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May 2016 Moms
kp90
member
Negative body image.
kp90
member
This is my first pregnancy and I am so thrilled and happy about it. My pregnancy has been pretty good up until a few weeks ago with the aches and pains starting.. but all in all I don't have a ton of complaints... EXCEPT... what I am about to discuss. First let me say I know everyone is different and none of us look exactly alike, think alike, or let the same things bother us, etc etc. But with that being said I am having a hard time the past few days with the weight gain. I started this pregnancy and weighed around 127lbs and I am about 5'4. I now weigh 150lbs at 25wks.. still 15 wks to go. I have never been super happy with my body but that's my own fault from being lazy not working out and not keeping a good diet but I never really felt over weight or uncomfortable with my body the way I do now. Now don't take this wrong because it's not so much my bump I'm complaining about. I love my bump! And up until a week or so ago I never noticed change anywhere but my belly. Recently I have put on a lot of weight in my legs, thighs (they even rub together now and its super uncomfortable-I never wear shorts around my SO anymore), butt (cellulite) and even my bras cut into me (yes I know, boobs grow, that's normal) just explaining some of the changes I've noticed. I literally felt so disgusted when I looked in the mirror yesterday when I had shorts on I had tears in my eyes and put sweat pants back on. I know to some of you this may seem super vein or whatever the choice word is but I was hoping I'm not the only one who feels this way and could offer some support.. or second time moms offer some positive vibes and share how you dealt with it. Did you get your pre-pregnancy body back and how? I really do want to start walking more and maybe that will help keep my weight healthy the rest of this pregnancy and help me lose the weight after baby arrives. Like I said, I know a lot of it is my fault for not staying active but after working full time and getting home and having to do all my duties at home... I'm exhausted at the end of the day. Just looking for some others to discuss this with and how you're handling it. What you do to exercise, make your self feel better, etc. Hopefully I am not alone.
Re: Negative body image.
Like you said, everyone is different. I'm 5'10' & I've gained almost 35 lbs and I'm 27w2d. And that's with maintaining 3 night a week of cardio and eating reasonably well. Now, I'm a FTM so I obviously have NO experience with how to get your body back, so all I can offer is some advice that is working for me. Battle your negative self-talk with positive self-talk. If your BFF were KU, would it even cross your mind to tell her she shouldn't be wearing shorts anymore? Probably not. Trust me, I have this little chat with myself once a week...if I catch myself starting down that road I ask myself "would I speak to my mother with way?" Then I tell that negative voice to STFU.
These are a few more things I say to myself when that negative mindset kicks in:
1. I'm healthy and so is my baby. My ultrasounds, BP, etc are always good. His little heart is happily pumping along and he's growing perfectly. The weight gain is just how my body is reacting to pregnancy, and that's fine.
2. As someone here said awhile back, providing that you're healthy, the more you gain is just the more you have to take off once the baby comes. I tell myself, "accept it. You've got work to do once he gets here and that's totally OK." MOST people have work to do once they give birth.
3. I've used some of my couch time lately to come up with a healthy eating strategy to start once we're in some semblance of a routine. It helps me to have a plan in place, especially for when it comes time to go back to work in the fall.
Like I said, these are just a few things that have helped me personally battle the negative mental aspects of gaining weight so rapidly. I have no idea if they'll work for you or anyone else, but I hope it's at least helpful to know you're not the only one experiencing it.
EDIT to say look into bra extenders!! I've gone up 2 band sizes and 2 cup sizes and I swear you can see these things from Space. Don't suffer...get bra extenders so they stop cutting into you. I feel much better since I got them.
This time I have a 2 year old, a completely different set of symptoms, and some days, I can muster barely enough energy to parent and a decent wife, let alone workout!
I know it's hard, but try not to beat yourself up. Everyone and every body is different, but I lost 18-20 lbs immediately after DD was born. Meaning within the first 2 weeks. Not to be gross- but It's kind of amazing how much "stuff" comes out of you! I mean, there's the obvious, your baby, but there's also the placenta, and an incredible amount of fluid. You'll be shocked at how much your tummy goes down right away.
As far as getting back into pre-pregnancy shape. I think this varies a ton. At one year post partum, I still had 5-10 lbs hanging on to my body. There are other women who weigh less after baby than they did pre-pregnancy. For me, I was honestly too busy to worry about my weight. I had a snuggly, little girl to care for
The bottom line is that you are creating a life, and it's no small feat. Give yourself some credit and maybe with every negative thought about your self image, you actively bring to mind something positive about yourself, or your baby. It could be anything! I am good listener, I have wonderful, supportive friends, I am so fortunate to have awesome hair! Anything!
