Baby shower planning rant!

Re: Baby shower planning rant!

• gamommyx3 member

  February 2016

  Sorry  Sounds like a lot of stress for something that supposed to be a happy day for you.

  Report0 Reply
• Loading the player...
• Bluejay3030 member

  February 2016

  Yikes.  That sounds as poorly put together as one of my showers with DD, the one that my mom begged me to let her have so she could invite her friends.  It was poorly thought out and half the people she had wanted to come weren't even clear on when/where it was supposed to be.  Some people just suck at planning.
  
   I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle.  I really hope the day ends up being special for you and your H, regardless of the stress it's caused leading up to it.

  Report0 Reply
• mrstmoose member

  February 2016

  I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mom, but I would nip that in the bud ASAP. My mom tries to guilt trip me (about things not baby related) and I've flat out told her that I won't tolerate that crap. No matter how old you are, she is still your mom and if she wants to come to your baby shower, then she has clearly had plenty of time to plan to be there (ex: saving for plane tickets, hotel rooms, time off work, etc). 
  
  As for the invitations not out yet; most "etiquette" says one month before. If it's a few days after that, I wouldn't freak out too much, especially if most people know when it is. But I would stay on top of your friend to make sure they get out ASAP. And if she brings up your H or other men being invited, I would just tell her this is who you want to invite to your shower. If it's a money issue (ex: food), I would offer to help chip in but it is what it is. 
  
  I don't think you're off your rocker here by any means but it does sound like there was a lapse in communication somewhere along the line since you guys are far apart on expectations. 

  Report1 Reply
• AdorkablePixie member

  February 2016

  Wow. That's stressful. I asked my husband about a co-ed shower because we're having a boy but he won't even entertain the thought.

  Me: 31

  DH: 29, SA - Great

  Married: June 12,2011

  TTC #1: 1/2014

  Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

  Treatment: Clomid:  50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored

                    Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI  IUI #1 8/31/2015

  9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!

  Heartbeat 10/2/2015: 118bpm

  DS: 5/27/2016

  
  

  TTC# 2: 12/2017

  BFP: 4/20/2018

  EDD: 12/29/2018

  Report2 Reply
• Knottie13257900 member

  February 2016

  It's up to the host what kind of shower they want to throw. I would never assume they were ok with throwing a co-ed shower because traditionally, showers are not co-ed.

  Report0 Reply
• rlworzalla member

  February 2016

  mrstmoose said:
  As for the invitations not out yet; most "etiquette" says one month before.

  Yikes!  I thought sending them out so people got them 2 weeks ahead was enough time  
  

  Report1 Reply
• rlworzalla member

  February 2016

  I don't think it's a short fuse that's causing you to overreact.  You obviously have a lot of stress going on that you don't have a lot of control over.  Did your friend give you a guest list limit that she would question guys being on the invite list?  I also find it weird she wouldn't include your DH.....  That aside, I would do as PP said and lay the ground rules with your mom, so that issues don't arise in the future.  (Also - she can buy baby gear and ship it, so that's not a very valid argument from her point of view).  As for the FB event, some people might like the whole reminder notification that Facebook gives, and updates/questions/etc can be answered quickly via the FB event.  Hope this helps and everything smoothes over!
  

  Report1 Reply
• khochanadel member

  February 2016

  I would have just offered up my place but we are closing on a house the weekend before and moving out of our apartment the weekend after, so neither place will be in any shape to host. 
  
  I guess I have a lot going on...
  
  My relationship with my mom is complicated and always has been.  I called her out on her passive-aggressive behavior. I always do. And I've already set ground rules for when she comes when the babies are born. 

  Report0 Reply
• TheThornBird member

  February 2016

  Weird she doesn't want your husband there.....like, is she having Magic Mike show up? 

  Report5 Reply
• lbachran member

  February 2016 edited February 2016

  You're not crazy, baby shower planning is the worst! My mother told me she would handle my baby shower. Beginning of January, I inquire about it and she admits that she hasn't even thought about it and honestly doesn't feel like we need one because she never had one since the family can just purchase everything we need. (Granted, she thinks 90% of my registry is unnecessary because she didn't have those things when I was born. You know, because infant care couldn't have evolved in 30 years.) Thankfully, my husband took charge of the situation and decided we would host a co-ed, open house shower in our home.
  
