Dad to be travel

bgoodwin4 · February 2016

Hi ladies! My husbands good friend is getting married on a small island off of Cancun in early April. I'll be 33 weeks pregnant and can't attend (no flying at that point + mosquitos). I'm slightly concerned that if something were to happen, he might not make it back for the baby (6 hr flight + the island is not accessible via ferry over night). I know the likelihood is low and I don't want to be a party pooper but just curious if other women are in the same situation or have been previously and how did you deal?

dshannah · February 2016

My friend traveled across the country for an optional work gig when his wife was 36-38 weeks pregnant. Yes, for two whole weeks. He got a lot of shit for it from his friends (especially the ones who were already parents; I did not realize how common early labor is and so I didn't think anything of it). But his wife didn't mind, and her mother came to stay with her while he was gone to help around the house and be there just in case, and baby arrived a week late, which is, I hear, common for first babies.

If you have someone to stay with you while he's gone, there's no reason he shouldn't go: weddings are kind of a big deal and based on the timing I am guessing he's already paid for things and the bride and groom have already planned for him to be there. Even if he misses baby's arrival (which is, crossing fingers, unlikely at 33 weeks) he'll be there for the rest of her life.

That said, I'm sure the couple will understand if your husband backs out of the wedding! Babies are kind of a big deal, too:) And while marriages *should* happen only once per person (ideally), being born definitely happens only once per person!

Above all, though, it should probably be your husband's decision, unless you have no one who can stay with you during the whole time he's gone, in which case he kind of needs to stay home.

RMLandy · February 2016

My husband is traveling to Milwaukee (we live in Florida) for work when I'll be about 37 weeks. I'm not extremely worried because this is my second and I know I'm not likely to be that early. But in the end, we just had to decide if we are willing to risk him possibly not making it back. Ultimately we decided we were, but truly don't think it's that big of a risk given my history. I think, unless you have a reason to think otherwise, 33 weeks isn't that great of a risk, either!

LadySamLady · February 2016

My H is traveling this coming week, I'll be 28 weeks. I'm not happy that he is leaving but I've kept that to myself because it is still early enough that I'll be fine and the trip is really important to him. I would be just as anxious as you are if he was going away at 33 weeks, but as long as you aren't at risk to deliver early I'd say "let" him go. It will mean a lot to him and you know he will come back appreciating you even more.

swflJD · February 2016

Personally, I wouldn't be okay with it. If MH missed the birth of our child (and perhaps more importantly being there for me during it) for a reason that was completely within his control, I don't know that I would ever forgive him. If you both are prepared for that unlikely - but potential - outcome, then go for it. But, if you think the risk of it could cause resentment later, he probably shouldn't go. MH and I were invited to do an offshore regatta from Sarasota, FL to Havana, Cuba in early April. Obviously, I can't go, but MH has been dying to do this race since they started it a couple of years ago, and he still really wanted to go. I told him there's no way in hell he's going, for two reasons: 1) if I can't go, he doesn't get to go; and 2) I'm not okay with him being that far away so close to the due date. It wasn't even up for negotiation. Of course, a wedding is a much bigger life event, but if this is a good friend of his, that friend obviously knows you're pregnant and due near that time. If he gets upset that your husband doesn't come to his destination wedding, he's not that good of a friend. You guys have big events going on in your lives, and those things don't stop just because someone's getting married.

ETA: A lot of people have to travel for work or other reasons beyond their control (some are even deployed overseas in the military with no expectation of making it back in time for the birth), and if that were the case, I wouldn't like it but I would be okay with it. For me, the problem would be the fact that this is an optional trip, not a work-related trip or something that is beyond his control.

Bltbear82 · February 2016

DH traveled for work until I was 34 weeks last time. It was also a terrible winter so I was concerned about him getting delayed or stuck somewhere if I went early.

He was just away overnight and is leaving again Sunday for Spain. Travel is part of his job so I'm more accepting of that than an optional social event, but that's my personal opinion. We are likely doing the 34 week cut off this time again because with DS we don't have many options for child care and I don't want to stress about finding someone to watch DS plus our dog while in early labor.

Eta: also in your case since the ferry doesn't run at night there isn't even a way for him to get back to mainland, so you can't even agree that he would hop on the next flight out. It's a hard decision but since he won't be in a major city I would err on the side of caution personally.

proudparent2b · February 2016

It would be a nonissue w/DH, who has made it clear that he won't travel anywhere after my travel restriction begins.

vinerie · February 2016

My H is traveling three times in February and March. I am traveling at 32 weeks myself. I mean, yes, we can both cancel meetings and stay home, but the likelihood of going into labor that early is low. If there are warning signs that indicate I might go early, then we will rethink things.