Keep your chin up.
It's a little scary at times because I know how much time and effort went into getting fit, but I remind myself that I can do it again!
I've also started looking at my dream race- the Disney Half Marathon, which will be my inspiration to get back on track!
Long version-- I know that change can be hard, and pregnancy changes your body in unexpected ways-- and not everyone changes the same. Please try to cut yourself some slack. That said, walking will help-- both to boost your mood, and to combat cellulite (it won't prevent it, but can improve it some along with keeping your legs strong). I have always had a petite/curvy/muscular sort of figure, so feeling larger was difficult at first during my first pregnancy-- mostly because I would constantly misjudge the size of my body and would get stuck or bump into things and felt clumsy because of it.
As far was what the future holds, it's also very different for everyone and diet and exercise also don't seal the deal on everything going back. I love/loved my post-baby body (eventually) because it felt stronger to me once I had fully recovered. I was amazed at what my body had done, and my arms and legs have never been as strong as they are from carrying and playing with my toddler (and I lifted some serious weights before getting pregnant too). In terms of specific shape, if you want anecdotal experience, my body shape did change some. I kept my general hourglass form, but my hips and chest stayed larger so it was more extreme. (Not necessarily a bad thing, but I wasn't able to fit into many of my pre-pregnancy clothes. Everything was a little too small or made me look ridiculous with a large chest.) My lower abs did not flatten entirely due to a c-section shelf of scar tissue. I never regained complete feeling there either (this was the hardest part for me; having some permanent numbness at my scar and just above it). My arms got thinner and more toned. My legs went back to a similar size to pre-pregnancy, same with my butt. I do have a lovely spider vein on the back of my one thigh now though. It's small and DH always mistakes it for a bruise, but it's physically bothersome sometimes. I have some stretch marks that didn't entirely fade, but they don't bother me, and I have a few thin scars on my thighs from where I scratched open my puppp rash in my sleep in the third tri. I had scarring from random small things before pregnancy though, so the scars don't really bother me. They just exist as a reminder of the things my body did so that I could have my son. It sounds cheesy, but it's true that they're his scars and my scars. Some other random things may happen too-- like my nasal passages never quite went back to how they were, so now when I laugh really hard, I snort, which DH finds hilarious. I also ended up being on of the few lucky ones who had improved asthma after my first pregnancy, and slightly improved vision (went from -2.75 to -2.25 in both eyes). I got the spidey-mommy reflexes too which has made me much quicker at catching things...my son included on the frightening occasion. Things may seem uncertain now just because it's new, but everything will work out in its own way!
I'm 5'6" and had lost about 20 pound before becoming pregnant. I weighed 155ish and I have gained 10 pounds. I'm not dieting but I'm also being aware of when I'm actually hungry vs. eating because I'm pregnant. Everyone gains weight during pregnancy differently too. My BFF gained 50 pounds during each of her pregnancies, and during the 2nd one, she was super aware of what she ate and tried to work out. It just happens. Just know that after LO is here and you get the clearance from your doctor, it will be time to exercise. My plan is to stock our freezer with healthy freezer meals and to get healthy snacks prior to LO coming so when we first come home, I'm not eating crap food. Regardless, I'm sure you still look beautiful and don't be ashamed for how your body looks. It's doing this so you can grow your baby!
What's helped me a TON is keeping up a healthy lifestyle. Yea, I'm bigger, but it feels very different than when I was larger due to unhealthy habits. Here's what I do:
1. Walk a ton. I do at least 3 miles a day, but strive for 5. It sounds overwhelming, but it really doesn't take a ton of time, it just takes some effort. I break it up throughout the day and take short walk "breaks". Even when I'm exhausted or the weather is bad, I tell myself that 15 minutes won't kill me (and actually, it usually helps energize me). But don't start with a huge goal of a certain number of miles, just start adding in short walks around the block; even 5 minutes is better than nothing. Having a pedometer app is really helpful, I love trying to meet a certain number of steps or miles each day. Getting the DH to come along is also great, we get in some bonding time as well
Oh, and what's awesome about walking while pregnant is you get some killer legs from hauling around all that extra weight. My legs are more muscular and defined now than they were pre-pregnancy, when I was squatting and deadlifting heavy weights. Can't wait for the same to happen to my arms from carrying a baby around!
