Postpartum Depression

HeatherFaye718 · February 2016

Hey ladies. Just wondering if anyone is dealing with or has dealt with postpartum depression?

I've been trying to ignore the fact that I may have it because I don't want to feel week. I just broke down now and reached out to a counselor and hoping they contact me back soon.

Any tips on telling my husband how I'm feeling? I'm so scared of seeming weak

Lolo427 · February 2016

I have it and it was insanely bad there for awhile ( week 8-11). My girl had Colic to the point that if she was awake- she was screaming. I would scream, cry, and cuss. I can honestly say though that she was in no danger as I would put her down and walk away if needed (which leaves on another layer of guilt.) It honestly hit the point about 3 weekends ago, I woke up and just started crying because I didn't want to do another day of screaming. I felt disconnected from the baby and trapped (still do here and there) in this new stage of Life I had asked for. I also held myself to these absurd expectations that people give new mothers on instincts and deep bonding.

I'm a mental health counselor and am pretty self aware of my emotions and veryyyy outspoken about mental health because how else can the stigma be broken? I talked with friends and coworkers a lot. I explored medication options with my OB (which for me I decided against as before chemical regulation, I wanted to see if it would get better post colic. They are a GOD send for people- just make sure you don't self regulate or go off cold turkey). There's a few books out there but the one I found most relatable was Brook Shields 'Down Came the Rain'- It didn't hit on all points, but a fair share of them. I've made it a point to find self care *that works*. Nails, Gym, a me show. Also there's podcasts out there that share people's experiences. I'm in love with 'The Longest Shortest Time' as they have insanely relatable and real shows (they have an app - 'LST'). Mindfulness techniques help and setting attainable goals; I think putting too much expectations on yourself just makes things more of a struggle but achieving something can help immensely.

Thousands of women go through this, you are not alone. When it comes to talking with your husband I would just go at it head on and unapologetically. You're going through a struggle- this is what the struggle is, and this is what I need from you or this is how you can help. Have literature ready if he doesn't understand- even still, bring him to the counselor's or doctor's office so they can better explain.

Sorry for such a long winded answer- but I jist wanted to share my experience thus far. I wish people were more outspoken about this. You are doing the best you can, which means you are doing a phenomenal job. Nobody likes feeling like this. Head up! Feel free to message me anytime!

ETA: Nightly check ins with whoever are great too( even a journal). 'Today we did this' or 'This happened.' , ' I felt ...', 'Today was a ____ day'

gipfish · February 2016

Advice for telling your husband? Here is what I say: "I'm feeling sad/anxious/not myself right now. I'm sure it's hormones." Here is the thing about seeming weak in front of your husband: You're married. If y'all communicate like you should, you are going to know each other's weaknesses, and you're going try to take care of each other in those areas. That being said, I don't know you or your husband, so...

As embarrassing as it is, I try to let my husband know whenever it is bad. He's my accountability.

I ended up doing essential oils. For me, they not only took care of the hormone related emotions but also other hormone related things, like night sweats.

Hang in there. Try not to feel too guilty or embarrassed. It happens to the best of us, and there is help for those who seek it. :-)

dramaphile · February 2016

Seeking help for PPD is not weakness! It takes a lot of strength to add for help. You're doing the best thing for yourself and your baby by seeing a counselor. Ask your counselor for some material for your husband and some talking points, something like one in ten women experience PPD.

VexedMommy · February 2016

I've struggled with this. At one point I was trying to decide when the best time to take a bottle of pills would be so that my older daughter would not be the one to find me and my LO would not be too long without a feeding before someone was able to care of her. There is no reason to let yourself get to that point. Reaching out and getting help is strength. Talking to someone that acknowledges your perception of things right now and can give you advice on how to tweak that perception is very helpful.

Knottie41914738 · February 2016

Go talk to your doctor ASAP! I had pretty much the same issues. My husband and I are very open and close with one another, but that still something that's hard to talk about. It's almost like I felt defeated and like I was letting him down for feeling depressed when this should be the happiest time of my life. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mother. My daughter brings me so much joy, but sometimes I just feel down and depressed and it has nothing to do with her most of the time. It's just a feeling you can't shake, sometimes I have no clue where it comes from. My husband and I were laying in bed and I just told him how I was feeling. He said he knew already but didn't know how to tell me too go get help because he didn't want to upset me. Your husband probably already sees it, but doesn't know how to tell you to get help because he doesn't want you upset with him. I'm only on a low dose and already feel much better and more relieved. The first dose won't always fix it, you'll have to play around a little bit, but don't feel bad about needing help! You're not alone:)

Lolo427 · February 2016

@VexedMommy how scary and overwhelming- I hope things are evening out and the days getting easier. Going through the grind feeling this way can be gruesome, but it sounds like your girls are great motivation and strength.

loverofnaps · February 2016

I didn't know it at the time, but I think I had a mild case of it with my first son (3 years ago). This time, I nipped it in the bud and my doctor and I decided to start medication before I even left the hospital. I've been on a low dose of citolopram for 3 months now and it has really, really helped. In all fairness, I also have a much more laidback baby this time that is nursing well and sleeping well, so that definitely helps. DS1 did not do either well.

VexedMommy · February 2016

Lolo427 said:

@VexedMommy how scary and overwhelming- I hope things are evening out and the days getting easier. Going through the grind feeling this way can be gruesome, but it sounds like your girls are great motivation and strength.

Things are getting better. I have good days and bad, but the bad days are no longer quite as bad.

HeatherFaye718 · February 2016

Thank you for your input ladies. It means a lot.

I'm sure my husband senses that something is up. I just hate to worry him when he's the one going to work to support us. Guess I just feel like I should have been able to hold it together.

I guess I just don't understand. I make time to do things for myself. I get my "me" time. I just feel so alone. I can't sleep even though I'm exhausted. Last night I laid down at 9pm and didn't fall asleep until after 1am and then my son woke up at 1:20am.

I'm going to talk to my husband tonight about it all.

laswett · February 2016

I have it, but denied that I did for several weeks. Nights were the worst for the down feelings, I didn't want to go anywhere and I didn't want people visiting. I talked to a gf who had it and was finally able to admit what I was going through. I ended up writing my SO a note to tell him. First, I was embarrassed to admit I had a mental health problem, second, my family doesn'the believe in depression, so trying to tell someone I had it was scary. I didn't want to be told I was making it up. I also didn't want him to think he wasn't doing something right. SO was completely supportive. He came home that night and asked questions and told me he was there for whatever I needed. I saw my OB a few days later and got meds. I still have sad moments, but my overall attitude is much better and I'm enoying my son like I should be.

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