TunieBee · February 2016

Lots of husbands must travel for work right up until the very end. Yes, there's a possibility you will go into labor early but it's pretty unlikely at 33 weeks unless you have some sort of complication. Personally, I would have no issue with it. Plus I would feel ridiculous if I was still pregnant at 42 weeks and had made my husband stay home. Everyone has a different level of comfort, but I would "let" him go if it were me.

ETA: I was still traveling myself at 35 weeks last pregnancy. Travel restrictions don't start until 36 weeks in a healthy pregnancy (mosquitos are another issue).

Lusitano8 · February 2016

I think you should talk with your DH, would he be okay with missing the birth if your LO was to come early?
I'm sure the wedding is a big deal to him, but so is the birth of your child. It's unlikely you will go into labor, but you never know. You two should talk about it and decide what works best for you. As PPs mentioned it might make you feel more comfortable to have someone in your family or a close friend "on call" if something was to happen while he's gone. You could ask your care provider if there are any reasons they would think you would go into pre-term labor.

I personally would ask him not to go because it is so far for him to get back if something happens and I plan to have DH play a big support role in delivery. He has to travel for work frequently, but all to locations where he could be back in 6 hours.

Knottie1433777995 · February 2016

I would personally allow my husband to go!

Delitachan · February 2016

Ooo, the same thing is happening with us! My hubs is due to travel (driving) 3 hours away to a wedding of a dear friend of his. I'll be 36 weeks and I'm pretty set on hunkering down, but he feels bad about missing the wedding AND feels bad if he leaves me for that wedding. I guess the difference is that this is a car trip.

lionstigersbears · February 2016

DH is going on a boys trip for 5 days when I'm 37 weeks. In the woods. I'm a STM who gave birth at 41 weeks last time. Everyone seems to say that second babies come early, but medical professionals say those who have longer gestations will typically repeat it. We are also traveling as a family at 32 weeks. In general I was much more concerned about this as a FTM but knowing how things went last time and being okay with the unlikely but possible outcome, I'm encouraging DH to go do his thing. I personally wouldn't worry about this, even as a FTM until 36 weeks unless there are complications.

helleebellee · February 2016

My dh left for an optional gig right before #6 was born. My mom and dad were with me for delivery, which I was okay with. The dh made it home when baby was 3 weeks old. I didn't mind him going and we did just fine. If you ask him about it today, he'll say he regrets the decision, but probably more so because he was bored while gone.

ETA: The dh works out of state and is usually 15 hours away at any given time. Unless I'm induced, he probably won't make it for the birth. Its just how it goes.

emilyj77 · February 2016

With my first pregnancy, DH was working in Texas (we live in MN) right up until 4 days before DD arrived. He was supposed to be home a lot sooner, but the job got extended. The only time I was really worried was when he was moving home again and driving from Texas to MN for the simple fact that he wouldn't be able to just hop on a plane very easily if I was to go into labor. My parents came to stay with me while he was in route and I didn't get a lot of sleep, but he made it in time.
Like pp have said, if you're not at risk for an early delivery, then the chances are slim. Plus if the baby arrives at 33 weeks, I think you'll have lot more to worry about then where DH is. It's not an easy decision, just weigh the risks with the regrets.

Merciel · February 2016

To echo several previous posters: at 33 weeks, if you don't have risk factors for going into labor early, I wouldn't see it as a big deal.

It might be worth noting that, personally, I'm half-jokingly/semi-not-so-secretly looking for reasons to kick my husband out of the delivery room though (mainly because I think I'll have an easier time of it if I don't have to worry about him fainting and bonking his head on the floor). So if he wanted to be in another country around that time, that would be just fiiiiine.

bgoodwin4 · February 2016

Thanks ladies!!! I guess I will wait it out and see if I run the risk of going in early. I have low Papp A which could result in preterm labor but they are going to start monitoring me at 28 weeks. My husband and I will both be traveling domestically for work at that point. I suppose it's just the worry that he's out of the country with a risk that he won't be able to get back. Oh well. Time will tell and maybe I'll fly my parents out to stay that weekend and help with nursery stuff:)) thanks again all!

flemmon · February 2016

My husband is leaving for a business trip (to Disneyland!) when I will be 37 weeks. The company has offered to send him home on the earliest flight possible if I go into labor. Semi worried about it but I still don't think I've hit the point where I have really accepted that this baby is coming out someday!

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