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April 2016 Moms
AGK2015
member
Baby & Social Media
AGK2015
member
I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about how we should go about handling baby's digital presence; sometimes it can be overwhelming to realize just how much Google and Facebook and similar companies know about me, and that they can recognize my picture and anticipate my browsing habits, and I'm sure that any data I put out there on baby will be carefully collected and evaluated long before she logs on for the first time herself. Additionally, while I'm accustomed to having to consider the ramifications of what I put on the internet when it's associated with my own name--comments on articles, pictures of my life, potentially identifying information on the Bump, status updates about what I ate for breakfast--I'm starting to really consider what it might mean to involve a child in all that, well before she's able to make those decisions for herself. All of a sudden, my vocal support of candidate A or my public support of issue B is visible not just to my potential employers, but also to people who might go looking into her background someday. We're living a lot more publicly than most of our parents ever did.
I've seen a broad spectrum of ways that people handle this topic, from moms who go hog-wild posting pictures and anecdotes and information about their children from birth right on up through adolescence, to parents who you'd never know were parents by looking at their Facebook page. I want to make sure that my husband and I are doing the best possible job not to screw up our kiddo's internet footprint before she's old enough to make it herself. Then again, I also see the value in using things like Facebook to keep in touch with family and friends who may not get to see our daughter very often but who would be interested in her growth, and in being able to express who I am and what I stand for relatively freely. This is a conversation that I'm just starting with my husband; I'd be interested in hearing how the STMs on this board have handled this issue, and to hear some perspectives from FTMs who have given it some thought. How strictly do you control the flow of information about your child online, and how do you enforce those guidelines? How does being a parent affect your own activities online?
I've seen a broad spectrum of ways that people handle this topic, from moms who go hog-wild posting pictures and anecdotes and information about their children from birth right on up through adolescence, to parents who you'd never know were parents by looking at their Facebook page. I want to make sure that my husband and I are doing the best possible job not to screw up our kiddo's internet footprint before she's old enough to make it herself. Then again, I also see the value in using things like Facebook to keep in touch with family and friends who may not get to see our daughter very often but who would be interested in her growth, and in being able to express who I am and what I stand for relatively freely. This is a conversation that I'm just starting with my husband; I'd be interested in hearing how the STMs on this board have handled this issue, and to hear some perspectives from FTMs who have given it some thought. How strictly do you control the flow of information about your child online, and how do you enforce those guidelines? How does being a parent affect your own activities online?
Re: Baby & Social Media
I'm a FTM who has definitely given this some thought. i want to keep my LO away from the online world as long as possible. i have limited my FB status updates to milestones as opposed to posting weekly bump photos & things like that. so far I've only posted 2 bump photos, his 2 US photos & a recording of his heartbeat from the first time we ever got to hear it. as for other people posting things, i simply ask that they check with me before posting certain things about my pregnancy.
it's kind of difficult for us because i have a lot of family who i only see once or twice a year that i have on my FB. as well, my SO's entire family lives across Canada, so the only time they'll really get to see him (apart from when we travel there during the summer) is going to be through online updates. i wont be able to stop him from having an online presence 100%, but i certainly plan to restrict it as much as i can.
i think my plan is to try to restrict his FB presence to milestones/big occasions only, & then go through Skype or something a little more private when it comes to family who live far away being able to see him. we shall see how it all works out once he's actually here though. it's hard to plan something I've never really dealt with before, hahah.
My husband is more "share friendly" than I am and so is my mom. We clash in postings from time to time. My FB settings are such that I have to review any tags of me for my own page but you can't control everything. You'll figure things out within your own comfort level. So far I don't think I've ruined any future opportunities for my boys...
This is one of those times that I'm extremely happy that DH has a very common last name; we are both nearly invisible online and as DD will have a culturally appropriate name, the few things that I'm sure MIL will post will be too buried for a normal person to find them.
I am a FTM, but I've considered this long and hard. My decision was to keep my son mostly off facebook, especially pictures, but to have SUPER secure blog that's hidden from search engines and requires a password. Some blog entries are private because they are more for him than anyone else-this is my journal in essence, and I hope one day he will want that information. I do NOT trust facebook privacy settings, and have decided I would not share anything on facebook I would not say/show in a grocery store or other public place.
For me it's more a safety issue. I like everyone on my facebook, but I do not trust all of them with my child. Some have been into drugs in the past, and family or no, I don't want them having access to information. They do not even know the blog exists. This way I feel like I can control who has access to the information and who does not.
ETA: I often had to act as social media police for my sorority in college - and I am so glad that we managed our images as far as drinking, partying, etc is concerned. A lot of girls bitched about it then but came back to say they were thankful because of the negative impact it would have had on their real world job searches.
Point being, at this point in my life, if i
didn't want it on the Internet, I wouldn't put it out there to begin with.
Geotagging kind of freaks me out though.
I know I have friends who just lurk on my page and don't call or make an attempt to be real life friends so I plan on changing my FB settings so only certain groups can see photos. This is part of why we never announced on FB. But why should my 92 yo grandma or my family suffer? And I know I should just delete some people but sometimes I love the drama that is.
Photo recognition software is incredible, and becoming better every day. Facebook has one of the best. Just because one person has their Facebook on private, does not stop Facebook from logging that person's images and creating an electronic record of their face and activities from birth.
