Question, need opinions please!

lilylover27 · February 2016

Hi Everyone!

Been thinking a lot lately how we will announce we are pregnant and the best time to do so, initially we were waiting until after my first appointment at 9 weeks to hear the heartbeat. It is getting increasingly hard not to tell our families for us. I was just going to plan a family dinner for the weekend after our appointment and invite our parents and siblings but I was thinking that may be too "obvious" even though our families do not know we were TTC. I just got the idea into my head to just have them over in February for the weekend after DH's birthday to celebrate his birthday and have him open a gift basically announcing we are pregnant. I would be a couple days shy of 8 weeks if we decided to do it this way.

My question is what is your opinions on this? Should I just wait till after our first appointment to confirm everything is OK or should I do it earlier during DH's birthday? I am so on the fence about this since it does not even feel real yet and I am kind of superstitious which is why we were waiting in the first place. Also this is our first pregnancy so it is super nerve racking just in that alone! TIA for your opinions!

PeggyOlsonFTW · February 2016

It's entirely up to you. When we were pregnant with DS, we told our parents around 6 weeks, just because it was Christmas. With my first loss, we told everyone at DS's party when I was 8 weeks, but I ended up having a MMC three weeks later and we had to backtrack and tell everyone. With my second loss, it was so early we didn't get around to telling anyone except my three best friends. This time, I'm telling my three best friends sometime soon, and maybe my bro and SIL around 6 weeks, but everyone else is waiting until the second trimester.

I say tell when you're comfortable. Tell people who will be there for you if god forbid, you have a loss. Even though it was crazy hard to backtrack and tell so many people about our loss, I couldn't have survived without the support of my best friends.

Another thing to keep in mind is, if you tell someone and you don't want them to tell anyone else, can they do that? We told everyone not to tell when we told them about our pregnancies, but MIL blabbed to everyone she knew both times. Not cool.

lilylover27 · February 2016

@PeggyOlsonFTW thanks for sharing your experiences! I know my SIL announced her first at around 6 weeks because of Christmas too and we were told not to say anything until after she did which was fine. I am still on the fence about it, I know whenever we do it everyone will be happy for us.

I also see the possibility of a loss God forbid both ways. I know DH would be there to support me but it might be nice just in case to have our parents and siblings support. I also can be very private and withdrawn at times so it is hard to tell. Thank you though for sharing your experiences both good and bad.

PeggyOlsonFTW · February 2016

@lilylover27 I will also say that it was nice to have people know why I was depressed or not feeling like going out instead of having them just be mad at me because they had no idea what was going on. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to say, "Well, I don't feel like doing XYZ because I just had a loss" or "I'm depressed because I just had a loss". I think that would've been harder for people to comprehend, or they wouldn't have known what to say because they didn't know about the pregnancy in the first place. (Sorry if that doesn't make sense)

KLBell17 · February 2016

I already told our moms and sisters and my two best friends. Those are the people that I would share a loss with if God forbid that happened. I'm horrible at keeping secrets and even waiting the week I did to share almost killed me! Just do however you feel comfortable and whoever you trust with this dear secret!

OrangeEv · February 2016

@lilylover27 We told our parents/siblings right away. I just want the support. My husband has told people I wish he hadn't, but it's no bid deal. I think we're waiting for anyone else until the first appointment. Your announcement sounds nice though. My opinion is tell those from whom you would want the support, and hold off for everyone else.

smmatt08 · February 2016

I'm having the same dilemma. In fact, I have our "announcement" in my Etsy cart but I'm not sure I'm ready to click check out.
As hard as it is to wait (especially after talking to my mom on the phone last night) I think I have decided that we will tell my parents at 8 weeks. That is right around both mine and DH's birthdays! My parent's aren't 1st time grandparents and way more chill than the in-laws.
With DH's parents, we will wait until after our first appointment/ultrasound at 10 weeks. MIL especially will not be able to keep her mouth shut.
I have told two people. A close friend who is 8 months pregnant and my sounding board for all things fertility related. I am so so glad I told her because she is very supportive. And my yoga instructor because she taught throughout her most recent pregnancy and I wanted to know what modifications she recommended.

I agree with PPs about telling those who you want support from and wait for others!

ETA: I say "I" a lot because DH thought we would just call to tell our parents whereas I want to tell them in person. Therefore I am making all the decisions about when and how! LOL!

PrimRoseMama · February 2016

I've told my husband, mom and BFF. After that my TTC buddy (due in September) is really the only other one to know outside of thebump. I tell a core group of people that I know and trust if something goes south with this pregnancy.

lilylover27 · February 2016

Thanks everyone for your input and experiences! It really helps, later I will talk to DH and see what he thinks of the birthday idea. I know I would need the support of at least our parents because I know at least for my mother she had losses before and after conceiving me, so she would be able to help me through it. And it is only about two weeks from when we were planning on doing it.

@PeggyOlsenFTW I completely understand what you are saying about making it easier for people to understand why you didn't want to go out. I would hate to have to explain it every time.
@smmatt08 I was on etsy this morning looking too! I figured I could get a shirt for DH that say Daddy Est. 2016 or something like that. If I am still going with the dinner idea I think we will both have a shirt announcing it under sweatshirts and take the sweatshirts off just as we are about to eat dinner.

eanne9812 · February 2016

DH and I told his mom and sister over the weekend. The secret was killing me! I've told my BFF and a few others that I would want support from. We have our announcement coming from Etsy and as soon as it gets here I will send it to my family in VA. We wanted to have the support of close family and friends should something go wrong. They will probably open it before my first appointment when I'm 8 weeks. We will wait til the end of the first trimester to share it with the rest of the world.