  We used greenenvelope for invitations which has been both good and bad. Online invitations have the ease of RSVP often appreciated in a Facebook event (which might appeal to your friend) while still looking a little more formal (which you and your guests might appreciate). Greenenvelope also has features that allow you to track how many people opened your invitations, provide a hyperlink to your registry on the invite and the rsvp confirmation, and gives people the option to message the host directly with questions or concerns. They also have a save the date feature, which you may want to consider (this might enable you to put it on people's radar before the paper invites arrive or are mailed). However, if you have a lot of traditionalists on your guest list, they may dislike this form of invite, even as a save the date. 
  
  My shower is March 6th, so I'll be thinking of you that weekend! 

  Report1 Reply
• gingerbride26 member

  February 2016

  It is definitely not just you!  Silly me thought the shower would be the easiest part but I completely feel for you - having major shower drama of my own! I've said repeatedly that I would rather just not have a shower and buy whatever we need ourselves since (like the bridal shower) this is obviously about what the family wants and not me/DH/the baby.  I've decided to just do an Elsa and try to let it go - concentrate on the big picture which is the baby and our new life as a family of 3 - stress is just not on the priority list right now.
  
  
  
  My MIL is throwing mine, during the initial sit down she said it was all about me and whatever I wanted - I only made two requests: I wanted it early rather than later (like 32 weeks) and I wanted DH there (my mother is my only female family/close friend within 3 hours and is too ill to travel - so if it was me and the in-laws I wanted support).  So far she's passive aggressively fought me on both.  She told me my originally requested date was too early (my good friend due 2 weeks later is having hers one week after my requested date) and moved it to the week before my best friend's wedding (which I'm in and have to travel for), and that men don't want to be at showers.  I stood strong on the date and won that battle, and have given up on the rest.  Although most of my girlfriends still won't be able to travel 2x so close together, DH bought my best friend a plane ticket to fly up for the weekend when we realized my mother wouldn't be there.  I didn't say a word when she decided she was throwing it at the restaurant she works at that I can't stand (it's 40 min away from me and 2 hours drive for my family one state over and doesn't do well with my Gluten sensitivity so usually can't eat at) because I figured she was getting a deal and it was easier for her. I didn't put up a fight on guest list even though I know she's going to invite 50+ of her family and friends and I'm a claustrophobic introvert. I even kept calm as she looked at me with a horrified look and asked "don't you have any friends??" when I gave her my "list" of 7. 
  
  STAY STRONG!
  

  let it go.gif 863.5K

  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  

  
  

  Report1 Reply
• khochanadel member

  February 2016

  I guess I was more bothered at the fact that she was thrown about the coed shower given that she asked me to assemble a guest list and I gave it to her about a month ago. Had she taken a gander at the guest list before she went in to order invitations, she wouldn't have felt as blindsided I think. 
  
  Glad I'm not the only one stuck in the middle of baby shower drama. Maybe it's true that it's at the host's discretion to throw whatever kind of shower they want, but I wouldn't throw a bridal shower replete with plastic penises for a bride who I knew wouldn't be into that, any more than I would throw a baby shower with the poopy diaper game for a mom who wouldn't be into that.

  Report1 Reply
• gamommyx3 member

  February 2016

  TheThornBird said:

  Weird she doesn't want your husband there.....like, is she having Magic Mike show up? 

  And if she is, can I come?

  Report2 Reply
• littlebb22 member

  February 2016

  I feel for you!  Without going into too much detail my baby showers have been somewhat stressful and disappointing thus far as well.  The first one ended up being cancelled about three weeks before the date due to the host having family drama and basically dropping the ball (we had already bought plane tickets to travel there specifically for the shower) and my SIL and mother cannot seem to get on the same page about my shower this month which means that I have spent WAY too much time pushing for them to figure out details and get g-damn invitations out!  
  
  It is lovely that people want to do these things for us but being pregnant is stressful enough without all the drama, no?  Sometimes just venting to your fellow pregger ladies is all you need!  Good luck!

  

  Report1 Reply