life without her ? She completes our life and adds so much joy to it.

I am just so thankful to God and my Husband that I can be at home with her every day.

midge519 · February 2016

@jesssaying I totally understand, I've been saying for weeks I'm going to run the stairs and I've yet to do it. It's the vicious cycle of I feel terrible so I should do something and then thinking I feel too terrible to actually do that so this snack looks good instead followed by I feel worse because I haven't done it. I've been holding back tears all night. maybe telling each other will help us out lol

jesssaying · February 2016

Thank you @danniellemichellexox! Also, I know how you feel! When Aleah reaches milestones I always feel so emotional: so happy and yet so sad, so proud but yet longing for these days to stick around just a little but longer.

jesssaying · February 2016

@midge519 As for the cookie thing.... I spent all day Wednesday throwing up so the moment I felt better on Thursday I ate cookies and a huge bowl of Honey Smacks. Rather than attempting even just a few of these workouts I picked out I chowed down on fudge striped cookies.. I can't help but laugh right now because honestly how can I complain when I'm the one not committed to workouts that I, myself picked out because I know that I'm fully able to do them. I looked up some new routines tonight and made them all mommy and baby workouts so now I can workout with my beautiful little girl, play and interact with her, and work on what I need to work on. Maybe this is a better approach.

FatPony · February 2016

My husband is driving me fucking nuts. He had a week off work and just dicks around as he pleases. 'Im going outside' or 'I'll be in my shop'. How about taking care of your son and giving me a break!!!! I'm so angry. So when I try to tell him that he's being a dick, he insists that he's busy 'working/doing chores'. Bitch, like I don't have my own damn chores WHILE taking care of the baby.

J1D · February 2016

FatPony said:

My husband is driving me fucking nuts. He had a week off work and just dicks around as he pleases. 'Im going outside' or 'I'll be in my shop'. How about taking care of your son and giving me a break!!!! I'm so angry. So when I try to tell him that he's being a dick, he insists that he's busy 'working/doing chores'. Bitch, like I don't have my own damn chores WHILE taking care of the baby.

Can you maybe try saying something, in response to he's "busy", " ok, I can respect that, but can you pick a block of time that you can come hang out with baby? I could really use a bit of a break."
I know with my hubby I have to be very specific about what I want. Just calling him a dick (which I do upon occasion) doesn't help. He'll even admit that he's probably being a dick but that he doesn't know what to do to not be a dick. So in your situation I'd say, "Can you be finished or take a break from your project around 1pm so I can have a few hours, more than 2 but less than 5, to shower, nap and do chores?"

But yes, our menfolk can be pretty oblivious about when they are being selfish dicks about how they spend their time. "Free" time no longer exsits. Get with the program fellows.

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