2. Anytime I'm just lounging around watching TV or whatever, I get down on the floor and stretch or do bodyweight exercises. Stretch a ton; it's so much easier to be active when your body has the mobility to do so. So incorporate it into your daily life; it's way easier than trying to set aside a huge chunk of time to do it. Don't stress over what exercises or stretches to do, or how long to do them for; play around with different ones and do what feels good.
3. Eat healthy; I know I feel so much better when I cut out sugar and eat plenty of healthy foods. I constantly remind myself that pregnancy isn't an excuse to eat crap food (and actually, now is probably the most important time to avoid unhealthy food). To make things easier, I eat variations of the same thing every day; it's easier to plan ahead, and knowing exactly what I'm going to eat and when makes me less likely to give into temptation. Also, if you're craving a specific junk food, try eating something healthy that have the nutrients your body is craving. For example, I was craving ice cream a TON; I tried adding in a couple glasses of milk per day, and the craving went away. Our bodies often know what nutrients we need, you just have to find a healthier way of getting them.
And seriously, cut out sugar as much as you can. Every time I eat it I get bloated and feel like crap, then I feel bad about myself, it makes it so much easier to justify eating more, and then I feel even more bloated and fat, so I eat more, etc. It's a awful cycle.
4. Not sure if this will help you, but sexy time with DH helps a lot. It's nice feeling irresistible
5. Know that it's okay to have these feelings and don't beat yourself up. I had a miscarriage back in June and felt terribly guilty because I resented what being pregnant would do to my body; after the m/c I swore I would never feel that way again because I would have gain 100 pounds to have that baby. Guess what? This time around, I'm still terrified about what will happen to my body, and I really don't like gaining all this weight. But it's okay to feel that way, just use those feelings to motivate you to do positive things (go for a walk) rather than negative (cry into a pint of Ben & Jerry's).
For me, it's been helpful to maintain a food diary and count calories in/calories out. It's also been helpful to maintain my regular exercise routines as much as possible (with some adjustments, of course; for example, I need to space my feet wider when doing forward bends to avoid compressing my stomach, and I can't touch my knees to my nose easily anymore when doing downward dog leg lifts, so I've just let that go for now). I just figure, the more I can do now, the less I'll have to do later, and the easier it'll be. Plus, being active makes carrying the pregnancy itself easier (because what is all of this, if not an extreme workout for our bodies?).
ymmv, with this as with all things. If you find it more helpful to put the scale away and not obsess too much about your food intake beyond "eat healthy," then by all means, do that. For me, what helps the most is being able to separate out what's beyond my control (water weight, baby weight, certain body changes), writing that off with a big ol' "welp, can't do anything about that," and then trying to stay accountable for what portion of it is actually within my power to change. I don't want to feel like pregnancy has taken control away from me entirely, you know?
Whatever I can't affect, I'll accept. But whatever I can affect, I will.
@cortney626 Well you still look great in all 3 stages! Thank you for sharing. I guess everyone goes through body changes in their own way. Already looking forward to getting in great shape after baby arrives. She and SO will be my motivation for a healthy life style.
@merciel Yes, unfortunately I guess some of these changes are out of my control. I guess about the vanity part is maybe I'm glad for it in a way because you're right... that will be a huge motivator. If I am unhappy with my body I know myself well enough that I will MAKE myself make changes to fix it because I will not want to stay miserable and unhappy.
FYI... I did my walk during lunch. Over 2,000 steps and about 25 minutes. Was kind of crampy at first and it worked itself out and I feel good now
so far, so good. Walk #1 down!
I read a blog about it, which I wish I could find now, that really criticized the way doctors emphasize weight. I still track calories to make sure I'm not going overboard, but I'm more concerned with getting enough protein than with staying under a certain calorie goal, as I know that's more important for a growing baby.
I agree with so many of the above posters, but I can also say that I have such a greater appreciation for my body, and for the bodies of all the mothers around me. I did lose with weight after the twins (only 15lbs sadly), and I did lose the giant boobs that I rocked for a year or so. My belly looks a little different, but I'm over it! I am gaining more weight than I did last pregnancy, so it will take longer to fade away, but again - I am growing my 3rd human, and I'm really proud of myself.
I think back to my pre-pregnancy self (5ft7in, 130ish lbs), that often was disappointed when I looked in the mirror. This is the one body I have and the one life on this planet. I'm going to love my body and my family, and I'm also working to take care of the pregnancy doubts and anxieties that creep into my brain.
Mama to Three Girls:
Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor
and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
This is why I do not weigh myself ever and why I rail against all weight- and size-based fitness goals on this board (both of which I've gotten a fair amount of flak for, but hear me out, please!). If you want to be fit, you cannot have a "goal size" or a "goal weight" because at some point when your healthy practices don't get you there, you will either feel like a failure or resort to unhealthy measures to get there. You cannot hate yourself healthy. It just doesn't work.
