July 2016 Moms
lalamilk
member
Options
Birthday Blues
lalamilk
member
It's my birthday today, I'm turning 25. I was very excited at one point. I'm married expecting our first baby I'm 15 weeks and instead of being so joyful I'm laying here in bed alone and crying. My husband recently told me he wasn't happy anymore and that he wants to focus on his career. He is trying to be a police officer and to him that is the most important thing . So apparently my baby and I get in the way of his plans. He wants to be a state trooper and if he gets accepted he has to go to move to another city for 6 months in September. Our baby is due at the end of July. So I would be at home with our newborn of 2 months by myself and of course I wasn't happy about that. So now he wants to get separated and focus on his career. He doesn't care about my feelings at all. He says he is always going to be there for the baby but come on if this is how he is acting now what can I expect in the future. I wanted to wake up this morning next to him like always but it's the second night he doesn't come home. He goes to school in the evening then probably how out to drink and then I find him in the driveway sleeping in his car. This morning he just texted Happy birthday. Worst birthday ever. I'm sorry I'm just trying to vent because I feel like I'm going crazy in my head.
Re: Birthday Blues
PS- get your butt outta bed and go get a mani/pedi or something to treat yourself today. Happy Birthday... You're about to get the best gift of your whole life in a few more months.
Happy birthday. Big hugs!
Do you have close friends or even family who would take you out for a nice meal (and perhaps a good cry, very therapeutic) for your birthday? Don't let this miserable man ruin your birthday, your pregnancy experience, or anything else. This is 100% his bullshit and has nothing to do with you.
One last thing, you and I may very well be in the same boat as far as being alone in the weeks following birth (my husband is military and is getting stationed elsewhere and moving ahead of me until I am ready to travel), please please feel free to send me a private message on here if you want someone to reach out to. I will do my best to comfort and reassure. If you have a good relationship with your mom or any siblings, talk to them now about possibly taking time off to help you with the brand new baby and keeping you company.
I know it doesn't mean much coming from an internet stranger, but Happy Birthday and congrats on your pregnancy.
And treat yourself to something nice today, you deserve to be happy especially on your birthday! Happy 25th!!
I really hope you have family support to help but feel free to reach out to us ladies here! Think of you!
You can do this. I know it seems overwhelming and like the end of the world right now, but I think you'll surprise yourself with your own strength. Counseling may be a good option regardless of whether you think there's hope for the relationship or not, because either way you'll have to communicate and co-parent.
I would meet with a lawyer to cover your bases - see what your rights and options are, and protect yourself. Get all your ducks in a row before the baby comes in case he tries to mess around with custody or child support.
Again, I'm so sorry, you deserve so much better.
Treat yourself today. Try and take your mind off the situation. Happy birthday!
I agree with seeing if he will go into some type of counseling. I get the him being away for school and everything would be hard, when you are dealing with a newborn and everything, but people in the military do stuff like that all.the.time. Some guys don't even meet their babies for the first time until he kid is like 6+ months old. It is what it is. But it sounds like he is just really immature and using this job to drop his responsibilities (getting separated just to go to training? Is he for real?!).
Also, yes....call a friend, get out of bed, and go do something for your birthday. You can't put all of your happiness on him, you have to be happy with yourself as well!
Also, I work with a guy who got a DUI shortly before graduation with his Criminal Justice degree and no one in law enforcement will touch him. It's been a decade and he can't even get a job as a dispatcher. His bachelors degree helps him earn a whopping $17/hr after a decade at the same job in mental health. $15 if he works day shift.
You may wanna stage an intervention about that. Drunk drivers suck. People die.
And second, I'm sorry he's being such a twat. I agree with all of the above. Seek support, set yourself up, show him you don't need him if he's going to have that kind of attitude.
BFP 2/19/15 • MMC found at 9 wks • D&E at 11 wks (age 36)
BFP 8/29/15 • CP (age 37)
TTC#2 since May 2017
BFP 10/18/17 • MMC found at 8 wks • Misoprostal at 10.5 wks (age 39)
BFP 2/16/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 4/13/18 • CP (age 39)
BFP 5/07/18 • MMC found at 10.5 wks • D&E at 11.5 wks • Testing showed it was a girl with Trisomy 22. (age 39/40)
9/5/18 Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (4-5 follicles, one ovary had none and was very atrophied)
RE says the low egg count is likely causing my recurrent pregnancy loss. Less eggs results in more aneuploidy.
BFP 9/24/18 • CP (age 40)
I'm glad you talked to his parents. It seems like he is being a man child and needs a firm reality check about his priorities. I think it's pretty common for men to have a small existential crisis in their mid-twenties, after realizing that the fun of college is over and now they're just stuck with the realities of adulthood, forever. I can imagine that this is compounded for him by being married with a baby on the way. Not to excuse his behavior, AT ALL, but half the guys I know were functioning alcoholics for most of their 20s before finally realizing that they were being totally irresponsible ass hats and pulling it together. I think counseling is great advice, and he is due for a really firm come to Jesus from someone he respects (dad, friend, whatever).