Throwing your own baby shower. The good, the bad, the ugly?

Smashbox29 · February 2016

I have always been raised throwing your own baby shower, bridal shower, or birthday party was tacky. I have always been the friend to host baby showers and I think I did a spectacular job if a say so myself. I even fronted the cost of most of the baby showers I hosted. Now that I am pregnant with my first, I literally just realised I have no one to host for mine or honestly willing. I live out of state due to military, so family is out of the question sadly. A few of my good friends (some I hosted their baby showers) have moved out of state and they would have been the ones to offer without any mention of a shower.

The other horrible sucky part is we are PCSing/moving in the middle of my pregnancy to a new base/state. We have no idea where yet. I want to be prepared before we move just incase baby decides to make an early debut.

Part of me feels its tacky still and greedy but the other part of me is feeling like it's my turn to have one and celebrate the exciting news. I even had co-workers and friends I have still here mentioned "when you have your shower let us know we will come!" I haven't said well no one has asked to host it yet because I feel that may be tacky too?

What are your thoughts on throwing your own Baby Shower/Sprinkle? Is it too selfish and greedy? Should I just ask a friend to host and I just plan in secret?

Should I just suck it up and move on? I want honest opinions please

***Snark Allowed*** I promise to not get offended :

jhems776 · February 2016

Hmmm, if it were me I would totally ask a friend to host and offer to do all the food. I don't think there will be a shower for me where I live (too few friends and only one with a kid) and I'm a bit bummed by it. I know my mom is already planning on hosting one back in our hometown (both sides live there) and I guess that will have to be enough. I really do get the feeling of being the hoster so many times and then when it's your turn no one steps up...

ETA: One other thought, if no one offers I think it would be fine to host a "last blast brunch" and then not theme is so much as a shower but a party.

erinmarie86 · February 2016

Could you do an out of state shower wherever your family is and have family host it? My side of the family lives in Northern Cali and i live in southern. I ended up having a shower in both places so I could celebrate with everyone. For the out of town shower I asked people if they would do "small box items" or could order something online and ship it to my house or i could pick it up in the store (babies r us has this option), since there was a concern of not really having room to lug all the gifts back to our house?

Maybe if someone set this up, and your co-workers/friends who are local ask, you could just say, "i'll probably be having one out of state with family :-/" and see if they chime in to offer to do one in state?

Alyeena · February 2016

Where I am from it is the norm to host your own baby shower, that is what most people do. Some people do get a friend of family member who offers to host, some accept other say no. It is really a matter of preference.

And for my generation honestly co-ed showers are becoming the norm, so if you are uncomfortable just say your husband is hosting the shower? Unless you would rather have only women there.

Just do it like you want it will be okay.

KimmySchmidt · February 2016

How many people even know you're pregnant yet? It's very early to assume that no one will step up and throw you a shower. Give everyone some time.

I do think it's tacky to throw yourself a full fledged baby shower. For my last pregnancy my MIL told me she would throw me a shower and then didn't. We hosted a "baby-q" at our house. We put a friends info for the RSVP. We didn't ask for gifts, just a back yard BBQ over 4th of July weekend.

Smashbox29 · February 2016

Thanks ladies for your input. It is very early still and I did just announce finally to everyone I am pregnant. I just am that type of person who likes to plan ahead. I might get to go back home but that all depends on where we will be sent to live next.

miam4 · February 2016

I organized my SIL's shower at her house (because I didn't have a place to do). She paid for some of the food, and I took care of everything else. I asked her to get out of her house so I could decorate. So she went to get her hair done somewhere.
Maybe you could ask a friend to help you to organize it (the set up of your house, decoration, maybe to pass down the invitations at work, simple tasks,...). You don't need to pretend you don't know about your shower. But maybe your friend can keep you out of the details.

camichael84 · February 2016

I was taught the same as you, that its tacky to host your own showers. Do you think no one in your family will offer or that it's not plausible because they are out of state? I think if it was early enough in your pregnancy, an out of state baby shower is doable. You never know who may decide to travel for it or offer to throw one closer to you if they hear it's far away.

I also like the idea of a baby-q as long as guests aren't told to bring presents. We did a 4th of July cookout when I was 30 weeks pregnant with DD. It wasn't thrown with the intention to be baby related, but it was really nice to hang with our friends one last time as just the two of us.