I plan on asking my family not to share any images of my son unless they've asked me beforehand. If they do, I don't want him referred to by his name or anywhere in the post as his "relation" to them. Some algorithms are smart enough to pick up those words and make the tie later on if you mention him again.
By the time he is old enough to join his social media of choice, I'd rather it not recognize him by his tastes in food, sports, and where he hangs out. Is it very likely that he will grow up and want to go into a job that will delve that deeply into his history to research him? No, maybe not. But I will make every effort to give him a blank slate.
I have a lot of family around the globe who I keep in touch with on FB, but I am not a fan of social media 'owning' photo rights to everything I post or share, even through the private message options on FB and Insta. I will text or email photos to my friends and family directly and keep in touch with them that way.
As my child gets older and reaches appropriate age, we will then make a decision on whether they are mature enough for social media accounts of their own and will monitor those carefully.
I LOVE the suggestion that phones/tablets remain in common rooms at night!!
As a wise acquiantance told me, you really don't want to expose your kids too much on social media. I think I'll post stuff for milestone events, but I'll keep using email and text for family and close friends.
She posted on FB that she was expecting another grand-daughter before we did and then acted like she was clueless that we weren't ready to post yet....even though there had been multiple conversations about it.
That said, I plan to post a few days after baby is born, so people know that the baby has been born along with her first name because we've not told many people her name and don't plan to until she is born. There wont be a picture a day. Probably just milestone pictures.
Honestly, I browse other people's stuff on FB often, but almost NEVER post anything on there myself (for example, I havent changed my profile pic since my wedding over 5 years ago).
After baby is born I plan to make one post with a picture of LO and something like "welcome to the world (insert first and middle name)" and not give any other info (size, weight, date & time of birth).
Alternatively, my family uses an app called "Togethera". Its similar to facebook in that you can share pictures and short video clips, and "like" and comment on what other people post. But it is for private groups only, one person sets it up and sends invites to other people to join. What you post on there is not searchable by anyone who isn't part of the group. This is the only way I really plan on sharing pics and info with our families because no matter how "private" you make FB, it's still way too public for me.
We rarely post on social media, the only pregnancy related post so far is our announcement with the first ultrasound photo. I'll most likely post a photo of my bump at some point in the next few weeks, and I'm sure that photos from my shower will find their way to FB as well.
We plan to limit LO'S digital footprint as well. I'll probably post a birth photo on FB and limited milestones (holidays, birthdays, etc..). We haven't discussed how much of an issue we'll make with family members sharing their own photos of LO, but I'm sure that's a conversation we'll have soo, and we will certainly be establishing some boundaries ahead of time.
My brother and SIL live out of state and recently had a baby. They decided to send regular email updates to family and close friends who chose to be included, and I honestly love them and think we may do something similar. They include photos of the baby as well as updates about what's going on in each of their lives. I've really enjoyed the way that they've gone about this, and look forward to receiving the updates. I feel like it's so much more relevant and personal than random FB posts.
I'm not a fan of social media. Being on The Bump is the closest thing I have to social media at this time. We have not announced our pregnancy online via Facebook Instagram or Twitter. My husband and I have talked even before getting pregnant about restricting who knows the news. Both of our families know but they have been asked to not post any information about our pregnancy on their personal social media accounts. The only thing we plan to do is to make a post when our son is born to let all of my husband's friends know. Other than that we will be sharing pictures and updates with family only via text or email. I will admit to being biased. Since I'm not on social media, I don't think my son should be either until he is able to make that choice on his own.
I recently had a conversation with fiancé about this. Do you remember how embarrassing it was when your SO came over and mom pulled out your baby album? Now kids are subjected to that from day one, and everyone has access to it! When I put it in that perspective he and I agreed that we won't be posting embarrassing stories, or pictures of "cute things" all the time. I feel differently if it is an actual bragging moment (first steps, birthday pictures, first words, honor roll, etc) but anything else isn't my place to post. It will be my LO's job to decide what he feels he is comfortable sharing with the world when he is old enough to understand the ramifications of his actions.
edit for grammar
I'm one of those weirdos who you wouldn't really know was a parent from my FB feed. Mostly because I worry about not understanding or being able to predict how any information I put out there now might come back to haunt me later. For example, as facial recognition software becomes more ubiquitous, I worry that it won't matter that I untagged myself in some photos during my early days of FB use. Those photos will resurface with my name attached to them anyway. Probably not a big deal, but, y'know, it's still unsettling.
For example, when my husband and I were living far from family a decade ago, we set up a password-protected photostream on a now-defunct site to share our adventures. The service was later sold and privacy settings changed and, years later, when a press release was sent about my husband getting a new job someone pulled a photo from that stream and used it. Nothing scandalous, but it was an old personal photo. I published stuff I wanted to share with my mom on that blog, not that world.
So far, I've posted a pregnancy announcement (a chalkboard with "Baby C___ coming April 2016", and a status about putting together a crib. Will probably post a picture of the nursery when it's done, as we've had a number of family members either buy furniture for us or give us money towards the nursery. Personally, I don't feel comfortable oversharing about anything, so why would I do it with my kids? (I'm pretty sure the only reason I have Facebook is to find out about big news stories, keep up with high school friends, and to make snarky comments).
Most of my family lives a minimum of 2 states away, some as far as Papua New Guinea, so we plan on sending emails or *gasp* real letters to family members who want to be kept up to date.
When it comes to our new baby we decided to be even more private. I created a secret FB group for our family members (with some who are out of state/country) and will post milestone pics and some tidbits only.