In the end, it has to be whenever you and DH feel comfortable telling it and your choice in who you tell it to. It may not feel real yet but you've had a positive pregnancy test (or a few) so you are indeed, pregnant. My guess is that it will start feeling more real in a couple weeks

Do what is right for you and DH!

LGW2015 · February 2016

I agree with PPs! Just to add my two cents, we told our parents and siblings immediately. One, because we had been TTCing for 14 months which they knew and had been supporting us through, and two because neither of us are good at keeping secrets hehe

We are waiting until our first appt at 8 weeks to tell the rest of the family and close friends. Just to make sure everything is ok and also because we don't live near our families and want to do it in person, so we're planning a trip then! Like I said, we're not good at and don't like keeping secrets (but that's just us), and my view is that, God forbid something bad happened, we would share it with the family anyway. As for the rest of the world, DH and I agreed not to post anything on social media until around end of 1st trimester.

Good luck either way, both very cute ideas!

lilylover27 · February 2016

@eajanners I am going to talk about it with DH tonight. I just keep bouncing back and forth and of course I was stupid and Youtubed 9 week ultrasound videos (because that is what I will be at my first appointment) and saw the good happy ones and the very very sad ones. I do not know why I tortured myself this way! If DH knew he would be furious since I am worried about 95% of the time anyway. All I can do is keep counting down the weeks and keep thinking positive! Sorry that was rambling just had to release some of my anxiety.

eanne9812 · February 2016

@lilylover27 Totally get it girl! You are not alone. #thinkpositive #healthybaby

veetveet · February 2016

This is my third pregnancy. My second resulted in a medical abortion at 27 weeks.
The only people that know is my husband and my mom. I am not telling a soul until I know my baby is 100% healthy.

All you can do is stay positive! I announced my last 2 pregnancies at 12 weeks.

lilylover27 · February 2016

Hi Everyone,

Since you were all so nice to give your opinions/experiences and deal with my crazy just wanted to give you guys an update on this! I talked to DH yesterday about when we will announce as I initially said after the heartbeat when he asked me when we first got our BFP. Turns out all this time he really didn't want to wait that long but was doing it because I want to! He brought up a good point that god forbid anything happened he would need support too and I might not be in the condition to be his main support if anything did happen so it would be nice for our families to know. I agree with him 100%, I honestly feel bad I didn't think of that before. We decided to go ahead with the birthday idea! His birthday is during the week so we will have dinner and cake for him the following Saturday. He will open some type of baby related gift in front of everyone and that is how we will announce it! I am very excited to do it this way, it will just be our parents and siblings.

Even though I am excited it also made me nervous, so I used one of my remaining tests today just to see the lines to ease my anxiety. Of course both lines popped up right away! DH laughed but said if it makes me feel better then go ahead.

Once again thanks everyone! I really love the support we all get and give to each other here!

katylady09 · February 2016

I would just go ahead and do it with the opportunity of your DH's birthday.

We had a loss with my first pregnancy at 6 weeks and only told a couple of friends--not our parents. It was extremely hard to go through that without them knowing. I figure now that it's best for them to know either way, in case something does happen and you need to cope. We still don't tell extended family and people we aren't as close to until around 12 weeks, though. Just tell your "support system" (in my opinion).

***And just read that that is exactly what you are doing!! Have fun!!**

Edited for spelling.

artcheese · February 2016

We have already told our close friends and family. We did that with the pregnancy before when I miscarried at 6.5 weeks. If you feel like telling people I say go for it! I did not regret telling people before the last miscarriage.

OrangeEv · February 2016

I'm glad it worked out @lilylover27! I hope the announcement goes great.

eanne9812 · February 2016

@lilylover27 DH said the exact same thing to me yesterday about taking another test. I told him I was concerned that I'm not showing any other signs except for fatigue and eating all the time. He said, "Well, if it makes you feel better to confirm you're pregnant again, take a test!" So, I'm going to today! (I know I am but I just wish I felt more like it...I'm sure I will laugh at this thought later on)

iceandsnowflakes29 · February 2016

If my MIL wasn't such a dumba$$ I would announce earlier but, she told me during my ectopic that it "wasn't meant to be" so I stick to my guns on 12 weeks or longer (because I think it pisses her off we don't tell her sooner so I purposely don't ) so - in a nutshell - if your in laws aren't BSC - go for it.

nsquaredlife13 · February 2016

We told my mom around 8 or 9 weeks. We were going to have a family BBQ and I needed to make sure she knew not to serve me any cocktails. We put the ultrasound in a photo frame and gave it to my mom for an early Mother's Day present (week early). She was over the moon. We told a few others before 2nd trimester, but then announced to everyone else around 14 weeks.

We'll probably do something similar this time around. My best friend and other BMB know but that's it. I'm going to order this adorable Tee off Etsy that says "Big Brother Est. October 2016" and put it on my little guy. We'll go visit my Mom and see how long it takes her to notice his shirt.

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