Either way, I wouldn't worry all that much about it yet. We aren't even out of 1st tri yet. You may be a planner, but some people fly by the seat of their pants and it may be one of those that offer to throw you a shower.

Sporty1216 · February 2016

I'll agree that someone may yet offer! It's so early. I have been planning to offer to host one for a co-worker, but I just haven't had a chance to talk with her about it yet. She is due in 2 months, so I need to get on it! You never know if someone like me will pop out of the woodwork!

And, you really can't count on showers to help with the baby necessities anyway. I put together what I thought was a very thoughtful and reasonable registry and then almost all of the guests just did their own thing (mostly clothes). So, my hope that it would help with the things I planned on was mostly dashed. But it was a wonderful celebration and a good time that I do treasure.

Smashbox29 · February 2016

@camichael84 I currently live in Alaska and family lives in New Mexico and Michigan! We might have to extend if they wont allow us to leave early but that all waits on finding out where we are going and that wont be until April. If where we get sent is accepting of my husband arriving early and its closer to Michigan then yes a shower back home would be perfect and I know family will step up.

SLou24 · February 2016

Good friends of mine had a baby last year-- they put together their own shower, paid for it (they insisted on this) and just had the RSVP go to one of our other friends as the "host". We all chipped in with different aspects-- activities, favors, etc so it was a group effort really. It worked out beautifully!

beachmama14 · February 2016

I was in a similar situation with my last pregnancy. We are military too and pcs-ed when I was 32 weeks pregnant. We took some leave before our move and went back to our home state and our family threw us a shower at around 26 weeks before our move. We kept everything in boxes, let the movers pack it all up with our household goods and when we got to our new duty station we set up the nursery then. It all worked out so well. Hopefully it works out for you! Moving is stressful especially when pregnant! Take all help that people offer

MNturnsVA · February 2016

I can relate.....I have not actually hosted a shower thank goodness but from my understanding, if you are hosting, you are paying. So that is part of why i'm glad I've never had to host one. Anybody I've known that has had one has had other family hosting or closer friends doing that.

My family is spread out and I don't have a very close circle of friends.

We actually went through some of this with our wedding. We didn't want to put the burden on any of friends to host a shower for us. One of my friend's did offer to host an engagement party for us, but we really didn't want them spending all that $$ on us and we honestly thought we'd rather get a nice wedding gift from them vs nothing because they spent an arm and a leg hosting an engagement party.

For us, I think because our circle is so limited, a bbq or a co-ed "shower"/party is probably the best choice because I really only have a handful of close friends that would even come. We are talking maybe 10 people. And also, because my mom lives out of state and would have to fly to get here, that would be 2 trips very close to each other for her to come and I know she'd want to be here for a shower.

I think personally it is probably too early to make any assumptions about what will happen and maybe some of he ladies you do know from the base will step up and throw you a luncheon or something collectively but not a huge "'shower' per say.

I don't think its rude to host your own, but I plan to decline any offers for showers and tell people where we are registered and what we need/want if they feel like they'd like to get us something. Because really, some of the people who would be on my invite list are people I maybe see once a year or less?? Or are girlfriends to my DH's friends. Or that friend I was friends with for 4-5 years and now she's moved to the other side of town, has 3 kids and whole new social circle that I'm just not a part of. Was I invited to her last shower? Yes, but that was on child 2. If she had a shower for the 3rd, I don't think I got an invite. So I'm really working with a small invite list.

A shower would be fun, don't get me wrong, but I am being realistic about the situation and that I don't really know anybody that is probably going to step up and host one. And I'm ok with that. Because really, I'm not sure who would come.

Showers can be so awkward too, especially if its a bunch of people that only know the person being "showered" but don't know any of the other guests.....At least for me.....

I hope you find a happy medium!!