But--it was freaking hard. I am not and have never been "obese"--my BMI has always been totally "normal." Nonetheless, adopting HAES was one of the hardest, most profoundly destabilizing things I've ever done. Not giving or taking weight-based compliments? Not looking in the mirror and wishing I was thinner? Not sucking in my tummy all the time and trying to take up less space? Wishing I could look a certain way? That my calves were larger, my thighs were thinner, and my shoulders weren't so broad? It took a really long time to get rid of those nagging voices in my head. The way I got there was:
1. Think about health, nutrition, and how much you are enjoying life (as other posters have said).
2. Focus on what your body can do, not how it looks (again, echoing other posters).
3. Because we all want to look pretty, even if beauty is fleeting and ephemeral, focus on the things you like about how you look (hair, teeth, eyes, arms, bum, whatevs). Do things to accentuate those features (like getting your nails done and learning how to do retro makeup).
4. Dress to impress, in clothes that fit and feel good. If this means you have to buy new clothes or accessories, so be it. It doesn't take many clothing items to make a wardrobe, and the return is phenomenal (self-confidence, comfort in your own skin). And you're already buying maternity clothes:)
5. Avoid all weight-based talk or size-based talk. In your head, among your friends, with your family, etc. You can either walk away or change the topic or let whoever's talking know that you've excluded weight and size from the list of things you think about ever. This includes talk about food "going to my hips" or being "good" or "bad"--"orthorexia" is a serious and destructive eating disorder.
But whatever you do, don't hinge your self-confidence on your body looking a certain way. You have very little if any control over that (even the skinniest women get cellulite, for example), and so you need to learn to love your body as it is, not how it might be six months from now.
I haven't mastered it: we get so many messages on a daily basis about the various ways we are supposed to hate our bodies, and if I were larger and did not benefit from thin privilege those messages would be louder, more insistent, and more meanspirited and dispiriting. But I can tell you that it has made pregnancy *so* much easier for me, mentally and in terms of my relationship with DH. I have virtually no anxiety about my appearance or how others will perceive my body and judge me for its failures to live up to their expectations.
Anyway. Tl; dr version: I *highly* recommend HAES, it's worked for me both before and during pregnancy.
I feel the same way. I started at 157 (already a few pounds over my ideal weight, at 5'8") and I'm now up to 179, so that's 22 pounds in 22 weeks. (My due date is June 3 but I'm lurking here because I could have a May baby). Like one of the previous posters, I started this pregnancy thinking I would only gain 15, maybe 20 pounds. HA! If only! Now I'm just scared I'll hit 200 before it's all over! Yikes!!!
What made me feel better was that I talked to someone I know who is pretty thin (but tall) and she told me she gained 90 pounds during her pregnancy. She lost it all and you would never guess that she ever weighed that much. She said it wasn't even that hard to lose. And her baby came out a normal weight, not gigantic.
I also will just tell my husband, "I need you to tell me I look pretty right now!" I don't wait around for these compliments when I'm feeling bad, I just demand them.
And I am also on board with you ladies who are worried about negative self-image in your kids. I'm naturally thin, and have had SO many negative thoughts growing up. I don't want to put it all on my mom, but she's always talked a lot about trying to lose weight, even when she's just a few pounds over her ideal number. I've always had the goal of never mentioning weight/negative body-image around a daughter if I had one, or even really talking much about looks at all. Hoping I'm able to hold myself to that.
It's not great when outside people (including the world with stupid pictures of celebrities who look like sticks about 10 days after they had a baby) keep giving the impression that that's the only thing that counts. I am very aware of this madness and I try not to get worried by it and to "RISE ABOVE". But some days are harder. I'm glad that my DH has been really lovely and encouraging even when i had my teary "oh noo, this still fit me last week" moments on a bad day. I don't know if my body will ever look exactly the way it was. But I suppose, after all this, I won't be who I was before. I'll have changed. I'll have child, and I'll be a mother, for the rest of my life.
I guess my body has to be allowed a little change, too.
I try not to worry too much. And I guess it's ok to feel strange on some days. I mean, I did not even recognize my own reflection a few days ago :-)!!
What I'm trying to say is: I don't think what you're feeling is crazy / not normal. It's all ok and I am sure a lot of us have moments of "readjustment" with our new shapes. just try not to get obsessed with any numbers / obsessed with it at all, and don't let it put you down. Life's too short!