MNturnsVA · February 2016

Also, DH and I have a lot of other things going on so shelling out an extra couple hundred $$ is probably not in the works for us. So we probably won't do anything. I'm sure something could be done relatively cheap and nice- but you are probably talking at least $200 depending on how many people you'd be inviting, whether it was co-ed or just the ladies. So if you've got extra to spend, then I'd go with hosting a party but not putting anything on the invite about gifts.

lovelylauren86 · February 2016

My thinking is this:
if you don't have anyone you're close to to throw you a shower, who will you be inviting to the shower you throw yourself?

tripledaggerWed95976 · February 2016

Lurking from May 16- in my opinion It's way too early to assume that no one is going to throw one for you. Even though u have already announced, most people wouldn't dream of mentioning a baby shower to you until after the first tri is over. My own family waited until I was 19 weeks along to Even bring it up to me- and I'm flying from Chicago to LA for it! Many people don't start planning showers until after the MTB has her anatomy scan too. So yah- I wouldn't worry yet if I were you

jennlynn777 · February 2016

Where I'm from its tacky to throw ur own or past the first child. Both scenarios look greedy. I think a lot of women assume it will help them get what they need, but that's just ridiculous to throw a party with that in mind. It sets you up for failure and besides its your kid so be happy if you get anything. Not speaking about anyone in particular just how I was raised.

mommytimesfour · February 2016

Honestly, if you do end up throwing your own shower I doubt anyone would even ask who's hosting or know. If that ends up the route you go I wouldn't worry too much about it. Ideally you wouldn't throw your own shower but in your situation I probably wouldn't side eye it.

diagonalley · February 2016

I'm team tacky. I echo pp who say it's also too early to be sure noone will offer. My mom threw mine and didn't even mention it until I was like 25 weeks maybe? I get that you're the planning type and I often am too but if I have learned anything from motherhood it's that the best laid plans may never come to fruition. Seriously, stop stressing about it for the time being.

618mom22boys · February 2016

I wouldn't throw my own shower. Throwing your own costs money which could be spend on baby items instead.

Pepper6 · February 2016

Unfortunately, it falls into the tacky category. If you have people ask about a shower, you can always drop hints by saying something like "I'd love to have one, but no one has offered to host one for me, but if someone does, I'll make sure you're on the list."

If no one will offers, you just register and give it your registry information if asked. Better to spend the money buying stuff for your baby than on housing a shower for yourself in hopes that people will actually buy what you need. (there are a lot of off registry shoppers)

missshanab · February 2016

Not tacky at all. If you have people to invite, invite them! See if a family member or coworker can host a few games for you. If you have a lot of out of state friends and family, send them an invite with a registry list! If you don't have enough ladies in your life, do a co-ed baby party! Add wings and beer for the non preggo!
You can make it what you want, you don't have to be traditional.

ElcaB · February 2016

Sorry, but I definitely think it's tacky to throw your own shower.

I wouldn't worry yet --- you're in your first trimester, no? It's a bit early to think about having a baby shower.

revlaurawittman · February 2016

I think it's tacky to throw your own shower. A shower is a wonderful gift and a huge help, but it's nobody's responsibility to buy the things you need for your baby but yours. Throwing your own shower says you expect people to buy things.

ketomommy · February 2016

We are Jewish, so we will not have a shower. Frankly, I find it easier. I will give my mother a list of essentials for the first week (car seats, crib, diapers, etc.) and my aunts, uncles, parents and in-laws will go and buy them. Friends and co-workers will give me small gifts after the baby is born. I don't want too much stuff until I know what the baby needs and what I like.

vampirina · February 2016

I have to agree, I think it's really tacky to throw your own shower. Personally, I wouldn't be put off if a good friend asked me to throw one for her, but I know not everyone will feel that way. It would also depend on how it's approached. If it's a "hey, just trying to plan things out - are you planning on throwing a shower? No big deal if not!" I'd be cool with it. If it's a "Hey, friend! I've been the hostess so many times and I'd really like a shower, too, because I need baby stuff, and I feel like I'm owed one, so can you throw one?" I be more put off.

chickendancefever · February 2016

I think it is tacky as well. Maybe someone from your hometown will throw one for you. My brother is in the military and they traveled back home for my sister in law's shower. She was also given a small shower by some of the Army wives. It's so early still.

StrappinArrow · February 2016

My cousin hosted her own baby shower for baby #1 & #2, yes she had her mother and step mom help but they were at her house.
I honestly have no one but my MIL who would maybe throw me a shower. My bff and I have drifted so I'm on my own for it.

mom2adoodle · February 2016

Eh, you do you boo.

Throwing your own baby shower. The good, the bad, the ugly?

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